Bury Your Sins Beneath the Falling Snow
Chapter 1. The Foreigner - Tokyo, December, Shōwa 16
The cold was already biting, but the first snows had not yet fallen. Tokyo was a land of barren trees and people bundled up in browns and blacks, trudging along through their daily routines. The lights felt dimmer than last year, and the rice thinner. It had been four years since the "China incident" started, and the land was filled with preparations for total war. Radio airwaves were taken up by martial songs and speeches from leaders. Every few weeks, soldiers marched down the avenues as planed roared overhead.
Nozomi saw the foreigner in the distance, walking up the steps leading to the shrine where she worked. It was a young man - no, it was a beautiful woman who wore the black suit and tie of a man. Her hair was a striking blonde, her eyes as blue as the morning sky. She walked up in deliberate steps, her back perfectly straight, her hands swaying by her side. She passed the last step, and gazed at Nozomi with a slight smile.
"How may I help you?", Nozomi asked without moving, assessing the foreigner wirh a sideways glance. She was a shrine maiden, and her job was to take care of any visitors, suspicious foreigners they may be. "Are you here to pray, to make an offering, or..."
"Oh, it is something else," the woman replied in perfect Japanese, her voice soft and gentle. She walked closer to Nozomi, so that their hands could touch. Nozomi had to raise her head to see the woman's face. "I came here to see you."
"Me?", Nozomi questioned. "But, why do you wish to talk to me?"
"I have been watching you for a while, Miss Tojo, and I have been fascinated with you," the woman started. "Your movements, your voice, your everything. I felt as if there was a fated connection between us. So will you not at least have a chat with me?"
Nozomi stared at the woman. Her hands let go of her broom, which fell with a clack to the ground. The broadcasts had warned her to be on alert for foreign infiltrators and spies in their midst. She had no reason to be anything but suspicious of this strange woman. But, there was still something drawing her towards the foreigner. The woman was tall and thin, her womanly body concealed within men's clothes. She smelled of expensive perfume. Her movements were all careful, deliberately drawn out. Nozomi was drawn most of all to her face. It seemed sincere, yet concealing something, hiding multitudes of feelings that Nozomi could only guess at. People were usually open books to her, but this one was different. Perhaps that was what drew Nozomi to this woman.
"I'm deeply sorry, but I have my work to do. If you come back here at seven in the evening, after dinner, I shall be waiting for you."
"Then I shall leave for now. Oh, and my name is Ayase. We will see each other again soon." The woman supposedly named Ayase turned and walked back down the long stairs. Nozomi watched her scarf fluttering and the white vapor from her breath escaping into the air. She saw the woman put her hands in her pockets. Would they really meet again? Nozomi didn't know what she wished.
"Hey, Nozomi," said a voice from behind her. Nozomi turned, and saw the familiar face of her friend Yazawa Nico. She was shorter than Nozomi, and had her hair done in childish pigtails. She had a frown on her face.
"I leave you for a second, and what do I see? I see you cavorting with some strange foreign woman. First of all, she's probably a spy. Second of all, why do you keep having these ridiculous girl crushes? You're old enough to be married already!"
Nozomi chuckled. "I could say the same for you, Nicocchi."
"Hey, don't 'Nicocchi' me! We're not in school anymore. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up that I have an important broadcast today, so I won't be visiting you in the afternoon."
"Okay, Nicocchi. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah. And don't do stupid shit with that hussy!"
Nico ran through the shrine's back entrance. The two of them had been friends since they attended the same all-girl's high school. They were among the few women from their school who didn't marry soon after graduation. Both of them had "girlfriends" back then, and of course they were heartbroken when the loves they promised would last forever were inevitably ripped apart. Since they were both orphans who were adopted, they didn't face the pressure to marry that others did. If she had to marry, Nico had once said, she would marry a soldier who was going to war so that she didn't have to live with the man for a while. It was cold and heartless, but Nozomi sometimes thought the same thing.
In the afternoon, before the scheduled meeting, Nozomi listened to the radio. There was of course news of all the glorious victories in China, the victories of the German ally in Europe, the horrors committed by the Chinese Communists, and the warm welcome the Japanese soldiers had received from loyal Chinese citizens. There was also a special announcement. Japan was now in a war with the United States. The imperialist actions the Americans had taken against Japan had made this inevitable. Now it was necessary for all the Japanese people to unite behind the Emperor and defeat the foreign aggressors.
"Boring. More news? Change it to some music," another shrine maiden in the dormitory said. Nozomi ignored her.
She then listened to the children's station, because that was where Nico worked. Nico was on, telling the children about the importance of obeying their parents and the Emperor. Nozomi smiled because she knew how little of this Nico really cared about. Nico then talked about the recent start of war with the Americans, and how it was even more important to do your duty to your family and nation to make sure the sacrifices of their fathers, uncles, and older brothers would not be in vain. Then there were the skits and songs, which were what Nico really enjoyed. There was the skit with the American cat and the Japanese mouse, where the mouse used its ingenuity to trap the cat under its own greed. The songs these days were mostly military marches, telling tales of battles across the land and seas and the glories of serving the Emperor. Nico was a good singer, but Nozomi felt war marches didn't suit her. She should have been singing more happy songs.
Nozomi listened for a few more minutes, before she had to wait for the appointment. She had changed out of her shrine maiden's outfit and into her street clothes, a long purple dress and black overcoat. It was still cold outside. The streetlamps down below cast pallid circles of yellow glow. The shrine was lit with small lamps, barely enough to make out the gate and stairs.
The woman approached from a side street before climbing the stairs to the shrine. Even in the dim light Nozomi felt as if she could make out the color of her eyes. She was even more beautiful in the dark, like a princess of the night.
