"Let's just see where the balloon takes us"
Grace stayed silent. Frankie pulled her in close and held her there as they stood staring out at the most spectacular view of San Diego that either of them had ever experienced. For the first time in days Grace felt a sense of ease. For days she had been dealing with a lightning storm in her brain; attempting to handle Frankie's news of potentially leaving her had Grace's nerves raw with emotion.
She couldn't lose Frankie. It just could not happen. Grace needed Frankie, and that had been proved over and over during the last two years. Her feeling of peace was being threatened by the intensity of her oncoming heartbreak. She knew Frankie, too well, and she knew her deep love for adventure and saying yes to everything. Not to mention Jacob, who didn't deserve to have Grace meddle in his relationship. Her peace was completely gone now, despite the once-in-a-lifetime endeavor she was currently embarking on. The view in front of her and Frankie's arm around her had lost the excitement. She knew Frankie would leave, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Suddenly she didn't want to be in the balloon anymore. Overwhelmed by her lightning storm, she turned her head and buried her face in Frankie's hair. She took a few slow, deep breaths, attempting to calm herself with the scent of Frankie. Frankie pulled back a bit wanting to see what was causing her friend to sigh so dejectedly.
"Grace, we both know I have incredible hair, but I never imagined it'd be more memorable than a hot air balloon ride." Grace remained silent so Frankie grabbed her face and forced Grace to look at her. "Right now, we are a miles above any other human. I mean, there's this guy," Frankie said, gesturing to their balloon pilot, "But for the sake of this demonstration we will pretend he can't speak English." Grace looked at Frankie with her eyebrows furled, Frankie's hands still on her face. Grace tried to step back but Frankie grabbed Grace's arms to hold her in place. "Please Grace, it's just us up here. Will you please tell me what is going on with you?"
Grace's eyes moved to Frankie's, who was locked on Grace. "Actually, hot air balloons can't go up a mile, we probably aren't much above 2,000 feet right now." Grace said, moving her eyes away from Frankie's, who then ducked her head to try and catch Grace's eyes again.
"Actually-" Frankie began, with a Grace-like inflection, "the world record for balloon altitude is 65,000 feet."
Grace's eyes got wide. "Seriously?" she asked, still just wanting to be anywhere but the balloon.
"Grace, please. I need you to talk to me about this"
Grace dropped her gaze. She knew there was no escaping her feelings this time. Frankie had literally trapped her here, and it was her own fault. How could she begin to open up to Frankie about this? She couldn't even understand it herself. The way she felt about Frankie had its own brand; it went way beyond a best friend or a roommate. Frankie had become the single most important person in her life, but how? It shouldn't be possible, she thought, for someone like Frankie to have made such a huge impact on someone like Grace. Sure, Frankie is the only other person on the planet who knows what it's like to be dumped by your husband for a gay man, but that still doesn't explain the deep emotional discomfort caused by the idea of Frankie leaving her. She's a grown ass woman, for Christ's sake. She's dealt with people leaving her before, on many different levels, but this was seriously different.
She looked back up at Frankie, who was still staring deeply at her. Instantly Grace felt a flood of emotion and tears began to prick the back of her eyes. That's been happening a lot to her lately, ever since the reality hit that she in fact can't spend the rest of her life with Frankie, and why she felt like she ever could is a whole different animal. Frankie's eyes continued with intensity, and Grace's eyes began to spill over with tears. Frankie moved her hand off Grace's arm to gently wipe the tears away. This action made Grace completely melt, and she fell into Frankie's arms. Frankie, who remained silent, held her close as Grace released an intense wave of pent up emotion.
"You can't leave me Frankie. You need to stay," Grace sobbed into Frankie's chest. "I know I said you should go but you can't. I used your health to convince you to stay, and I know it was wrong to try and influence your big decision but the thought of having to ever be without you made make irrational decisions. I know this is being selfish but damnit Frankie you know I'm selfish –" Frankie cut her off by grabbing her by the arms and holding Grace in front of her. Frankie wanted to tease her for being such a wreck about the situation, but the look of heartbreak and defeat on Grace's face stopped her.
"You're the only one who has put out such an effort to prevent me moving. You have to tell me why, Grace"
"I don't know, Frankie! You think if I knew why I cannot stand the thought of living without you that I would have told you? I wish I knew why you're the first thing I think of in the morning is you, and the last thing I think of at night. You are my best friend but it goes beyond that. I don't know why but I need you. Here. With me." Grace was completely overcome by emotion now, pouring out everything she felt about Frankie. There was no stopping her at this point, she had been so weighed down by uncertainty and confusion
All Frankie could do was hold Grace as her body shook with sobs. Nothing Grace said made any literal sense, yet she understood. Their bond was very non-traditional as far as best friends go. Frankie felt it too, and had she known the strong and beautiful woman that was Grace had such a strong reciprocation, she would have handled the situation a little differently.
