Hey, all, sorry for the delay. I wanted to get this out in August. I could say it was college holding me up, but I won't lie to you all. I'm just incredibly lazy. I could have made time to work on this, and it wouldn't have been difficult. I just honestly wanted to spend my free time on other things. So sorry about that, but hey, it's out now, so enjoy! Oh, and I don't own Full House, not that I'd particularly want to.
As the sun rose over the horizon one Saturday morning, Joey was sleeping peacefully at his friend Dan's house, as he did every day since being asked to help care for his friend's three daughters. Fortunately for Joey, Jesse's wife, Becky, had taken all the kids out camping, leaving Joey with no pseudo-parental duties. Unfortunately, Joey couldn't sleep in as he planned, for the blissful calm of the morning was shattered by the sound of an alarm clock. A particularly annoyed Joey swore under his breath as he raised a hand to stop the piercing noise. Sadly, even with the alarm turned off, Joey felt too sick to return to sleep, which was a shame because he was feeling especially tired.
He had a splitting headache, and strangely had a bit of a memory lapse from the last night. He sat up and groaned as he slumped his head into his palm. "Ugh . . . alright, Joey. What happened?" Joey said to himself while rubbing his forehead for concentration. Joey tried to clear his mind and think, but that added strain on his head felt like a vice. All he could remember was going to the bar with Jesse to celebrate the guys only weekend. Oddly, everything after that was a blur at best. Little did Joey know that his subconscious was blocking out an event he wouldn't want to remember.
Still, deciding last night's events didn't hold much importance, and not wanting to agitate his headache again, Joey stopped thinking. He got up, got showered, and got dressed, and despite the head pain, put on a good face to greet his friends with. Although not exactly hungry, he made his way to the kitchen. Once there, Joey saw Jesse who was, for some reason, washing a lone kitchen knife. As he walked over to greet his friend, he stepped in an odd fluid and immediately stopped at the almost foreign sensation.
"Hey, Jess! Danny's not gonna be happy you spilled . . ." Joey looked down, realizing he wasn't quite sure what he stepped in. "Fruit Punch? I didn't think Dan liked things with all that sugar. What is this?" Joey asked, unaware of the more sinister liquid he had stepped in.
Jesse turned slightly in Joey's direction, not quite making eye contact, but definitely exposing the anger on his face. "Shut up," Jesse said calmly but angrily.
"Ug hug hug hug! Don't ye be usin' that kinda talk wit' me. At least not until I eats me spinach so I can sock ya one! Ug hug hug hug!" Joey said, imitating Popeye.
"I said to shut the hell up, and that means can the fucking impressions you fat son of a bitch!" Jesse yelled with titanic rage, this time making full eye contact. With peaking anger, Jesse raised the knife and moved toward Joey.
Realizing he had crossed the line, Joey tried to back off, but slipped over the red liquid and fell. At this distance, he could clearly smell the mysterious fluid . . . blood. Joey was shaking with fear, now, but Jesse just inched closer, his face shaking and contorting with anger. For a moment, the sheer horror rendered Joey incapable of moving or speaking, but finally he spoke. "A-a-alright, Jess. Is this about something I did when we were drunk? Look, I'm sorry alright."
Joey's apology clearly did little to calm Jesse down, for he nearly exploded with fury. "Something you did when you were drunk? You fucking RAPED me when you were drunk! Do you think you can just apologize for that?" Joey, still fallen on the ground, inched back with fright. He didn't want to believe it, but it was coming back to him. What Jesse just said was the honest to God truth.
It was his and Jesse's first night in years without any children to take care of. They were at the bar, celebrating their weekend without responsibilities and at first, things went well. But, soon, things took a turn for the worst. As Joey drank that night, each sip just made him hornier. You see, Joey always found Jesse attractive, but being the only homosexual in the Tanner House, he knew his feelings wouldn't be returned. Instead, he kept them bottled up for years, vowing never to let them out. Unfortunately, last night . . . he did.
"Uhh . . . having sex? With you? Well, to put it lightly, buddy . . . no."
"P-please, Jess. Your wife's gone, no one will know. I . . . I love you man. For years I've wanted to make love to you."
"Heh. No offence, Joey, but I think you lost it."
"What are you saying? I've never been more sane or honest! P-please . . ." Joey trailed off as he wiped his tears. He was strangely articulate for a drunken man.
"Alright, calm down, man. This wasn't a joke?"
"No! Of course not, Jess! Jesse, this isn't easy for me!"
