Title: Seasons in the Sun
Author: Orasa Nekuma
Warnings: Angst, blood, death (lots), liberties taken with Duo's childhood, major tearjerker, language, sorta cliffhanger ending, bit of changing POV, flashbacks.
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or any of the kawaii characters from it *dammit*…I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue. I also don't own the original song…which is "Seasons in the Sun" by Westlife.
Pairings: 2xS, 1x2
Note: This thing is gonna skip around in time quite a bit…so be prepared for multiple flashbacks and so forth…enjoy!! And, yes, I did change the song lyrics a bit, I had to so it would fit. Also…the scene where they first meet is based on the version in the manga, not the TV show…that's why it's slightly different. I didn't have access to the TV show at the time this was written, and I couldn't remember all the details, so I used the manga, which I did have ^^
"blah blah"=spoken words
//blah blah//=thoughts
{blah blah}=song lyrics
~*~*~*~*~= time interval
#########=POV change
**~~**~~**~~=beginning/end of flashback
I ran as fast as I could through the melting snow, the meds cradled in my arms. My bare feet pounded through the gray-white slush covering the streets and alleys as I tried to run faster, without slipping in the muck. //It's so cold. He can't last much longer. Hurry.// I ran faster. I finally got to him, and knelt beside him, gasping for breath. "Here. I brought it. I brought it back." I reached toward him, but, unbelievably, he pushed me away.
"No. S'too late. 'M dyin." I could tell that he was right. I had known this was going to kill him, as soon as I heard the first, soft cough, nearly a month ago. He'd pretended it was nothing, but I knew he was lying to me, to us. Dammit, I _knew_. Now, he was near the end, and I didn't want him to go. It had been days since he'd been able to move, beyond the painful convulsions that wracked his too-thin body. Each day, he had gotten weaker, and his eyes had filled with more and more pain, until he just lay in the small shelter we made for him, barely breathing.
But still, I couldn't accept it. "No!! You can't!! You have to take care of us!!"
"I can't." He coughed, his body shaking with the effort, and dark crimson blood dribbled out of the side of his mouth. "I can't anymore. You'll have to take over."
"B…but how?" I asked, knowing that I wasn't ready for this. I started to cry; for the first time since I had met him, I let down the emotional barrier I had constructed. I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. //I don't want you to die. Please don't go. Don't leave me alone.//
"Remember when I found you?" he asked, his voice growing weaker. I nodded slowly.
**~~**~~**~~
I huddled in a corner, shivering with cold as the freezing wind swept over my tiny body, and the tears streamed down my face. My teeth chattered and I rubbed my nearly naked body, trying to return it to some semblance of warmth. I could feel the tears actually freezing while they were still on my face, and I cried harder. My hair, wrapped around me like a crude blanket had ice crystals in it, when I moved, they clinked together, sounding like bells. The bells of death. This time, I knew, I wouldn't survive. Not this winter.
Suddenly, I saw a hand in front of my face, a hand held out in friendship. "Come on, Kid." I looked up, startled to see a boy a bit older than me leaning down over me. My fist instinct was to run, but I was too cold to do much more than jerk away a bit. For a long time after that I just stared, unsure what to do with this unexpected kindness from a boy I didn't even know. "Come on. Aren't you hungry?" the boy asked. Well, of course I was hungry, but why would I tell him that? First rule on the streets: never tell anyone anything. Never. "We have food," he continued. "If you come, I'll give you some. How about cold? Are you cold?" I nodded, unable to help myself. Here was this boy, offering me food, supposedly offering me shelter...what else could I do? "Well, we can fix that too. Come on." Finally, I gave in and carefully took his hand.
**~~**~~**~~
"Just copy…" He paused to gasp for breath. I knew that death was coming for him. I could feel it, I had always felt it when someone was going to die. I don't know why or how I know, I just know. But still, I always try to deny it. "…copy what I did…you'll learn…and…I'll always be with you…good-bye…"
{Good-bye to you my trusted friend
I found you shivering
In the cold, cold wind.
Together we've run through the streets;
Learned how to steal and how to cheat,
Skinned our hearts and
Skinned our knees.}
"No…" I whispered, hugging his shuddering body close to mine, somehow thinking I could keep him alive with my own strength. I knew I was once again lying to myself, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want him to die. A bird landed on a street pole a few feet away and started singing, a robin. Spring was almost here. I let myself continue my fantasy, knowing it was hopeless, but still hoping. //If you could just hold on until the weather got warmer, until it wasn't so cold all the time, you'll be OK. Don't die. You can't.// If only…
{Good-bye my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing
In the sky,
Now that spring is in the air.
They'll depend on you for care.
Think of me and I'll be there.}
"You can't die…you can't…" I rocked back and forth slowly, my heart feeling like it was going to burst. He was really leaving…
"But…I…am…remember…the…fun…we…had…" I remembered. The alarm going off, and us running away, laughing. People chasing us, but they weren't fast enough; we were faster. We got away every time, pretending we were birds on the wind. We were all always running, from the law, from the other gangs, from our own death. But now, his had caught up with him, and there was nothing I could do about it. //Please. Don't leave me…//
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
But now it's my time to die
I must go away and fly.}
His body went limp in my arms and I screamed, "NOOOOOO!!!!!!" I wailed out my anguish, not caring who heard me, not caring about much of anything, except that he was gone. //Why??//
~*~*~*~*~
Once again, I ran through the slush of a melting snowfall. But this time, I had shoes, and good clothes, and I had already hidden what I had gone to get. I just had to go tell them I had it. //That's all. Just tell em, and they'll let everyone go.// I came around the corner to see the church in flames, and torn, bloody bodies lying everywhere, staining the slushy ground red. "NOOOOO!!!!" I screamed, my feet flying across the ground toward one trembling body, dressed in a now bloody and ripped habit. //Oh, God, no, not again, please God, no, don't let anyone else die.// But, just like I always had, I knew it was too late…for her…for everyone.
