AN: I own nothing and am making no money for no matter how many times I write to Santa he never seems to get my letter.

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September 1-- Thursday

I am certain that my existence on this miserable planet is an accident. I must have been abandoned by alien parentage at such an early age I cannot remember what they look like. I am most certainly not related to the piece of livestock that I refer to as "sister" as a sister would not have said, "I didn't know that male freaks had such firm butts," as Sirius Black walked by while at King's Cross.

I am never going to live this down. I know it.

3:00 PM

I knew it.

Current situation: I am sitting in the train cabin with Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter as I have arrived late since Horsey wouldn't stop ogling every male student at the platform and would not give me the tampon I was so desperately waiting for, therefore causing every cabin to be full and no one letting me in. (should not have bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points)

I am growing very tired of being stared at. I must do something about it. The silence in here is overwhelming.

3:30

… still staring at me

3:45

You would think they would have the need to blink

3:50

Apparently not.

4:00

I am growing quite uncomfortable. I hope they don't do this for the next three hours.

4: 05

Ha! Pettigrew's left eye is twitching.

4:10

I may have to kill my sister when I see her on Christmas for Black's words will forever be ringing in my ears.

"Wanna touch it?"

Their laughter followed me all the way to the loo. Where I am now. Looking at myself. In the mirror. With a booger half way out my nose.

At least I know why they were staring.

4:40

When I went back to the cabin (booger free) I found only Potter there looking out the window.

"Where did everyone go?"

He didn't even look at me, "They're visiting friends."

"Oh. So, um, yeah…" Awkward doesn't being to describe it.

Silence reigned. I think I'll brood.

"Hey, Evans?"

He scared the shit out of me so badly I fell off the bench and onto the floor, successfully landing on his foot causing him to fall over on top of me, smacking his head into my stomach and creating a nerve reflex that makes my left arm swing out on its own accord and punch him in the nose.

5:03

I always knew I'd punch Potter one day. I just hadn't expected it to be on accident.

Pettigrew, Black, and Lupin came back just in time to see the lovely incident between Potter and myself. It took them ten minutes to stop laughing before helping me heave the unconscious Potter onto the bench.

"Bugger, Evans. You have a hell of a left hook," Black said to me, prodding Potter in the arm.

I blushed, "It's just a reflex."

Lupin was smiling at me, "You knocked him out cold, Lily. I think he'll be rather impressed when he wakes up, granting, of course, you didn't break his nose."

It was bleeding rather splendidly.

"Should we do something about it?" Pettigrew asked.

Lupin looked at him then at Potter and then at him again, "Nahh, leave it. The look on his face will be perfect for the scrapbook."

Ohhhhhhhh.

"What scrapbook?"

Black answered my question, "We have been documenting our successes and triumphs for the past two years in an attempt to salvage the images our endeavors have produced for our children and our children's children."

"That's a lot of big words for you, Black."

Is it just me, or is Lupin looking fondly at him?

I must remember this curious development.

5:11

My, Potter's handsome when he's unconscious.

5:12

O.o

5:13

Did I write that? I most certainly do not think Potter is handsome!

9:22

In my nice, comfy bed at Hogwarts that I have to share with three other girls who despise me. Would have a nice, comfy bed at Hogwarts in the Head Girl's room if I had not bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points.

But I must not dwell on the past.

Today's gift of constant humiliation ended on a good note. After three months of no friends, hexes coming from all four houses, and death threats last year, I have made some allies.

The Marauders. (As they most ridiculously call themselves.)

My damnable left arm has finally caused some good. The punch I gave to Potter impressed them so much they have promised to be more kind to me. Joy.

Must sleep, tomorrow is Friday and classes start. (why Dumbledore is insisting on one day of class is beyond me.)

Night night.

September 10— Saturday

The Marauders (Dear God, I've started referring to them as one entity) have been true to their word. They have been quite nice. Almost like friends. For at this moment I find myself in the Library with Lupin working on an Arithmancy assignment together. Rather pleasant to have someone to do things with again. Since all my other friends have abandoned me. (should not have bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points)

My first week of school has passed very smoothly. With the exception of Black pinching my butt whenever I would walk by. Potter, unsurprisingly, would get rather red in the face and glare furiously at him. Black would just smile tauntingly back. Hmmm, I wonder why? I must remember this curious development.

