Loss
Part One: Shock

Blood.

Yukito stared blankly at the shattered windshield, and the shards of glass that rained his body. Blood soaked his thick winter clothes. His body was broken.

He doubted that he could ever be put together again.

A spasm overtook him, and he convulsed, constricting in mind-numbing pain. He moaned and tried to focus, to concentrate on Touya, who, thank Kami, wasn't there. He looked at Johanna's limp body draped over the steering wheel. He stared at Isaac, head leaning against a battered, half-opened car-door, eyes closed. He gazed at Maria, who sprawled over the back seat, legs entangling in his.

The pain was too much, for Yukito, for his fragile body to bear. Much as he tried, as strong as his mind and heart and determination was, it wasn't enough to combat the rapidly approaching red veil of exhaustion and the wreckage of his body.

Yukito could not do anything as he helplessly gave in. The placid gray eyes closed, and he breathed his last. The painful body relaxed. Death - a release from his suffering.

Yukito's lips moved in a silent, last prayer for the other three that were with him and for Touya.

***

"Who the hell can this be," Touya muttered, annoyed. His hair was tousled, and he just happened to be watching a football game with a bowl of popcorn balanced in one hand and the remote control in the other. As he stood, the bowl tipped over and crashed onto the floor. Peanuts clattered in every direction as Touya sprinted for the ringing telephone. "Hello?"

"Touya," came Vanessa's familiar voice over the phone.

"Hey, Van," he greeted, Vanessa being one of his best friends.

There was something in Vanessa's voice, even over the phone. Touya tried to trace it, to root it out. "What's wrong?" he asked immediately, at the tip of his tongue.

"I - I ... " Vanessa's voice broke, shattered into pieces as she collapsed into low, gasping sobs. "Vanessa? Vanessa, what's wrong?" Touya asked urgently, ignoring the fallen peanuts. Vanessa was always cool and composed, rather a tomboy. He could hear the sounds of the football game blaring in the background over the phone.

"Vannie, I'm coming over."

In a record of three minutes, Touya reached Vanessa's house. Not even bothering to ring the doorbell, he flung his bicycle down and pushed the door open. He saw Vanessa, clad in an oversized jury, her petite, slender body curled up in a fetal position on the couch, and indeed - the T.V. was on and the football game was playing. Tears still ran down her cheeks in tiny rivulets. Touya took her in his arms, and she wept freely into his shoulder. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, Touya - Touya," Vanessa looked up at him. "I'm so sorry."

"What?"

"Yukito - it's Yukito. Touya, Yuki died in a car accident."

***

~Two and a half hours ago.~

Joanna stirred and groaned, every bone in her young body creaking. She caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror, and gasped in spite of herself.

Her brown hair fell like a curtain in front of her, splattered with dry, caked blood. Her face was cut with glass, and some bits still remained, slicing painfully into her pale, bloodless cheeks. Her arm was virtually a mess of flesh and bone. She didn't even dare to look down at her legs or waist.

She was amazed that she was still alive.

And she saw something that made the back of her neck tingle.

Isaac wasn't that badly hurt; neither was Maria.

But Yukito ...

Yuki's face was a mask of blood, vomit, and glass. The eyes were closed, and his chest did not rise and fall as Isaac's and Maria's were. "Yuki, Yukito," she panted, as she crawled over Maria. She couldn't bear to look at his body. She could tell that his ribs were shattered, though, piercing into his lungs ...

Don't think like that!

"Yuki-san." She seized him and shook him gently, then much more violently. "Please Yukito, wake up," she begged, over and over again. She continued until she ran out of breath and energy, and then she found the sense to check for a pulse.

Nothing.

"Johanna?" came the slurred voice behind her. Isaac was awake.

Johanna did not ignore her boyfried. The first sobs punched their way out of her, and she collapsed into Isaac's arms. "Isaac ... Yukito's ... gone ... " she could only repeat. Isaac held her close, stroking her hair tenderly and brushing the dry bits of blood out of her hair.

***

~Present~

"What do you mean, he died?!" Touya demanded, his grip on Vanessa tigtening.

"It's true ... Isaac ... he called ... " Vanessa spoke brokenly. "He's at the hospital ... they've taken Yukito's body away ... I'm so sorry, To-ya ... "

"Don't call me that!" Touya released Vanessa and pushed her back, roughly, against the couch. Vanessa could only stare at Touya in surprise. They had many a playful tussle, but never had Touya ever been intentionally rough with her. In fact, quite the opposite.

"Don't call me To-ya! Only Yuki does! And don't call Yukito Yuki, he's Yukito to you!"

"Touya," Vanessa began, but Touya broke away.

In the santuary of his room, Touya paced the floor. "He can't be dead," he said, firmly. "Why, of course not. Now, I've got to reason out why Vannie's lying to me."

He didn't notice the shadow of his younger sister as she slipped into the room. The golden-brown head of hair gleamed in the pale, waning light and the emerald eyes were filled with compassion and calm.

"Onii-chan?"

"Yes, Sakura," Touya said distractedly.

