Warnings: angsty, silly, crack canon AU
Prompt: Camelot_drabble #025 Facebook and merlin_writers November-Forced Proximity prompt on LiveJournal
Kudos to my beta reader: Many thanks to camelittle for being an awesome beta reader and brit-picker. You rock! Any and all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; They and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
Spells were a pain in the arse. Often as not, he'd use a single wonky vowel or sibilant consonants going on a little too long and bang! there was green smoke and a stain on Gaius's wall. Of course, Merlin would have to clean it up and not with sorcery, either, but with sheer elbow grease because Gaius was a bit old-fashioned about using magic where anyone could see.
Said it was dangerous.
Gaius had a point.
Besides, although Merlin did tend for things go a bit pear-shaped more often than he'd like, he corrected his mistakes in the end, after a while, a few days later, you know once the smoke had vanished.
It wasn't his fault. Spells were hard.
But he had to admit that trouble did seem to follow him around; right now he was hip deep in it and not just about a little green colour.
Instead of paying attention, he'd been thinking about the prat, annoying and pompous and patronizing, always piling up ridiculous chores just so Arthur could mock him, yelling at him, insulting him, but remembering, too, the other times when he'd wrestled with Merlin and laughed with him and ruffled his hair.
The magic had just sort of slipped out.
It wasn't his fault that Arthur, or rather Arthur's face was now glaring out at him from his magic book.
Okay, maybe it was a little bit his fault.
The prat was yelling so much so that Merlin's ears were beginning to hurt, and he did the only thing any sane warlock would do - panic. Well that and closing the book in Arthur's face.
It didn't stop the yelling; actually it made it more intense but it was a bit muffled, easier on the ears.
But then he thought that maybe, just maybe Arthur could suffocate in there and panic or not, he wasn't going to let his prince die because Merlin was too much of an idiot to learn a proper spell.
So he opened it up again.
Merlin had never seen that shade of anger before and he was starting to lose his nerve again but as he thought about hiding the book under his bed for a while – it couldn't be that bad, could it? and he was sure Arthur could use the time to calm down, Arthur shouted out, "Merlin, you idiot, what the hell did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!" He tried to look innocent, he really did but Arthur could see right through him.
"No, of course not. It must be some other powerful warlock hiding in Camelot that has stuck me in a book."
"You are never going to let that go, are you?"
Arthur was glaring hard enough to worry Merlin a bit. After all they'd been through! Arthur finding out about his magic and throwing him in prison for a couple of days while he cooled off – and wasn't that something that Merlin would never forget, the endless worry and the grief at Arthur's furious reaction, it had taken Arthur even longer to look him in the eye again once Merlin had been let out of the cell.
Of course, he'd spent a month in the stocks for it. He supposed it was the least Arthur could do to assuage his guilt at defying his father about magic; Arthur had even provided some particularly rotten vegetables for the townspeople when the supply ran low and helped some of the kids with their aim. He'd claimed that children should know how to throw properly and since Merlin was such a good target, he'd want to take advantage of the situation for training purposes.
In a pig's eye.
Merlin didn't believe him for a minute.
At least he wasn't threatening to put Merlin back in the stocks to punish him for turning Arthur into a book, well not yet anyway. "It was an accident."
The glare Arthur sent Merlin's way was so fiery that he was surprised the castle didn't collapse from the heat. In fact, he looked around to make sure nothing was burning. There did seem to be a bit of a stench in the room.
"Stop acting like the idiot you are and get me out of here."
Merlin hated to disappoint Arthur. He might be a cabbagehead and a prat but he would do anything for him really. It was just that he didn't know what to do. Blinking down at him, he said, "I have a bit of a problem."
"Of course you do and you are looking right at him." Arthur's scowl deepened. "Do something!"
Merlin gulped. If he was very careful, he was sure he could fix it. After all, how hard could it be?
Apparently very hard.
With Arthur criticizing at him at every turn, throwing out insults and threats with equal measure, he couldn't concentrate. He tried, he really did, but the words were kind of blurry on the page and instead of Arthur transforming back into a prat, Merlin found himself nose to nose with him.
In the bloody book.
Why the spell didn't put them on different pages was another mystery he didn't want to think about just yet; at least then, he could pretend to ignore Arthur, instead of being jammed next to him. There wasn't a whole lot of room inside wherever they were.
In fact, Merlin wasn't sure where they were – at least where the rest of their bodies were. Their faces were fine and Merlin could see the back of Arthur's head when he looked away and part of his neck but Merlin couldn't see anything else, no fingers or toes or anything really.
