I missed making the one-shot parodies with Japan, so I thought that maybe I should make another one that will hopefully will be good just like the other one but instead of idiot France, we have idiot America who shows him the greatness of coffee! That's right, mixing Japan's innocent lips that connect with high-pitched coffee!
Please enjoy this parody, and I hope this is good just like A Fad Spread Like Romance!
The Wonders Of Coffee
OUR story begins with our little Japan who sleeps soundly in his floor bed, dreaming peaceful dreams as he shuffles around, relaxing on the floor until his small, lovely brown eyes slowly open up to see the morning sun. He gets himself up, sitting on his bottom as he gently rubs his left eye with his hand when he heard his sliding door from behind open.
"Dude, are you coming to breakfast or not?" America-a boy with dirty blond hair and sparking blue eyes that are eager as usual-says to him as Japan turned his head lazily.
Japan yawns, "Hai, I am coming, America-kun..." And the door behind him is shut.
Three... Two... One...
"Ano...when did America-kun come into my house?" Japan asked himself, getting up to his feet in a calm manner instead of screaming out of nowhere and getting his katana to defend himself. "And who am I talking to?" He asked himself again, going over to his dark wooden closet where he opens it and reveals a case for his katana.
Japan grabs the handle of his katana, feeling very exhausted from waking up in the morning and getting ready to scream. But then, America opens his sliding door with two coffee mugs in his hands, and Japan looked over with a surprised face.
"Oh, did I forget to mention I burnt your kitchen?" America asked innocently, walking into his room without permission. "I just tried to fry and egg, and just everything went straight to hell with your utensils and stuff. But I got some good coffee!" He forwards his hand holding the hot, steaming cup of black coffee to Japan who looked curiously at it.
"Eto...I never tried 'kohi' before."
"What?" America asked, tilting his head in bewilderment for Japan's accent of speaking English. "Dude, it's coffee, not ko-hi."
Japan looks at the warm drink very strangely, as if this is his first time seeing something so dark yet said to be quite delicious. He heard that many of his people have tried this drink and said it is very good, and he would see so many people drinking this from work to parks and to coffee shops. His country now owns a few Starbucks that made caffeine a publicity star drink.
Japan purses his small, soft pink lips on the cup and takes his first drink out it.
PHEW! Japan's mouth rejects the drink with a loud noise as a spray of dark liquid escaped his mouth.
"This-this is very terrible!" Japan said. "Why would my people be okay to drink such-such nastiness?" Japan glared at the half-filled cup of coffee in utter disgust. "Do all kinds of European drinks taste like this?"
"No, I actually don't know many drinks besides Coke and Pepsi... Hey, can we have that instead and eat some McDonald's?" America suddenly asked, getting overly excited as usual.
"That is no healthy breakfast for my pal!" a voice out of nowhere said, shocking both nations as they took their attention to the window.
They see Turkey, a man with very tanned skin, overly grown body hair (cough-weird-cough) and a strange white mask that covered half his face but still shows his disappointed frown.
"Turkey-kun…" Japan mutters, "why are you at my window? And…how long were you there?"
Turkey couldn't stop the redness that suddenly surpassed his tanned face.
"N-now's not the greatest time to explain," Turkey said nervously, "but I came here to let you know that eating at some disgusting fast food restaurant is unhealthy!" Turkey kindly lets himself in as he opens the window and gets inside.
America smirks at Turkey with his arms folded, "Says the guy who has nothing but McDonald's restaurants all over his place! What do you order, the Mc-I-Don't-Have-A-Super-Sized-Face?"
That was cold (and a terrible burn) thing to say in front of Turkey, he wanted to say something but stopped when he looked over to Japan's closet as if something was wrong with it.
"Is…anyone in there?"
"No, why?"
"Because…" Turkey sniffs the air like a dog, "I smell cat shit…"
KICK! Someone kicked Japan's closet door and out came a man with a cat in his arms, it meowed at the man whose eyes are aimed at Turkey cruelly.
"G-Greece-kun?" Japan stammered sacredly. "Why are you here?"
Greece's face turned to Japan's and everyone just stared at each other in the lonely, awkward silence...