When I got to her, I fell to my knees beside her body and gently picked up her head to put it in my lap, not caring about the blood that was now soaking my good clothes. Her eyelids flickered and she opened her eyes to look into mine. "Gaki…" she whispered. They always called me that, him and her, always.
I blinked, not really surprised that my eyes were filled with tears. "Hai?" I whispered back, as one of my tears splashed onto her cheek, washing away a small circle of blood.
"Wh…when I am gone…pray for me…and be good, like I've tried to teach you…"
"But…but I don't want you to go…" //Please don't leave me. Please stay.// "I have no one else…please…" //There's nothing you can do to stop it,// a voice inside me said. //Shut up!!// I screamed at the voice. //Oh, please. Please don't go…// "Please…"
"I must, my little Gaki…He calls me…I must go to Him…" I just held her closer, knowing it was true. "Remember…you will always be His child…"
"No…" //I want to be YOUR child, not His…you promised…//
**~~**~~**~~
"Sister…" I said, looking up from my homework.
"Hai, Gaki?" she replied, glancing up from her embroidery hoop.
"Why do you always call me that?" I asked. I had been wondering about the nickname they'd given me here for a long time. //Why can't they just use my real name?//
"Because you are a gaki," she said, going back to her embroidery.
I glared at her. "That's not what I meant, and you know it! Why don't you just use my real name?" //Why won't you let me even tell it to you?//
She sighed and laid down the hoop, seeing there was no way she could brush off my question, not this time. "Because, Gaki, we don't want to get too attached to you. You might get adopted someday, and then we would miss you. We used to always use the children's real names. But, when they got adopted, it hurt too much to let them go, when we knew their names. So, we started to give the children nicknames, so it wouldn't hurt so much."
"Well," I said, thoughtfully. "I'll probably never get adopted, so you can use my real name, OK? It's…"
She reached down and held a finger over my lips, to stop me. "No, Gaki."
"But…"
She sighed again. I guess she could tell I wasn't going to leave her alone until she let me tell her, either now or later. "OK, how about this," she finally said, looking straight into my eyes so I could tell she was actually serious. I can always tell when someone is lying, by looking into their eyes. Maybe it's because I'm such a good liar myself. I claim not to lie, but I do, every day, mostly to myself. "If you haven't been adopted three years from now," she said, "we'll adopt you ourselves, and then you can tell us your real name, and we'll use it. We'll be a family. I promise. How does that sound?"
"OK!!" I said, smiling happily. "I can't wait!!"
**~~**~~**~~
//This is the third year…why now?? No…please don't leave me…// "I…I want to tell you my name…so you'll know…when you get to Heaven. My name is…"
Painfully, she lifted her hand to my face and touched my lips. "Shhh. Don't. Just let me know you as my little Gaki. When we meet in Heaven, you can tell me."
"But…" //I don't think I'll go to Heaven.//
"Shhh."
{Good-bye, Gaki, please pray for me,
You'll always be in God's family
I tried to teach you right from wrong
We'll meet again, it won't be long
Wonder how you'll get along.}
She started shaking then, and I held her closer. "He's calling me, my little Gaki. I can…hear Him. I see the angels…I'm coming…remember me Gaki, when you see the children…remember…" Somewhere, a bird began to sing.
{Good-bye Gaki, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky;
Now that the spring is in the air.
Little children everywhere;
When you see them, I'll be there.}
"No…please don't die…don't leave me here alone…" //God, if you can hear me, please don't take her…please…// I knew I was lying again, but I couldn't help it. I knew there was no one who could help her now, but still, I tried. She taught me to pray…now…I prayed as hard as I could, as best I knew how…
"I have to go now, my little Gaki…don't remember me like this…remember the good times…the singing…the fun that we had…good-bye…" I sobbed harder, nearly washing all the blood off her face. //No…God…please…//
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
But the thrills and the songs like the
Seasons have all gone.
We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
But my Lord calls me now,
To my eternal home.}
She shuddered once more, and the breath left her body…forever. "NOOOO!!!!" Once more, I screamed out my pain and rage that someone I loved had to be taken away from me. Confused and angry, I lashed out at the only one I felt was responsible for this, the one she had taught me about. //Why, God? Why did You take her? I don't think You're real, at least, not the way they say You are. I think there is only one God. And he's not a 'loving God'…not when he takes away everyone I love. From now on, I only believe in one God. And it's not you.// More lies. But…now…now that I think back, maybe…maybe this wasn't such a lie after all…I don't know…
~*~*~*~*~
"Come on, baka!!!" he yelled back at me, as we ran down the hall, me falling behind with each step as pain lanced through my right calf. "You're going to get us killed!!"
"You think it's easy to run with a bullet in your leg!! Why don't you try it sometime, you musuko no ama!!" I yelled back, trying to pick up the pace a little and wincing at the pain. We were on a mission to destroy one of the many OZ bases, just the two of us. From the way we were screaming at each other, you'd think we were worst enemies.
But we're not. In fact, we're best friends; I personally wish we could be more. But, I don't think he wants that for us, so I don't push him. I'm just always there for him, loving him in my own way; I've never told him how I feel, because…I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I tell him…I'll lose him too. I'm afraid that Shinigami will take someone else from me that I love.
#########
We were almost to the door when I heard him scream in pain as another bullet hit him. Then I heard a loud thud as he hit the floor, and a sqqquuueeeaakk as he slid a few inches over the slick floor, inertia taking over. //Kuso! He must actually be hit bad if he's down...// I whirled around to see him lying there on the cold tiles, a bloom of dark, crimson blood spreading across his back. My heart jumped and nearly burst out of my chest as I pulled out my tiny radio, tuned to a channel back at Quatre's mansion, and mashed the bright red 'distress' button for all I was worth. I had always loved the braided baka, from the first time I saw him. I'd always felt a special connection to him that I shared with no one else.
**~~**~~**~~
A feeling like a cold burst of wind swept through me, and I felt like someone I should know, but didn't was near. I held a gun in the girl's face; she had seen my face, she had to die. "Forget about my name," I told her. "You must die! Goodbye." Then a bullet ripped across my hand, and I dropped the gun, flinched, and nearly fell to the ground as I turned to look at whoever had shot me. To my surprise, it was a kid! A very short kid, certainly not any older than me. But, what surprised me more was the fact that he was…beautiful.
