Chapter 1:
It's dark in my room when I wake up. At first I'm disoriented and have no idea where I am, but then the sound from my alarm clock gets to me and I fumble for the clock on my nightstand. My hand closes around the little cool metal clock and I turn it off automatically. I've done it so many times that it has now become a reflex. I leave the alarm clock on the nightstand and rub my eyes with clenched hands. I'm never going to like mornings. My eyes are sticky and hard for me to open and even though the alarm clock says the time is 6.30 am I definitely feel like I just went to bed. I push the duvet aside and push myself up in a sitting position before I let my feet touch the wooden floor beneath me. I do it slowly because I know that if I do it too fast I'll get dizzy and black spots will appear before my eyes. The wooden floor is cool underneath my bare feet and makes me shiver while I walk to my dresser. I already know what I'm going to wear; a pair of black jeans and a white shirt. As usual. When I'm dressed I look in the mirror which hangs on the wall above the dresser. It's square with a black frame. I lock my eyes to my reflections eyes and stare at myself. My eyes are the shape of almonds and have a clear grey color. My eyelashes are dark brown but they are not long nor very short. Just average length. I'm small; only 5'3" and skinny. I have several freckles spread across my nose and cheeks and full pale lips. My skin is pale, a milky color, and my hair is dark brown and shoulder length. I look ordinary.. plain. I let my hair hang loose and smear lip balm on my lips before leaving my room. My younger brother, Jeremy, and parents are already in the kitchen. My dad is hiding behind a newspaper, my mom is serving pancakes for breakfast and my brother is lying on the kitchen floor playing with our dog, Noodle.
"Morning," I say in a tired voice as I find my usual chair around the table. My dad looks up from the newspaper and smiles at me.
"Morning sweetheart. How are you?" He asks cheerfully.
"Fine," I reply and scoop a couple of pancakes onto my plate. My mom joins us at the table and squeezes my hand for a second before releasing it.
"You look tired," She says. She has a very nice calm voice and even though she sounds normal there's a bit of concern in the tone.
"Geez," I say a little annoyed "Thanks."
I accidently overfill my glass with orange juice. It flows over the edge of the glass and orange liquid runs down the sides of the glass and forms a small puddle on the table. I sigh and grab some kitchen towels and start wiping up the juice. I know I'm not supposed to react like that, but I hate when people say stuff like that. That you look tired or sick. They could just as well say you look like crap. I don't know why they don't do that. We are Candor after all. My mom gives me a look.
"You know that's not what I meant,"
She says and grabs a kitchen towel to help me get the last bit of juice off the table. I don't answer her. Instead I lift the glass to my lips and start drinking. I'm not really that thirsty but I empty the glass as an excuse not to answer her. I know that's not what she meant but I don't want to talk about it again.
"Are you still having problems sleeping?" She frowns and gets a line between her eyebrows. I nod without looking at her.
"Yeah." I say and scoop a piece of pancake into my mouth. I love the sweet taste of them. We don't get them often but they remind me of my childhood. I've topped them with vanilla cream and berries which just makes them ten times better. "It's nothing though," I add but my mom doesn't look convinced. I don't blame her. I don't belong in Candor as well as most of the other faction members do. I lie way too easily and my mom knows that. She knows that I'm lying by the way I avoid her eyes with mine. I know she knows but I continue to look at my plate like it's the most interesting thing ever. She lets the subject drop and I am her thankful for that.
When we arrive to the school my brother quickly joins his friends from our faction and they disappear into one of the hallways. I find one of my friends, a fellow faction student with dull blonde hair and big blue eyes, sitting on a bench in the early morning sun.
"Ida," I greet her and she smiles at me.
"Good morning Ellie," She replies and moves her bag from the bench so I can sit next to her.
She is wearing the same as me; black jeans and a white shirt. She is taller than I am, about two inches, and she is beautiful with her small straight nose, long light eyelashes and her cheeks that is normally flushed which makes her look awake and fresh. Her hair is longer than mine and today she wears it in a high ponytail. We sit in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the sun, before she lifts her arm and point at the train as it comes closer to the school.
"There comes your boyfriend," She says with a laugh and I shove her hard in the shoulder.
"He is not my boyfriend," I say but she looks at me like she doesn't believe a word I'm saying.
