Disclaimer: I do not own Courage the Cowardly Dog or any of it's characters.
Prolouge
"Let's forget everything, Freddy," Mrs. Richardson whispered pulling her son closer to her. "Forget everything that has happened to you, forget who you are now and what others think of you..and tell me what do you want to be more than anything in this world?"
Seven year old Fred frowned.
He suddenly realized that tears were streaming down his face. Embarassed he tried to wipe them away. but his mother saw and held him closer.
"What's wrong?" she gently asked him.
"I hate being s-so scared all the t-time!" he burst out "I don't want to be scared! I want to be brave! Like you, and Chad and S-Stewart! Everyone calls me a baby and they're always picking on me..I want to fight back b-but I c-can't!"
He couldn't speak anymore and she gently rocked her son as he wailed, unable to contain his misery anymore.
"I want to be brave, but I can't!" he finally blubbered into her shoulder "I'm not brave-I'll never be brave..never..never.."
His mother listened to his agonized cries, sadness filling her heart, as well as anger. Anger for the man who hurt her precious Freddy. And beneath that anger was anger for herself for allowing that to happen. There was no lying, if she never married him, none of this would happen.
"Freddy," she muttered, a sudden passionate thought ripped through her being "Freddy, you are not weak."
"Yes I am-"
"No! Fredrick, look at me!"
He could never disobey her when she called him by his full name. He lifted his head, setting his red eyes on hers.
"You are strong Freddy, all my boys are very strong, even Chad and Stewart had been scared and weak, but it's okay, Freddy, it's okay."
"I know I made a bad decision. I know I've done a terrible thing, and I will pay for my mistake, you can tell the whole world that I've done great wrong to you, I will not deny it, you have every right to hate and be angry with me, but I will not tolerate you giving into what those bullies at school say... you are not weak.."
"But I can't do anything right,"
"Those kids at school and in our neighborhood are wrong, your teachers are wrong by telling you are a failure..do you understand me Fredrick? They're wrong! All wrong!"
Fred sniffled. He wanted to believe his mother, but he couldn't. He felt that the bullies in the schoolyard had an accurate opinion, whether he wanted to believe it or felt just about as wretched and pathetic as a human being could perceive themselves.
"Just because you feel weak now doesn't mean you'll stay this way forever."
He looked up at her, his eyes hurting from crying "W-what do you mean?"
"when I was a little girl, around your age, maybe even older, I was scared of a lot of things..I was very timid, very shy and a lot of people picked on me because I was scared, or that I wasn't pretty, and for a while, I believed them..then my mother told me that I had something special, something that no one else had, she said I was smart and talented and that I was top of the class and that was worth much more than prettiness or popularity could ever be..and with that I began to appreciate myself..I still get scared or angry, but I simply do what my mother taught me and I'm not as scared as I was before."
"But you weren't afraid when He was here," he pointed out, recalling with a shiver the night He went crazy and his calm mother held him all through that ordeal.
"oh, but I was Freddy, I was very scared that day."
"But you didn't seem scared," if anything she looked angry, ferocious, anything but scared.
"But I was inside, I was afraid he'd hurt you very badly.."
"Were Chad and Sterwart afraid?"
"I belive they were."
"Then how come you guys didn't show it?" Fred asked
"Because we needed to keep our heads or else we'd never get out of that situation."
"Then how come I'm the only one who ever cries?"
"I cry when I'm scared,"
"But not that night,"
"Because I knew I had to protect you if it came to that and crying wouldn't do one bit of good,"
Fred sighed "I can never be brave like that," he murmured aloud.
"Of course you can Fred," his mother objected "With a bit of practice everyday you can become very brave."
"Maybe." Fred sighed, not really believing it.
His mother frowned and looked over at the beside clock. It was nearly ten o'clock.
"I think it's time to go to bed," she said "You need to get up for school tomorrow,"
"I hate school," Fred sighed slipping off the bed so his mother could pull down the comforter.
"So did I Fred, but I had to go and you need to go."
"I'm going to the bathroom," he replied shortly and trudged from the room.