Hey, man, it's nothing personal. Just, you know . . . I don't swing that way."
"Jesse . . . I can't take no for an answer." Joey stopped crying. He would achieve his lustful desires through any means necessary. "If you won't love me on your own . . . I'll make you love me!"
And then, it happened. Just like he said he would, Joey took the unwilling sex partner into the parking lot, and quite simply raped him. Why no one stopped this before it happened, I have no idea, but for whatever reason, everyone just let Joey drag Jesse kicking and screaming outside. It's also baffling why Joey forgot this event when he woke up the next day. I mean, nothing traumatic happened to him, so why'd he block it out? If anything, Jesse should have been the one to repress his memory of that night. It's almost like the author just ignored all sense of real world logic for the sake of writing a fucked up Full House fanfic . . . ah, well, bottom line, Joey raped the shit out of Jesse that night, and forgot about it the next day.
When the realization set in, Joey snapped back to the present only to see Jesse stabbing the kitchen knife at him. Joey tried to roll out of the way, but he was too late, and the knife hit him in the abdominal area. Joey flailed in pain, knocking Jesse to the ground in his struggle and the resulting shock forced open a cabinet door. Although Joey was wincing in pain with the knife still inside him, he could clearly see a body slide out. It was Dan. Joey couldn't count them, but there were clearly multiple stab wounds on the face. Immediately, Joey connected the dots. "The blood on the floor . . . it's Danny's blood! I have to run!" He knew that Jesse was going to kill him if he stayed still, and the murderous madman was already getting up.
Joey pulled himself to his feet and tried to run, but couldn't push himself into more than a painful limp. The knife was causing a strong sting, but he knew it was acting as a valuable cork on his bodily fluids, so he didn't dare pull it out. "If I could just get out the front door I'll be safe!" Joey thought to himself. In all reality, getting out the door probably wouldn't have saved him, considering the mental state Jesse was in. Still, Joey's brain refused to admit escape was impossible. For dear life he tried to run. Sadly, with the knife draining his strength, Joey could only move so fast, and Jesse was gaining quickly. While Joey was struggling to even walk, Jesse was in a full on charge. In almost no time, Jesse was in range. He jumped and tackled Joey to the ground face first, the combined mass of the two men forcing the knife deep inside him. Joey started to writhe with tremendous desperation now, his thoughts falling into panic, but Jesse remained still to prevent him from getting away.
When Joey's struggle became less strong, Jesse got up and kicked him to roll him over. Joey was clearly still breathing, but he was no longer trying to move. Jesse removed the knife. Joey winced but didn't struggle any longer. He knew it was over now, and his body finaly gave up. As the blood gushed from the now open wound, Joey's eyes started to glaze over. Jesse, however, wasn't finished. He stabbed the knife again, sending it straight through the penis, slicing it off. With this, Joey was immediately, yet briefly, brought back to his senses. He cried out in a quick burst of pain, but his scream trailed off almost as quickly as it began. Joey's head fell limp, and his breathing stopped, but his contorted expression of fear remained.
Jesse breathed heavy as he removed the blade from Joey's ballsack. "Fuckin' dead? SHIT! I wanted to fuckin' torture you!" Jesse stabbed Joey in the neck with all his might as he said this. Not at all satisfied, and no longer thinking logically, Jesse screamed a powerful scream as he stabbed Joey in all directions turning his body into a pincushion. In his rage, Jesse didn't hear as a car pulled into the driveway. It was Becky, D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle, all inconsolably crying.
"What are you going to tell Uncle Jesse?" D.J. asked, keeping her calm as best she could. Both her sisters were curious too, but they couldn't stop crying long enough to ask.
"Well, I'm going to have to tell him the truth. That Nicky and Alex are . . . are . . ." Becky couldn't finish her sentence through the sobbing, and who could blame her? The death of one's children, especially at such a young age, is supposed to be the worst pain a mother could experience.
D.J., however, for some out of character reason, ignored Becky's feelings and pressed the issue further. "Well, he's going to want to know how they died." This elicited more sobs from the grieving mother. "Are you going to mention . . ." D.J. paused, almost for emphasis, and everyone else braced themselves for what they knew was coming. ". . . The bear?"
That word. "Bear." That single word sent the horrible, painful memories flooding through Becky's mind again. In truth, she couldn't forget no matter how hard she tried, but this just sent it all coming back. The screams from the forest, her sons' bloody corpses and the lumbering beast standing over them. Becky looked to the sky with tears in her eyes. With a somber whisper, she repeated "the bear."
