Howdy, howdy. I have to warn that there are some bits of homosexuality here! That means members of the same sex, liking each other. A lot. Don't worry, I don't write that all the time. But anyway, please remain calm. Wee.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Lord of the Rings characters. I'm not making money off of 'em. Same with Jaba the Hutt. He belongs to George Lucas and the other Star Wars writers/peoples. What a guy, that Jaba. Don't own Heath Ledger either. Not making money off of that honey.

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The Partay.

Eowyn sat on the edge of her bed, shifting uncomfortably in the dim light. Another body seated itself next to her, causing her to slant at an awkward angle. She made an attempt to move away from whoever it was that had placed themselves so close to her but it was no use. An unsteady hand reached out and caressed her cheek. She jumped at the initial contact but soon relaxed as the hand cupped her chin and ran down her neck, tapering off at her shoulder. She drew in a shaky breath as she felt fingers running along her waist. Her first instinct was to remove them, but the touch was so gentle, so loving....

"Do you want it to stop?"

A wry voice pierced the stale air. She drew in a sharp breath. She knew that voice from somewhere...

"Do I want....what to stop?" She barely had time to finish the sentence before a pair of hands encircled her waist and stroked her sides. She felt the impulse to run...but also the impulse to stay.

"Would you like the pain to go away? The loneliness? The suffering?" The voice sent shivers along her spine. Eowyn did her best to pause before answering so that she may figure out who was speaking.

"I...I don't understand."

"I know you do. You just can't find it in your heart to admit it so.."

"What do you want?"

"I think you know the answer to that question!" The voice hissed in anger. Eowyn froze, afraid of being struck. But instead she was taken into an awkward embrace...and an awkward kiss. She struggled to pull her thoughts together, to make sense of what was happening. But she couldn't. The situation was vague and hazy; as much as she tried, she couldn't withdraw herself from the imprisoning embrace. The kiss seemed to last for an eternity and Eowyn could no longer withstand the cruelty of the moment. She quickly withdrew from the embrace and stumbled away from the bed, reaching out to a single candle that stood on her vanity. Seizing it and clutching it to her chest as it were the most important thing in the world, she cautiously approached the bed. Holding the candle out with a shaky hand, she was able to lighten chamber. An involuntary gasp escaped her lips as her eyes settled on the person who sat on her bed.

"Grima....Wormtongue!" She nearly choked on the words as the figure slid off of the bed and crept up next to her.

"Who else did you expect? Heath Ledger?"

Grima violently grabbed Eowyn and engaged her in a passionate kiss. Eowyn stifled a scream but was soon hushed when Grima broke the embrace and revealed his true form. His face faded to that of an attractive young man....one with golden hair and piercing eyes.

"Oh my word! You are Heath Ledger!"

Eowyn awoke, gasping for air. For a moment she thought she was being held within the loving arms of Heath, but she found she was merely enveloped in her own bed sheets. She sighed sadly, and then shuddered as she remembered who Heath had taken the form of. She bit her knuckles, secretly wondering if Grima had meant all those things he had said on that sad day. He had called her fair. Did he really mean it?

"Oh..my lady, you must have....had a nightmare."

Eowyn's eyes widened to the point of bursting at the unexpected appearance of Grima. She reached for a pillow to smack him with, but only found a potted cactus and made do. Grima cried out as the sharp needles pierced his milky flesh.

"Aiyeeee my lady!"

As he ran out yelping, a trail of goats followed him. Eowyn called out to the small herd in desperation.

"Nay nay silly goats! There will be no evil yesman-stalking tonight."

"Bahhhh!" The goats lowered their heads in shame and trudged back to their cubicles at the end of the hallway. Eowyn paused and glanced in her mirror. On a whime, she wondered....was she good enough to be a stripper? One glance at the outfit that hung in her closet told her one thing: Yes.

Across the building, one man was desperately trying to find peace.


Aragorn stalked the hallways of the ornate lodge, rubbing his temples. Arwen couldn't be there to calm him or offer him her half-baked olive and chocolate chip cookies. He sighed deeply as the residential herd of goats passed by, chewing on wooden arrows. Legolas followed them, calling out elfen curses as they trotted far ahead. Attached to his legs were Sam and Frodo, hell bent on keeping him from attaining his goal.