Mrs. Richardson gazed after her son who long departed from the bedroom. Her elder sons were dealing with the after shock of the divorce. They had one another and friends to keep them optimistic and happy. Fred was having the worst time trying to cope with it, since he had been harmed by her ex; physically harmed. And now it was happening all over again with Derek and several other kids.
The once happy light-hearted child had now grown somber, dispensing with childish games and mannerisms. He started as many fights as well as lost them. He refused to talk with her for the longest time, or to his brothers or to any of the teachers or doctors. It was only now she was able to coax him out of his new shell.
He returned a few moments later. His eyes were notably red but a veil had now glazed over them - the same veil she had grown accustomed seeing in her boy's eyes since the incident. Again, she inwardly protested... this is not what it's supposed to be like.
"Well, goodnight." he said to her, sliding under the comforters and turning away from her.
"Do you want me to play your music box?"
"Sure." he replied noncomittedly.
She reached for the music box that sat next to his clock. Turning the key so that it would play as long as possible, she listened to the sweet little melody that played from within the mahogany box.
Setting it down, she turned to her son and began to lovingly pat his hair.
She leant down and kissed him, whispering into his ear:
"You will be brave someday, Fred..you will grow up to be one of the bravest men the world has ever known..While the rest of us shakes in our boots, you will be as cool as a cucumber..and people who aren't as brave will look to you for strength and you'll help them find it within themselves so that they will become strong too..your heart will be pure and your mind incorruptable..you'll see through every trick and lie..you're destined for many things, Fred, grand things.."
24 years later - Home for Freaky Barbers
"I never hurt her in any way, Mom," Fred whispered into her ear, almost pleading with her to believe him, "All those rumors about me .. doing terrible things to her are all wrong! I've never touched her in any way, Mother, I swear it."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you're the only one who will believe me!"
"But why should I? You can be easily lying to me."
"I never lie to you."
She wanted to believe him, she really did. She always believed he told the truth, being the honest child he was for as long as she knew him. But he was a grown man now and was no longer obligated to tell her anything. She looked him hard in the eye and he gazed back, pleading, his gaze unwavering. Thus the look of an honest person or the mask of an extraordinary actor.
"I suppose I have no choice but to believe you then." she sighed, adverting her gaze. Innocent until proven guilty. And yet, there was no way of ever finding out whether he was truthful or not. No witnesses. Only he and Barbara alone together..and his word as the only answer.
"I'm really sorry, Mother."
"Oh! Don't apologize to me! It's your girlfriend that you should be saying sorry to!"
"I already did..she won't talk to me.."
"I can see why, terrible thing being done to her like that! Anyone whose been drugged and had her hair cut off wouldn't be keen on forgiving anything anytime soon! I feel very sorry for the poor girl.."
"I couldn't help it," Fred murmured dejectedly "I'm so ashamed at what I did, and I really want to make it up to her someway."
"Well she may not want to, Freddy, most girls who go through something like that aren't bound to forgive so easily..put herself in her place, she's trusted you and grown to love you and you do..this, straight out of the blue..like when a girl will get molested by a boyfriend or raped..whether you did something like that or not, it's the same thing - you hurt her, Fred and you best be ready for the fact that she never wants to see you again."
"I don't want you to hate me too."
"I don't hate you Fred, I'm angry at you..angry and appalled by this..but I don't hate you."
"You didn't write or call for a year."
"I was sick."
"What about before? Why didn't you say anything when I was in jail or in the asylum or anything?"
"Well, I was merely trying to assimilate what you had done, let alone talk to you or anyone. What was I suppose to say Fred? What did you want me to say to you? That what you did was wrong? How shocked and disappointed I was in you? Or how could you do such a thing to Barbara? What good would any of that do? I hardly believed any of it myself..I didn't want to believe that you did it, and for a long time I was torn between pretending it was someone else and wondering..Why, Fred? Why? Why you of all people in this world? What possessed you to do such a..bizzare thing? But then maybe it turns out..I don't know you, maybe I never knew you Fred..I don't know what goes on inside your head.
"By the time I was ready to accept everything, I had that scary close call and I couldn't write to you, it's only now I can actually write coherently, before I could barely hold a pencil..you got Muriel's letter, didn't you?"