It happened only yesterday, and Becky remembered it like it was . . . well, yesterday. In fact, this all happened mere hours before Joey began raping Jesse to hell. You know, all things considered, it's pretty unlikely that both of these events would happen in the course of one evening, but don't question it. I want bears murdering Nicky and Alex in this story so I'm going to write it, God damn it! So, yeah, just accept it, ok? Ok.
So where was I? Oh, yes. It happened just yesterday. Truly a fateful day, but you wouldn't guess it based on how innocently it all started. Michelle needed help setting up her bed, and D.J. and Stephanie were in another cabin, so Becky took her eyes off her sons for only a moment to aid her. This was something Becky vowed never to do, and it was for good reason, for that brief moment of inattentiveness turned out to be the worst mistake Becky had ever made in her life. With no supervision, Nicky and Alex left the cabin to explore the woods they were camping in. It was like an episode of Rugrats, minus the happy ending.
Nicky led the way, and Alex, though a bit frightened, followed behind. "Where are we going?" Alex asked in a painful monotone that sounded like he read the line straight from a cue card.
To the forest, dummy," Nicky said back in the same ear piercing tone as his brother.
Alex shrugged off his brother's harsh words, for the sight of the forest scared him too much. He stopped walking to try to make a "you can't be serious" kind of face, but he sucked too much as an actor to make it believable.
If it weren't so obvious that Nicky was merely reading his lines, you'd think he somehow interpreted the emotionless grimace Alex had to pass off as an expression. "Come on, Alex. Daddy wouldn't be scared."
That logic seemed to sway Alex, for his face went from emotionless to . . . a mix of emotionless and happy. So, with that, the two went into the forest.
It was right then that Becky finished making Michelle's bed and turned to pick her sons up only to see they were gone. She quickly searched the small cabin, but they were nowhere to be found. Panic set in when she looked outside and saw that night had fallen. In an instant, her motherly instincts kicked in. Bolting out the door, Becky screamed her children's names with all her might, but her calls went unheard.
In truth, Nicky and Alex had not gotten far on their little legs. It's honestly a wonder they didn't hear their mother's cries. Becky's panicked yells did attract something, however. A bear. A big hungry grizzly bear.
Now bears are supposed to fear humans, but they can also smell terror from a mile away. A panicked animal can often mean a free meal, after all. And so, the bear made a beeline for the sound, but unfortunately, right in his path were Nicky and Alex, two young undefended children. Well, unfortunately for Becky and her sons anyway. The bear was actually quite lucky. You certainly don't find such easy food, often. Alex had his back turned, so Nicky was the first to see the beast, and on instinct, he cried out for help.
Hearing the scream, Becky ran faster than her legs should have been able to take her, but it was too little, too late. By the time she arrived, the bear had more than finished his slaughter and left a scene that would forever be burned into her memory. The bear had Nicky's head in his mouth, but he wasn't struggling; his body laid limp. Clearly he was dead, and Alex likely was too. His body was just lying on the ground. No movement, no sound . . . no life. Becky wouldn't believe it, though. She couldn't let herself believe her baby boys were just killed. Instead, she ran toward the bear, as if she had hope of saving her children. As luck would have it, though, it was so dark that she didn't see a tree stump, and she tripped to the ground.
Her impact with the Earth likely scared the bear, for before she knew it, the bear had run off with Nicky still in his mouth. Becky didn't chase them, though. She didn't want to admit it, but the horrible truth finally set in. She knew Nicky was dead. But Alex. Maybe he had just fainted. Maybe he was still alive. Crying, Becky grabbed for Alex in blind hope that he was still ok . . . no such luck. As she grabbed her child, she felt a deep cut on his back, and his blood on the ground. Still, she called his name. "Alex? Alex!" she cried, but got no response. She shook the boy. "Alex, you have to wake up!" No reply. Becky wanted to scream the word "no" but she thought it was too cliché so she decided against it. Instead, she broke down and cried, holding her dead son close. Not that it would bring him back. Nicky and Alex were dead.
Well, on that note, let's return to the present. Still outside the Tanner House, Becky steeled herself for what would be the most difficult explanation of her life. She opened her mouth to call for her husband and tell him the horrible news, but as she pulled open the door her mouth remained agape from the sight inside. There was Jesse returning the favor to Joey. You know, giving him an eye for an eye. Too subtle? Too obvious? Well, whatever, Jesse was raping Joey this time, right on the couch. On a side note, is it really rape when their dead? I really have no idea what the necrophilia laws are, if there even are any . . . I have really got to stay on topic.
