This story is taking a long time to develop. I have a plot in mind, but the certain chapters are longer than I expected. They develop as I write. It all fits into the overall storyline, and I do like how its developing. Some scenes are harder than others, and constructive criticism is more than welcomed. Also while this is a Tommy and Kim story, Kim doesn't figure in until much later. I promise you'll get to meet her by New Years in the story.
She had always been surrounded by noise: the constant hum of computers and their intermittent beeps. Gulps were audible and cups hit the table at a varying rhythm, as chatter flowed and ebbed throughout the room. It used to not bother her. It used to excite her. Now she couldn't even hear her own thoughts. Hayley knew she needed time away from the cafe, so when Trent came home for fall break, she handed him the keys and told him she'd see him in a week. She set out on adventure, with no money for an expensive trip, with no open invitations to visit friends, no one offering to come along for the ride. Though it was against her nature, she would just have to live the next week on impulsiveness and inspiration. She would hopefully find relief in Reefside.
On her first day of vacation, Hayley walked aimlessly, looking for idle pleasures. She wanted an activity that would teach her nothing. Something like shopping. . .
At one local boutique, there were the most beautiful fabrics. Hayley generally avoided this place because it was so expensive, but today was a new day. She picked some well-cut items and imagined the fabric against her skin. The dressing room told a different story. The clothes in her size wouldn't even zip up, and the next size up was still frightfully tight. She knew she'd be able to find something in the store, but she wasn't willing to put on that size 12. "Hayley," she chastised herself, "This is what you get for wearing the same baggy, stretched-out clothes every week." Had she really taken a vacation for this? She was good at information; she was terrible at being fat. Ok, she wasn't that fat, she reassured herself. She could deal with the challenge at hand. Get active, stay in shape, tone up. Hadn't those recent articles explained how exercise was an excellent antidepressant? And the gym was only a block away from her house… Hayley sighed. The gym clearly wasn't a viable option- too much noise and too many familiar faces. She needed another plan.
At 9 am the next morning, Hayley put on her only pair of sweatpants, an old sports bra, (now too tight), and an oversized t-shirt. She had been inspired by the power-walking moms on her street, the very people she now planned to avoid. Armed with her mp3 player and a determined stare, she headed straight for the park. No one on the hiking path would bother her.
Normally, the woods were not her favorite locale. Just the smell of trees made her itchy. Nature was overrated: The terrain was uneven, squirrels didn't respect people's personal space, and birdsongs were annoying. The worst, even worse than the dirt and sporadic spider webs, were the bugs. Why hadn't scientists found a way to get rid of bugs? Yes, there's the food chain, biodiversity, etc, etc . . . but there had to be a way to partition off the bugs. If it wasn't possible to quarantine them, or poison them, or flood the trail with bug spray, then there had to be a way to make sure they only came out at night. Hayley decided she'd look into it when she got back to her lab.
Luckily today the bugs were absent and the air was pretty fresh. Hayley quickly forgot about the bugs and instead revisited the recent months and the events that had caused her depression. It had definitely started when the rangers lost their powers, but at least the group had still been all together. When Trent left for college, the emptiness became more profound. Hayley found it hard to connect with her new employees at the cafe; They weren't Trent, and they reminded her how she now lacked intimacy and camaraderie in her life. She desperately needed to fill this void, but it had to be something different. Hayley started looking around her, as if the answer was right there in the woods. She noticed movement on her left and saw two black-headed cardinals fly onto the bush ahead of her, not too close to be annoying. Hayley had received her epiphany. It was time for her to be selfish. It was time for her to find a man.
Of course, the closest thing she had to a man was Tommy Oliver, and yet he was the farthest thing from a lover she could imagine. People naturally assumed they were together, and she did nothing to dissuade them. Platonic love was a hard thing to define and it was even harder to explain to someone else. Tommy and she were each other's best friend; they provided insight, wisdom and support. They were family.