It was a bit worrisome but at least he didn't feel uncomfortable, not hungry or needing to pee or other such troublesome things. Arthur, on the other hand, looked extremely uncomfortable, as if he'd rather be anywhere instead of facing Merlin.
He also wasn't exactly welcoming. "You idiot, how could you still be so incompetent? If we ever get out of this, you are going to be in the stocks. Forever! You think your life has been a living hell up to now. Just wait. I'm going to make sure it is far worse." With Arthur yelling in his face, Merlin couldn't ignore him like he usually did. "If you don't do something!"
That didn't sound good. Merlin was trying, he really was but with every added threat out of Arthur's mouth, he just wanted to cry.
He even blinked a bit, hoping to keep the tears at bay. He knew Arthur would get angrier at him for it – if that were possible, and since neither of them had hands at the moment, then who would wipe the tears away and the snot, too? Ugh, what a mess.
Arthur must have noticed, though, and he stopped abruptly, scowling at him. After a moment, he said slowly, patiently, as if speaking to a very young, very stupid child, "Merlin, now is not the time to turn into a bloody girl. Concentrate on what you are doing. You are normally pretty hopeless with things and I know it is not a good idea to rely on you too much but you are the only one who can get us out of here. I'm sure if you focus properly, something might get through that thick skull of yours."
Merlin couldn't breathe. After all he'd done for that prat.
With years behind him of hearing about how incompetent he was, Merlin thought he'd be immune to the insults. After all, slurs done constantly become background noise and Merlin was very good at ignoring them.
But making fun of his emotional state just when he needed a bit of understanding? It was all too much. Arthur had meant it and it hurt.
"It's not my fault. If you hadn't piled up so many chores, this never would have happened." Scowling at Arthur, Merlin said, "Always yelling at me, telling me how awful I am at everything I do. I'm exhausted half the time just listening to you and do you ever say thank you or even well done, Merlin? No, it's do this, Merlin, do that, Merlin, you are an inept, bungling, hopeless idiot, Merlin, you deserve to be sacked, Merlin, but first come and polish my sword and muck out the stables and my armour needs oiling and where's my lunch, Merlin."
He had to pause because he'd run out of breath, he was that angry. But then as Arthur was going to shout back - Merlin could tell because the prat had turned red and there was a vein in his neck that was starting to pulse, Merlin snapped, "Well, I'm sick of polishing your armour and mucking out the stables and any other chores you make up for me just to see me staggering around and be made a fool of and when we get out of here, destiny be damned, you won't have to put up with such an inept, bungling, hopeless idiot anymore because I quit."
For a moment, he thought Arthur might explode with that flushed face and narrowed eyes and the way his mouth kept opening and closing. Finally, Arthur roared out, "You can't quit because I'm sacking you. Again."
That was it. He'd had enough. Glaring back, he shouted, "Well, fine."
If he'd had a fist, he'd have punched the cabbagehead right in his fat face.
"Fine," Arthur bellowed back.
And then there was a lot of scowling at each other for a very long time.
When Merlin had calmed down and regretted some, not all, mind, but some of what he'd said, he still couldn't figure out what to do next.
Arthur was not talking to him, the git. In fact the royal frown had pretty much frozen solid on his stupid face but at least he wasn't staring at Merlin any more like he was some kind of scum.
In fact, he wasn't staring at all; instead he'd closed his eyes and appeared to be asleep. Merlin knew he was just faking it. He'd been around Arthur long enough to know when the prat was asleep or pretending just so he could put off getting up in the morning. Lazy daisy, indeed.
But the more he thought about their dilemma, the more he knew he'd need help.
Gaius was out on some errands but it was likely he'd be back sooner or later. And the book was open on the table where they did most of their experiments so it wasn't hidden in any way. As long as it was Gaius that found it and not Uther, they might have a chance to get free.
Merlin shuddered to think of what the king might do; likely he'd throw the book in a fire and try and destroy the spell that way, but there was a very real possibility that they'd both die if he did.
So, when he heard noises coming from outside the book, the sound of a door opening, he was silent, didn't shout, didn't want to draw any attention to the book. There were too many risks.
Arthur, however, had apparently not thought it through. His eyes snapped open and he opened his mouth to call out to whoever it was.
Panicked, without hands to cover Arthur's mouth and shut him up, all Merlin could do was shove his head into the prat's face.
There was a lot of muffled grumbling and the sound of spitting out hair as Arthur hissed, "Merlin!"
Luckily Merlin's lips were close to Arthur's ear. As softly as he could, he whispered, "Shut up, you don't know who is out there just yet. If they do something with the book, we might be trapped here forever. Wait until Gaius gets back. He'll tidy up then and he'll find us soon enough."