"You bad guys will never learn," He said, re-cocking the gun as he shook his head at me and all I could do was stare. He was dressed in a priest-like uniform thing, with a black baseball cap on his head. Long, unruly bangs poked out from under the cap to frame his face, and the rest of his hair was bound behind him in a long, thick braid that fell to his thighs. His violet eyes were burning with…I don't know…anger…but also a bit of humor, and confidence. "Are you alright, lady?" he asked the girl.
The girl turned and glared at him. "He was passed out on the ground!" she yelled. "You ought to behave yourself!" She tore off a strip of cloth from her dress and started bandaging my hand. But I wasn't paying attention to her. I just stood there, staring at the fey beauty in front of me as he hung his head in confusion.
"I'M the bad guy?" he said, in wonder, lowering the gun and staring at the ground. I smiled inside. //He's so kawaii when he does that. Wait…what am I THINKING?! I can't actually LIKE this guy, can I? I don't even know him!!//
Then, he shrugged and said, "Oh, well. I guess I shouldn't stick my nose in. I've got to get to work. You guys stay there, alright?" Then he pulled out a small box and pushed a button on it. My mouth nearly dropped open in shock as a Gundam rose from the sea behind him. I didn't know there were other Gundams. I thought I was the only pilot, with the only Gundam. But obviously, I was wrong. The pilot platform dropped open and he jumped up on it.
Brandishing the gun at us, he said, "Heh-heh, don't ask. Say you didn't see this and I'll let you go." He reached inside the Gundam and pushed another button, glancing at the screen it activated with satisfaction. "I picked up this cool thing at the bottom of the ocean on my way here. I'm in a good mood today. Let's see. Ta-daa!"
He sat down and pulled on the joystick, and the Gundam lifted an arm, which was holding…"Wing…" //WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!! Ok, so he's definitely another Gundam pilot. But...but that's Wing he's got! Where the fuck did he find it?! That's MY Gundam, you bastard!!// Growling, I ran toward his Gundam and jumped toward the still open platform.
He yelled "Hey!" and pulled out his gun and started shooting at me again as I flew through the air, straight toward him. He actually managed to hit me three more times before I landed right in front of him. He held the gun to my head, his hand only shaking a little. I knew he was going to shoot me but I wasn't afraid. I couldn't let him have Wing, I had no idea who he was or what he meant to do with it.
"I don't care about my life," I said coolly, "but you can't have that!"
"Oh, yeah?!" he yelled, and pulled the trigger, but I was already moving and my head was well to the side as the bullet streaked by me, blowing my hair around. I jumped down and over into Wing and started up the Gundam and started to fly away, but he chased after me.
"So, that's yours, huh?! Why don't you thank my for picking in up then, huh?!" I turned and swiped at him with my beam sword, but I found myself not putting everything into it for some reason and he blocked me easily. //Kuso...I really do like him,// I realized. //I can't even fight him honestly because I don't want to kill him!// We continued fighting for a few minutes, and then some Aries suits showed up, and we had to stop our battle to destroy them.
**~~**~~**~~
That day, after the Aries were gone, I transformed Wing to bird mode and fled from him, into the blue sky, hoping that once I got away from him, these strange feelings would fade. But they never did, they only got stronger. And I never told him how I felt. And now…I might not get a chance to. //Oh, God, no...He CANNOT be dead…no!!// But, from what little I knew of medical matters, if he wasn't already dead, with a hit in the back like that, he soon would be. I nearly collapsed with the knowledge that the one I had always loved was dead. Then my training took over. "DUO!!" I screamed, doubling back to scoop him up in my arms.
I slung him over my shoulder and started running, only one thought on my mind. //I have to get at least his body out of here.// He grunted very softly as his body hit my shoulder, and I nearly dropped him in surprise. //He's actually still alive?!// Then I screamed in pain as a bullet ripped through my shoulder. His unconscious body was slowing me down. I gritted my teeth against the agony and kept running. //I have to get him out of here.// Another bullet found me, tearing through the back of my left leg, and striking the bone. I screamed as loud as I ever have in my life as the bullet shattered on the bone, spreading needle sharp slivers of metal throughout my leg.
I fell to the ground when my leg collapsed under me, dropping Duo over my head. I twisted around, my gun still held tight in my fist and managed to find the one guy who was actually good enough to have hit us, and shot him, straight between the eyes. //Hn. Not good enough.// Then, I turned my attention back to the braided American. My secret koi. He groaned, and I peered through the curtain of red that was descending on my vision. He stirred, and, dropping the gun and not caring anymore who heard me or what they thought, I screamed, "Koi!!" His eyes snapped open and he stared into mine, his pain filled gaze slowly filling with disbelief, then hope.
#########
I felt the jolt of intense pain as the bullet hit my back. I screamed and then, mercifully lapsed into a semi-conscious state as I fell to the floor and slid across it, a warmth spreading across my back. Dimly, I heard Heero scream my name, then I was lifted into the air and plopped down on something hard. The jolt of agony that this caused made me grunt in pain, and sink deeper into unconsciousness. He jumped under me, like he was surprised, and I smiled slightly. //The Perfect Soldier, surprised. Won't the others like that?//
I could tell that I was dying, but I didn't really care. Death had been coming to me for a long time. So far, I'd managed to cheat Shinigami, but this time he'd finally caught up to me for good. As my life leaked away, slowly, I had only one regret. //I never told you…I'm sorry Heero-koi…// I could still dimly hear gunfire, and my Heero's screams when he was hit. I tried to say something, to tell him to leave me and save himself, but I couldn't make my mouth work. Then, he screamed even louder, and collapsed, dropping me to the floor.
This new level of agony brought me almost all the way out of my semi-conscious state, and I groaned softly, and wiggled, trying to make the pain stop. Then, he screamed something, sounding like a huge shuttle engine, practically in my ear. It took a minute for my brain, overloaded with pain, to process the word. "Koi!!" I jerked in surprise and opened my violet eyes to stare into his cobalt blues. //It can't be…did he actually SAY that? He did!!//
I moved my mouth, and finally managed to whisper, "N...nani? Wha'd ya say, Heero?"