"Come. Let us go somewhere warmer," Ayase said with that same gentle smile, and held her gloved hand out. Nozomi took her hand, and the two descended the stairs. They boarded a crowded streetcar. She felt the gazes on her and her companion. The other woman paid them no heed, her composure statuesque. Bored, the other passengers turn away.
Nozomi was soon lost, looking at an unfamiliar part of the city. The buildings here were ornate and Western-inspired; the streets brightly lit and paved with cobblestone. The windows here were all lit, and the sidewalks lined with men in tuxedos and women in furs, as if the war had never happened.
"No need to worry," Ayase said, recognizing Nozomi's confused face. "Have you never been to Ginza before?" Nozomi shook her head. She had mostly been neglected by her adoptive parents, and it wasn't as if she had friends to go into the rich shopping districts with.
"This is not anywhere dangerous, and I will take you back to the shrine afterwards." Nozomi knew she should be scared or at least suspicious, but she couldn't be around this woman, this Ayase which probably wasn't even her real name. She had been enchanted, bewitched, the rational part of her mind told her, but she didn't care.
Somewhere they stepped off the streetcar, and entered a cafe. There were a few but not too many patrons. Ayase waved to the waitress as if they knew each other, and unwrapped her scarf. They made their way to a quiet table in the corner.
"What would you two like?", the waitress asked.
"Just a coffee for me," Ayase said. "And you?"
"I'll have the same," Nozomi said. She didn't even like coffee.
As the waitress left, Nozomi turned to Ayase and began to speak. "You seem to know so much about me, but I know nothing about you. What is your first name? Where are you from?"
Ayase laughed. "Well, it's only fair, I suppose. You can call me Ayase Eli, like I said, and I was born in Japan, but my mother was born in Russia."
"Is that really your name?", Nozomi blurted out.
Eli laughed. " It's the name my father gave me, but who knows if he really was my father." Eli had dropped to a casual tone. "They're both deceased now."
"I never knew my parents," Nozomi said. "They say my father was a soldier who was killed in China, and my mother died when I was born. I was adopted after they died." Why was she speaking so freely around this stranger?
"Oh. I'm sorry." Eli placed her hand atop Nozomi's. Her voice was soft, barely a whisper. "War really is horrible, isn't it? So many dead, and for what purpose?"
That was a risky statement, and Nozomi knew it. War was not 'horrible'. War was glorious, and her father was among the greatest of heros, having perished in service to the Emperor and the nation. Nozomi herself had performed ceremonies enshrining the dead soldiers. To question this was unspeakable. Nozomi wondered whether to admonish this woman for speaking so carelessly.
"Say... are you really Japanese?", Nozomi asked.
Eli smirked. "I'm not a foreigner, if that's what you're asking. I was born here, I have a Japanese name, and my father was Japanese. That's enough, isn't it?"
"Yes..." Nozomi said. She could hear the bitter hints of irony in the other woman's tone, but she did not question it. Their coffee had arrived, and Eli had started to drink.
"I'm sorry if my words were thoughtless," Eli said. "I spend too much time thinking about all the things happening in the world, and I sometimes wonder if humanity has a future. Did you hear the radio announcement? The world is going up in flames. There's so much madness everywhere." Eli closed her eyes for a moment, and sighed. "I'm sorry. I've said too much."
"No, it's fine," Nozomi said. "I sometimes wonder about things I hear in the radio myself. If what we're doing is so good and correct, then why are so many nations so opposed to us? Why are so many of our men dying? They say death for the Emperor is glorious, but I wish my father were still alive." Nozomi silently cursed herself. Why was she talking like this with this woman? Was she just trying to impress her? She could be arrested and questioned for criticizing the Emperor. Why did she feel so safe with Eli?
Eli smiled. "I wonder about that too. I wonder about the recent battle against America, and I worry that it may be our nation's doom. But let us get back to the here and now. Are you not enjoying your coffee?" Nozomi played with the spoon in her coffee, while Eli was already half finished.
"Um, no... I never really liked coffee," Nozomi admitted.
"Oh! I'm so sorry. We should have gone somewhere else. Next time, tell me what you would enjoy, okay?"
Nozomi smiled at the words 'next time.' "Okay," she said. "But it was wonderful just sitting here and talking to you."
"Yes. It was a pleasure being here with you, too." Eli smiled in return, and Nozomi felt herself blush.
They spent the rest of the evening talking about nothing in particular. Nozomi was just happy to be around Eli, and Eli smiled at Nozomi in turn. Still, Eli felt like a stranger to her. She truly was a stranger, of course, but there were so many topics she was avoiding, things she wasn't willing to talk about. All that simply made Nozomi more curious. She wanted to probe this woman, to understand her, to know her more deeply than anyone else.
When they left the cafe, it was already late in the night. Eli accompanied her to the streetcar, and rode with her until they were near the front of the shrine. They rode in silence, neither having much more to say. "I hope to see you again soon," Eli said. "I do as well," Nozomi replied. She waved Eli goodbye, and then returned to her dorm.
Author's notes:
Hopefully this wasn't too awkward. The dialog felt especially awkward...
I've done a little bit of reading on WW2 era Japan (wikipedia lol), but there are still going to be historical and cultural inaccuracies. Please tell me if anything is wrong. (but remember that this is a fanfiction so please don't be super pedantic) Also let me know if there are any good books or articles about this time period, nonfiction or fiction, especially ones that focus on women's lives, or on mass media/popular culture. (Especially stories by women or told from women's perspectives.)
This probably won't have a happy ending (if it will have an ending at all)