"Who are you telling to shut up?" Of course, Arthur had to have the last word. "If we don't die first, I'm going to kill you myself."
Merlin pulled back, rolling his eyes as he said, "You'll have to catch me first, dollophead."
With that, Arthur gave Merlin a sharp head bump right along the temple. "Idiot."
His head ringing a moment from the blow, he snarled out, "Prat!"
And with that, there was a full out war inside the book. Merlin was ramming Arthur's head back with his own and they were pushing and shoving as much as they were able considering where they were - so much so that the book slid off the table and onto the floor.
Landing face down in the pile of rubbish that Merlin had been cleaning up when this all started.
Merlin was furious. Stupid cabbage-headed prince just had to be the one in charge, had to make sure to get in the last shove or the last royal prat command or whatever the hell the fight was about, never mind that they might be in danger.
Luckily, Merlin could hear footsteps coming closer and he told Arthur to keep still, pretend to be a picture or something, at least until they knew who it was.
Sending him a frosty glare, Arthur nodded and froze.
Just in time, too, because in the next moment, the book was being picked up and turned over, and a huge face appeared above them.
Thank the gods, it was Gaius.
Gaius might be an old man but he was quick-witted and worked it out immediately. As he started to sit down, he said, "Merlin, what have you done?"
There was a snigger beside him and he turned to send a furious glare at the git before looking back at Gaius. Also he hadn't meant to whinge, but really his day had been bollocks so far and with the threat of the stocks once this was done and the fact that Arthur had sacked him on top of everything else, he felt a bit put out about the whole thing.
"Why does everyone blame me?"
Raising one eyebrow - Merlin hated when he did that since it always made him feel like a badly behaved child, Gaius gave out a long, reproving sigh. "Arthur doesn't have magic, Merlin. Of course, it's your fault." Looking a bit more serious, Gaius glanced about the room. "Unless there is another sorcerer in Camelot?"
Oh, how Merlin would have loved to have had any excuse not to admit to being an idiot but lying about it wouldn't help get them out. Hanging his head, he said, "No, it was me."
"Only you, Merlin." Gaius did sound so disappointed but besides him there was a snort, Merlin could take having his mentor think him a fool, but the arse in the book with him was another matter.
Merlin twisted around to face the git, wanting so badly to turn Arthur into a toad that he was almost choking on it, but the thought of toady slime so close to his face was a bit off-putting. Besides his magic wasn't working all that well at the moment.
So instead, he said, "If you think it's so easy, get off your royal backside and do something. I'll just stand…umm… sit… umm… watch."
"As Gaius so intelligently pointed out, I do not have magic, Merlin." The arse sounded almost amused by it all.
"And if you did, you'd bollocks it up anyway. You may be good with a sword but magic takes some actual skill."
The insult must have worked. Arthur looked furious.
"I have lots of skills." Eyes bulging out, his mouth gaping like some kind of gob-smacked idiot, clearly working himself into a snit, Arthur said, "I've won every tournament I've entered."
Merlin rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, I'm sure you have."
"What does that mean?" Arthur's eyes narrowed dangerously and there was a set to his face that Merlin hadn't seen in a while, one that spoke of treading carefully if he knew what was good for him.
Not that Merlin knew what was good for him, not when it came to Arthur. But before he could dig himself in deeper, Gaius said, "This is not helping." When they didn't say anything else, just scowled at one another, it seemed to placate him. "Merlin, if we are going to get you out, I need to know what you did. In detail."
His face flooding with embarrassment, Merlin said, "Can I whisper it to you? I don't…."
Of course, the arse just had to speak up. "What is it, Merlin? You so afraid that I'll find out just how much of a girl you are?"
"If you want to live the rest of your miserable life as a toad, keep it up, you git!"
Gaius had apparently had enough. "Shut up, both of you!" Frowning down at them, he said, "Arthur, insulting Merlin isn't helping at the moment, and Merlin, if it is that embarrassing, you will remember the lesson that much better next time."
"Please, Gaius, not in front of Arthur."
Screwing up his mouth, shaking his head to one side in Arthur's direction and widening his eyes to try and let Gaius know just how much he didn't want to say anything where Arthur could hear, when Gaius frowned back, Merlin could see that it wasn't going to work.
Sometimes he thought Gaius might hate him, just a little. "Merlin, I do not have your telepathic skills. I'm afraid you will just have to accept that he will know."