But I'm not lying. He is not my boyfriend. We stare at the Dauntless students as they throw themselves out of the moving train and land smoothly on the ground again. They shout and laugh and one of them catch my eyes as they run toward the building we call our school. He is tall and lean and has warm brown eyes and bronze skin. I can't see the color of his eyes from where I'm sitting, but I've been looking into them many times before so I know what they look like. His hair is medium length and dark brown like mine and he has a piercing, a ring, in one side of his lower lip. He also has a tattoo on his shoulder which is mostly covered by his black t-shirt; the Dauntless symbol. We lock eyes for a short moment as they come closer and he smiles at me before looking away and starting a conversation with one of the other Dauntless born students. He is the reason I'm lying to my parents and the reason I have trouble sleeping at night.
Beside me Ida snorts and I look at her.
"What?" I ask demanding and she laughs at me. She points at my chin and asks: "Is that drool?" I shove her again.
"You're really annoying," I say and get up from the bench as the bell sounds. She smirks.
"And you're really obvious." She says as she follows me into the building.
Our first lesson is Faction History and I'm sitting next to Ida in a big classroom filled with other 16 year olds from every faction. Some are wearing blue for Erudite, some are dressed in all black for Dauntless, some are grey for Abnegation, some wear yellow and red for Amity and last but not least; some are dressed in black and white for Candor. We, the Candor, don't get alone with Amity and Abnegation that well but we can befriend Dauntless as honesty and bravery can tie closely together and we don't have a problem with Erudite either.
Our teacher is from Erudite but that doesn't surprise anyone. All of the teachers come from that faction as they value knowledge. Today we learn more about why the factions were made a long time ago and we read small parts of the manifestoes which are written down in our textbooks. I like to believe that I do okay in school. I'm not stupid but of course I'm not as clever as the Erudite born students. Almost no one is. I think some of them are crazy.. they are literally reading everything. Why would they want to know how to tear a car apart just to put it back together for example? I like to read too, but not boring stuff like that.
In the canteen the factions keeps to themselves. I sit among other Candor students, both genders represented. We are not the only candor table though, but I sit with my friends. Ida sits opposite me at the round table. We are all engaging in a conversation and the boys are getting louder by the minute. It's not a very serious conversation though and some of us are laughing when one proves the other wrong. I block their voices out and let my eyes wonder around in the cafeteria. Abnegation students sit side by side in almost silence only having quiet polite conversations. Amity girls are laughing at a story one of them are telling. Erudite students chatter at another table and the Danutless have placed themselves at tables close to each other. They are loud and some of them are sitting on the table with their feet resting on the chairs instead of sitting properly. Once again my eyes find him between all the black dressed students but this time he doesn't look at me. He is laughing hard and covers his mouth with his hand. I automatically smile. He looks so free and happy and why shouldn't he be? Just looking at him makes my mood rise.
"Earth to El," a Candor girl at my table says in a sing song voice. Her name is Skylar. I don't know if she has been talking to me while I wasn't listening, but she must have since she said that.
"Huh?" I turn my head to look at her and scowl when I see the crooked smile on her lips. The boys have left our table and stand a few tables away talking to some of the other Candor borns by another table.
"It's not polite to stare." She says, grinning.
Two of the other girls laugh and I shake my head. I don't know why they still do this; make corny jokes and smirk every time they get the chance. It's not like our relationship is new as we have been friends for quite a lot of years. But they don't know that of course. They still think it's funny to pair me up with him though. Maybe it's because he's Dauntless. Maybe it's because it's something that is very unlikely to happen.
"Oh, stop it." I just say but I can't help but laughing.
"I don't blame you though." She says and rests her cheek on her hand. Her elbow is placed on the table top to support her head. "He is handsome."
We all turn to look at him. She is right. He is handsome and has always been. That's why he has that bit of arrogance in his smile; He knows he looks good. I'm the first to look away and when I see the other girls are still staring, I snap my fingers at them.
"Stop staring, will you?" I ask impatiently and they turn their gaze to me instead. Skylar smiles sneakily at me.
"Why don't you just go and talk to him?" She asks. Her skin is pale and she has redish blonde curly hair but no freckles like most readheads. I glare at her.