#########
Then, his mouth worked for a minute, and he finally whispered, "N...nani? Wha'd ya say, Heero?" It was so soft I almost didn't hear him over the boots running down the hall. //Boots. Running down the hall. Fuck! Kuso!! It's no good if we're captured now!// Forgetting about answering him for a second, I levered myself up off the floor with my good arm and then, holding my wounded leg off the floor and trying to be gentle on my shoulder, I crawled slowly toward him. I was almost to him when one of the soldiers running down the hall decided to get smart and shoot at us. I screamed again and collapsed nearly on top of him when a bullet ripped through my side.
I breathed, and I felt something bubbling deep inside my body. //Kuso. Internal injury.// Once more, my training took over and allowed me to ignore my wounds, somewhat. Slowly, I levered myself off the floor again, and leaned close to Duo's face and said, very slowly, "Duo. Can you hear me?" //Duh!! Stupid question, baka!! Of course he can hear you!!// "Never mind," I said quickly. I could barely talk myself, the pain was getting worse, but I had to. We had to get out of there. "Don't…try to talk right now. Just…listen. We have…to get out of here…or we're going to…die. We'll probably…die anyway, but I personally…don't want to die…here. Can you…move…at all?"
He twitched a little, then he actually managed to get an arm under him and push off the floor a bit. "Hai," he gasped out, panting from the pain and the effort of moving. One of the OZ guys apparently noticed us moving around and yelled something, and the smart guy shot at us some more, but his aim wasn't real good. When he hit me, it was just basically a lucky shot. Then, more of the soldiers started wising up and shooting, but they weren't real good shots either, and I wasn't really paying attention. Slowly, I eased my weight onto my injured shoulder, grunting in pain as my life-blood began to pump out faster, and extended my other arm to Duo, yelping as the bullet in my side shifted.
He reached over and grabbed my hand, then we moved toward the door, together. We got out of the door and crawled to a tree a few feet away. By the time we got there, we were both exhausted, but I knew we had to keep going. Even if the others were on their way, we had to get out of range of the explosion I'd set up. A few more feet should do it. Just a few more feet and I could push the button. I looked at Duo, and he stared back. I could see in his eyes that he knew the same thing I did. We had to keep going.
"To…the next…tree…" he gasped out, making a weak gesture with one arm. I nodded, and we started toward the tree. We got there, and then somehow, we kept going, one tree at a time, until we were far enough away to be safe from the explosion. Finally, we both collapsed, and began soaking the forest floor with our blood. I pushed the button and dropped the detonator, closing my eyes in relief and pain as the base blossomed into a fireball behind us.
It was then that I remembered his question, the one he had asked back in the base. I reached out and took his hand. "Duo," I said softly. "Ai shiteru." The smoke from the base rolled over us, a black cloud obscured him for second.
When I could see again, I saw that his eyes had gotten as wide as possible. He squeezed my hand, blood making both our palms slick and sticky. "Honto?"
I squeezed back. "Honto. Ai shiteru, Duo-koi." //I always have, Koi. Every time you were just simply there for me, just being my friend. You helped me find myself; the Heero Yuy behind the Perfect Soldier. Thank you, my friend, my Koi.// I somehow managed to scoot closer to him so I could wrap my arms around his small, elf-like body.
He wrapped his arms around me too, and our blood mixed together as it spilled onto the ground like some kind of grotesque crimson fountain. "Ai shiteru, Hee-koi. Ai shiteru itsumo."
//Hee-koi? Oh well…who really cares…I do…I like it…// "Itsumo," I whispered, slowly slipping into unconsciousness. It was then that I knew we would die here, together, as it was meant to be.
{Good-bye my Koi, my little one,
You gave me love and helped
Me find the sun;
And every time that I was down,
You would always come around,
And put my feet back on
The ground.}
#########
"Honto. Ai shiteru, Duo-koi." Then, he moved, and hugged me, holding me to him as tightly as he could. I gathered my quickly fading strength and hugged him back.
"Ai shiteru, Hee-koi. Ai shiteru itsumo," I whispered, using the nickname I had silently given him a long time ago.
"Itsumo," he replied. Then his grip got looser as he started to black out. I felt myself falling into darkness, too, and I knew that we were going to die very soon. Above, in the branches of the tree, a bird began to sing, and I stared upward to see the branches of the tree, laden with small, white blossoms, leaning down toward us, as if to protect us from something. //I wish we could stay with the flowers.// My thoughts grew fuzzy as I fell faster. //Good-bye, my Koi.//
{Good-bye my Koi, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky;
Now that the spring is in the air;
With the flowers everywhere.
I wish that we could both be there.}
Suddenly, I saw Solo's spirit, I guess, floating over our entangled bodies. "Hey, Kid. It's your time."
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Now, it's your time to die
Come away with me and fly.}
Then Sister Helen was there too, holding out her hand to me. "Come, Gaki." //Heh. I guess I actually do get to go to Heaven, even though the only God I've ever really believed in is Shinigami…what'd'ya know…miracles really DO happen…//
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Come and join me now in
Your eternal home.}
#########
Just as I was slipping away, I saw two spirits hover over us, and I heard what they said. I knew they were talking to Duo, even though they called him by different names. "Koi…" I whispered.
"Nani?"
"Good-bye."
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Now we can go home
We will always be as one.}
#########
"Good-bye, Hee-koi."
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Now we can go home
We will always be as one.}
Then, Heero dropped my hand, and everything went black.
*~Owari~*
Japanese terms:
Kawaii=cute
Gaki=brat
Hai=yes
Baka=idiot
Musuko no ama=son of a bitch
Kuso=shit
Koi=lover, dear, dearest, etc.
Nani=what
Ai shiteru=I love you
Honto=is it true?, yes it's true, truth, true, etc.
Itsumo=forever, always, continually, etc.
