The Doctor slowly - ever so carefully - made his way inside his trusty TARDIS. The pain was reaching a critical level, but, then again, he was used to pain – both physical and emotional. Throwing off his coat, he walked around the control panel, taking everything in for what would be the last time.
I've had some good times in this body, as well as some bad times. But everything I've done and gone through has been worth it in the end. I've done my duty and kept Earth safe. I'm not important, no matter how much people like Wilf or Malcolm may think so.
Nonetheless, I'm afraid. What if, during my next cycle, I forget the details of my time in this body? Regeneration is tricky. I never know how I'm going to turn out or what memories I may possess. What if I forget Donna? Martha? Rose? If I do, I will be sullying the sacrifices each of them made for my sake – their sacrifices, and the sacrifices of countless others. How can I dishonor them in such a way?
What I still don't understand, though, even now, is why they felt it necessary to make such sacrifices. It's not like I'm anything special.
They didn't think that, though. I was their world, and there was no sacrifice too great for me. Even Donna, who felt utterly worthless, was ready and willing to die for me. And how did I repay her? By erasing my existence from her mind, and all the wonderful things we'd seen and done. The only time she every felt special, and now she'll never be able to remember.
Martha – not until it was too late did I realize what she meant to me, and what I meant to her. All that time she'd been in love with me, and I brushed her aside, making her feel second best. Even after she'd been traveling for a year, spreading the story of my remarkable deeds – even then, I hardly spared her a second glance. I was so consumed by grief over losing the Master that I forgot about her, and what she and her family had been through – because of me. And what about when I became human? She became my servant, nothing more. I treated her abominably and would have gladly chosen Joan over her, even as she stood before me professing her undying love. Even then . . .
Then, there was Jack, who I was downright cruel to at times. Still, he stood by my side, defending me with every breath he took. During the Year That Never Was, he proved his unwavering loyalty over and over again as he was tortured endlessly. Though he couldn't die, that fact alone didn't stop him from feeling, and his cries of pain still haunt me to this day. He never blamed me, though, never looked at me with anything but devotion and trust in his eyes. I didn't deserve him.
And Rose, who chose me over her family, coming back to an uncertain future to be with me – she was brilliant, fantastic, amazing . . . No companion will ever be able to compare to Rose.
As the memories of the Doctor's companions and their experiences together flooded his mind, he was overcome by a crashing wave of regret.
There was so much I could have done, so much more I had planned . . . And now it's too late.
"I don't want to go."
