Pairings: no fucking idea… ::coughs::
Warnings: um….yaoi…yaoi….insanity? AU, still referring to the game at times…or…something like that? and yes blinks ooc. It's a humor fic. I think. I wanna be ooc on purpose for once ::sheepish::
Comments: Another spur of the moment fic
Author's comments: Reading all those KH fics and stuff made me wanna ::blinks:: write about Ansem and ::sweatdrops:: I'm in a playful mood, so sue me. Probably won't be many details as ::blinks again:: I'm just doing it for the humor and possibly just my amusement. Random insanity fic!
Summary: Best way to describe it, a um…overly happy annoying Ansem wandering around bothering people…ok mostly Sephy.
Reign of Terror!
"Honey!! I'm so glad you're home!"
"…What the hell are you doing in my house?!" Sephiroth's eye twitched as he was now face to face with a bubbly eyed mad lunatic that was smiling at him and wearing an little black apron. Yes…It was Ansem.
"Oh, touchy touchy." Ansem winked an eye at Sephiroth causing the other to shudder back from the Darkness master. "I just figured my sweetie cakes would want to come home to a nicely baked dinner. And look!" He blew a kiss at Sephiroth, wiggling his hips as he held up a plate of…"I baked muffins!"
"God damn it, would you get the hell out of my house!" Sephiroth pointed to the door, a vein popping onto his forehead now. Damn it, he hadn't planned on Ansem being in his house, at least not right now. No, he had planned to come home, eat some dinner, soak in a hot bubble bath with his rubber ducky, and fantasize about thinks he planned to do with Cloud when he found him. Just that thought made him drool…until his little thought bubble busted and he was now face to face with a very very happy dark master. Damn that didn't sound right.
"Awww, Sephy all sore from training?"
"Gah!" Sephiroth jumped back from him as if he had the plague. It wasn't that the man wasn't attractive…he…kinda was? But…god he was so annoying!! Because he was always talking about taking over the world and destruction and darkness and…sex and…
"So then I decided I was going to use this kid with weird hair to try to take over the world. He kinda looked like you but he was nicer until like he wouldn't let me hurt this other kid. And so like, I said whatever and I left because I'm the Lord of the Dark and I don't need to take nothing from nobody. I mean he's really a cute kid but so stubborn and he called me OLD! Can you BELIEVE that?! So then like, after I left I thought about you and I said 'hey, maybe I should go visit Sephy,' and so I did and then I'm here and then you came in and then I said 'I'm glad you're home' and then you said…hey are you listening to me?!"
"Hm?" Sephiroth had completely started ignoring the other after the first few sentences. He was thinking about the Riku kid, which in turned brought his attention to Sora, which then made him think about Cloud which always made him think about…well…ok so he did happen to see Cloud naked once in the shower. It was just once! And damn that wasn't enough and…"what did you just say?"
Ansem huffed before moving over and slyly leaning on Sephiroth's shoulder. "I said, why don't we…go into the bedroom…and get better acquainted?"
"Arg!" Sephiroth pushed Ansem from him, the results causing the other to land on his bum on the floor.
"Oooo, I love it when you play rough. Reow!" Ansem was on all fours, crouched down like a cat ready to pounce. In that case, Sephiroth did the best thing he could think of…he teleported the hell out of there.
"Awww," Ansem pouted as he sat down. "Now who will I get to play with?" Before the words were fully out, a smirk was already forming onto the evilly bouncy dark man dude's lips.
"Cloud…."
"Leon…."
"….Well? What are you going to do?" Blue eyes looked at darker eyes before Cloud glanced to the side at Cid. No, this wasn't about him. This was between Leon and Cloud. Everyone was waiting to see what would happen though, a glance over at Yuffie showing her biting on her lips nervously. Shit, were they THAT anxious to see what was going to happen? Well it was his decision…whatever he decided could cause the fates to go against him.
"…Hit me."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Quit with the chitchat and just do it." Cloud wasn't in the mood to argue over this nor did he like having the other constantly staring him down. It made him feel uncomfortable.
"Whatever." At Cloud's request, Leon grabbed a card from the deck in front of him and tossed it over to the blond. The other picked up the card and grunted. It wasn't really a sign on whether he had a good hand or a bad one. Now how Leon ended up stuck playing 21 with the group of people he'd come to call…comrades was beyond him. Cloud was, of course, just doing it for the money. Cid and Yuffie were already out having lost all their money, which Cid cursed overly about. Aerith just didn't seem to get into the game, nor understood it and it's concept. And of course that left Cloud and Leon…and this final hand. Leon just looked at him, betraying nothing, not a movement, no sweat on the eyebrow or a twitch of an eye, no nothing!
At the face Cloud made, Leon just smirked as he watched him intensely. "Going to throw your cards down? Or are you too afraid to admit you lost?"
Cloud just scowled furrowing his brow a moment. "Why don't you throw down yours first?"
"Because I'm the dealer." Ah, it was just simple fact.