Owari=end
Author: Orasa Nekuma
Warnings: Angst, blood, death (lots), liberties taken with Duo's childhood, major tearjerker, language, sorta cliffhanger ending, bit of changing POV, flashbacks.
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or any of the kawaii characters from it *dammit*…I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue. I also don't own the original song…which is "Seasons in the Sun" by Westlife.
Pairings: 2xS, 1x2
Note: This thing is gonna skip around in time quite a bit…so be prepared for multiple flashbacks and so forth…enjoy!! And, yes, I did change the song lyrics a bit, I had to so it would fit. Also…the scene where they first meet is based on the version in the manga, not the TV show…that's why it's slightly different. I didn't have access to the TV show at the time this was written, and I couldn't remember all the details, so I used the manga, which I did have ^^
"blah blah"=spoken words
//blah blah//=thoughts
{blah blah}=song lyrics
~*~*~*~*~= time interval
#########=POV change
**~~**~~**~~=beginning/end of flashback
I ran as fast as I could through the melting snow, the meds cradled in my arms. My bare feet pounded through the gray-white slush covering the streets and alleys as I tried to run faster, without slipping in the muck. //It's so cold. He can't last much longer. Hurry.// I ran faster. I finally got to him, and knelt beside him, gasping for breath. "Here. I brought it. I brought it back." I reached toward him, but, unbelievably, he pushed me away.
"No. S'too late. 'M dyin." I could tell that he was right. I had known this was going to kill him, as soon as I heard the first, soft cough, nearly a month ago. He'd pretended it was nothing, but I knew he was lying to me, to us. Dammit, I _knew_. Now, he was near the end, and I didn't want him to go. It had been days since he'd been able to move, beyond the painful convulsions that wracked his too-thin body. Each day, he had gotten weaker, and his eyes had filled with more and more pain, until he just lay in the small shelter we made for him, barely breathing.
But still, I couldn't accept it. "No!! You can't!! You have to take care of us!!"
"I can't." He coughed, his body shaking with the effort, and dark crimson blood dribbled out of the side of his mouth. "I can't anymore. You'll have to take over."
"B…but how?" I asked, knowing that I wasn't ready for this. I started to cry; for the first time since I had met him, I let down the emotional barrier I had constructed. I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. //I don't want you to die. Please don't go. Don't leave me alone.//
"Remember when I found you?" he asked, his voice growing weaker. I nodded slowly.
**~~**~~**~~
I huddled in a corner, shivering with cold as the freezing wind swept over my tiny body, and the tears streamed down my face. My teeth chattered and I rubbed my nearly naked body, trying to return it to some semblance of warmth. I could feel the tears actually freezing while they were still on my face, and I cried harder. My hair, wrapped around me like a crude blanket had ice crystals in it, when I moved, they clinked together, sounding like bells. The bells of death. This time, I knew, I wouldn't survive. Not this winter.
Suddenly, I saw a hand in front of my face, a hand held out in friendship. "Come on, Kid." I looked up, startled to see a boy a bit older than me leaning down over me. My fist instinct was to run, but I was too cold to do much more than jerk away a bit. For a long time after that I just stared, unsure what to do with this unexpected kindness from a boy I didn't even know. "Come on. Aren't you hungry?" the boy asked. Well, of course I was hungry, but why would I tell him that? First rule on the streets: never tell anyone anything. Never. "We have food," he continued. "If you come, I'll give you some. How about cold? Are you cold?" I nodded, unable to help myself. Here was this boy, offering me food, supposedly offering me shelter...what else could I do? "Well, we can fix that too. Come on." Finally, I gave in and carefully took his hand.
**~~**~~**~~
"Just copy…" He paused to gasp for breath. I knew that death was coming for him. I could feel it, I had always felt it when someone was going to die. I don't know why or how I know, I just know. But still, I always try to deny it. "…copy what I did…you'll learn…and…I'll always be with you…good-bye…"
{Good-bye to you my trusted friend
I found you shivering
In the cold, cold wind.
Together we've run through the streets;
Learned how to steal and how to cheat,
Skinned our hearts and
Skinned our knees.}
"No…" I whispered, hugging his shuddering body close to mine, somehow thinking I could keep him alive with my own strength. I knew I was once again lying to myself, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want him to die. A bird landed on a street pole a few feet away and started singing, a robin. Spring was almost here. I let myself continue my fantasy, knowing it was hopeless, but still hoping. //If you could just hold on until the weather got warmer, until it wasn't so cold all the time, you'll be OK. Don't die. You can't.// If only…
{Good-bye my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing
In the sky,
Now that spring is in the air.
They'll depend on you for care.
Think of me and I'll be there.}
"You can't die…you can't…" I rocked back and forth slowly, my heart feeling like it was going to burst. He was really leaving…
"But…I…am…remember…the…fun…we…had…" I remembered. The alarm going off, and us running away, laughing. People chasing us, but they weren't fast enough; we were faster. We got away every time, pretending we were birds on the wind. We were all always running, from the law, from the other gangs, from our own death. But now, his had caught up with him, and there was nothing I could do about it. //Please. Don't leave me…//
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
But now it's my time to die
I must go away and fly.}
His body went limp in my arms and I screamed, "NOOOOOO!!!!!!" I wailed out my anguish, not caring who heard me, not caring about much of anything, except that he was gone. //Why??//
~*~*~*~*~
Once again, I ran through the slush of a melting snowfall. But this time, I had shoes, and good clothes, and I had already hidden what I had gone to get. I just had to go tell them I had it. //That's all. Just tell em, and they'll let everyone go.// I came around the corner to see the church in flames, and torn, bloody bodies lying everywhere, staining the slushy ground red. "NOOOOO!!!!" I screamed, my feet flying across the ground toward one trembling body, dressed in a now bloody and ripped habit. //Oh, God, no, not again, please God, no, don't let anyone else die.// But, just like I always had, I knew it was too late…for her…for everyone.
When I got to her, I fell to my knees beside her body and gently picked up her head to put it in my lap, not caring about the blood that was now soaking my good clothes. Her eyelids flickered and she opened her eyes to look into mine. "Gaki…" she whispered. They always called me that, him and her, always.