I must get back to the essay. Lupin is attempting to read you.

7:56

Black pinched my butt again. I would be offended, but he redeemed himself by saying, "I'm just amazed at the firmness, Evans!"

It's rather flattering. I must remember to buy Horsey—I mean Petunia, something nice this Christmas.

September 12—Monday

11 days in. 11 days in! 11 days in and I am already in Professor McGonagall's office for hexing the Head Boy.

McGonagall is amazingly livid. She has nearly no mouth left, if I didn't respect her so much I'd be inclined to laugh…

"Miss Evans! I had hoped that last year's scandal was behind us, but now I see just how wrong I was! The Head Boy and several other witnesses—"

"All Slytherins!" I protested.

"It does not matter! They are still your fellow peers and what they have said you did is atrocious! You cannot go around hexing people for the fun of it! Especially the Head Boy!"

McGonagall was yelling so hard her hat fell off and she was breathing really hard.

"I have thought long and hard about your punishment, Miss Evans, and I have decided on something that will hopefully benefit you and teach you a lesson. Since you have always had a hard time in potions and wish to train as a healer, you will be tutored by the Head Boy and will have to obey his rules and his wishes. You will meet him tomorrow in the potions classroom at eight. You are dismissed."

I could barely remember walking from McGonagall's office to the Common Room. When I got inside the Marauders were waiting for me by the fire. I would have been more touched if I wasn't in so much shock.

Lupin lead me to the chair and all their faces were looking up at me.

"What did she do?" Potter asked.

"I've been assigned to hell."

Potter put his hand on mine in, I assume, a gesture of comfort, "Detention with Filch?"

I shook my head, "Potions tutoring with Snape."

They all looked so horrified I was feeling quite better.

September 13—Tuesday

The entire day was very entertaining to say the least. Potter and Black were acting as bodyguards in a way. They kept following me around everywhere. Even into the girls loo. It was embarrassing knowing that they could hear me peeing (it took all my firm buttocks power to keep from farting).

They kept stopping me and looking around corners while one looked from behind. When we had to pass by Snape to get to Herbology, Potter put his hand on the small of my back (had to ignore annoying, little tingly feeling) while Black had his wand out and was obviously threatening Snape with it.

I felt like I was in the middle of a James Bond movie.

6:45

Finishing dinner. Lupin and Black are acting strange. Lupin is leering at him and Black looks post-orgasmic (not that I would know what that looks like or anything…).

Hmmm, I must find out what is going on between those two.

Opps! Dropped my fork!

6:47

AHHHH!

10:33

Things I will never do again:

5) I will never hex Severus Snape so that he has to shit every three minutes

4) I will never let Horsey anywhere near the firm butt of Sirius Black

3) I will never buy illegal Veritaserum and then feed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that will ultimately loose me my already lost prefect badge and 200 points

2) I will never drop my fork

1) I will never kiss James Potter as a way to vent my feelings after a horrible night of potions tutoring.

September 23-- Friday

Remus, Sirius, and Peter (I am sadly now aquatinted with them enough to call them by their given names) have been trying so hard to get Potter and I to talk to each other. That kiss was a mistake and I cannot believe how insensitive Potter was to just… jump me like that! I cannot believe he took advantage of me when I was so obviously distraught from my first torture lesson (as we so humbly call them). I cannot believe he was such a prick!

It was a damn good kiss though.

Torture Lessons are going horribly. Snape is like a lecherous old bat. He keeps trying to see down my shirt whenever I bend over a potion and he's starting to become oddly nice. Well… that's giving him too much credit. I have been promoted from The Mudblood to Hey You.

I have yet to confront Remus and Sirius on their peculiar relationship. Sirius has been paying less attention to his fanclub lately and more time with Remus. And Remus has been giving Sirius these strange sidelong glances. I have been watching them during dinner, but there have been no incidents or reasons to drop my fork. Damn.

Remus has been looking a bit peaky the past few days. I asked him what's wrong and he almost broke into tears.

September 24-- Saturday

The strangest thing just happened to me.

I was outside with all The Marauders (for once) and we were at the Quidditch Pitch. Sirius and Potter are on the team and they were practicing and we were watching (Peter almost knocked my eyeball out). The Gryffindor team was really into their practice, they had been out there for five hours already, and I was getting hungry, so I took a Honeydukes chocolate bar out of my bag.