Cid coughed a moment then leaned over looking at Cloud's cards before he cursed. "Fucking damn! I think you're out of this one, Cloud."
"Thanks for the obvious," Cloud stated as he set down his cards. "24."
"21." Leon lifted a brow. "You would have lost either way." Suddenly, there was a sound outside and out of curiosity everyone went to investigate. And of course everyone was met with an unexpected turn of events for outside their little shop like home in the third district of Traverse Town was…Sephiroth!
Sephiroth took a glance around, not exactly expecting he'd be that good with teleporting, then grinned when he saw Cloud and rubbed his hands together. Perfect, he'd found him. Now he could…
"Oh Sephy!! I just KNEW you would come here!" Shit, it couldn't be! Not him! Not here! Not when he was this close to getting his hands on Cloud. Before he could he even make a step to retreat, Ansem tackled him from behind causing the both of them to collapse onto the ground.
The rest of them just watched on in a mixture of emotions before Leon turned to Cloud, lifting a brow. "You lost. Now pay me."
Cloud just sneered at that, folding his arms over his chest. "I am so not paying you."
"A deal's a deal. You agreed, now pay up."
"You probably cheated," Cloud said throwing his head back and flicking his hair out of his face. "What makes you think I'm going to pay you?"
Leon just shrugged. "Suit yourself." And with that he kissed Cloud, right there in front of everyone's shocked eyes.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Sephiroth was angry, he was pissed, he was…trying to ignore the fact that the two males looked hot and…where the fuck was that hand going?!
"Shit, they're going at it!" Cid said, eyes wide as he was puffing on his cig. "Too much I just didn't need to fucking see right now." On that note, he beat a hasty runaway to his shop.
"Ooo, I think they're on to something, sugar," Ansem said pinching Sephiroth on the ass.
"Gah! Will you stop that!" He managed to slip free, pulling out his little…big Masamune threatening first Ansem for groping him, then Leon for kissing Cloud. "Unhand him!"
"And that's my que to leave," Yuffie said, giving a grin and wishing she had a camera so she could keep this forever in her visual proof and blackmail book of memories. "See ya!" She ran off, probably to torture Cid and steal some of his gummi blocks for who knows what. Aerith…just stayed in shock staring at Cloud. How could she have missed that he was gay? He looked good in a dress, damn it!
Leon lifted a brow looking at Sephiroth's sword then at Sephiroth himself. "Go play commando or something."
"Why you-ack!" Ansem clinged to Sephiroth from behind, almost making him drop the sword.
"Oh, you're so brave and strong. Make love to me, Sephy!" Sephiroth grumbled and tried hitting Ansem on top of head with the hilt of his sword but to no avail did it work! Ansem was just too…hardheaded? Sephiroth snickered slightly…until he looked up to find both Cloud and Leon gone.
"Damn it!"
((And now for our intermission))
Yuffie: Bachelor number one, you have just won the lottery and you want to take your lover out to celebrate. Would you, a) Take him to the most expensive place, b) Keep all the money to yourself selfishly and keep telling your lover you're poor even though the evidence is all over the television, then go out for pizza or c) Buy your lover an expensive gift.
Sephiroth: It's hard to choose……I'm going to go with….B. No! A…No! Shit…um…can I pick two?…No? Ok fine…I guess I'll go with….B.
Cloud: You fucking jerk!
Yuffie: Ok, and why have you chosen B?
Sephiroth: I don't know…I guess it fits my personality more. I'm known for being a beautifully demented evil and oh so cool villain in a video game.
Yuffie: I see your point. What do you have to say to this, Cloud?
Cloud: Oh my god, you're so cheap, you prick! What about my needs?!
Sephiroth: I'll buy you a sticker that says "Awesome Leadership Skills?"
Cloud: And let me guess, it'll come out as "Awsm Ledsip skil" because you're too cheap to pay for all the letters. Or even worse…ALS.
Sephiroth: ::shrugs:: Possibly.
Cloud: Bastard…you better be lucky you're cute…uh…sound cute.
Yuffie: ::smiles anyway as if nothing happened:: That's all for now. We'll find out about Bachelor number two after the break.
((End intermission))
"Sephhhhhyyyyy! I know you're here! I can smell you! Oh my god, you're using the strawberry body soap I bought you, aren't you?! God that just makes me so hot!" Ansem licked his lips at the words, not even noting the bundled figure hiding upstairs on a balcony. Damn, he had the nose of a bloodhound. Or maybe that's a sex hound? Yeah, sex hound just sounded better actually. "Sephy, when I find you I'm going to make hot passionate, mansex with you!"
Sephy waited till the other was around the corner. He couldn't hear him anymore, figuring he went through the door at the end. He sighed after waiting a couple of minutes before he finally took a chance and jumped down landing smoothly. Standing up, he flexed his wing slightly before heading off. However the water to the waterway was intriguing him and he moved closer stopping to stare down at his reflection in the water.