But, yeah, Becky was horrified at the state of her new home. There was blood . . . so much blood. Becky had seen enough blood lately. Joey's body was littered with stab wounds, too, no doubt from the bloody knife at her husband's feet. Becky didn't know what happened, but she knew that Jesse was dangerous right now. He had killed at least one person, and he looked far from repentant.
Before Becky could collect her thoughts, she heard a voice say the word "Dad." It was almost inaudible, but she heard it. And just like that, D.J. and Michelle ran into the house, the younger one having trouble keeping up. But Becky knew they needed to flee. The way Jesse was, he'd probably kill them too if he knew they were there. Becky was still a mental wreck, but she at least knew that much. "No! Get back here!" Becky yelled. Unfortunately, that was just about the most stupid thing she could have done, for it alerted Jesse to their presence. The man looked straight at his wife, but his eyes lacked warmth. They were soulless like an animal's . . . like the bear's. D.J. didn't stop running, though. She bolted past her uncle before he could react, but Michelle was still having trouble keeping pace, and Jesse grabbed her by the leg and ripped her from the ground.
At this point, Becky knew nothing could be done. Jesse was a monster right now, and D.J. and Michelle were in his territory. Becky started to cry, but she knew what had to be done. "Just run!" Becky yelled to Stephanie, who was scared stiff.
Stephanie was shivering with fear and indecision. "But . . . my sisters." She couldn't just abandon her family like that.
Becky knew how she felt, but there was no helping it. Their first priority had to be escaping Jesse. She grabbed Stephanie by the arm and pulled her toward the car, but they didn't get very far before Jesse made his move. Holding Michelle by the neck, he hurled her head first at Becky with inhuman strength. Michelle flew like a bullet and collided with Becky's skull with enough force to kill them both. The impact sent Becky tumbling along the ground, as Michelle landed at Stephanie's feet. Stephanie now wanted nothing more than to escape but she was still frozen with fear, unable to move a muscle. Instead she just watched helplessly as Jesse pulled his pants back up, and casually approached the graveyard of his own doing. He picked Michelle up again and threw her back into the house. After that, he picked up Becky and carried her into the house as well.
Stephanie felt like she was in a nightmare. She wanted to scream, but she was incapable of making even the faintest sounds. She wanted to run, but her legs could do nothing but quiver in fear. Her heart raced, she was hyperventilating, and everything in her told her to get away, but her body just wouldn't obey her orders. Before she knew it, Jesse was right there, mere inches from her helpless self. The man wasted no time. With terrifying power, he kicked Stephanie in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her, and causing her to bend over with pain. Jesse was quick to take advantage of her bent over position . . . Not in that way, sicko! No, he pushed her head down to the sidewalk, tearing her skin and breaking her nose on the rough surface below. Then, he removed his arm, only to roll it into a fist, and prepare to punch the injured young girl. Stephanie didn't see it coming, however. Instead, she pulled herself away from the ground and onto her feet; only to have Jesse send his fist straight into her jaw. The force of the blow knocked several of her teeth out of her mouth and into her throat.
Jesse took a moment to admire his work. Stephanie was choking to death on her own teeth, and her face was dripping with blood like an undercooked steak. But the most painful looking thing of all was her tears. She looked betrayed, helpless, and worst of all, afraid. She was still shaking with paralyzing fear. Maybe she was afraid to die, or just afraid of Jesse torturing her more. Whatever it was, it was simply beautiful! He had wasted enough time on Stephanie, though. Like an old piece of junk, he tossed Stephanie into the house and left her to die.
Once inside the house, Jesse closed the door and scanned the area for the last living person inside, D.J. It wasn't difficult to find her, though. She was at the doorway to the kitchen, staring at her father's dead body, tear marks at her feet. Jesse grew an evil smirk as he picked up his knife and made his way over to the grieving young woman. "Fuckin' bastard tried to stop me from getting' Joey," Jesse stated with calm anger as D.J. looked back at him with tear filled eyes. "Didn't do 'im much good, though!" Jesse said, ending his sentence with a laugh. "Anyway, bitch, I can't let you live anymore," Jesse said, grasping his knife tightly. "I'm not gonna let you tell anyone about this!" Instead of breaking down, D.J. gave Jesse a defiant look. Clearly, she wanted to avenge her father, and she didn't care how outmatched she was.
