The wind whistled across the landscape like some bone-chilling woodwind. Something was different about the wind today: it felt colder, harsher, and more eerie. It was almost like the forces of nature were whispering a warning of things to come.

The landscape seemed to fit the mood of the wind: a flat marred by the occasional desert shrub. It was dry, parched, and oddly prophetic. The one thing that was different from the expanse was a single strip of concrete: the highway.

And on that highway was a snazzy, black sports car, its driver being some college-age man who was currently jamming to something by Shinedown. He frankly didn't know where he was, nor did he care (he would only do that when the gas ran out).

Something did catch him during his music; he caught sight of it in the middle of one of his head-bobs. The sight was enough to make him turn off his music completely.

There was a person on the right side of the highway. He wasn't really doing anything aside from just standing and staring off into the breeze.

When the driver got closer and slowed, he became even more perplexed. This person was an interesting individual indeed.

The man looked young, not much older than thirty, and was clad in a crimson duster with gray flame patterns on his shoulders. Underneath was a black bodysuit and a thick, brown belt. His hair was shoulder-length, black with white lining, and was so untidy that it almost covered his eyes. Even without the help of his hair, his eyes couldn't be made out because of a pair of sunglasses fixed on his face. Last, but certainly not least, was his expression.

It was blank. If looking at it, one couldn't tell if he was scheming something.

Well, the driver was certainly not what one could call "intelligent", so he had to stop and roll down the windows to talk to this man.

"Hey, man, need a ride?"

The man turned on being addressed, then slowly strode over to the vehicle. He looked down the road, then back at the driver.

"A ride?" the man asked, "In this?"

The driver raised a brow as he cautiously answered, "Uh…yeah."

The man sighed in a way that seemed to say "looks like I have no choice", then opened the car door and adjusted something on his belt. THEN the driver's eyes widened even further if that was possible.

The man sat in the passenger's seat, an ornate katana sitting across his lap. The blade's grip and sheath were a deep crimson and etched with black symbols.

"Whoa! A real katana!" the driver said in a voice that only a true nerd would be able to imitate, "Really finishes your wardrobe. It's makes you look like a Japanese rock star! You know any, man?"

The man remained silent, just staring at the driver and just trying to grasp what he was saying.

"Oh, I get it. Not much of a talker, are ya?" the driver asked, "So, where ya headed?"

Only now did the man turn his gaze away from the man and straight to the path ahead. And with one word, he answered.

"Indiana."

The driver turned in confusion. "Indiana? But we're in Texas right now. I can't drive there!"

"Then find me a more suitable place and take me there." The man said, voice unwavering.

"O-okay." The driver said, then stepped on it.

The drive was long and uncomfortably quiet for the driver. This was a strange individual indeed. He figured he would try to lighten the mood with a bit of small talk, just to make himself feel better.

"So, what do you make of all the chaos and crap that's going down as of late?" the driver asked.

The man was silent for a moment, then answered, "I find it glorious."

"Pardon?" the driver asked, as though trying to process what he had heard.

"Glorious. People are causing mayhem, chaos, destruction, and justify it in any way they can: desperation, greed, necessity. I see what they do and relish in it."

The driver leaned away from the man, trying to keep as much distance between him and his opponent. "Should I be concerned about this? About…YOU?"

The man turned, then ordered, quietly and sharply, "Stop here."

The driver did so, very abruptly. And when he finally did stop, the man was looking him in the eye.

After a few intense second, the man asked, "Which do you prefer? Chaos or Order?"

After a second that seemed to last an eternity, the driver made a fatal mistake.

"So…do I have to do anything?"

With a blur of silver and a blinding flash of light, the entire left half of the car had an enormous cut through it. The concrete was littered with blood, metal, glass, and the unfortunate driver's head.

The door on the right side of the car flew off its hinges and tumbled across the landscape. The man still sat, his foot extended, which gave the impression that he had done that with a simple kick.

The man exited the car, sheathing his blood-stained katana in the process, then slowly walked away. He looked ahead, spotting the rear of a truck sporting the insignia "To Ol' Indy". The man smirked.

Honestly, these humans made this task too easy.