Holy shit…he was SO sexy. Who wouldn't want this piece of gorgeous manmeat?! No wonder Ansem was trying to make out with him. Oh shit, he'd completely forgotten all about-
Ansem was running, already preparing to tackle Sephiroth. "Oh, sugar cakes! I finally found you-ack!" Of course Sephiroth was used to this and timed it just right so that if he stepped to the side, Ansem just fell into the water. "Oh my goodness I'm all wet and it's all your fault! You naughty boy, you just wanted to get me naked didn't you?"
Seeing Ansem preparing to do a strip tease for him, Sephiroth made a mad dash for the house and slipped inside, closing it behind him. "He won't find me here. He won't find me here." He locked the door and turned around before his eyes bucked. Oh….shit!
"Leon, I don't think we should be doing this?"
"Oh come on, who's going to know?" That…that bastard! He had his hands on Sephiroth's Cloud! With his hands up underneath the shirt caressing that skin and and…Cloud's skin…looks so soft. In which case, Sephiroth promptly went off into a pervert sexual daze about Leon and Cloud making out…of course he was there too.
((Sephiroth's perverted thoughts))
Cloud: Oh yes, you're so big and beautiful, Sephiroth! I want you to make love to me, pleeease!
Sephiroth: As you wish, my sexy little puppet.
Leon: Yes, I'm so envious. I want your body, Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: Don't we all? But I'll give you a little taste of it.
Ansem: Oh Sephiroth, Do me! Do me now!
Sephiroth: Wait a minute, how the fuck did you get here?! ….uh…oh….
((End Sephiroth's scared thoughts))
He shook his head quickly as he found Ansem clinging on his leg and, oh god what the hell was he doing with that tongue!
"Shit shit shit!" Sephiroth quickly kicked Ansem off of him and ran behind Cloud on the couch, using him as a shield. "Keep him away from me, Cloud!!"
Cloud just lifted a brow, fixing his clothes to Leon's disappointment…and Sephiroth's too. "You're supposed to be so strong, do it yourself."
Sephiroth gave a little pout before leaning up and licking on Cloud's ear. "But Cloudy baby, that requires work, you know I can't do that."
Cloud shivered a bit before forcing himself to pull away. Damn Sephiroth and his tricks. "Then go fuck him and get it over with."
"Oh! I am so appalled! You know I can't fuck anyone but you…and your little friend there…and a few other sexy males."
Cloud sniffed at that. "It's not like he looks that bad."
"But but…he's so clingy!" Sephiroth stuck his lower lips out. "Don't make me have to do the look."
Leon just coughed as he looked between the two of them. "I hate to break this to you…but he's gone."
"Huh?" Sephiroth blinked and was about to speak but before he could even voice his opinion, he was down on the ground.
"Oh, you're so comfortable and soft, Sephy, I could just eat you up." Ansem had pinned him down. Therefore his little sneak attack had worked perfectly. Ansem gave a smirk as he licked his tongue out. "You know, I think I will eat you up."
((And now for another intermission))
Yuffie: Bachelor number two, what do you consider a romantic date with your special someone?
Leon: Beating up monsters and using summoned beast that do weird things to people's memories. ::twist a finger in his ear::
Yuffie: ….Ooook…anything else?
Leon: Mmmm…… making out in hidden places, riding chocobos…thinks:: Sparring.
Yuffie: Wow you're so gracious and romantic. ::sarcasm::
Leon: ::missed the sarcasm:: I know.
Yuffie: Bachelor number three, what would-
Ansem: Oh my god you're so hot, I want to ride you all day long!
Sephy: Ack! Get it off! Get it off!
Cloud: ::snickers:: Serves you right…ah…random person…you…::coughs::
Yuffie: So, Cloud, who have you chosen to be your hot sexy man bitch?
Cloud: ….um…yeah…hard to decide… ::lifts a brow:: How about I just keep satisfying myself instead.
Yuffie: And there you have it folks! And…oh…uh…wow. ::staring at the four way pile up:: I don't think that goes there…no…I guess it can…oh! Anyways, that's the end of our show. Bai bai!
((End intermission))
After a roughness of a supposedly foursome…foursome, the group laid on the floor completely sated. Cloud wiggled his toes. "Massages are good."
Leon was lying on his back snoring loudly and lying on top of a completely sated Sephiroth who was…reading the latest magazine? The title was something like: How a man loves a man, who loves a man, who loves a man…and so on. Ansem was laying contently at their feet like a good little sex slave. And all was well, but someone not all too far away was…
"I wonder where everyone is?" Sora said holding his keyblade as he was in the hiding place of Leon. The Waterway or something like that. Dun dun duuuuuun. "Ah…maybe I'll go ask Cid." Which he would do right after he dropped off a few puppies…dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.
End. End now damn it.
That's enough insanity. I have it out of my head now so expect a couple of normal fics again. Wee.. Anyways soon to come…um….more VC, more FFBT, more CTBN, and more …SC. Wee!