Jesse raised the knife, but before he could strike, D.J. unleashed a kick. Jesse took the blow, but it didn't faze him at all. Well, that's not entirely true. It didn't cause him any physical pain, but it sent him into a monstrous fury. In a flash, Jesse took hold of D.J.'s leg before she could even think about moving it back to the ground. Then, with tremendous power, he brought her up and slammed her down, cracking the back of her skull on the floor. Then, he released her leg. D.J. was shaking in pain now, and she was making a broken indecipherable sound of pure agony that Jesse just loved. He walked closer to D.J.'s head nonchalantly and looked at her agonized face. Her eyes were shut tight with pain, her mouth was open like she wanted to scream, but all she could make was that noise.
With an evil rage, Jesse stomped on D.J.'s forehead, sending her into pure anguish as the cracked portion of her skull completely shattered under the pressure. Skull fragments buried themselves into D.J.'s brain causing indescribable agony. Jesse just smirked as he watched what happened next. D.J.'s body started to spasm. Her legs and arms started to flail about as if she were possessed. She was having a seizure from brain damage, and Jesse wasn't about to waste this new opportunity to cause some pain. He grabbed one of her spasming arms and held it still. This caused her to dislocate her shoulder, but Jesse wasn't done yet. With an insane smile on his face, Jesse placed the knife in D.J.'s hand, and then let go. Just as planned, despite the dislocation, she still flailed the knife wielding arm every which way, sending it slashing and stabbing through her body in all directions. Luckily, she just happened to miss all of her vital organs and arteries. Soon, after a few minutes had passed, D.J. calmed down, only to wake up to a hellish pain. Her dislocated shoulder hurt like nothing she had ever felt before, and still adding to her suffering were the knife wounds. Her skull and brain damage was still paining her too. Honestly, she hurt everywhere, but Jesse saw fit not to put her out of her misery. Instead, he thought to let her die a much slower and more painful death due to blood loss.
An hour or so later, D.J. finally died, so Jesse got himself to work. First, he checked Becky's car. Nicky and Alex hadn't returned with Becky and the others, and Jesse had a sneaking suspicion about that car. Sure enough, Alex's body was inside the vehicle. Jesse may have gone borderline crazy, if not completely insane, but he still was able to connect the dots. Nicky and Alex must have died at the camp site. If Jesse had any emotion left, he would have probably cried, but instead, he just took Alex inside the house like everyone else.
In the back yard, he started to dig a hole; a hole big enough to fit all of the people he killed. It took him some time, but eventually, he did it. Really, Jesse is something else. I mean, assuming the hole has to be like three or four feet deep at least to bury one person, and taking into account that he had to bury seven people . . . well, I don't know if I could dig that hole in just one day, but Jesse was committed. And so, after the hole was dug, he tossed in the corpses, one after the other. Once all seven were inside, he proceeded to bury them. He threw the knife and his bloody clothes in there too just to hide all the evidence.
Next, he cleaned the blood from the house. The walls, the floors, the driveway, wherever there was blood, Jesse cleaned it off. He went to the store next, and bought sod to cover up the hole he had buried his victims in. Finally, he was safe.
A week later, investigators came to the Tanner house for Dan hadn't been at work for the last week. Of course, they suspected Jesse, but they couldn't find any evidence to the crime in the house. Jesse told them that he was watching the house, while Dan and the others had gone to the Heller camp grounds for the weekend and never came back. Sure enough, when they investigated the camp site, they found Nicky's body near a bear cave. It was confirmed the boy was Jesse's son. Although they couldn't locate any of the other bodies, Jesse was not arrested for Nicky's body gave his claim enough weight to get him off the hook. Jesse was free.
The End
And, there you have it, my longest oneshot so far. I'm not sure if it worked too well. I kind of did a scattershot approach with the humor. Just a bunch of quick jokes thrown around randomly in hopes that some of them would be enjoyed. But I think I ended up just making a fanfic that wasn't sure what it was trying to be. Sometimes it serious and even dark, but other times it was a string of jokes. It works for someone with the unorthodox sense of humor that I have, but I don't know about the rest of you.
And, this is the first time I've written about a source material that I don't like. I really didn't know much about the characters in this one, so, sorry about that, too. What I did like was the kind of slap in the face ending. I mean, obviously I'm no proponent of murder, but I felt like it would be so objectionable to have Jesse win in the end that I couldn't help but write it.
But anyway, whether you liked it or not, I'd love some reviews. I look forward to new reviews on this site.