Planet Insania Presents…

A Sarge Ray Parody

Warriors in Cosplaying

Starring…

Lunatic the 121st
Bindi the Skunk
Tohokari-Steel
Xemnas1992
Sgt. Reynol
Lt. Irwin Beau Strait
Wildrook
Sgt. Maxim Karne Systema
Kitten Hachi-Chan
SaireNaoriva
Monstermyth23
E350
NobodieZ
Madness Abe
Dimentio713
Shadow-DJ
The Angelic Soldier
Cooly McAwesome
Dezblade Sachin
Cartoonatic55
And a heap-load of others…

Co-Written by TLSoulDude

Approved by Lunatic the 121st

SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW

AC/DC's "Back in Black" rang in the mind of one happy man as he walked down the sidewalk, a good spring in his step. This man was clad in green camo pants, a white undershirt, combat boots, and an army-green, sleeveless jacket. He also had a green beret, indicating his position in the military and a mustache. This was none other than Lt. Irwin Beau Strait: the gun-happy canon-shipper, an ex-Green Beret thrown out after being declared "mentally unstable".

The ex-green beret waved a complete stranger over, then seized him by the collar. "Hey, pal," he said with an exaggerated Southern Accent, "Guess what?"

"What?" the guy asked, nervously.

"I got a FREE CAR! And YOU didn't!" the crazed military man answered. And, with a sanity-questioning laugh, he tossed the stranger into the yard and continued on his merry way.

Strait looked at the card, then came to a stop at an apartment building. His smile growing by the second, he said to himself, "This is the address to glory." He popped his neck, loosened his shoulders, then took a deep breath and said, "Showtime."

With a broad smile, he flung the door open.

"Awright, where's my free-NO!"

(disk scratch as "Back in Black" suddenly conks out)

Right in front of Strait was a vast assortment of characters from a certain group called "Planet Insania". As for who was in this group…you saw the credits.

All this while, Strait was continually shouting "no", as though this was some bad dream that he wanted to wake up from. After about the fifteenth "no", he finally found enough man to speak in complete sentences again.

"You were promised free cars, too?" Straight asked, earning instantaneous nods from everyone, "There is no car, is there?" Everyone shook their heads, "This is one of the Insane Critic's hair-brained schemes again, isn't it?" Nods from everyone again and the ex-green beret burst into tears.

Somewhere in the room, a sandy-haired, gray-camo –clad, bearded soldier in a red beret rolled his eyes. "I hate to say a grown man cry." He groaned in a Russian accent.

Strait trudged over to a vacant seat in the crowd and slumped into a sitting position. Another member, this one a girl with white hair and tan skin, patted him on the back.

"Don't worry, Strait." Kitten said, "Lunatic has to sleep sometime."

In another room, the Insane Critic picked up a few select items: a DVD and a piece of paper. With a smirk that seemed to say "fame here I come", he made his way to the room where all of Planet Insania was waiting for him.

In the PI room, E350 turned to examine the black-skinned, green-eyed, cloaked entity that stood just behind him.

"Oh, hey, you're Shadow-DJ, right?" E350 asked.

"Yeah. We've met." DJ pointed out.

E350 completely ignored him and said, "I always wondered why you look like that…" With a single movement of his arm, DJ brought a scythe up to the glasses-wearing historian's neck. "And I'm shutting up now."

Dimentio713, the mask-crazy Filipino sat, eagerly, just to the right of Cartoonatic55. Mentioned member looked over at Filipino and asked, "So, what crazy thing do you think he's gonna do now?"

"I dunno, but it's gotta be exciting!" Dimentio answered with a smile.

"Tell me about it." Ray said, finally glad to get out of the Bunker Underground.

Almost on cue, Lunatic, the Insane Critic, strode into the room. "Hello, fellow members of Planet Insania." He greeted in a jolly tone, "How are you all doing today?" Lunatic moved to the right slightly and a 9mm bullet ricocheted off the wall behind him. "Okay, I know you're all a little cranky because there are no free cars, but I was afraid that if I told you the REAL reason for coming here, then none of you would've showed."

As Lunatic talked, Tohokari-Steel slowly lowered his Luger pistol, a really peeved-looking expression on his face.

"What're you talking about?" Dezblade groaned.

"The truth, my friends, is that I have something BETTER than a car." Lunatic offered.

"I hope it's a plane." Rook mumbled.

"I'm talking about something that, rather than take you places, can make you RICH beyond your wildest dreams!" Lunatic said, a mad gleam in his eye.