"I don't wanna be up here anymore, Frankie," Grace sniffled. Frankie looked down at her, cheeks stained with tears. Frankie saw a different Grace just then, instead of a powerful mountain, she saw a broken Grace. Frankie motioned to the man operating the balloon to let them back down.
Grace, who by now was back to burying her face in Frankie's hair whispered a thanks into Frankie's ear, and Frankie gave her gentle and compassionate kiss on the forehead. Grace opened her eyes when she felt it. She felt so comfortable when she was close to Frankie. Was that what set her relationship with Frankie so far apart from average friendships? Once again her lightning storm returned.
Soon they had landed, and Grace had to separate herself from Frankie. It didn't feel good, but lately not feeling good was pretty normal for her.
Their drive home was silent, and even upon arriving home not a sound was uttered from either woman. Grace knew she had to get her thoughts in order before she spoke again, she needed a clear understanding of what exactly it was she wanted from Frankie.
Frankie knew what was happening. And she knew how to fix it. She grabbed her biggest, fluffiest blanket and a lavender candle and found Grace in her bed curled over but with all the lights on. Frankie lit the candle, turned off most the lights, and crawled into bed right beside Grace. Frankie was prepared for protests, but to her highest surprise, Grace just turned over to look at Frankie, and when she did, Frankie's heart broke into a million pieces. Grace had been crying, pretty ferociously from what it looked like. Frankie quickly wrapped her arms around Grace and pulled her in, partly because Frankie, too, was enjoying her closeness, but mostly because the hurt and fear and absolute brokenness on Grace's face was too much for Frankie to handle. It was Frankie's fault, after all.
Grace was comfortable now, the scent of lavender and Frankie's fuzzy blanket had her relaxed, not to mention she was lying in bed next to Frankie, the most comforting aspect of this scenario. Frankie was gently playing with Grace's hair and would kiss her lightly on the forehead every so often. She could see how relaxed Grace was, and being able to do that for her made Frankie's heart feel full.
A long time went by before either woman spoke. Neither of them knew what they were feeling, let alone how to voice those feelings. They just continued to lay there close to each other, Frankie continuing to stroke Grace's hair and give her little forehead kisses. Every time did, grace would smile and hum lightly to herself. This made Frankie happy.
"I love you Grace." Frankie stated calmly. Her words took Grace by surprise. Not because she'd never heard Frankie say that before, but because this most likely meant the start of a conversation Grace didn't want to have. "I love you a lot, actually," Frankie continued. "And I know you're my best friend and my roommate and my business partner, and all of those types of relationships can in one way or another merit my admittance of love for you, but I have to say Grace, the kind of love I have for you is unlike any I've ever felt before."
Grace's heart was pounding and she prayed to God that Frankie couldn't tell. What was Frankie trying to say? Would she be able to put Grace's feelings in actual English words, something that Grace obviously failed to do?
"I am closer with you than I am anybody else right now," Frankie continued. "yet I have a desire to be closer with you still."
Grace's heart was pounding so loud now she could barely here what Frankie was saying. She didn't want to move though, she didn't think letting Grace see her face right now was a good idea.
"I'm not moving to New Mexico, Grace, I need to be here with you"
There it was, the only words Grace had been wanting to hear since the whole ordeal started. Another surge of emotion washed over her and she began to cry into Frankie's shoulder again. Grace held Frankie tight, as if she wasn't sure that Frankie was being serious about staying. Frankie felt this, and in desperate attempt to get her beautiful best friend to feel better, she grabbed both sides of Grace's face, looked her straight in the eyes and said "Gracie, I promise to you that for the rest of my life, no matter what, I will never stop being there for you. And I will never stop being there with you."
"Now finish it off" Grace said whimsically but with tears still in her eyes. It was half an attempt to tease Frankie and half an attempt to get Frankie to kiss her forehead again.
Frankie let out a light laugh at the reference, and placed a heavy kiss on Grace's foreheagd. Frankie then moved slightly and placed another kiss on Grace's nose. Grace felt her heart speed up again as she looked Frankie in the eye and saw a new emotion; she couldn't pin point it but before she had much of a chance to process, Frankie leaned down and kissed Grace right on the lips. Grace felt like her heart caught on fire. The lightning storm inside her brain had migrated to her chest and she felt like she was going to implode. Frankie's lips were so soft and her movements were gentle. They kissed for a while before grace had to come up for air. She was breathing heavily, each exhale soaked with lust. Grace had no idea what was happening, but Frankie made it all seem okay. Frankie reached over Grace to shut off the lamp. She snuggled back into Grace, stopping for another mind-numbing kiss. Grace was worried she wouldn't be able to sleep after all this.
"Obviously we have some stuff to talk about in the morning," Frankie said. "But for right now I want you to stay right where you are." Frankie kissed her one last time for the night and they both drifted off to sleep happier than they'd been in days.`
