Castiel has always taken comfort from watching Dean sleep, but things change after Michael.

Set sometime after Season 14, Episode 2, so spoilers for that.

Title from the Maroon 5 song which really has nothing to do with the story, but absolutely would not leave my brain the entire time I was writing it.


Cas trudged down the hallway, feet dragging. Between the hunters coming back wounded and Jack getting injured while training, Cas had been healing a lot of injuries over the past few days.

Cas wasn't exactly tired, not in the same way he had been tired when he was human, but it was a similar feeling. He needed to rest and recharge. He considered going back to his room and watching some of his favorite shows on Netflix, but the thought made him feel restless.

As he rounded a corner in the hallway, he spotted the door to Dean's room.

He stopped and listened outside the door to check that Dean was asleep and slipped into the room. Cas sank gratefully into the chair by Dean's bed and took a deep breath. He felt some of the tension release its grip on the muscles in his shoulders.

Cas closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breathing enough to match Dean's as he slept and settled into the familiar, quiet peace that accompanied this ritual.

Castiel loved watching over Dean while he slept. Just being in the same room, listening to him breathe, it grounded and calmed Cas the way nothing else could.

All those nights during heaven's war, when the sights and sounds of his brothers and sisters dying had become too much, he'd been desperate to find something, anything, to forget the horror for a little while.

He had found Dean.

Not that Cas had been able watch over Dean as much since the fall had damaged his wings. Now he could only indulge himself when he happened to be in close proximity to the hunter when he fell asleep.

He also wasn't sure exactly when Dean had become okay with it. When he had stopped jolting awake, reaching for his gun, before realizing it was Cas and telling him to stop staring at him while he slept because it was creepy.

Regardless of when Dean had started to be okay with Cas watching over him as he slept, he definitely didn't have a problem with it after Cas had come back from the empty. Dean had had more than one nightmare about Lucifer stabbing Cas to death since he'd been back.

When the angel had asked him how many of those nightmares Dean had had while Cas was gone, he had looked away and growled, "Enough."

When Dean had woken from those nightmares, Cas had been there and that had been enough to reassure the hunter and lull him back to sleep.

That was before Michael. Now Dean was having nightmares with almost the same frequency and intensity as he had when he had gotten back from Hell.

Now Dean would wake up thrashing on his bed, gasping for air and Cas would be there, talking him down, reminding Dean that he was free. That he was away from Michael and that the dreams weren't real.

Now Cas was the one grounding and calming Dean.


NO!

Not again!

Drowning!

He was drowning!

Dean felt his throat constrict and his lungs burn.

Panic clawed at his mind.

Air!

Need air!

Dean heard and saw it all.

Michael torturing.

Michael killing.

Michael using Dean's body to build an army.

An army of monsters.

He had to fight.

He had to get back control of his body.

He had to stop Michael.

He flailed and clawed at what seemed to be an infinite amount of water.

Suddenly his lungs cleared.

He gasped a breath.

He felt the sweet relief of his lungs finally filling with air.

He gasped again.

Water flooded his lungs.

No!

Not again!


Dean thrashed and sat bolt upright in bed, choking.

Cas started out of the daze he had fallen into.

Dean was flailing in the dark, unable to draw breath.

Cas sprang forward and grabbed Dean's arm.

Dean tried to shake him off.

"Dean, wake up! Dean!" Cas said, desperately.

Still Dean flailed, throwing random punches in the dark.

Cas touched Dean's forehead to scan for injury.

Dean's lungs were locked up. He was unable to breathe.

Cas had never seen Dean in this state of panic.

"Dean," Cas tried calling to him again as he dodged Dean's blows, "I'm here. You're in the bunker. You're safe. Everyone's safe. It's okay."

Dean finally turned his panic-stricken eyes on Cas.

He stopped throwing punches, but he still wasn't breathing.

Dean clutched Cas' arm, finally seeming to realize he was there.

"Dean, calm down." Cas shook Dean's arm gently.

Dean stared, eyes watering as his lungs burned.

Cas sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed Dean by the shoulders.

"Dean, you're not going to be able to breathe until you calm down," Cas said sternly, his fear for the hunter growing every second he wasn't able to draw breath.

Cas gentled his tone. "Dean you're okay. I'm here. Sam is here. Your mom and Jack and Bobby are here. Everybody's safe... Michael is gone."

Dean calmed slightly with every word.

Finally, he gasped a breath.

Relief flooded Cas.

"Good. That's good, Dean. Just breathe."


Dean was breathing.

He wasn't drowning anymore.

Cas was there.

He was breathing.

Everyone was okay.

Everything would be okay.

Dean threw his arms around Cas and clung to him like a lifeline, afraid that if he let go, the panic would drown him again.


Cas held Dean as tightly as he could without hurting him and rode out the storm.

Dean's breath came in pants as he shuddered and shook. Slowly, Dean's breathing evened out, returning to a more regular rhythm.

Cas held on, determined to let Dean be the one to let go first; Cas had nowhere to be, he would hold on as long as Dean needed him to.

Cas had no idea how long they stayed like that, holding each other together in the dark. Finally, Dean's grip started to loosen, and Cas realized that Dean had drifted off to sleep again. Cas shifted slightly and gently laid Dean back on the bed, pulling his blankets up to cover his chest.

Just as Cas started to stand and go back to his chair, Dean stirred and grabbed his arm.

"Stay," Dean mumbled, his eyes still closed.

Cas paused for a second before realizing he was too worn out to worry about whether Dean was awake enough to realize what he was saying.

Cas pushed all of the questions about what this meant and if things would be awkward in the morning from his exhausted brain. He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the covers next to Dean, fully clothed, never breaking Dean's grip on his arm.

Dean slid sideways enough to give Cas room as he settled his weight on the bed.