At that time, the door creaked open and the Roswellian tiger, Xemnas1992, walked into the doorway.

"Alright," the tiger said, eagerly, "I'm here, so where's my new car-D'OOOOOOHHH!"

Lunatic clapped Xem (who was easily bigger than he was) on the back and said, "Ah, Xem, glad you could make it. Go on, join the rest of the group."

Xem sighed, then sat on the floor in front of Sarge Ray. Mentioned ex-SOLDIER leaned in and whispered, "I suggest you egg his house sometime this week."

"Guys, we are sitting on the opportunity of a lifetime. And that opportunity," Lunatic held up the disc, "is on THIS DVD. Who wants to have the honors of popping it in?"

"ME!" Dimentio said, hopping to his feet. He scurried over like a rabbit on sugar rush and was about to take it from him when someone else beat him there.

"I'll do it."

The person who had volunteered was a hispanic-looking guy with a red shirt, glasses, and jeans.

"Ah, Dimentio, I see you've met Madness Abe, an up-and-coming guy who has showed promise for his writing." Lunatic introduced.

"Up and coming?" Dimentio asked in total shock.

"Yep." Mad Abe said, "I'm sorta like you, only fresh and new! Now, let's pop in this sucker." And while Dimentio was still taking this in, Abe pushed him out of the way to get to the TV.

"Well…" Dimentio said, trying to maintain hope, "Can I get you a coffee, Insane Critic?"

"Oh, sure…mister…?" Lunatic asked, trying to place a name.

"Dimentio."

"Dimentio." Lunatic said, then clapped him on the shoulder and sent Dimentio on his way.

As Mad Abe put the DVD on the tray, there came a sudden "pop" and an anthro-skunk with a purple shirt and jeans came into the room. She didn't use the door, the window, or even come in from another room. She just…suddenly appeared.

"Oh boy!" the skunk said, excitedly, "A MOVIE!"

In a flicker of static, the title "PICA News with Kent Brockman" came into focus.

"Wow. The credits look SO expensive." Saire said, sarcastically.

"Hey." Ray said, slugging her shoulder, "Don't talk during the movie."

"Nobody riff or review this!" Lunatic deadpanned, earning disheartened groans from his fellow members, who were denied their hobby and way of life.

Kent Brockman here with new information on the disappearance of forty-year-old Comic Store owner, Jeff Albertson, from Springfield. New police reports are coming in of the living quarters of Mr. Albertson and we do have an incoming report that no one knows why he disappeared.

Report says…"no one knows why".

Ugh, so much for witness reports.

Anyway, according to people who visited his comic book store regularly, Jeff had recently acquired a taste for "Epic Video Games" or games that have a bunch of characters teaming up for a single cause.

In the days leading to Jeff's disappearance, local customer Bart Simpson says that he overheard him ranting about discovering the whereabouts of a mystical sword called the "Sword of Chaos". Police believe that the constant video gaming was the thing that led Jeff to insanity and caused him to, as many people say, "Lose it".

Gamespot says that, and I quote here, "Jeff should have stayed with comics".

(Xemnas1992: He should have or we wouldn't have been dragged here.)

(Sarge Ray: What did I say about talking during the movie?)

Actual whereabouts of Mr. Jeff Albertson still remain a mystery. And we Springfieldites send our hearts out to him and those who love him.

In lighter news, a zombie plague has broken out on the island of Madagascar. More at six…

(static)

Lunatic turned off the TV and the DVD player, folded his arms with a smug smile on his face, and asked, "Well, whaddya say?"

"So…what are you getting at, again?" Dezblade asked.

"The sword! The mystic sword he was talking about!" Lunatic said, excitedly.

"What about it?" Steel asked, flatly.

"I've researched this sword and believe it to be real. Apparently, whoever holds the sword will obtain ultimate power and be UNSTOPPABLE!" Lunatic said, madness levels slowly rising.

"So, you think that, by obtaining this sword, we'll be able to obtain its mystic powers?" DJ asked.

"Nah. No way MAGIC can exist!" Lunatic said, earning eye rolls from every anthro, magician, or anyone with supernatural abilities, "But if we find this thing, it could be worth all the fortunes in the world! People would come from across the world to witness its existence!"

"Is he planning another rise to power?" E350 asked.

