In Between
A World Without Colour
When I open my eyes, the very first thing I notice is that the world seems grey. Literally, like the world has no saturation. I'm lying on my living room floor. How did I end up here? Was I drugged?
I can't remember a thing. When I try to think back all I get is a blurry mess.
The last concrete memory I have is saying goodbye to my Mom outside the house. I decide that I probably fainted or had another panic attack. That's not uncommon for me these days.
I stand up and look at the clock. That's odd, I think. The clock isn't working. I shrug and walk towards the front door, which is open. That's even odder.
As I step outside, there's an ominous feeling in the air. I can't put my finger on what it is. Something really isn't right here.
Something about the world that seems to be drained of colour. Something about the eerie silence. I can't hear any birds, planes or cars. It's just nothing.
There's no wind blowing, and it's November. It feels like time has just frozen and I'm stuck here.
As I walk down the path to the end of my front yard, all I can hear is the echoing of my footsteps on the concrete.
"Hello?" I call out. My voice seems louder than usual. It feels as though the entire world can hear my voice, but it also feels as though there is nobody in the world to hear my voice.
Maybe this is just a weird dream.
I pinch myself, and then pinch myself again when that doesn't work. Nope, I'm still standing here.
I walk a little further down the street, thinking that whatever is going on is very surreal. I don't really know what's going on, but I know I should keep calm.
I hear a faint noise coming from somewhere behind me. I turn around, but I don't see anything that could be making the noise. It gets a little louder, until I decide that the sound is a siren.
I can see the outlines of a car next to me, very faint. I step back, slightly frightened. The car begins to become brighter and brighter, and more solid right in front of my eyes. I'm bewildered. A car just appeared out of nowhere.
That's when I realise that the world is back in colour. And the noises are back. Many sirens, many people's voices. I hear people shouting, people crying. I look around.
The first thing I really notice is the yellow police tape over my front door. My heart drops.
Has something happened? Has somebody hurt my Mom? I try not to think about it. I will find out before I jump to any horrible conclusions.
I run forwards, towards my house. I weave in and out of the many people standing in the street in front of my house.
"Excuse me," I say, but there's so much going on that nobody is listening. I duck under people and finally I reach the front, where I recognise Detective Holbrook standing by my front gate. I am about to ask him if I can go through when he clears his throat and the crowd go quiet.
I step back to hear what he has to say. I realise that there are news reporters standing with him, and I wonder why my house is going to be on the news.
I am so utterly confused, and terrified at the same time.
"The investigation is ongoing," he says into the microphones of the reporters. "But we have ruled this a homicide."
Homicide? I feel goosebumps rise all over my body. So someone killed someone in my house? Please don't let my Mom be hurt.
"Although we did not find a body, the amount of blood in the house would indicate that the wounds were fatal."
I feel like I am suffocating. I don't want to hear the rest but I need to know. I don't move at all, I just stay fixed in one spot staring at Holbrook, feeling sick.
"Mona Vanderwaal was murdered."
What? I wonder if I am hearing this correctly. I hear a scream, and recognise my Mom immediately. She is standing to the side, clutching her stomach and she is repeatedly crying "no, no, no!"
What is going on? Can't they see they have it all wrong? I'm standing right in front of them.
I can't stand to see my Mom hurt this way. I run towards her.
"Mom? Mom, it's okay. I'm here!" I say. "Mom, look at me, I'm alive."
I reach out to hug her and I feel my knees hit hard ground as I fall straight through her. This is strange. I stand up and try to touch her arm, but my arm just goes through her as though I'm touching nothing.
This is when I begin to panic. I look around hysterically for someone, anyone else I know. I see Aria and Mr. Fitz. Emily and Paige. Hanna and Caleb. I run towards them.
"Can any of you see me?" I shout, glancing between them. "Hello?"
They are all crying into their other half's arms and if I wasn't so panicked right now I would be quite flattered that they are upset about this.
But they're crying over my death.
How is that possible, when I'm standing right here. I step closer to Hanna, and stare into her bloodshot eyes.
"Hanna?" I whisper, hoping that somehow she'll hear me. I close my eyes. I want to cry but no tears are coming out. Do ghosts have tears?
I am not a ghost. I refuse to believe that.
But what other explanation is there?
I wave a hand frantically in front of Hanna's face, and she just buries her face in Caleb's chest. I feel frustrated.
"Hanna, please hear me," I say. "Please."
Still no response from Hanna. Maybe I am dead. I inhale and exhale. How am I breathing?
Maybe it's an illusion of breathing.
Why have I not moved on? I always believed that ghosts either went to heaven or hell. They didn't linger. Yet, I'm still here.
Who killed me?
I try hard to think back but again, all I see are blurs. Horrible, frustrating blurs.
I wonder where my body is. Obviously not in the house, otherwise they'd have found it. Maybe I was buried somewhere. Maybe my killer has my body.
I look at Hanna once more and see the heartbreak and I smile just a little.
I have been in love with her since day one. Since the day I first saw her...
We are in the school cafeteria on my first week at Rosewood High and I am sitting at my table when I first see her. I stare. She's not the obvious beauty. She's a little on the chubby side, and looks to have very low self esteem by the way she's standing, but there's just something about her. I find that I have to talk to her. I decide that maybe I should go and get myself another drink from the vending machine where she is standing.
Straightening my glasses and pursing my lips, I head over to this mesmerising girl.
"Hello," I say, as I wait in line for the vending machine. She smiles at me and my heart jumps a little.
"Hello," she says back in a high voice.
"My name's Mona," I say with a smile. "What's yours?"
"I'm Hanna," she replies. I am about to invite her to sit at my lunch table when a tall slim blonde girl approaches and gives me a look that gives me a shiver.
"Why are you talking to her, Hanna?" the girl says. "She's a loser. Come on."
Hanna looks apologetically towards me and then follows the girl away. I stand there feeling lost.
It feels like a lifetime away. Knowing now that my life has ended, I wish I had made the most of it. I wish I had just kissed her when I had the chance because now I can't, and I never will.
She will never know how I feel about her. I will never know if she ever felt anything for me.
I move a little closer to her and smile a sad smile.
"I'm in love with you, Hanna," I say. Even though I know she can't hear me, I still feel anxious. "I'm in love with you, and I wish I had told you before now."
She's still crying her eyes out, so I lean forwards I kiss her forehead, though I feel nothing. It's like kissing air.
I walk away because I cannot stand to see this anymore. I decide to go into my house again. Maybe it will trigger some sort of memory.
Not like that will help me.
I step through the front door and immediately I notice all the blood that was not there when the world was grey.
I place a hand on my chest and drop down to the ground. The very same spot I was lying in when I opened my eyes earlier.
My life ended here.
And my afterlife began here.