"Now? While he is sitting among his friends? Are you crazy? I don't want to embarrass myself in front of the whole school." I say shaking my head.
If I go to a table full of Dauntless born students – who might not even know that we're friends – to talk to him they will definitely think I'm into him. And maybe I am – just a little bit – but they don't have to know that and neither does he. That will just ruin our friendship and I don't want that to happen. And I don't what the comments from his friends – or my friends for that sake - either.
The girls laugh.
"Chicken." Ida says and sticks her tongue out at me. I just look at her in annoyance.
"You should do something about it before choosing day," Says Ashley who is sitting on my left. "Or maybe you shouldn't…" She says after thinking it over.
"Yeah, you should actually forget about him." Skylar then says. She looks thoughtful. "I mean, it's kind of sad to be in love with someone who you are never going to see again. I slap her arm.
"I'm not in love with him." I hiss and the girls give me knowing looks as to say they don't believe me.
But she is right, not about the love thing but about forgetting him. Choosing day is coming closer and soon we will become initiates and later members of different factions and maybe I'll never see him again. The thought makes me sad so I push it away. That's what keeps me awake at night; he thought of never seeing him again. Now I sound like a foolish teenager in love but it is not like that. We have been friends since we were small and thinking about never talking to him again fills me with an empty feeling. A feeling I definitely don't like or appreciate. But soon it's going to be reality. He is the perfect Dauntless and there's no doubt; he will choose Dauntless on choosing day. Maybe I'm not the perfect Candor but it's certainly here I fit in best. I might be able to lie, but it's only small lies with thing that doesn't really matter. I would never survive in Dauntless! I don't know much about their initiation but I do know that the biggest population of the factionless comes from Dauntless and I certainly don't want to be factionless. No one wants that. Better be dead than factionless actually.
When school is over I meet my brother in front of the building. The place is crawling with people but we quickly find each other.
"How was your day?" I ask him not really eager to have this conversation with him as I have somewhere else to be.
"Oh it was so cool! Laura has got a new pet hamster and she brought it with her to school in her lunch box!" He sounds overexcited and I laugh a little.
"Is that even allowed?" I ask and follow him to the bus stop. He shrugs.
"I don't know but.." He starts telling me about the hamster but I don't really listen. I 'mh' and 'oh' occasionally and he seems satisfied with that. When we reach the bus stop, which is crowded with other Candor students, I cut him off.
"Can you take the bus home by yourself?" I ask, sending him a pleading smile. He looks at me and a hurt look replaces the happy one in his eyes.
"Again?" His voice sounds annoyed and all the joy from before is gone.
"Yeah.." I say hesitant, clutching my hands. "Is that okay?"
I know the answer even before he says it. He shakes he head.
"No, not really." He says. "You know you're not supposed to leave me here and I hate going home alone. It's boring and I feel safer with you!"
Sometimes I wish we weren't Candor. It would have been so much easier if he just nodded and replied me with a 'yeah' or 'I guess' but of course he has to say something that makes me feel bad. I sigh.
"I know, Jer. But I-" I hesitate for a moment. I don't know what to say. I don't really want to leave him and I know I'm not supposed to let him ride the bus alone but I've done if awfully lot the last couple of weeks.
"Please Jer," I continue. "I promise this is the last time." I say and kneel down to be on his eye level.
"You also said that last time." He crosses his arms over his chest.
"I know but-" Before I can finish my sentence he interrupts me.
"You are the worst Candor I know! Why do you keep lying to me? I hate you." He hisses before abruptly turning around and stomping into the bus.
I feel startled. What he said actually hurts. I know I'm not cut out to this 'role' as a Candor but I don't fit in anywhere else either. At least I don't think so. I can't believe my brother said what he did. That he hates me. That I'm the worst Candor he knows. I'm not proud of being a better liar than everyone else and I wish I was as honest as my parents. They always tell the truth and I think that's brave. I'm not that brave!
I get op on my feet instead again and watch as the bus disappears and first after a few minutes I remember why I didn't follow my brother home. I turn around to go back to the school building but he already stands a few meters behind me, smiling. A smile spreads across my lips as I see him and I completely forget the incident with my brother. He lets a hand run through his hair before breaking the silence.
"Hey Ellie." He says biting his lip where his piercing is. My smile grows wider.
"Hi Zeke."
