Disclaimer: Nothing is owned by me. Absolutely. Nothing.

Summery: Got this idea from a reviewer of Breakfast At the Mansion, Destroyer of the Elves - Thanks, this story is for you. I love to backpack, so many of these experiences are based off of my own blunders, only, well, these campers are mutants. Which offers infinenately more scope for the imagination, to a steal a line from Anne Shirley. And yes, I know this story doesn't really follow many pre-arranged x-men relationships (Bobby hero-worshiping Wolverine for example), but hey, it's called creative license people. Embrace it, live with it, hate it, I don't care, just let me know how you feel - yes, that was a not-so-subtle hint to please review! I apologize in advance for all accent errors - I'm not from down south or up north or oversea, so it's mainly guesswork here.


Chapter One - Pink Packs and an Emetic

"All right everyone, I already packed your shi...stuff. So grab the pack with your name on it and load up."

Logan stepped down off the mansion steps and bulled his way through the milling pack of students. Each mutant was desperately trying to find their name tag attached to a scruffy but servicable backpack.

"Can you like believe this?" Kitty was staring at the green pack with her name on it in digust. "I think this thing, like, weighs more than I do. Why did our P.E. teacher, like, decide a backpack trip in the boonies would make a good final?"

Bobby Drake snuck up behind Shadowcat and dropped a freshly made icecube down her back. Kitty, used to this treatment from the mansion prankster, shrugged the cube out the bottom of her shirt with a wiggle and a glare before returning to the conversation with Jubilee.

"I mean, if he like expects me to go on this thing, he must be, like, delusional." Kitty started at the hairy whiskers that suddenly appeared a few inches from her ear. "Oh, hi Wolvie."

"I expec' you to be on that plane in one minute."

Kitty and Jubilee, too terrified to wait for any threats, tripped on a bent-over Remy in her flight to the Blackbird. Remy rubbed the side of his head where the yellow peril had kicked him.

"Gambit tink this trip not a good idea. The femmes already beatin' him up, and he not even off the groun'."

Across the lawn, Rogue expressed a similar viewpoint.

"Ah don' think this is ah good idea sugah."

Rogue was staring mesmorized at the giant pack reclining against the doorframe. Behind her, Wolverine pulled his head out of a defective bivvy bag with a mumbled, "Damn claustraphobic tents, ... Wha'?"

Rogue cleared her throat ominiously. " Ah said, this won' work if you expect meh to carry tha'." She pointed accusingly at the enormous backpack as it slipped from the wall onto the ground with a thud.

"That's mine darlin'. This'n is yours." Logan suicidally indicated a smaller bright pink backpack. The gothic Rogue froze in horror as her eyes fill with tears at the indignity and embarressment of it all.

"On second thought sugah, I'll take tha monsta'."


Jean stuck her head in the cargo hold of the Blackbird. "Scott, what is it ?"

Cyclops stood holding a small scrap of paper amid a pile of boxes. He squinted at the note, and turned it sideway.

"Logan told me to find the red box that has Kitty's food in it. Apparently he forgot that she is allergic to peanuts, and needs to replace some of the food. But I can't seem to find it." Scott waved his hand distractidly at the hundred or so boxes behind him. Jean noticed absently that they were all red, her mind already on whether or not Logan would notice if she put a few essentials in his pack. The thing was already so big, what was an extra thirty pounds? She wandered circumstantly to the green monstrosity to slip in those few 'essentials' - a couple medical dictionaries, stethiscope, aspiran (Scott would be asking for some before the day was out), a copy of Seventeen (ummm ... for Jubilee of course) and some lipstick.

Okay, a lot of lipstick. But a girl has to keep up appearances, even in the wilderness.

"Red, what're you doin' in my pack?"

Wolverine, stepping away from a desperately crying Rogue, gestured frantically for Remy to come over and take the sobbing mutant from him. Gambit obeyed with alacrity, cradling Rogue against him with one hand while still rubbing the growing lump on his head with the other. Logan stalked towards Jean, who is glad she has already finished packing the extras.

"Nothing, nothing at all. But Scott does need some help finding Kitty's food."

A distraction arrives just in time for Jean as Rogue realizes it is Gambit who is currently comforting her. The smack of her hand against his cheek is enough to still the students for a few seconds, before they return to dragging their packs onboard.

Remy stood in the midst of the crowd, now rubbing his head and the opposite cheek where Rogue slapped him. "Dis is a bad day for Gambit he is tinkin'."


Logan stood in the clearing, arching his head back and breathing in the clean, beautiful, mountain air. Bobby, trying to imitate the bad-ass of the team, stretched his thin chest in parody of Wolverine.

"Ack!"

Bobby clutched his throat. The many students sorting themselves and their packs out ignored the prankster with ridiculus ease. Only Piotr, walking by, clapped Iceman on the back half-heartedly. Luckily for the purpling Bobby, Piotr half-hearted was like a punch from most. A wet and confused insect buzzed from Bobby's open mouth. He gasped for air and indignantly froze the bug before it was out of reach.