"Why didn't anyone tell me how bad you were doing? Everyone had me believing you were fine, everyone was kindly informed but me that you were dying that day."
"I didn't want you to worry."
"Chad and Stewart knew."
"Only because they were there with me..and you weren't."
"I still like to be informed about such things."
"What good would it do to know that I was possibly dying?"
He said nothing.
"One thing I've learned that night is that life..is too short..I can go at anytime - today, tomorrow, a month, a year from now - and I rather not waste what precious time I have with apologies and feeling sorry for ourselves..neither are necessary.
"I will always forgive you for whatever you do, no matter how terrible or reprehensible it is, no matter how much it saddens or angers me, I will always forgive you Fred..you needn't worry about that."
"Now, let's forget about that Fred," she whispered "Let's forget you ever did anything and let's enjoy our visit together, no more talk about what we did or should've or should've not done..what's done is done, so there's little use in worrying about it..okay?"
She placed her hand over his and gently clasped it.
"Look around us, look at the sky, the trees, the ducks over there - look - the grass and the flowers..we're surrounded by so much beauty, beauty millions of people take for granted everyday..never take anything good for granted, Fred, whether it be beauty or those you love.."
One may look at this place and think they've seen better, but when one was accustomed to living in the dry country of Nowhere county, this was heaven on Earth. Mrs. Richardson had not seen much green and color in nature in a long long time.
"This is a good place," she commented casually as if this were any other visit "These are good people, they'll help you."
He nodded but made no comment.
"What were you planning on doing once you got cured?"
"..I'm not sure, I suppose try and get my license back,"
"You mean go back to being a barber?"
"The doctor said with the right therapy I could go back to my job,"
"You cannot put too much faith in those experimental treatments, I've read about many that went wrong or did more harm than good - Fred? Fredrick, listen to me," he promptly met her gaze, that tactic had always worked no matter what, though, she never quite understood it, "There must be something else you would want to do with your life other than barbering? You should not have to live your life feeding that one desire, it is not your whole life, there are other pleasures far more rewarding and less..harmful than that..
"You ought to find a nice girl, I know that there may not be other girls like Barbara but it's better than living out your days alone or -" she lowered her voice "- playing around."
She of course referred Chad, who never settled on one girl for more than a couple of months, and each relationship held passion, drama and always a volcanic argument and a tearful goodbye from many of his ex-girlfriends. As much as she disapproved, she rarely interfered. But Fred needed someone who could take care of him and look after him, someone who could support him. As far as his condition, if it really was the hair, then she should have no worries of what will become of the girl. Or should she?
"You know what you ought to do? You ought to become a writer! that's what you should do, Fred! You should write books!"
"Oh, I don't know about that, I've got no talent for writing,"
"But you think of the most imaginative things! All those stories when you were a wee one! They were worthy of publishing, and I'm not just saying that!"
"Ideas are one thing, but I can't write stories or characters,"
"You could be a children's author! I can give you all your short stories and you could rewrite them, and illustrate them, you make the most darling pictures in the world, Fred, especially your paintings - " she was of course referring to the pictures he painted of his hamster and of Barbara, both of which she had placed in the closet of his old bedroom, "That's what you ought to do, you'd make lots of money doing that, and you needn't need to go anywhere!"
He shrugged "Maybe."
"I think it's a good idea," she sighed, finding that she was quite excited and looking forward to this idea. Closing her eyes she murmured "I can see it now, in your little house, writing out your soon-to-be famous best-selling series," she could imagine him sitting at a desk and typing away at his computer and drawing in between. She peeked at him and saw that he had closed his eyes as well. She knew what he was doing.
They played the same game together for years. When he was a boy it was adventure and fantasy worlds, later it was life goals.
Like everything in his childhood, she encouraged him to talk to her every way, whether it was dictating short stories or to play games like cloud gazing, just to have him open up.
She had often encouraged him to play with her, to open up to her. He had become more open and smiled more, laughed more, and she kept it up. Because if she didn't, she feared he would sink back within that dark state of mind and never re-emerge.
