AN: Just so you know, each chapter is going to be ten to twenty pages long! Although I'm sure that the longest would be fifteen pages long. This chapter was actually eleven pages long - without the author's note, of course. I'm also a detailed person, meaning that every chapter will be very detailed, so you might want to read it slowly, or over again to understand it better.

Also, this is my first HnKnA fanfic, so I would love feedback on it! Thanks :)

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"Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. Italy the Church. America Hollywood." – Erica Jong


CHAPTER ONE –

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I did not expect my life to end with me falling down a rabbit-hole – albeit I did not mind dying at such a young age. I'm not suicidal or anything, it's just that growing up, and becoming old, well, that was one of my biggest fears. It was up there, in the top three.

My other biggest fear would be heights. And right now, I was currently shitting myself. My fingers and toes had that funny, tingling, numb sensation. I knew that I must have looked like as if I saw a ghost, but this feeling, gawd it was worse than any other feelings I have ever felt before.

It made me wish that my imminent death would just hit me right here, right now. And it will; it was just a matter of seconds before it did. Until then, I would have to deal with my fear, and this gut-wrenching feeling of falling down towards nothing but a dark abyss.

I hated myself right now. I hated the world. I hated everyone who was ever so cruel to me. If I wasn't dead by the end of this fall, I don't know what I'd do.

Finally, the darkness surrounding me was starting to fade away as a blinding white light took over instead. About time, too.

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"Ahhhhh!" I was still screaming, though it sounded weird from the impact of the wind. It felt as if I were traveling at the speed of light, even though I didn't have a clue as to what that felt like, but I did have an idea thanks to my current situation.

I remember reading somewhere, from a book maybe, that when people jump off a building – a sky scraper most likely – it isn't the fall that kills them. But perhaps the impact of the fall. Their feelings and emotions as they are being scattered about. There was a woman who had fallen off a building not too long ago, and when her body hit the ground with a sickening crunch, the crowd of people who had gathered around her saw the look on her face.

It was not one of shock, surprise, or horror. No, the look on her face made it look like as if it everything she's been through – her life before and during the fall – was worth it. She looked so serene, it was surreal. She was at peace, or at least that was what the hippie surfer dude from the beach told me.

"My dear child, it is not what type of life you led, but the way you led it, that matters."

I had no idea what he meant by that, and I was convinced that he was smoking pot when he told that. Yet, as I think about it now, I can almost understand what he was trying to say. I could almost appreciate my life. Key word being almost. I still hated it, and everyone in it. But, I knew that I could not blame them, but myself for it. After all, if you have a problem, then the problem is you.

I was gasping for air, because of the wind making my hair fly up, and the fat underneath my skin flab around like as if I were a fat whale, my breathing came out gauche. Every inhale sounded funny, but my exhales were becoming forceful.

Hah-hah, exhale. Hah-hah, exhale.

It came out sounding retarded, but I was having trouble breathing. I had kept my eyes close, not wanting to see the Hell I would land in. So, when I peaked through my eyes, I had finally noticed the lights and sounds below me.

I had been so concentrated in my thoughts, that I had become oblivious to my surroundings. I looked around me, my round, doe-eyes were sure to have become even rounder, bigger as I realized that I was falling straight from the sky!

If I looked at my far left, I could spot the sun setting on the horizon. And if I looked below me, I could see what looked to be a giant, colorful striped circus tent with flashing white lights being waved around the place in random directions.

I had also noticed how far up I was, and how much the impact, the force of the fall could kill me. I can only hope that my face would be as serene as the woman who died jumping off the highest building in her city.

By now, I had stopped screaming, and it seemed that I have finally taken acceptance of what would become of me.

Charity goes splat.

Gauche, but catchy.

I began to cry. Or at least, tried to cry. Like I said before, the force of the wind, gravity, and my scattered feelings made it sound raucous.

I only had one question running around in my head: why was I falling from the sky, when I fell into a rabbit hole?

The only answer I could think of was that I had already died, and that white light had sent me to Hell, Heaven, or Purgatory. I was hoping for the latter.

I let out an audible gasp once I realized that I still had my coffee brown cross body bag and camera still with me. Once the realization reached me, I noticed that I was clutching onto it for dear life. I was surprised that I still had it, and that it hasn't escaped from me yet.

Well, at least I have something to call as mine once I reach the ground.

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The sound emitting from the Circus was clearer now, and the screams, cries, and laughter of the people in it were more defined. However, they all turned into shocked screams and surprised gasps when I fell from the opening at the top.