She crept close to him, and held on tight to his waist.

"I'm so sorry, about Yukito-san."

Touya looked down, startled. Sakura's eyes were dry; understanding. The sister whom he had loved unconditionally over the years, and whom he had always protected looked up at him, emerald-green eyes patient.

Touya broke down.

"It can't be true," he said quaveringly, sitting down heavily on the bed. "But it is," Sakura said simply. "They don't want you to see the body either," continued the Clow Mistress. She clasped her arms around his neck, and Touya held his younger sister close. He could feel the cries bottled up inside of her. This was merely an act ... for his sake. "Why Yuki, Sakura?" he asked. He could feel her shrug; the movement of those slender shoulders. "Why him ... he was so gentle ... so sweet ... "

"I just thank Kami-sama that you weren't involved, Onii-chan," Sakura proclaimed quietly.

It took the caressing touch of his sister, the childish voice speaking mature words, and her presence to unlock him.

Touya cried.

***

Sakura could not stop her weeping.

Understandably, she was devastated by the news, having watched the news report of the tragic accident just before she had gone to find her Onii-chan, knowing that he needed her and that she needed him. Fujitaka was away, on business that took him to England.

Kero's paw touched her gently on her shoulder, a questioning pressure on her. "Sakura, I'm very sorry, but we have to talk."

Sakura looked up from the pillow which she had buried her head in. Touya was locked in his room, alone; Sakura knew he needed space and some time by himself. "Hai, Kero-chan?" she asked, her voice unsteady. Her eyes were rimmed with red, and her chin quivered still. Traces of tears shone clearly on her cheeks.

"It's Yue."

Sakura's mind faded back, to memories of Yukito, smiling and laughing and joking and eating with them, the fun that they had all shared together - Tomoyo, Touya, Yukito, Syaoran, and herself. Was his body so badly battered that they didn't even allow them to look at him for one last time? With an effort, she tore herself away and forced herself to look at the concerned guardian. "Nani?"

"Yue," Kero repeated with difficulty. He sat down on the edge of Sakura's bed. Sakura sat up straight as a fresh bout of tears made their impomptou entrance. "Yue?" Sakura asked again, as if to confirm. Kero nodded. "He ... didn't die with Yukito ... did he?" Memories of her faithful but distant Moon guardian filtered into Sakura's head. She kicked herself for not having taken the trouble to know him better.

"No, he didn't. But he's in a worse state. Yue is now trapped in his original, true form, and if he doesn't manage to conjure another form soon, he'll fade away."

"Yue is powerful," Sakura reminded Kero, relieved that her protector was still alive.

"Yes, but the aftershock of the accident must have gotten to him. We've got to find him and to help him with the fake form ... or find someone else who is willing to absorb Yue into his body." Kero's voice was heavy with worry.

The door flew open, and Syaoran and Tomoyo stepped in uncertainly.

"Can we come in?"

"Aa," Kero agreed.

They entered. Sakura was silent, as Kero waited for her reply. "It's Yukito, isn't it." Syaoran asked, unnessarily. Sakura nodded wordlessly.

"It seemed that yesterday, everything was perfect." Sakura broke the silence as she gave herself over to the beckoning comfort of Syaoran's arms. "Now, everything just seems ... topsy-turvy. It's like, if it could happen to Yukito-san, couldn't it happen to us?

"I'm so scared."

***

The day was gloomy. The sky was a leaden-gray, and clouds congregated, dark and heavy and foreboding.

How appropriate.

Touya couldn't bring himself to accept it. Denial raged within him as Yukito's casket was lowered into the ground. Maria, Isaac and Johanna stood nearby, politely keeping away as Touya glanced into the deep hole in the ground.

Touya knew, now, that Yukito wasn't just only a friend. He was his secret infatuation. He could feel the shock, sorrow, and fright ball up and churning in him. Why didn't I tell you sooner, Yuki? He questioned himself. Before this, before everything happened. For all you know, you might like me too. Or accept me. He'd cried himself dry the night before.

Touya stood there and paid a silent tribute to his secret lover, remembering the times they spent together, remembering everything. There had never been a quarrel between them. Yuki was perfect. Why hadn't he appreciated him always being there?

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sakura draped in a black dress, sobbing into Syaoran's shoulder. Syaoran held her, comforted her, kept her steady.

Why does it have to be Yukito? Why can't Yuki and I be like that?

Touya would never forgive himself. Why didn't I stop him from going with Isaac and the rest? Why didn't I stop them all?

Why is the world so unfair?

Author's Notes

Oh, no.

Oh, just ... damn. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. This is pathetic! It's worse than pathetic!! The ending was so bad ... and yeah, I admit, I was lazy, too lazy to write about Yue. -_-;;; //balls up fanfic and tosses it into the nearby garbage bin that's already flowing with rejects// Man, and I thought that I wasn't that bad at angst ... sheesh ...

And if you're wondering, yeah, I always write it out on paper before typing it in and editing. This is bad! I hate it already. //goes off to rewrite or delete the file off the comp//

//swears never to try and write yaoi or angst again//