VENGERR
(To the tune of "Gaston" from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.)
VENGER spoken: Who do they think they are? Those children have troubled me for the last time!
SHADOW DEMON spoken:Yes, Master!
VENGER spoken: No one defies Venger! … Defeated! Conquered! Magically humiliated! I stand at the brink of despair!
SHADOW DEMON spoken: More orcs?
VENGER spoken: What for? Nothing helps! I am disgraced!
SHADOW DEMON spoken: You, Master? It cannot be! Master, you must pull yourself together!
sung
Gosh, it disturbs me to hear you, Venger,
Sounding so glum and so sour!
All beings shudder and fear you, Venger,
Though without Weapons of Power!
Whole kingdoms, they suffer and tremble for you —
You're everyone's deadliest dread —
Dark elves and demons dissemble for you
Or they might wind up waking up dead!
No one's grim like Venger,
Has great vim like Venger,
Snuffs out innocents just on a whim like Venger.
Worked his way up to be Force of Evil,
Master of Darkness and Woe!
You can poll all this Realm mediæval,
And they'll tell you to Hell they would like him to go.
LIZARDMEN:
No one's spread like Venger
Fear and dread like Venger!
SHADOW DEMON:
No one's got a swell horn on his head like Venger!
VENGER:
With no nose, I have trouble just respirating!
ORCS:
My, what a guy, that Venger!
Then clash your swords! Then crack your whips!
SHADOW DEMON:
DM and his Young Ones is all of them drips!
ALL:
None can fight like Venger,
Cause a fright like Venger!
SHADOW DEMON:
Has a mean saber-toothed overbite like Venger!
BULLYWUGS:
He will fix DM's Little Red Wagon!
VENGER:
All my magical plans never fail —
SHADOW DEMON:
…except when you made Demodragon.
VENGER:
spoken You fool! sung Shut up, or I'll tie a big knot in your tail! SHADOW DEMON gasps.
ORCS:
No one strains like Venger…
LIZARDMEN:
DM's brains like Venger —
SHADOW DEMON:
Summons Nazis to fly in jet-planes like Venger!
VENGER:
All your Earth World Wars are insignificating! Throws a fire-ball. Ka-boom!
ALL:
Ten points for Venger!
VENGER:
When I was a lad I was Son of DM
Whose good magic was great and far-famed!
But riddles have made me quite sick of DM —
So I serve Him-Who-Cannot-Be-Named!
ALL:
No one's rare like Venger,
Spreads despair like Venger —
SHADOW DEMON:
Zooms around the Realm on a nightmare like Venger!
VENGER:
And soon Tiamat I'll be eliminating!
ALL:
Say it today!
Who put War-Duke away?
And now let's say it twice!
Who put Kelek on ice?
Who's the Bullywugs' Friend?
Loves the Orcs? Lizardmen?
Who can murder and maim and injure?
There's just one at the helm
In the whole of the Realm —
ORC CAPTAIN:
And his name V-E-N…G… V-E-N-G-E… V-A-N-J-O… Giving it up in despair … D'Ohhh! Cracks his whip.
ALL:
VEN-GERRR!