Great, just great. He would just have to suck it up and bear the consequences. At least when he left Camelot, Arthur wouldn't be able to torment him anymore. He nodded, looked down towards phantom hands – if he could have seen them, that was, and said, "I guess it doesn't matter since he's sacked me anyway and I'll be going home to Ealdor after we get out of this mess."
"I'm sorry to hear that. You have always had mine and Arthur's best interests at heart, risking your life so many times for him and for me." Gaius managed to look contrite; at least that would be something to remember once Merlin got home and started thinking about all the things he could have done differently. Looking forward to a lifetime of regrets. "I will miss you, my boy."
"I will miss you, too, Gaius. You have been more than a father to me." He'd have hugged Gaius if he could.
"Have you really risked your life for mine?" Arthur was looking at him as if it had never occurred to him. He even sounded less hostile.
How Arthur could have not known was kind of amazing. After all the battles they'd been in, did he still think Merlin wouldn't save him a thousand times over if he could? "I've lost track of the numbe,r but yeah, I have."
"I had no idea."
Merlin would have shrugged had he shoulders. As it was, he just said, "Didn't think you'd appreciate that I'd used magic to save you, so I kept it a secret."
"Merlin, I…." Arthur looked embarrassed, turning away a moment, clearly thinking about it all, then up toward Gaius. "Can you get us out of this book?"
"I believe I can once I know how Merlin got you both into it in the first place." They turned to Merlin and waited, expectant.
There was no way to get around it. Merlin took a deep breath, let it out slowly and then said, "Féhe min heortlufan béc? It was supposed to be I paint… ummm in the book. But maybe I misread it?"
"Merlin, you are an idiot. I paint is Fæge. I capture is Féhe. They are not even close." Gaius was frowning, looking first at Merlin and then at Arthur. "And why were you trying to paint Arthur?"
"Not Arthur. Heortlufan. I wanted to see who it would be." Face flushing, Merlin was well aware of how closely Arthur was listening. He could practically hear the thoughts going on in the git's thick skull. It was embarrassing, but there was no getting around it, and he figured Arthur would figure it out eventually anyway. Besides, he was worn-out with all the lies. "I didn't want to be alone anymore and I was tired of waiting for… anyway, I thought if I knew someone who might want me, I'd maybe find them and get to know them and maybe…."
When Merlin stopped, not wanting to explain and be called a girl's petticoat for it, Arthur said, "Who is Heartlufan?"
Merlin was certainly not going to tell him, but Gauis, ever the teacher, said, "It's not a person but rather a concept. It means the love of the heart, heart-love."
Staring at Merlin a moment, looking altogether too thoughtful, chewing on his lip a bit like he always does when puzzling out something, Arthur turned back to Gaius. "So… Merlin was trying to find love?"
"The spell, if said correctly, should have painted a picture in the book of the person he loved or was destined to love. Instead, it captured you and put you in it." Gaius was being just too bloody helpful.
Merlin wanted to find a cave hidden in the mists of time and never come out again. Right now, the thought of going on the chopping block and getting his head cut off was better than this. "Can we stop talking about it now and just get on with finding a way out of here?"
Looking a bit pensive, Gaius straightened up. Laying the book on the table, he steepled his fingers, resting them on his mouth for a moment and then he smiled and pointed toward the shelf where they hid the books about magic.
"Well, now that I know it was something to do with love, I'm sure I will be able to find an answer. You might not like it, though."
"At this point, it couldn't get any worse," Merlin said.
And then it did.
Arthur was staring at him for the longest time. He knew that face; it was Arthur's getting-into-trouble face, the one where he'd been told not to do something and then he found a way around it, usually with Merlin's help, sometimes to Merlin's detriment as he often ended up in the stocks for it.
Oh so casually, as if trying to ask without asking, Arthur said, "So heartlufan means heart-love."
"Yeah, what of it?" He did not want to have this conversation but at least Gaius wasn't around to hear. He was book-deep in trying to find a counter spell. Merlin hoped Gaius would hurry before he died of embarrassment.
"And féhe means capture. My guess is that min means my and béc book?" When all Merlin did was scowl at him, Arthur smirked, his mouth growing wider with every second. "So it means 'Capture my heart-love in a book'."
Face flaming, trying to make the scowl on his face scary enough that it would shut the cabbage-head up, Merlin said, "Don't start. I swear I will turn you into a toad, maybe with a little gold crown so people will know that it's actually you. Not that they'd be unsure because you are already a prat and I imagine your toadyness would be even prattier. And I'll find you a toad princess and build you a toad palace and you can get married and can have tadpoles in the lake."