"Stupid elf! The goats of Rowan have spoken!" cried Frodo as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Yeah! Meesa gonna give yas an evil cursa from da voodoo masta! Yousa gonna slay a chicken and dance!! Bow down to da voodoo masta!" Sam exalted, barely able to hold on to Legolas' leg as he ruthlessly shoved an LSD needle into his own, flabby thigh. Eventually, Legolas gave up the chase and stopped in the middle of the hallway, panting for breath. The two hobbits clung with fierce strength and determination, each one injecting needles into the others chubby necks. Legolas was about to protest but Sam's clumsy fingers slipped and stabbed Legolas in the calf with his needle.

"Tanya awra!!! Filthy bastards!" Legolas slipped and fell to the floor. Sam collapsed next to him and went into wild convulsions. As he frothed at the mouth, Frodo rolled over by him and began rubbing Sam's stomach.

"I'm a robot." Frodo said, and for a moment his voice was so convincing that Aragorn almost believed him and went over to check his parts. Aragorn steadied himself though, and was able to back away. His thoughts changed when he caught a glimpse of poor Legolas. Legolas was stretched out on the wood floor, clawing madly at the planking. He was biting his lips and kicking his legs with much violence. Aragorn approached the troubled elf, and as he leaned down to ask him if he needed assistance, Legolas jerked his head upwards. With a mighty spray of his saliva, Legolas coated Aragorn's face, completely soaking it.

"Breeeeeeee! MmmMmmm! I'm a whaaaaale. A whale of epic proportions. And now I shall pee in the sea."

Even the goats had to turn away from this wretched sight.

On the other side of wooden lodge, Eowyn was sitting content on a lush arm chair, deeply immersed in a thick book titled "Stripping 101". Her peace was disturbed, however, when she thought she heard the troubled cries of her guests. She went running to the royal court room and was relieved by the sight before her. All of the fellowship was here now. All of the hobbits, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf were crowded around a great fire. Some of them were convulsing and others were laughing at the convulsing people's situations. One particular sight warmed her heart and soul. Gandalf sat with a hobbit on each knee, Merry on the left and Pippin on the right. He bounced them up down like gay little children, and then gave a hearty laugh as he tossed them into the flames.

"Hohohohoho!" He gave a jolly laugh as the hobbits were pulled screaming and kicking from the fire by Aragorn. Aragorn shot Gandalf a disapproving look and Gandalf shrugged sheepishly, hiding his cherry red nose beneath his white hat.

Frodo and Sam were sprawled across a bear skin rug, whispering sweet nothings to each other and occasionally giggling and shooting shy glances to the others. Gimli sighed happily.

"Isn't that precious? The little 'uns are cuddlin'! Warms yer heart and makes ya wanna hug somethin'. I mean just listen to the way they're whispering sweet, loving things to each other. Compliments and good wishes....declarations of love..."

Aragorn leaned in to listen to the little hobbits...

"Oh Sam...my vacuums....they're giddy with a wrench. Cobalt your rot."

"Am...am I the only one to see that the walls are overflowing with the blood of our brothers?!"

"Shhh Sam...all I want is to." Frodo stopped abruptly in mid-sentence, and did not finish.

"Warms yer heart..." said Gimli, paying no attention to the doped up half- lings.

Aragorn sighed deeply, and continued to let his mind wander away from these idiots. But try as he might, he could not free himself from the moronic environment. Beside him, Legolas lay stretched out over the floor, his middle only cloaked by a swash of pink silk.

"I have seen the light, Aragorn. The children laugh merrily as they dance upon your grave. I am king and the waters flow freely from my navel. Do you understand? From my navel."

Aragorn shook his head and laid back against a chair. He watched quietly as Merry and Pippin dressed each other's burns from the fire. The two clasped hands and laid back on the floor, gazing up at the ceiling. Aragorn sighed in jealousy at the two ridiculously stupid hobbits. Eowyn noticed the pair and feeling the urge to feed the flames of the Paparazzi, she whipped out her camera and took a couple dozen pictures to add to her collection. Gimli noticed her actions and leaned over.

"You don't have any pictures of the wee ones when they're um...having bedtime rendezvous', by any chance?"

"Of course." Eowyn smirked. She glanced around nervously and then whispered in Gimli's ear.

"I'll give you the pictures if you promise to enjoy the show I'll put on tonight. You've got to make the others like me too."

Gimli nodded solemnly and passed the news to the other members that Eowyn would be performing.