Thankfully, I landed during an acrobatic performance, and one of the jumpers caught me from my ankles. Unfortunately, the person who was suppose to catch the acrobat, grabbed hold of my wrists, and the person had let go of whatever it was they were holding onto, and another acrobat caught us. But this did not go down without any fancy-schmancy tricks. Such as the acrobats letting go of each other – including me – do a few flips mid-air and clung onto each other again, catching me during the process.

I hated that.

I didn't want them to let go, but that didn't mean that I wanted them to continue. I was certain that I landed in Hell.

At least I can cross 'working at a circus' off my career list.

During the times that they had let go of me, and the times when I was 'flying' mid-air, everything seemed to go in slow motion, as if the people from above enjoyed tormenting me, and wanted me to experience and remember every second of this.

The third time they let go of me, the performer holding onto my wrists accidentally got hold of my bag and camera – seeing that they slipped from my body onto theirs – and they dropped it, too. Without it, I felt naked, exposed.

I wanted to cry. I wanted so badly to wail and let my water ducts flow freely down my face. But I was holding it, and the threatening feeling of crying just made me feel even worse. It made me twice a wreck as I was before.

What made me want to cry the most, however, was during my time-stopping experience, where I heard every scream, every cry, and every gasp from every single person from the audience. I wasn't sure if it was from the shock, excitement, surprise, horror, or if they were delighted about this 'stunt.' I also saw the faces that each of them held. It was becoming too much of a blur for me to decipher what their expressions meant. But I was certain that they could easily read the emotions I was currently displaying out for them to see.

My screams of fear should have made it clear. Crystal clear, in fact.

"Now, now, don't cry. You're doing great!" One of the acrobats told me.

It just made me want to cry even more.

"Tcch, look at what you did! Her eyes are getting watery!" scolded the other acrobat.

I whimpered.

Gawd, I wished that this would end already! If my feet do not touch the safety of the ground within a matter of seconds, I will make a scene. My cry-baby actions were threatening to come out right now, actually.

One.

Two.

Three.

"Almost there."

Four.

Five.

"Just one more and we're done."

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

"Hang on kiddo."

Nine.

Ten.

The movement stopped, and so did the noises. It was eerily quiet. And when I peaked through one of my shut eyes, I first noticed the wooden board I was standing on, along with the funny looking colorful shoes that were next to my own leather dark brown ankle length vintage boots and fancy white ankle laced socks.

I then lifted my head up, and noticed how large the crowd was. I felt my cheeks warming up, and I knew that I must have looked like a terrified child right then and there with wide eyes, my face scarlet red, and my entire demeanor frozen. I was gaping, too, but I was in too much shock to close my mouth.

Then, the audience erupted into thunderous claps. Some of them were even giving the performance as standing ovation.

"Ha, ha, we did it!" The acrobat at my right cheered.

"No, the kid did it. We've done the same performance more than twice now, and if the young child over here didn't fall from the sky, we wouldn't have this much enthusiasm from the audience, now would we?" said the acrobat at my left.

I was still paralyzed. Unsure of what to do or say. I felt a hand pushing my shoulder gently towards a ladder. Ever so slowly, I made my way there, suddenly remembering my fear of heights.

"W – Wait," I said, surprised that I could even manage a word to come out of my dry mouth.

"Yes?"

"I'm scared … of heights, I mean. And the ladder, it's …"

"Say no more, this dumb-wad over here is going to go down first, you'll follow, and I'll be coming up right behind you," said the acrobat who I now noticed to be the person who was scolding and informing the other performer that it was me who riled the crowd up.

I was hesitant to follow the circus person down the ladder, but I didn't want to be stuck up here for all eternity, and I knew that I would have to come down sooner or later, so I decided to save us all the trouble and climbed down the ladder as soon as I made my mind up.

The second my foot touched the ground, I sighed in relief. I felt weird, both inside and outside my body. I was suddenly uncomfortable, and the pair of over a thousand eyes that were glued to me made me even more self-conscious. I never did like being the center of attention for various reasons, this being one of them.

I discovered a problem the second I was on safe grounds … I didn't know where to go. Was I supposed to follow the other acrobats? Was I supposed to go to the crowd? Was I supposed to leave the Circus? I suppose that I should retrieve my belongings and get the hell out of here.

When a tall, red headed man wearing dark jester clothing made eye contact with me, he gave a slight nudge of his head to side, giving me a tacit action that I was supposed to go to him … in the middle of the Circus.

I did so, reluctantly. As I trudged my way towards him, I shivered. I was not comfortable about this situation at all.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the red-head announced, "I hope that you enjoyed our show today! Especially the … Falling out performance."

He was joking, I understood that, but it made me glower at him. He better be kissing my ass once this show is over. Did he not understand the traumatizing experience I had just gone through not more than a minute ago? Asshole!