"He's asking us to take part in a wild goose chase." Ray explained, massaging his forehead with his index and middle fingers.

"Loon, I thought we agreed that the next time we all got together, it'd be at a comic-con?" NobodieZ brought up.

"Yes, I KNOW I made that promise a while ago. But the plan has been revised, premise has been changed, LIFE…intervened." Lunatic said, dramatically, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, "I've come into possession of a map; the map that Jeff Albertson made to tell the location of the Sword of Chaos!"

After groans from the Insania members, Steel had to say, "Great. He's dragging us on this mission AND he ripped a line from Peter Jackson's 'King Kong'."

"Jeff left clues that will tell us how to reach the sword's location. All we have to do is prove ourselves. See, in the video game he played, the weapon will only approve of someone who bears the title of 'Ultimate Warrior'."

Tohokari-Steel's eyes widened as a certain beat began playing. "Oh no," he said, seeing what was coming, "Oh no! Oh NONONONONONONONONO!"

With a roar, what appeared to be Wildrook wearing fake muscles, tassels on his arms, face paint, and a wig came storming in and began to say some utterly-crazy stuff. This was none other than Wildrook from another dimension and a nuisance of Steel's: Ultimate Warrior-Rook.

"Window curtains look best in floral print!" Warrior-Rook shouted, insanely, "And at Wrestlemania, you're going to need an energon cube the size of Texas to stop my Predacon Army, To-Kari Steel! Buttons! BUTTONS! WHO'S GOT THE BUTTONS!"

A gunshot rang through the air and Warrior-Rook started in surprise before running off as more gunshots rang through the air.

The source of the gunshots turned out to be Steel, who holstered his German pistol while muttering something along the lines of, "I'll get him next time".

Lunatic stared at what had just happened in the short span of a few seconds, then continued his rant. "Apparently, Jeff made the map to the sword and left clues for someone to follow. All you have to do is play his game, the one that will lead us to the sword!"

"But the whole thing is written in rhyme and riddles…" Lunatic turned in surprise to see a typical bed-sheet ghost with red eyes, a party hat and a bowtie. Mentioned ghost was holding the map inquisitively and having his say about it, "How are we supposed to find the sword like this?"

Lunatic's stammered in confusion until he finally managed to get out, "How'd you get that?"

The ghost, whose name was Doopliss, nervously answered, "Just getting a head start?"

"Gimme that!" Lunatic said, snatching the map from the ghost's grip, "Anyway, the ghost is right. Jeff Albertson was this HUGE nerd and wrote this map like some kind of epic video game. Everyone has to dress up as some kind of warrior from fiction in order to understand the tale and trials."

"So…it's a game of cosplaying?" Cooly asked, scratching his spiky head.

"Actually the real rule is to figure out what the map means, but it says that you'll be more likely to solve it if you've engulfed yourself into some kind of warrior mindset." Lunatic explained, "So, if you're in touch with swords, guns, hand-to-hand combat, that sort of thing, the more likely you'll be to discover the sword's whereabouts and true power."

"So…we're larping?" Xem asked.

"Nah." Dez shot down, "Larping is where a bunch of nerds dress up and do stuff for a fake reward."

"Oh," Xem said, catching on, "And what WE'RE doing is going to be for a real reward."

"Exactly." Lunatic confirmed.

"So, what do we dress up as?" DJ asked.

"Anything, as long as that person is a warrior of some kind." Lunatic answered, "Now, the map says that the path splits into two separate routes. So, if we split into teams of two, it'll double our chances of finding it."

"So, you really think this is gonna pay off?" Saire asked.

"Yes, my friends." Lunatic answered, dramatically (cue cool, dramatic music here), "For if we find this sword, we will not only attain great riches, but our names will be engraved into the book of destiny…"

Lunatic crossed the room to gaze out a window, earning weird looks from the other PI members.

"Names will be remembered." Insane Critic continued, "Quests will become legends. And legends will become... legendary. We are standing on the threshold of greatness, of glory, and all we need to do is to take that first step. So what say you, my fellow warriors of glory?"

Lunatic turned around, expecting a vast applause and approval from his fellows. What he got was silence because, well…no one was in the room anymore except Lunatic.

"DANG IT ALL! This is like working with a bunch of grade-schoolers!" he screamed in frustration. With that, he stormed toward the door, opened it, and shouted, "Hey! If you don't come, YOU'RE ALL FIRED!"

