Hey guys, this is my first fanfic and my first attempt at writing mature content. Please let me know what you think!
Chapter 1: Isle Esme
"Where are we? It's beautiful here!"
"This is Isle Esme…"
"Isle Esme?"
"Yes. It was a wedding gift to Esme from Carlisle," he said as he cut the ignition. He put our luggage on the dock and stepped off of the boat, offering his hand to me. I had just stepped off the boat and Edward immediately picked me up in one arm and our luggage in the other. He easily carried me and all of the luggage to the small cottage and over the threshold. We were eerily silent as I looked around the house, our thoughts likely in the same place. The home was mostly white and beige and had lots of windows, as expected of a Cullen home. I followed Edward to our bedroom as he turned on the lights and set the dimmer on low. There was a large four-post bed with mosquito netting, decorated with all white linens. The white down comforter was adorned with a heart made out of rose petals. Thinking about the implications, my heart began to beat so hard, I swore it would explode out of my chest.
"Bella, are you ok?" he asked. Surely he knew the reason for my racing heart already.
"It's warm in here."
"Yes it is. I'm sorry if it's too hot. I tried to think of anything that would make this…easier." I nodded simply, blushing.
"Well, isn't this ironic? My too-eager-to-lose-her-virginity girlfriend from the meadow has been replaced by my fiercely blushing, nervous wife on our honeymoon," Edward teased.
"I – it's just that," I sighed. I struggled to find the words to explain how I felt so I took the defensive approach. "Edward, please don't make fun of me."
"I'm sorry, love. I don't mean to tease you. Believe me, I'm nervous, too. Unbelievably so. I just thought it was…ironic that you weren't nervous before but now that you're my wife, your nerves are unbridled."
"See, that's the thing. Before, when I wanted to…be intimate with you…it was a moment of passion and it just felt right, it felt natural. And there wasn't really time to be nervous. Now – this – it just feels – there's too much pressure! I feel like I'm on stage in front of thousands and I don't know any of my lines!" I thought back to the time in his bedroom when I'd tried to seduce him. Where is that confidence? Why has it eluded me now? When we're on our honeymoon of all times? I had to find my nerve before he called this whole thing off. I wanted this, I really did. I just didn't understand how people let their guard down so easily and revealed every ounce of vulnerability to someone without batting an eye. This was my husband. This was Edward and I was finding it maddeningly difficult.
"Bella, it doesn't have to be that way." He spoke to me gently, comforting. "It's just you and me, love, not thousands. We can stay here as long as we like. There's no pressure. We don't have to do this today or tomorrow. In fact, we don't have to do this at all if you're unsure…"
"No!" I exclaimed, a little too eager. "I mean, I do want to but I want it just to happen. I don't want to force it," I hesitated. "This is stupid. You're my husband. I should not be freaking out about this."
"It's logical to feel anxious. This is a significant increase in our intimacy level." He spoke to me softly. I darted my eyes away from him. "Sweetheart, look at me. I'm scared out of my mind as well."
"Yes, but you're scared of hurting me. I'm not scared of that. I completely trust you. I'm scared because…"
"Because, excuse my language, you don't know what the hell you're doing? That's how I feel. I've never done this either." He touched his hand to my chin. "Relax. I have an idea. How about we get in the hot tub for a while? We can do this slowly."
I felt my body relax. "I like that idea," I responded.
"Would you like a glass of champagne? Carlisle and Esme had the kitchen stocked for us…well for you…"
"Champagne would be nice," I thought for a moment. "Mr. Cullen, are you trying to seduce me?" I teased trying to make light of the anxious atmosphere. Edward giggled.
"Only if you want to be seduced, Mrs. Cullen," he said flashing my favorite crooked smile.
I rummaged through the suitcase that Alice had packed for me in search of a swimsuit. All bikinis of course. Tiny ones. I chose a white one with "Just Married" adorned in rhinestones on the bottoms. It seemed appropriate. I realized it seemed a little ridiculous for us to put on swimsuits at all considering the inevitability of tonight, but we hadn't seen each other naked before and it was too intimidating to suddenly be naked together. Don't be a coward, it's just Edward. Your husband. He loves you, you love him. I continued to give myself a pep talk wondering if it really was possible he was equally as nervous. I went to the restroom and took several minutes for some human moments and emerged in the tiny bikini. I found Edward sitting on the bed in white swim trunks with a dark blue Hawaiian floral print. They hung low on his hips and I felt a rush of fire upon seeing his bare chest. He stood and handed me a champagne flute. Three strawberries floated in the golden bubbling liquid. I took a sip; I had never had champagne before so I was delighted that I enjoyed the taste. He took my hand in his, raised it to his lips and softly kissed my ring. We laced our fingers together and plodded outside to hot tub.