The crowd had erupted into laughter, and cheerful applauses. My face must have turned fifty shades of red, and I turned my head away from the crowd, fixing my gaze on the dirt ground.

"Aw, it seems as though our little performer is shy," said the red-head, who was starting to piss me off right now. "Let's give her a round of applause everybody. What's your name, sweetheart?"

I was hyperventilating as he waited for my answer.

"Charity," I said my voice barely above a whisper.

I wasn't sure how the Ring Master – as I had come to realize that – even heard me from above the loud whispering, talking, and gasping. Heck, there were even people screaming! But he had, somehow, heard me.

"Last name?"

"… Kane."

"Charity Kane, everybody!"

Even though I was not facing him, or even looking at him for that matter, I could still hear the smile in his voice. I could almost imagine it too.

"That concludes our show. Until next time, have fun in Wonderland!"

I knew that everyone was getting ready to leave, seeing the perfect opportunity given to me on a silver platter, I greedily jumped at the chance to have it.

"Can I leave now?" I asked, making eye contact with the Ring Master. It was habit of mine, to make eye contact with everyone I talked to. It was my way of making sure that they were listening to me, paying attention to me; just so that way I wouldn't get annoyed at them, and throw a fit.

I didn't mind having one or two people giving me their full attention, but if it was a crowd – whether it is large or small – I was sure to make an idiot of myself.

It seems that I can cross off 'anything that has to do with a group of people (singer, dancer, actress, comedian, etc.)' out of my list, too.

He smiled. "Sure."

"Uh … thanks." I was about to turn around and speed walk out of the circus tent, but I still needed to get my stuff. Turning my head left, then right, I noticed that they landed on a rope net that would catch any of the acrobats if they fall.

I sighed in relief. Things wouldn't have gone down well if they were on the floor, broken. I was a materialistic person; there was no way I'd be able to survive without something.

Snatching my bag and camera, I turned my heels and walked out of the Circus tent with long strokes, walking as fast as I can. I probably looked like I was ready to start running, and after what had happened, I didn't mind sprinting the hell out of here.

"Hello," a voice said, startling me.

I jumped, turned around, and came face to face with a pretty looking girl that had a weird, hybrid hair color. She was caught between being a blond and a brunette. Her hair wasn't light enough to be called a dirty blond, but it wasn't dark enough to be called light brown. I wasn't sure if her unique hair color had a name at all, but it was pretty.

"Oh, uh … Hello," I replied shyly.

The girl smiled. She looked to be around my age.

"I'm Alice Liddell," she introduced herself, smiling genuinely as she did so.

I felt the corner of my red, bow-shaped lips tug upwards into a smile. I stuck my hand out, and she took it. "I'm Charity … Kane," I said, adding my last name when I noticed that she had told me her full name. It felt weird telling a stranger my full name.

"I know," she said, "your trick back there in the Circus was … Wow. It was simply amazing."

I smiled sheepishly; my face began to warm up again. "Thanks, but … That wasn't a trick. I really did fall out of the sky. Gawd, am I dead?" I muttered the last part, saying it more to myself than to the person who was keeping me company.

"Alice!" a voice shouted.

Both Alice and I turned our heads in unison to the source of the shouting. I felt my eyebrow arch up in question when I saw a teenage boy wearing pink and black punk clothes, pink hair, and purplish pink cat ears and tails that were pierced. Besides his color abuse and queer costume, he looked … cool.

"Charity, this is Boris Airey. Boris, this is Charity Kane." Alice said, introducing us in a formal manner.

Boris grinned a toothy smile that reached from pierced cat ear to cat ear. "I know," he said, his smile was beginning to creep me out. "You were so cool over there! I mean, jumping off from the Circus tent like that. Wow."

I blushed again. "Th – thanks."

"Big sister!"

"Big sis!"

I turned my attention to two twin boys who were dressed exactly alike. The only difference being the color of their uniformed clothing.

"The show was boring," said the boy in the blue.

"But that ending was so cool!" said the boy in red.

I smiled, somewhat satisfied with myself that I managed to make that 'boring' circus show more 'cool' for them.

"But we were really hoping that she would fall," continued the boy in red.

My smile faltered.

"And crack her head open!" added the blue boy.

For a bunch of kids, they sure have disturbing, gruesome imaginations – and hopes, too.

"Well, I hope that that happens to you, too," I muttered bitterly. But they all heard me.

I was never good at muttering stuff, either. Not unless I was down right furious. Right now, however, I was just annoyed and tired. Like a pregnant woman. Or a hormonal girl on her period. No, a better thing to relate my emotions with right now would be a person who hasn't slept a wink for over forty-eight hours.