I blinked, not really surprised that my eyes were filled with tears. "Hai?" I whispered back, as one of my tears splashed onto her cheek, washing away a small circle of blood.
"Wh…when I am gone…pray for me…and be good, like I've tried to teach you…"
"But…but I don't want you to go…" //Please don't leave me. Please stay.// "I have no one else…please…" //There's nothing you can do to stop it,// a voice inside me said. //Shut up!!// I screamed at the voice. //Oh, please. Please don't go…// "Please…"
"I must, my little Gaki…He calls me…I must go to Him…" I just held her closer, knowing it was true. "Remember…you will always be His child…"
"No…" //I want to be YOUR child, not His…you promised…//
**~~**~~**~~
"Sister…" I said, looking up from my homework.
"Hai, Gaki?" she replied, glancing up from her embroidery hoop.
"Why do you always call me that?" I asked. I had been wondering about the nickname they'd given me here for a long time. //Why can't they just use my real name?//
"Because you are a gaki," she said, going back to her embroidery.
I glared at her. "That's not what I meant, and you know it! Why don't you just use my real name?" //Why won't you let me even tell it to you?//
She sighed and laid down the hoop, seeing there was no way she could brush off my question, not this time. "Because, Gaki, we don't want to get too attached to you. You might get adopted someday, and then we would miss you. We used to always use the children's real names. But, when they got adopted, it hurt too much to let them go, when we knew their names. So, we started to give the children nicknames, so it wouldn't hurt so much."
"Well," I said, thoughtfully. "I'll probably never get adopted, so you can use my real name, OK? It's…"
She reached down and held a finger over my lips, to stop me. "No, Gaki."
"But…"
She sighed again. I guess she could tell I wasn't going to leave her alone until she let me tell her, either now or later. "OK, how about this," she finally said, looking straight into my eyes so I could tell she was actually serious. I can always tell when someone is lying, by looking into their eyes. Maybe it's because I'm such a good liar myself. I claim not to lie, but I do, every day, mostly to myself. "If you haven't been adopted three years from now," she said, "we'll adopt you ourselves, and then you can tell us your real name, and we'll use it. We'll be a family. I promise. How does that sound?"
"OK!!" I said, smiling happily. "I can't wait!!"
**~~**~~**~~
//This is the third year…why now?? No…please don't leave me…// "I…I want to tell you my name…so you'll know…when you get to Heaven. My name is…"
Painfully, she lifted her hand to my face and touched my lips. "Shhh. Don't. Just let me know you as my little Gaki. When we meet in Heaven, you can tell me."
"But…" //I don't think I'll go to Heaven.//
"Shhh."
{Good-bye, Gaki, please pray for me,
You'll always be in God's family
I tried to teach you right from wrong
We'll meet again, it won't be long
Wonder how you'll get along.}
She started shaking then, and I held her closer. "He's calling me, my little Gaki. I can…hear Him. I see the angels…I'm coming…remember me Gaki, when you see the children…remember…" Somewhere, a bird began to sing.
{Good-bye Gaki, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky;
Now that the spring is in the air.
Little children everywhere;
When you see them, I'll be there.}
"No…please don't die…don't leave me here alone…" //God, if you can hear me, please don't take her…please…// I knew I was lying again, but I couldn't help it. I knew there was no one who could help her now, but still, I tried. She taught me to pray…now…I prayed as hard as I could, as best I knew how…
"I have to go now, my little Gaki…don't remember me like this…remember the good times…the singing…the fun that we had…good-bye…" I sobbed harder, nearly washing all the blood off her face. //No…God…please…//
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
But the thrills and the songs like the
Seasons have all gone.
We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
But my Lord calls me now,
To my eternal home.}
She shuddered once more, and the breath left her body…forever. "NOOOO!!!!" Once more, I screamed out my pain and rage that someone I loved had to be taken away from me. Confused and angry, I lashed out at the only one I felt was responsible for this, the one she had taught me about. //Why, God? Why did You take her? I don't think You're real, at least, not the way they say You are. I think there is only one God. And he's not a 'loving God'…not when he takes away everyone I love. From now on, I only believe in one God. And it's not you.// More lies. But…now…now that I think back, maybe…maybe this wasn't such a lie after all…I don't know…
~*~*~*~*~
"Come on, baka!!!" he yelled back at me, as we ran down the hall, me falling behind with each step as pain lanced through my right calf. "You're going to get us killed!!"
"You think it's easy to run with a bullet in your leg!! Why don't you try it sometime, you musuko no ama!!" I yelled back, trying to pick up the pace a little and wincing at the pain. We were on a mission to destroy one of the many OZ bases, just the two of us. From the way we were screaming at each other, you'd think we were worst enemies.
But we're not. In fact, we're best friends; I personally wish we could be more. But, I don't think he wants that for us, so I don't push him. I'm just always there for him, loving him in my own way; I've never told him how I feel, because…I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I tell him…I'll lose him too. I'm afraid that Shinigami will take someone else from me that I love.
#########
We were almost to the door when I heard him scream in pain as another bullet hit him. Then I heard a loud thud as he hit the floor, and a sqqquuueeeaakk as he slid a few inches over the slick floor, inertia taking over. //Kuso! He must actually be hit bad if he's down...// I whirled around to see him lying there on the cold tiles, a bloom of dark, crimson blood spreading across his back. My heart jumped and nearly burst out of my chest as I pulled out my tiny radio, tuned to a channel back at Quatre's mansion, and mashed the bright red 'distress' button for all I was worth. I had always loved the braided baka, from the first time I saw him. I'd always felt a special connection to him that I shared with no one else.
**~~**~~**~~
A feeling like a cold burst of wind swept through me, and I felt like someone I should know, but didn't was near. I held a gun in the girl's face; she had seen my face, she had to die. "Forget about my name," I told her. "You must die! Goodbye." Then a bullet ripped across my hand, and I dropped the gun, flinched, and nearly fell to the ground as I turned to look at whoever had shot me. To my surprise, it was a kid! A very short kid, certainly not any older than me. But, what surprised me more was the fact that he was…beautiful.
