I own nothing

Cold Decembers

I've been here forever.

Well… technically, that's not true. I've been here three years, four months and nine days. I'm counting them away you see… I suppose… when it comes down to it, I'm just counting down the days to my death. That feels like forever away too…

It's snowing. The winters are cold and hard up here, but most of all lonely. But then again, the summers are lonely too, but it's always worse when it's cold and dark. When the others are building snowmen, fighting, playing and giggling I'm here, alone and silent. I hear them sometimes, their laughter, the screams of the youngest ones' games, the soft moans of the lovers, far from the school… It's enough to remind me I'm not alone, but that I'm too far away to truly be their concern… I'm isolated out here…

It's a horrible day, a blizzard, the kinda day when the snow settles on any flat surface, even the Emerald. The trees beyond the shrine are weighed down by the snow, I've been sat here long enough to watch their bows begin to bend and crack. It's nice to know I'm not the only one suffering in the cold. The snow forms a blanket after a while, so it's better not to move, once all your limbs go numb it stops feeling cold. It's not so bad I guess. To begin with the snow would settle on my head and melt, running down my dreads in droplets, I guess I must be so buried by now that it doesn't melt anymore. I'm content just to watch my breath rise into the sky in front of me. Such is the life of a Guardian. Anyone who'd try to steal the Emerald tonight must be more of a fool than I am.

The storm's passed. The moon's shining now. I've shaken away my shroud to take a walk. The snow's crunching beneath my feet, the only sound. It always surprises me, how quieting snow is. You don't have to see or smell snow to know its there, you can tell it's fallen by the hush it places over the world. It's no small wonder creatures fall asleep in the snow, and don't wake up again. The moon shining against the snow hurts my eyes, glittering like white fire. Its utter whiteout. If I didn't know my surroundings so well I could walk into a drift deep enough to cover me. The snow hides all the landscape's hazards. It hides everything, all the darkness, all the dirt. Angel Island is pure tonight under the gaze of the stars and moon.

I'm cold. I'm shivering. Most of all I'm lonely. So many nights I dream of the pleasures of another's arms wrapped around me. Your righteous Guardian isn't so noble; he lusts after the physical pleasures. At the very least, I'd like to hear the sound of another's voice more often than every other month. Last time I spoke to anyone was when that scientist in his ship came for the Emerald. The hedgehog may have been as annoying as a hungry mosquito, but at least he was a different face.

I've been here forever. If I had an end date for this it might be bearable, give me something to look forward to, but a Guardian's duty is for life. No-one knows when their end will come. All my predecessors have died alone. I don't want that… I so want to be loved and to be able to love in return…

But then, maybe someone like me doesn't deserve to be loved. I'm just a demon in an angel's skin. I'll never know what it feels like to wake up with a companion, to hear a comforting voice when troubled by nightmares. I'll be alone forever; I'll live and die at the foot of the Master Emerald. And even if I go to the Heavens, I'll go there alone, having never found a companion in this world…

I'll be here forever…