"I came here," Greece said, "to see your sleeping face." And Greece sheds a small blush.
America goes over to Japan and hugs him from behind ever so suddenly; Japan kept the coffee close to him for some reason and looked up at America who glared like a dog at Greece. The cat in Greece's arms is hissing at America as Turkey's hands clutched into fists.
"Cho-chotto matte kudasai!" Japan shouts, pulling himself out of America's arms and looks at everyone. "I just want one peaceful day without all of you acting like this, so could you all please apologize to each other and let me-"
"But I want you to try my country's coffee, man!" Turkey said, showing a hurtful expression. "It's my version of coffee and it's way better than his!"
"No, mine is and I even made it into a cute face of a kitty just for him!" Greece said, looking at Turkey who was confused of why his coffee has a cat's face on it.
Kami-sama, Japan prayed mentally, tell me what I should do about this situation!
"All of you," Japan shouts, "please let me decide what type of coffee I like by giving me some, ne?"
Everyone looked at Japan with concerning faces and then to each other with hateful faces. And it was the beginning of the great brawl for Japan.
XxXxXxX
Japan already tried America's coffee this morning and he marked it five and a half points, since he didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings yet hates the way it tasted. Next contestant is Greece who gives Japan the cup filled with a light brown shade and foam on top with a cute picture of a cat smiling at him. Japan couldn't help but say it is adorable as his brown eyes sparkled at the picture.
This wasn't good for Turkey or America as they glared darkly at Greece who gave Japan a rare smile.
Japan picks up the cup, and he prepares himself to drink it…but then, Japan puts the cup down without drinking it, making everyone confused.
"Sumimasen," Japan apologized. "I cannot drink this, it is just too cute."
Turkey and America both snicker at Greece who wasn't fazed.
"That's fine," he said. "I also have a spare without a cat's face on it."
As America and Turkey cursed under their breath, Japan took one sip of Greece's sweet coffee and he immediately brims up with glee of the nicely, well-blended drink he took. But it didn't take long when Turkey stepped in with his own type of coffee.
And what nobody knew except for himself is that Turkey bought a special formula (from China) that can make anyone who drinks it fall in love with the first person they see. Japan took the cup up and then, as if everything was going in slow motion, he prepares himself to drink Turkey's coffee when suddenly…!
"YOU SHOULD TRY MINE, DA ZE!" South Korea, a boy who randomly just popped out from the table cried.
Everyone stared at him, and then South Korea suddenly steps up onto the table with a cup of steaming coffee from his country in his hand.
"Mine is better than anyone's in this extremely tiny room!" he claims. "Because coffee came from my country before anyone else!"
"That's a fat lie," America shouted. "Coffee came from my country!"
"No, it was mine!"
"Everyone…" everyone then turned their heads to see Greece. And a silence followed awkwardly.
"It came from my country," Greece finally said.
"WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO ANSWER?" everyone apart from Japan shouted.
South Korea suddenly tapped the table with his foot to get everyone to pay attention. "We should ask this instead: 'Who do you obviously love, Japan da ze?'"
And then, everyone turned their heads over to where Japan sits…or rather where he sat because he is no longer sitting in that seat. But what was left is a note that Japan quickly wrote before leaving.
Please forgive me. What I feel that this moral is that things can actually bring us together, like coffee. But please, next time, do not argue.
Love, Japan
And soon, everyone started to snatch the piece of note from one another to keep it. Meanwhile, outside Japan's window is none other than Hungary, an independent young woman with long brown hair slightly covered in twigs as she stared happily at all the boys.
"If it were me…" Hungary muttered to herself, "it would be all of them to become one big shipping. But still, have some strength for the love, Japan."
Moral: Things can bring us together, like friends and family. And also, stalking your friend's/neighbor's life happens to be perfectly fine now.
The End
I hope you guys loved it, and also hopefully heed my words because...I think the whole 'stalking your friends/neighbor' thing is a little off because I got nearly chased after this. All I saw was a couple walking down the sidewalk while I hide behind a bush and suddenly a dog out of nowhere tries to chase me down!
Well, hope you all have a good time and enjoy this story!