Piotr watched as the tiny ice-ball hit the ground with a slight tinkle of breaking ice, releasing a still more confused, wet, and erstwhile frozen insect to crawl away.

Meanwhile, Kurt had become everyone's best friend as they realized he could 'port their packs out much faster than they could individually carry them. The furry Nightcrawler was happily bamphing back and forth fast enough to create a blue fog around the emerging backpacks. Logan, attempting to put a stop to the teleporting, grabbed Kurt's tail the next time he appeared. Unfortunately for Wolverine, the tatooed mutant didn't notice and continued to teleport.

Bamph "Kurt!"

Bamph "Damned telepo.."

Bamph "Stop it, you..!"

Bamph "STOP!"

Nightcrawler glanced inquisatively around at the roar. "Volverine, I am doing a goot job, no?" Happily smiling and convinced he had finally impressed his teacher for once, Kurt dropped his last load and walked back to the jet, leaving a portation sick Wolverine behind him.

Logan reeled as his healing factor knocked the last of the nouseous feeling off, then shook his head. Bobby, watching each manuever of his hero carefully, decided not to imitate that particular movement on the grounds of possible vertabrae fractures. He settled for a loud cracking of his back, much to the disgust of the resident females.

"Bobby, that is so, like, disgus.."

Kitty, walking away, managed to trip over Remy, falling luckily substanceless through him. Gambit sneezed convulsively.

"Kitty, chere, Remy is allergic t' yaself." Kitty pulled herself back up through the solid Cajun using what looked like a cross between the breaststroke and flying. He sneezed again, through the still intagible Kitty, then walked away grumbling to himself. "Gambit always knew he was allergic t' her, she say like too much..."

Kitty, afraid of getting some of Remy's sneeze inside herself as she re-materialized, stalked huffily away and through a severely depressed Rogue. Warren Worthington stood beside her, equally morose. He picked moodily at a primary feather and watched it float gently to the ground, joining a small fluffy pile of white. He sighed deeply, then flapped one wing hopefully. A flurry of feathers followed the primary on it's downward path, and Angel desisted, turning to Rogue.

"What a time for me to molt. I mean, how was I suppose to know that just because birds molt, I would start losing feathers like crazy?" Rogue threw him a long-suffering glance that flicked towards the pink pack lying in front of her where Kurt had helpfully placed it. Warren in turn looked at the paniers in front of him, the only type of pack that their teacher could find to fit his unique shape. Sighing again with a sidelong look at his goth companion, Warren picked up the myriad straps and walked away to find someone else a little more sympathetic to his cause. Rogue continued to watch the pink rectangle in front of her as though it were a dangerous disease. A dangerous disease, contagious by touch, that would turn her into a rainbow and dolphin loving girly girl like Kitty.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Screaming, Rogue finally broke and dashed back to the jet. "What the hell?" Wolverine growled and shoved Jubilee's pack back into her arms. "Rogue?" He stalked towards the jet, only to be intercepted by Bobby. "Mr. Logan, Mr Logan, look at this!" The young teenager held out a handful of dark berries. A purple stain at the corner of his mouth showed he had already sampled his find. Logan stopped dead at the sight. "Bobby, how many of these did you eat?" Iceman shrugged, still proferring the fruit. Covering his face with a hairy hand, Logan bellowed, "Jean! Did you bring any emetics?" Jean's red head popped out of the jet doorway. "Yeah, why?" Logan grabbed Bobby by the shoulders and steered him towards the jet. "Don' ask, jus' get us a double dose!"


A few minutes later, Bobby stood pale and trembling while Logan gave the rest of the group a lecture on what not to do in the woods.

"Don' eat anything you pick offa bushes, even if y' think y' know what it is. These r' chokecherries. You shouldn' eat them, 'cause they'll make you wish y' hadn't. If you do, go t' Jean and she'll give you somethin' t' take care of them." Bobby turned greenish gray and staggered towards the bushes. The sound of him throwing up was clearly heard by the rest of the awstruck class. Wolverine closed his eyes, and the telepaths heard him send a prayer for patience to whatever gods he had so far left unangered. "You also don' wan' to be fightin' on the trail. We go in single file, with me as leader and Scott as rearguard. Move!" The last word was bellowed in true military style, and even Scott stood slightly straighter in response. The rest of the students darted aimlessly around until they stumbled over their packs. Nonetheless, it took a surprisingly short amount of time for a ragged line to stand for Logan's inspection in front of the jet. Bobby stood at the beginning, already recovered from his experience though still a little pale. Rogue had been convinced to carry her backpack so long as a black cover enveloped any possible view of the incriminating pink.

The line of x-men trailed off into the distance as Beast, who was driving the jet back to the mansion, informed an inquisative squirrel as to his true feelings with brunt honestly.

"My dear little Rodentia, I must tell you that my true feelings indicate that our physical education teacher is..." he took and deep breath and looked around cautiosly, lest anyone hear him, "totally screwed."


Yes! Five weeks after starting, I finally finished the drum roll FIRST CHAPTER! Please let me know if you consider the story worth continuing, because if you do I can garantee more x-confusion, the beginnings of a Romy, and a really really big bear in the next installment. Thanks for reading!