Boris chortled, the twins gave me a funny look, and Alice looked at me shocked.

What? Did they just expect me to take it all and not do anything? How did they expect me to handle what they just said, after what I've just experienced? Did they want me to be happy about it? To laugh and clap my hands? Did they want me to do it again?

Well, guess what? No!

Screw them if they think that I would go through that all over again.

I'll laugh about this in another day; they can laugh about it right now. See to it if I care.

I heard laughter coming from my right. Turning my head, I saw a man with silver hair, wearing gothic-emo clothing, and a pirate patch over his left eye. His laughter seemed to have increased, but it was cut short with him coughing, and spitting blood out.

Oh my …

"Um … Are we supposed to do something?" I asked uncertainly.

I wasn't good at these types of things.

I sighed.

One more thing to cross off my non-existent career list.

"Nah," Boris said, waving his hand around the air, as if he were trying to dismiss the subject. "This happens all the time. We're all used to it."

"… That can't be healthy," I said absentmindedly.

"Another Alice, great." Another voice piped up, joining the small talk.

I turned to look at Alice, who was blushing furiously. Her cheeks were poofed out like a blow fish, and she looked angry – in an innocent, cute way – at the person who said it. Following her glares, I saw a tall, brunette man wearing what looked to be a red cape.

"Heh, heh, heh," the silver haired man, who was throwing up blood, chuckled. "Your thoughts are quite amusing."

I rolled my blue-grey eyes. Right, as if you can actually read them.

"Oh, but I can."

I quirked an eye brow, and stuffed my hands inside the big, deep pockets of my light blue high-wasted boyfriend shorts.

"I can prove it, too." He smiled. "Think of something, anything."

Did I believe him? Of course not. But that didn't stop me from thinking – mostly because you can never stop thinking, unless you're dead of course.

"You're a very logical person, aren't you? It'll be interesting to see you try to make sense of this place."

I began to look around. What did he mean? Sure, I fell down some hole that killed me, and I landed in my own personal Hell right now.

The silver haired man began to shake his head. "It seems that you fell into a hole that the White Rabbit did not close. Also, you were falling from Wonderland's sky. This is odd, since most foreigners fall asleep, and wake up on the ground. You, however, were conscious during your fall."

"Wow, that's amazing!"

This time, I didn't even bother to turn around and see who talked. I was too busy gaping at the man in front of me.

What. The. Fuck?

I cleared my throat.

"Nightmare," Alice spoke up. "Does this make her a foreigner?"

Said Nightmare nodded his head. Is that his name? Huh, weird name.

Alice seemed to brighten up by this. "Why doesn't she stay with me at the Tower?"

I was utterly confused about what they were talking. I knew that they were talking about me, that much made sense, but everything else, such as me being a 'foreigner' and this 'Tower' made absolutely no sense to me.

My mind tried to make sense of these words, and what they meant right now.

She could be calling me a foreigner since I fell from the sky … And because I don't belong here, or at least I don't think I belong here. As for the Tower, I guessed that it was the place that Alice was staying, since she suggested that I should stay with her.

"Your guesses are quite accurate," Nightmare said.

"Wow, so we have another foreigner now?" Boris said thoughtfully, "That's never happened before … Has it?"

Nightmare shook his head. "No, it hasn't. In fact, Charity is illegal here, since we already have a foreigner. Why she is here, I do not know. Usually, if another person from the Real World falls down the Rabbit Hole, everything would become hazy to them, and the only thing that they would remember if falling down, and climbing back out. But that's only happened twice. I don't know how Charity managed to get in here."

I don't know if it was just me, but his little speech confused me even more. The others, however, were nodding their heads, as if they actually understood every single word he spoke. This made me feel even more of an outsider.

"You must be getting tired," Alice noted. "Nightmare, where's Julius and Gray?"

"Back at the Tower, Julius wanted to finish up the clocks, and I told Gray to head back without me."

Alice sighed. "Julius …" She began to shake her head like a mother who had repeated herself over and over again to her child that they are not permitted to play before doing their homework. She stopped shaking her head, and looked around the area as if she just realized something. "Where's Ace?"

"Who cares about the Knight," said the boy in blue, looking annoyed.

His twin crossed his arms over his chest, nodding his agreement as he did so.

"He probably got lost again," Boris grinned.

Alice sighed, and then she turned her attention back to me. "We should get going now."

I was kicking the dirt with the tip of my ankle boots, feeling awkward and out of place until Alice remembered me. I silently followed the girl and Nightmare into the forest, giving an awkward wave to the three boys, who waved back enthusiastically.