"You bad guys will never learn," He said, re-cocking the gun as he shook his head at me and all I could do was stare. He was dressed in a priest-like uniform thing, with a black baseball cap on his head. Long, unruly bangs poked out from under the cap to frame his face, and the rest of his hair was bound behind him in a long, thick braid that fell to his thighs. His violet eyes were burning with…I don't know…anger…but also a bit of humor, and confidence. "Are you alright, lady?" he asked the girl.
The girl turned and glared at him. "He was passed out on the ground!" she yelled. "You ought to behave yourself!" She tore off a strip of cloth from her dress and started bandaging my hand. But I wasn't paying attention to her. I just stood there, staring at the fey beauty in front of me as he hung his head in confusion.
"I'M the bad guy?" he said, in wonder, lowering the gun and staring at the ground. I smiled inside. //He's so kawaii when he does that. Wait…what am I THINKING?! I can't actually LIKE this guy, can I? I don't even know him!!//
Then, he shrugged and said, "Oh, well. I guess I shouldn't stick my nose in. I've got to get to work. You guys stay there, alright?" Then he pulled out a small box and pushed a button on it. My mouth nearly dropped open in shock as a Gundam rose from the sea behind him. I didn't know there were other Gundams. I thought I was the only pilot, with the only Gundam. But obviously, I was wrong. The pilot platform dropped open and he jumped up on it.
Brandishing the gun at us, he said, "Heh-heh, don't ask. Say you didn't see this and I'll let you go." He reached inside the Gundam and pushed another button, glancing at the screen it activated with satisfaction. "I picked up this cool thing at the bottom of the ocean on my way here. I'm in a good mood today. Let's see. Ta-daa!"
He sat down and pulled on the joystick, and the Gundam lifted an arm, which was holding…"Wing…" //WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!! Ok, so he's definitely another Gundam pilot. But...but that's Wing he's got! Where the fuck did he find it?! That's MY Gundam, you bastard!!// Growling, I ran toward his Gundam and jumped toward the still open platform.
He yelled "Hey!" and pulled out his gun and started shooting at me again as I flew through the air, straight toward him. He actually managed to hit me three more times before I landed right in front of him. He held the gun to my head, his hand only shaking a little. I knew he was going to shoot me but I wasn't afraid. I couldn't let him have Wing, I had no idea who he was or what he meant to do with it.
"I don't care about my life," I said coolly, "but you can't have that!"
"Oh, yeah?!" he yelled, and pulled the trigger, but I was already moving and my head was well to the side as the bullet streaked by me, blowing my hair around. I jumped down and over into Wing and started up the Gundam and started to fly away, but he chased after me.
"So, that's yours, huh?! Why don't you thank my for picking in up then, huh?!" I turned and swiped at him with my beam sword, but I found myself not putting everything into it for some reason and he blocked me easily. //Kuso...I really do like him,// I realized. //I can't even fight him honestly because I don't want to kill him!// We continued fighting for a few minutes, and then some Aries suits showed up, and we had to stop our battle to destroy them.
**~~**~~**~~
That day, after the Aries were gone, I transformed Wing to bird mode and fled from him, into the blue sky, hoping that once I got away from him, these strange feelings would fade. But they never did, they only got stronger. And I never told him how I felt. And now…I might not get a chance to. //Oh, God, no...He CANNOT be dead…no!!// But, from what little I knew of medical matters, if he wasn't already dead, with a hit in the back like that, he soon would be. I nearly collapsed with the knowledge that the one I had always loved was dead. Then my training took over. "DUO!!" I screamed, doubling back to scoop him up in my arms.
I slung him over my shoulder and started running, only one thought on my mind. //I have to get at least his body out of here.// He grunted very softly as his body hit my shoulder, and I nearly dropped him in surprise. //He's actually still alive?!// Then I screamed in pain as a bullet ripped through my shoulder. His unconscious body was slowing me down. I gritted my teeth against the agony and kept running. //I have to get him out of here.// Another bullet found me, tearing through the back of my left leg, and striking the bone. I screamed as loud as I ever have in my life as the bullet shattered on the bone, spreading needle sharp slivers of metal throughout my leg.
I fell to the ground when my leg collapsed under me, dropping Duo over my head. I twisted around, my gun still held tight in my fist and managed to find the one guy who was actually good enough to have hit us, and shot him, straight between the eyes. //Hn. Not good enough.// Then, I turned my attention back to the braided American. My secret koi. He groaned, and I peered through the curtain of red that was descending on my vision. He stirred, and, dropping the gun and not caring anymore who heard me or what they thought, I screamed, "Koi!!" His eyes snapped open and he stared into mine, his pain filled gaze slowly filling with disbelief, then hope.
#########
I felt the jolt of intense pain as the bullet hit my back. I screamed and then, mercifully lapsed into a semi-conscious state as I fell to the floor and slid across it, a warmth spreading across my back. Dimly, I heard Heero scream my name, then I was lifted into the air and plopped down on something hard. The jolt of agony that this caused made me grunt in pain, and sink deeper into unconsciousness. He jumped under me, like he was surprised, and I smiled slightly. //The Perfect Soldier, surprised. Won't the others like that?//
I could tell that I was dying, but I didn't really care. Death had been coming to me for a long time. So far, I'd managed to cheat Shinigami, but this time he'd finally caught up to me for good. As my life leaked away, slowly, I had only one regret. //I never told you…I'm sorry Heero-koi…// I could still dimly hear gunfire, and my Heero's screams when he was hit. I tried to say something, to tell him to leave me and save himself, but I couldn't make my mouth work. Then, he screamed even louder, and collapsed, dropping me to the floor.
This new level of agony brought me almost all the way out of my semi-conscious state, and I groaned softly, and wiggled, trying to make the pain stop. Then, he screamed something, sounding like a huge shuttle engine, practically in my ear. It took a minute for my brain, overloaded with pain, to process the word. "Koi!!" I jerked in surprise and opened my violet eyes to stare into his cobalt blues. //It can't be…did he actually SAY that? He did!!//
I moved my mouth, and finally managed to whisper, "N...nani? Wha'd ya say, Heero?"
