So, here's the usual:
Disclaimer&Warnings: Y'all know I'm not the owner of Harry Potter or his affiliates, or this would be a 530294-page book instead of a fanfic. Slash abounds, sexy things are wont to happen (nothing too graphic, though) and language is not always child-friendly.
Content&Pairings: Review if you'd like to see improvements, or you don't want me to die of no-love disease… This fic is a touch light-hearted, but the first chapter is deceivingly fluffier than the others. It's a (fruit) salad-like mix of marauder pairings through the whole story, (no Snape-love this time) and there's a definite focus on SBRL. Enjoy!
It was sometime in Remus's fourth year that a fangirl dream came true. He was heading down to lunch with the other Marauders on a spring Friday, when James brought up the Hogsmeade weekend that was nearly upon them. "Are you coming this time, Moony?"
Remus gave him a very apologetic look. "I've got a lot to catch up on from when I was sick on Wednesday, I'd better stay in. What're you going to do there?"
James frowned at him with the slightest amount of concern. "That furry little problem of yours makes you miss far too much fun… Sirius and I were planning on drinking an excessive amount of firewhiskey, but if you're not going to be there we might just take up ornithology again. You're the mature-looking one who always orders for us." He looked beyond Remus to Sirius, "isn't that right, Padfoot?"
Peter frowned thoughtfully. "What's ornithology?"
"Bird-watching," Remus answered dutifully.
"Why would you want to go ornithologing, James?"
"Not that sort of bird-watching. Bird-watching."
As a look of comprehension came over Peter's face (oh, bird-watching…), Sirius gave Remus his eyebrow look. "How do you explain things like that without making Wormtail here feel like a complete idiot? You should be a teacher, mate." He grinned and gave Peter a little push. "Today's special bird on our list is what's known in Europe as the large-breasted Evans – right, Prongs?"
"Shut it!" James's face glowed.
As they approached the Gryffindor table, a dozen girls were crowded in a circle and talking in the mysterious squeal-giggle language. "Whatever could they be on about?" Sirius asked as the others took a seat.
"Some girl ordered posters from a new pop group today at breakfast; you slept in and missed it. That's probably one of them."
"Riddle me this, Moony: Why're they going nuts like that? "
"Perhaps you should ask them." Remus gave Sirius a grin that suggested a challenge.
"Perhaps I will!" He pushed his way between the girls. "What in God's name are you so obsessed with?"
A testy-looking girl rolled her eyes at him. "Nothing you'd be interested in."
"And why not?"
"Take a look for yourself!" She pointed at the poster on the table. The band mates posing on the poster were clearly more than friends – all four of the slim boys were sitting together on a couch and acting as flirtatiously as possible. Scandalously enough, at least one pair was always snogging at a time.
Sirius looked at them, not with disgust in particular, but significant bemusement. "Why in the world would you be so girly over a gay band?"
"Don't be a prat. You and the quidditch star like that lesbian band, don't you?"
"That's just because they're the best current magic-punk group out there, don't be so shallow. Here, I'll prove it – James!" He turned around and yelled, "Tell these girls why you love Carpetmunch!"
"They're bloody hot, that's why! Mostly the femme one with the long hair. Sheena or whatever?"
Sirius heaved a sigh. "…ok, don't pay attention to James. He's got his mind in the gutter. But I like them for their music. Especially Tabby, the butch."
Another girl sneered at him – his strange conversation had attracted the attention of the table. "So you're into tough girls, Black?"
"Nothing like that, your minds are in the gutter, too… Don't look at me that way! She's a damn good drummer!" He threw his hands in the air and went to collapse in the empty seat between James and Remus. "Women…"
Remus smiled wisely. "I don't know why you put up with them… maybe the chaps in that band have the right idea, after all."
Sirius rolled his eyes and deadpanned idly, "Moony, are you coming on to…" He stopped suddenly and looked at Remus with wonder. "YOU BLOODY GENIUS! Why didn't I think of it before?" He threw his arms around Remus ecstatically. Remus paled and recoiled slightly – he was not used to being touched – but he patted Sirius's back awkwardly for a moment.
"Care to tell me what bright idea I've come up with now?" Remus asked no one in particular, giving James a bewildered look.
Sirius finally pulled himself away and gazed at Remus with wonder. "The chaps in that band have the right idea because they probably can't keep the women away from them! Besides, you're a touch girlish…" He reached out and ran a hand along Remus's waist, making the poor werewolf jump a little. "Your middle is thinner than your hips, for Merlin's sake… do you eat at all?" He didn't bother to wait for an answer, however, and turned to James with a look that always reminded Remus of a puppy with a leash in its mouth. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"This is the dawn of a new era, Padfoot! Come here and give us a kiss…"
And, like that, the four of them (three of them, really, since nobody particularly wanted to snog Peter…) made a new name for themselves that captured the attention of nearly every girl at Hogwarts.
Yep, that's how they became known as the Notorious Bisexuals. See my other fics for more background, since I'm really writing one long story very non-linearly, aside from the stray one-shot here or there. I know this is set up a bit like a one-shot, but I have more in store! Review if you want speedier updates… -nudge-