She had walked out onto the porch and saw Freddy lying on his back in the grass. He was gazing up at the sky, with his pet hamster sitting on his stomach. She came over and as she did he looked up at her and smiled. Smiling back just as warmly, she settled next to him. She saw that the hamster was sleeping. Fred's little fingers gently roved over the pink back almost rhythmically. He smiled up at her, "Hi." he greeted her pleasantly.
"Hi," she returned with a laugh "What are you doing?"
"Looking at the clouds."
"Did you see anything up there?" she asked lying on her back.
"I saw a few things,"
"Like what?"
"Oh I don't know..a bird or a dinosaur.."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but there not up there anymore, this was a while ago."
"Are you still looking for some more?"
"Yeah."
"Can I look with you?"
"Sure."
They spent the remainder of the afternoon in that spot, occasionally spotting an animal or some other image in the clouds, with long intervals of pleasant silence between. Fred never was much of a talker, but there was definitely a happier vibe in his silence, something that brought her new hope.
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"I love you very much." was his unexpected reply.
She gazed at him, unable to reply, his green eyes which were identical to her husbands, sparkling with the light of the sun.
Suddenly he sat up straight "Chad's home!" he gleefully announced and with that he leaped to his feet, clutching his pet hamster to him and ran towards the porch. She sat up just in time to watch the back door bang shut. She listened to her youngest son's enthusiastic greetings as she took in what he told her. His "I love you very much" echoed in her ears. Tears blurred her vision.
She then realized that tears were falling down her face as she thought back to that day.
"Mom?" Fred's adult voice broke into her reverie.
She blinked up at him, feeling as though she awoke from a dream. Only instead of coming into focus, her world blurred even more, and not just by her tears. She felt as though she were falling asleep. She felt something like this before..she recognized its pull. She drew in a sharp breath, willing herself to stay awake. She could practically feel her time draining from her body. But instead of fear, only sadness befell her - sadness reserved for him.
She was saddened of where he ended up, when she needed him most, sad at what he had become - or always had been.
She pulled him close and quietly wept into her son's shoulder. Her heart ached as she felt his hands rub her back soothingly. She kissed him on the cheek, holding him close to her for a moment or two until she was able to whisper, "No matter what you've ever done, no matter who you were or what you thought, I need you to know that you were the greatest - most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me - you helped me like no other person had - like when you were born -"
"Your father's death sent me spiralling into this dark abyss, I've never felt such despair I tried to be strong for your brothers, they were only little babies, and they too were saddened..but then you were born, and you - you never knew sadness, your smile was the one light in that dim place I was, your wonder and curiosity of the world around you made me forget about my sadness..you saved me that time Fred, your innocence and your happiness kept me alive and sure enough I was able to go on with my life, thanks to you.."
"-and then, when I first found out I was sick -"
"During that uncertain time, back when my future became dark and bleak, you stood by me and said "You'll get better, you're the strongest person I've ever known, just know you'll get better and it will happen, I promise you." You said those words steadily. I saw the fear in your eyes and yet, you were calm and composed. You talked about what we would do together in the future and not worrying or talking about the past and what wonderful memories I had. Whether you believed that I would push through or not, I believed it and with your optimism I fought it and lived.."
"You saved me Fred..no one else gave me the courage and strength to push through my pain and sadness..no one but you..and I thank you, my dear, for everything.."
She found herself crying harder, and his embrace tightened.
They held one another for a long time. How long, neither could say. Time meant little meaning to either of them. In this moment, their intimacy produced a mutual, almost telepathic acknowledgement of just how this moment was precious. And thus they were able to stop time completely for a moment, or stretched what little time they had into a short eternity.
But sadly reality was not as kind. As they drew apart she caught sight of a worker approaching them "Mrs. Richardson?" he greeted her pleasantly, "Your cab is here."
"Walk with me back to the cab, Fred."
"I don't think I'm allowed."
"Oh of course you are," she turned to the worker "Excuse me, sir, but is it alright if my son escorts me to the car?"
"I think so, ma'am, but only if I go with you as well."
"That'd be fine!"
They walked in silence back to the cab. She squeezed her son's hand, noticing how thin it had become since the last time she held his hand, and wondered if this would be the last time she ever would.