#########
Then, his mouth worked for a minute, and he finally whispered, "N...nani? Wha'd ya say, Heero?" It was so soft I almost didn't hear him over the boots running down the hall. //Boots. Running down the hall. Fuck! Kuso!! It's no good if we're captured now!// Forgetting about answering him for a second, I levered myself up off the floor with my good arm and then, holding my wounded leg off the floor and trying to be gentle on my shoulder, I crawled slowly toward him. I was almost to him when one of the soldiers running down the hall decided to get smart and shoot at us. I screamed again and collapsed nearly on top of him when a bullet ripped through my side.
I breathed, and I felt something bubbling deep inside my body. //Kuso. Internal injury.// Once more, my training took over and allowed me to ignore my wounds, somewhat. Slowly, I levered myself off the floor again, and leaned close to Duo's face and said, very slowly, "Duo. Can you hear me?" //Duh!! Stupid question, baka!! Of course he can hear you!!// "Never mind," I said quickly. I could barely talk myself, the pain was getting worse, but I had to. We had to get out of there. "Don't…try to talk right now. Just…listen. We have…to get out of here…or we're going to…die. We'll probably…die anyway, but I personally…don't want to die…here. Can you…move…at all?"
He twitched a little, then he actually managed to get an arm under him and push off the floor a bit. "Hai," he gasped out, panting from the pain and the effort of moving. One of the OZ guys apparently noticed us moving around and yelled something, and the smart guy shot at us some more, but his aim wasn't real good. When he hit me, it was just basically a lucky shot. Then, more of the soldiers started wising up and shooting, but they weren't real good shots either, and I wasn't really paying attention. Slowly, I eased my weight onto my injured shoulder, grunting in pain as my life-blood began to pump out faster, and extended my other arm to Duo, yelping as the bullet in my side shifted.
He reached over and grabbed my hand, then we moved toward the door, together. We got out of the door and crawled to a tree a few feet away. By the time we got there, we were both exhausted, but I knew we had to keep going. Even if the others were on their way, we had to get out of range of the explosion I'd set up. A few more feet should do it. Just a few more feet and I could push the button. I looked at Duo, and he stared back. I could see in his eyes that he knew the same thing I did. We had to keep going.
"To…the next…tree…" he gasped out, making a weak gesture with one arm. I nodded, and we started toward the tree. We got there, and then somehow, we kept going, one tree at a time, until we were far enough away to be safe from the explosion. Finally, we both collapsed, and began soaking the forest floor with our blood. I pushed the button and dropped the detonator, closing my eyes in relief and pain as the base blossomed into a fireball behind us.
It was then that I remembered his question, the one he had asked back in the base. I reached out and took his hand. "Duo," I said softly. "Ai shiteru." The smoke from the base rolled over us, a black cloud obscured him for second.
When I could see again, I saw that his eyes had gotten as wide as possible. He squeezed my hand, blood making both our palms slick and sticky. "Honto?"
I squeezed back. "Honto. Ai shiteru, Duo-koi." //I always have, Koi. Every time you were just simply there for me, just being my friend. You helped me find myself; the Heero Yuy behind the Perfect Soldier. Thank you, my friend, my Koi.// I somehow managed to scoot closer to him so I could wrap my arms around his small, elf-like body.
He wrapped his arms around me too, and our blood mixed together as it spilled onto the ground like some kind of grotesque crimson fountain. "Ai shiteru, Hee-koi. Ai shiteru itsumo."
//Hee-koi? Oh well…who really cares…I do…I like it…// "Itsumo," I whispered, slowly slipping into unconsciousness. It was then that I knew we would die here, together, as it was meant to be.
{Good-bye my Koi, my little one,
You gave me love and helped
Me find the sun;
And every time that I was down,
You would always come around,
And put my feet back on
The ground.}
#########
"Honto. Ai shiteru, Duo-koi." Then, he moved, and hugged me, holding me to him as tightly as he could. I gathered my quickly fading strength and hugged him back.
"Ai shiteru, Hee-koi. Ai shiteru itsumo," I whispered, using the nickname I had silently given him a long time ago.
"Itsumo," he replied. Then his grip got looser as he started to black out. I felt myself falling into darkness, too, and I knew that we were going to die very soon. Above, in the branches of the tree, a bird began to sing, and I stared upward to see the branches of the tree, laden with small, white blossoms, leaning down toward us, as if to protect us from something. //I wish we could stay with the flowers.// My thoughts grew fuzzy as I fell faster. //Good-bye, my Koi.//
{Good-bye my Koi, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky;
Now that the spring is in the air;
With the flowers everywhere.
I wish that we could both be there.}
Suddenly, I saw Solo's spirit, I guess, floating over our entangled bodies. "Hey, Kid. It's your time."
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Now, it's your time to die
Come away with me and fly.}
Then Sister Helen was there too, holding out her hand to me. "Come, Gaki." //Heh. I guess I actually do get to go to Heaven, even though the only God I've ever really believed in is Shinigami…what'd'ya know…miracles really DO happen…//
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Come and join me now in
Your eternal home.}
#########
Just as I was slipping away, I saw two spirits hover over us, and I heard what they said. I knew they were talking to Duo, even though they called him by different names. "Koi…" I whispered.
"Nani?"
"Good-bye."
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Now we can go home
We will always be as one.}
#########
"Good-bye, Hee-koi."
{We had joy, we had fun, we had
Seasons in the sun.
Now we can go home
We will always be as one.}
Then, Heero dropped my hand, and everything went black.
*~Owari~*
Japanese terms:
Kawaii=cute
Gaki=brat
Hai=yes
Baka=idiot
Musuko no ama=son of a bitch
Kuso=shit
Koi=lover, dear, dearest, etc.
Nani=what
Ai shiteru=I love you
Honto=is it true?, yes it's true, truth, true, etc.
Itsumo=forever, always, continually, etc.
Owari=end