Groans came from all members, even Systema, and Lunatic quickly added, "Tomorrow morning! Be here at nine AM and bring your costumes!"

Lunatic slammed the door and stormed back into his apartment. He was barely a few steps in when a Dimentio's hand extended, gripping a steaming mug of coffee.

"Here's your coffee, Loon." Dimentio said, cheerily.

"Get with the program, Dimentio. Abe already got me one." Lunatic said, gesturing to the kitchen to reveal Mad Abe holding a fresh cup.

Dimentio couldn't believe it. This guy was out-maneuvering him move-for-freakin'-move.

"Sorry, man, guess you're not in you're A-game." Lunatic said, apologetically.

"Cream or sugar, Lunatic?" Abe asked.

"Wow. You seem to be on EVERYTHING, Abe!" Lunatic said with a grin as he walked off with Abe.

Had the Insane Critic looked back, he would have seen Dimentio dropping the mug onto the hard floor, causing the ceramic cup to shatter…then he immediately set to cleaning up the mess.

SWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSW

Later that night, Lunatic stood in his bedroom and picked up a pair of key-shaped blades. One was black and oddly-demonic in appearance while the other was white and angelic in appearance. These were none other than Oathkeeper and Oblivion.

He took one in each hand and brought them in a broad, sweeping motion. He loved how they felt in his hands; the flexibility, the heavy-yet-light feel as he moved them, and the reach he had while holding them.

Well…the reach part was questionable because on one of those wide sweeps, he accidentally knocked over a lamp. After observing the damage, Lunatic decided that practice time was over and, with a flex of his wrists, the Keyblades vanished in a flash of light.

"Hey, Lunatic." Came a woman's voice.

Lunatic screamed in surprise as he saw none other than Stephenie Meyer in his room. "Meyer?"

"I got the invitation for the free car!" Meyer said, holding up the card.

"I never sent you one." Lunatic said, shaking his head.

"I know. I swiped this from KitsuneAlchemist's mailbox." Meyer explained with a cheery voice.

(Meanwhile…)

KitsuneAlchemist put a finger to her temple. "I don't know why, but I feel like I've been cheated out of something…"

(Back to Insane Critic…)

"Anyway, I heard you were putting a team together. Can I come?" Meyer asked, putting on a pair of puppy eyes.

"Why do you want to be on this journey, anyway? You're not a warrior!" Lunatic said, trying to off her.

"But you have no one on your team to represent love or peace." Meyer reasoned.

"THIS coming from the woman who says that being a stalker is being romantic?" Lunatic deadpanned.

After a brief pause, Meyer answered, "Yes."

Lunatic thought himself over, trying to find the nicest way to reject her…he had nothing.

"Look, Meyer, as much as I would WANT you on this team…" Lunatic said, putting a TON of sarcasm into "want", "I need you here to look after the children and elderly."

"But there aren't any children or elderly here." Meyer said, trying to make sense of it.

"I know, Meyer." Lunatic said, placing his hands on her shoulders, "You must protect them…from nothing."

"Is nothing something?" Meyer asked.

"Yes."

"Oh, okay." Meyer said, her lack of logic kicking in.

"Who are you going to protect?" Lunatic asked.

"Nothing!"

"What will you protect it from?" Lunatic asked.

"Nothing!"

"What will stop you?" Lunatic asked.

"NOTHING!"

"GOOD!" Lunatic said, encouragingly, "Now, get out there and show nothing what you're made of!"

With that, Stephenie Meyer ran out of the room, roaring at the top of her lungs. Lunatic smiled a very smug smile as he added, "By the way, watch the third step."

Whilst Meyer tumbled down the stairs with a scream, Lunatic went over to his closet and swung open the door. On a pair of coat hangers lay two different getups. One was a Konoha headband and his Insane Critic getup and the other was a spiked, blonde wig and a black, hooded cloak.

In the morning, he would get his party together and set out on his epic quest for the sword that would make him INVINCIBLE.

A/N: Hey, PI members. Hope you enjoy the first chapter of the Suburban Knights parody. I advise that anyone who hasn't posted their costumes to please inform me immediately.

Next Time: the team assembles and the quest for the Sword of Chaos begins.

Stay tuned…