"Merlin, there is nothing wrong with being in love with me. Everyone is."
Merlin was going to kill him if Gaius didn't come back soon. He'd shove his head into Arthur's mouth and the git would suffocate and Merlin would never have to hear that supercilious voice again.
"How you get through the door with that fat head of yours is beyond me."
Arthur was looking entirely too smug. But as he opened his mouth to say something else, Gaius returned.
"It was as I suspected." Looking very grave, Gaius kept glancing at Arthur and then at Merlin. "You may not like it but it's the only way I can find out of this dilemma."
This was going to be bad. Maybe they'd have to go on a quest back to the Perilous Lands or slay a giant or capture a Sidhe Elder and make him release them both – although how they'd be able to do that while inside a book was a bit of a problem.
"Merlin, Arthur, I'm sorry to tell you but the only way to release you both is through True Love's Kiss."
No, no, no, no, no!
This was ridiculous. It was a myth; it was impossible. Arthur would never let Merlin kiss him and he was sure Arthur wasn't in love with him. It was never going to happen. They'd be trapped inside, just faces for all eternity, caught in the book.
Breathing heavy, panicking as only he could do, Merlin said, "Gaius, you have to look again. Please, Gaius, it can't be the only answer. There's got to be another spell."
Even Arthur looked disturbed by it. "So Gaius, how does work? What if one person is in love and the other one isn't? Would they both still get out?"
"I believe each person needs to be kissed properly but the one doing the kissing does not need to be inside the book to do it. Anyone who kissed the image of you and truly loves you should suffice."
Merlin could see things getting worse and worse. If nothing else, he'd kiss Arthur just to make sure he got free, no matter if the git wanted a kiss or not. But as far as Merlin knew, no one loved him like that, not since Freya, and he could be stuck in the book for all time. Well stuck there until Uther got wind of it and then it would be the pyre for sure.
Starting to babble, seeing no way out of this, he looked wildly at Gaius and then back towards Arthur. "Sorry, so sorry, I'm…."
And then Arthur kissed him. Mouth on mouth, lips warm and wet and wonderful, breathing into him, tongue exploring, hungry as Merlin had always dreamt it would be. In fact, he couldn't believe it and he struggled a moment, mind reeling, and then Arthur did something with his tongue and Merlin was lost.
He dove in, the desperation to touch his beloved Arthur, to taste him before it all went to hell. Moaning out his passion, the kisses swallowing up the very air he was breathing, and he didn't care. He was kissing the man he'd sacrificed everything for, and for a wonderful, impossible moment, he was being kissed back.
Fingers draping around his neck, Arthur pulled him in closer. And suddenly there were arms and chests and a beating heart under his hand, and a hardness there, persistent against his thigh and it felt glorious.
He didn't want to stop. He wanted the warmth of Arthur's touch, and the eager press of bodies rubbing through linen and wool. In the distance, he could hear Gaius mumbling something about taking it to Merlin's room, but he didn't care. It was all too much.
Wanting to let it go on forever, he knew he couldn't. Somehow, Gaius had been wrong. It hadn't taken both of them to find love, only one had been sufficient. And Merlin would never force himself on the person he loved, even though he might wish for it with all his heart.
Pushing back, he stood there breathing hard, watching Arthur blink in shock. As Arthur tried to reach for him again, Merlin stopped him, holding him at arm's length. "Arthur, Arthur, we've done it. We're free. You don't have to anymore. Gaius was wrong. It only took one person to be in love, not two, for the counter-spell to work."
Merlin wasn't the only one breathing hard. Arthur frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Speaking as if to a little child or someone drunk on passion, Merlin said, "I know I'm still sacked but since I'm leaving anyway, I'm in love with you, you great git. So true love's kiss worked, not for just one of us but for both. I know you don't love me, why would you? You think I'm a bumbling, ridiculous idiot and a sorcerer, too but at least you are free and that's the most important part."
With a quick move that Arthur must have perfected while training, he broke Merlin's hold on him and grabbed his arms instead, trapping him. Oh, but the feel of strong hands on him, no matter if it only lasted a few moments, was wonderful. But Arthur was not amused. "You really are an idiot. You think I keep you close, following you around, giving you ridiculous chores just to mock you? Open your eyes, Merlin. Every time we argue," Arthur's smile was as bright as he'd ever seen when he said, "it's magic."
"But I thought…"
Arthur gave a little snort, then pulled him close. "Stop thinking." And then he kissed him again. And it was magic.
The end
Fæge min heortlufan béc. I paint my heart-love in the book
Féhe min heortlufan béc. I capture my heart-love in the book.