She wanted him to come with her. To have him ride beside her in the cab ride to the hospital. She wanted him to hold her hand for as long as she was still clinging to life. She wanted him to be the last thing she saw.
Arriving at the parked cab, she turned to him and embraced him, "Goodbye, Fred." she murmured to him.
He didn't answer her. She wanted to leave him with an encouraging word, but everything she had said or could say seemed irrelevant. Chances are he may never leave here. He may never have a life again. She didn't want to lie to him anymore, give him anymore false hope. But she could not stand the thought of her son knowing despair. It came to everyone, for whatever reason, eventually in their lives. But she would not be the cause of her son's. Hope was the only way she could repay him.
Waking from her reverie, she wondered how long they have stood there. Fred had not let go of her. She patted him gently and gave him a gentle kiss. But he still did not release her.
"Let me go, Fred." she whispered. She half hoped he wouldn't though, and that they could stay here until the doctors had to drag him off and her away in the cab. But he did let go, though he still held her hand.
She saw how miserable her son looked and lightly chucked his chin, "Chin up, remember?" she smiled warmly, "We'll see each other again."
"Alright."
"Promise me you'll work hard to get out of here," her son did not belong here, "You need to get your life back on track, that's all that's important now, okay?"
"Yes, mom."
"Okay," she stood on tiptoe and gently kissed him again "I love you, Fred."
"I love you too, Mom."
One more hug, one more kiss, one last gaze into her son's beautiful eyes, then she got into the cab.
Alone in the cab, she thought of her sons.
Chad, Stewart and Fred.
The best sons she could ever hope for.
She closed her eyes and pictured them being there with her in the cramped little cab. Chad on one side, Stewart on the other, and Little Freddy sitting in her lap. She thought back to everything she had shared with them, everything she gave to them - not of the bad times, she could not, would not dwell on those. She held them all, truly held them, her love for them filling her soul so that she sworn it ached, and broke.
Now she allowed the memories to fill her mind, each one far more beautiful than the other. The most cherished she remembered were of the garden, and those long summers that followed that terrible divorce - such times she was proud to call the happiest of her life.
The thick raspberry grove where her sons would play hide and seek, where she saw Fred crawl about pretending to be a dog or bear; or they would sit and pick the berries eating them as their snack. She remembered the sunshine and the dandelions, Little Freddy blowing the fluffy seeds and watch them dance about in the air around him. Her little boys picking the flowers and giving them to her, walking up with a bouquet of lilacs and daffodils while she was either cooking or folding the laundry. Those unexpected little surprises from her sons that gave her such joy.
Cloud gazing with her little Fred. Dreaming of castles in the sky, and the worlds of rainbows and wonder that existed in the clouds. They talked of making a flying machine and going there someday to live there together happily without care, or having to go to school or do chores (Fred's input, of course she thought fondly) He would gaze up at the same spot he was sure that world lay, invisible to all but them. Several years would go by and she sat with him on the bench in the garden and talked about what he wanted to do with his life, and her's, when she got better. Then she waved at him at his graduation, and before she knew it, they walked together into his new apartment. Not long after that, did he give her the best haircut she ever could hope for..then he was back in her living room, only this time, with Barbara seated at his side. She recalled that day where Fred was listening to his brother, and all the while he held his girlfriend's dainty little hand in his..and she was so happy. Fred never had a girl of his own..he had caught her watching him from the hall, and he grinned up at her..and his smile was unlike anything she had ever seen on his face..and how she had waited for that day to come to see that smile..
"Fred, she's a darling!"
"She is, isn't she?"
"She's just perfect for you, I can see that already, I know she is the one for you, Fred.."
..the rest that happened in between then and today... was but a nightmare that her over imaginative and ever worrying mind conjured up, it never really happened - Fred had everything a man could ever want: a loving, supportive family, true friends, a career, a beautiful girlfriend..and as far as she was concerned in this moment, he still had them all..
"Are you happy, Fred?"
"Yes..I don't think I've been happier before in my entire life."
She lived to see Fred happy, truly happy.
And she was able to see him one last time.
Her wish was granted. She was now complete.
No regrets, none for herself nor for him.
There was nothing to regret.
And with that, she exhaled her final breath.
And allowed death to carry her away.