I was fully intent on eating it, but I was tackled by Remus. Sweet and gentle Remus tackled me right off the stand and into the pitch. I felt him pry my fingers off the chocolate bar and then jump back up and out of my sight.

I must have laid there for a good five minutes trying not to move and listening to him eat my chocolate. He was never this messy in the Great Hall. Grobble, grooble, munch, munch, slurp, sluuurrrrpp.

I tried to get up, but I think I broke my body in the 25 foot drop from the bottom stand to the pitch.I was one big mess of pain. I tried to call for help.

"Unnggghhh"

Close enough, besides, Potter certainly came 1.44444445 seconds later. He looked rather peaky himself when he saw me. I tried to ask him what's wrong, but I ended up passing out.

4:40

I broke my neck in the fall.

Madame Pomfrey realigned it and she said I'll be fine, if a little stiff, in a few days, but I have to stay the night in the hospital wing. Professor McGonagall came to see me, asking what had happened, and I told her that I slipped and fell. I can't have Remus getting into trouble or anything. Then I really will be alone in this school.

He's been acting very odd. He's pale, his back has been bothering him, he's ready to cry at any moment, is very violent, and has horrid cravings for chocolate.

Sounds a bit like Mum on her period.

I must remember this curious development.

12:04 AM

Woke up hearing my name being called. Saw no one and figured I must be dreaming.

"Lily…"

Okay. Great. Now I'm hearing voices in my head. Next thing you know they'll be telling me that they're Snape wearing a tutu and singing I Feel Pretty.

"Lily!"

"I feel prreettyy! Ohh so prreettyy!"

Stopped singing to find Potter's head floating in midair. His eyes were wide as saucers and the rest of him materialized as well as a really fancy cloak for poufs.

"Oh, Potter. It's you."

He looked at me and came forward, "Hey, I, well, I came to see how you were."

"Oh, you know, fiddley widdley."

What the hell is wrong with me?

His eyes got really wide again, "Right."

"What can I do for you my good, pilgrim? You must have come all…"

Potter jumped forward and caught me before I fell off the bed.

"Why, thank you, Jim."

He looked at me strange, "I think you are still under some of the potions. Maybe this should wait for later."

"NOO!"

He slapped his hand over my mouth, "What are you trying to do? I could be in serious trouble for visiting you!" he hissed at me

I felt my eyes tearing up, "You came all the way for… me?"

He blushed, "Well, yeah. I mean, I care for you, Lily. I have for a while. You know that."

"Aye, me matey. Yer word be as good as yer hart." I nodded vigorously to prove my point. He caught me again before I fell.

He smiled, "You know, Lily, you're really funny when you're up on potions. I came down here to see you and to ask you something. Hopefully, the outcome will be slightly different than all the other time I've tried to ask. Lily, will you—"

"Ohh James! Of course I'll marry you!" I then flung myself at him and kissed his earlobe.

He pushed me back onto the bed, blushing a lot, "Umm, no, Lily. It's a little soon. I wanted to know if you would go to Hogsmeade with me on Halloween."

"Alright then!"

He smiled, "Really? You will?"

Zzzzzzz

September 28-- Wednesday

Things have been going fabulously well.

Remus is back to normal and has apologized 8,749,269,462,376 times for breaking my neck and nearly killing me. I would have faced him when he was doing it but he always stood to my side and I couldn't look that way if I tried. I think he did it on purpose. Coward.

Torture Lessons are going a bit better. I think I may actually be good at potions. Snape is a pretty decent teacher when he doesn't hate you. Found that out the hard way and now have to settle for lecherous looks down my shirt.

James has been incredibly sweet. Giving me pecks on the cheek every morning and every night. He has, thankfully, not mentioned the midnight rendezvous in the hospital wing and my rather strange behavior. Cannot wait for Halloween. Cannot believe that I am going on a date with the same perv from fifth year.

Narcissa Black has been given detention and lost Slytherin 100 points for coming on to a teacher. Sirius and I think it was Flitwick.

Made my first visit to the boy's dorm on Monday looking for Sirius. Would have gone inside, but strange noises were being emitted. Lots of "Ohhs" and "Yess" and "Harder!"

I must remember this curious development.