She met Tommy at the beginning of graduate school, when she was madly in love with his advisor, Dr. Steven Jones. Steven was by no means her first boyfriend, but he was her first love, and she never knew emotion could cut so deep. Hayley thought of marriage, she thought of children, she thought of old age. Then one night, her fairytale shattered when she went with some girlfriends to a bar and saw him there, making out with a tall, lanky blonde, not caring who saw, not caring who was hurt. She could say nothing, only stare, and then turn around and leave when he approached her. She locked herself in her apartment that night and stared. She didn't cry, just slept and watched tv. Of course, Steven didn't call, didn't try to contact her. He had always disliked confrontation. Hayley knew it was over.
After a week, her friends broke in and dragged her out. They took her to diners, to the movies, to safe public places. They had found out that Steven had been cheating on her for months and egged his house in defense of Hayley's honor. He even had an ex-wife she didn't know about. She shouldn't feel bad about herself, they told her. She should hate him. She was so much better than him. A few weeks went by, and her friends adopted a new approach. Forget about him, he wasn't worth it. Time heals all wounds, they reminded her. There are other fish in the sea.
Hayley let them talk. Her life had lost its meaning, and nothing they could say could change that. She no longer could think or feel; she just had to do. Like a machine, she ate, slept and studied at the same time each day. It was easy to avoid Steven since she knew his schedule. Every day, the memory of him followed her like a shadow, and every day, she pushed it out of her heart. At Christmas, she shot an email home saying she had too much work. All she could do was her work.
Late one evening, she sat on a bench outside the computer center and stared into oblivion. Tommy came and sat down next to her, and it was the first time she had been so close to a man in months. Suddenly, she broke down. She didn't recognize the sound of her own wails, and she was shaking all over. Her crying would have attracted a crowd if it hadn't been so late at night, if campus hadn't been deserted for winter break. Hayley never showed emotion in public, and here she was crying harder than she had ever cried in her life. Then Tommy put his arms around her.
"I can't promise you that everything's going to suddenly be ok. I can't promise that you'll ever get over him. That you'll ever forget. But the pain will dull. And you'll move on. You may not love again, but you will create happiness for yourself. And it will be enough. Trust me. It has to be."
These words were the beginning of her recovery, and Tommy quickly moved from casual acquaintance to an integral part of her life. She was relieved that he had a girlfriend and never initiated anything romantic. They studied together every day and soon confided in each other. She learned about the rangers. Then she learned about Kim. He spoke in a matter-of-fact voice, but with pain in his eyes. It surprised Hayley that it had been so long ago, but she knew better than to feel sorry for him. He was a ranger. He couldn't stop the pain at times, but he could focus on other things and lead a satisfying and meaningful life. This would soon be true for her as well.
Recovery came more quickly than she expected. Unlike Tommy, Hayley eventually got over her first love. She couldn't avoid Steven forever, and after a few months, she could tolerate him in a group setting. Hayley never confronted him, never even addressed him directly. It would be pointless. He was not the man she fell in love with, and she accepted that that man had probably never existed. Steven was pompous and condescending, yet desperate to be liked. She had no respect for him, especially not for the way he treated her. She wondered if Tommy would have had the same experience if he had ever contacted Kimberly after the break-up. Would he have seen her flaws? There was no way to know. Tommy's heart was trapped in the past, and he probably would never get closure.
For her part, Hayley was ready to love again, though she hadn't found the right man. Twice she had fallen head over heels, but both times, the feeling was fleeting. She was the one to break their hearts, though with compassion. She had only been surprised by a break up once, and she recovered quickly. When her most recent relationship ended in "just friends," Hayley was celibate in Reefside. Tommy was not, but his liaisons were always casual. He would recount his one-night-stands and Hayley would yearn for companionship. Why couldn't she have intense sexual attraction and tender friendship? She knew love was elusive, but it was possible. In the meantime, she needed a man.
With that thought, she went flying.
Hayley didn't realize she had lost her footing until she was already in the air. The hill before her was steep, and she hit it fast. She rolled over a number of times, unable to stop herself. Here comes a concussion. Here comes death. The bottom came suddenly, and she slid feet first into a patch of fresh weeds. She wasn't dead. It took several moments to catch her breath, and then she just lay there. Everything hurt. Moving hurt. What if she was permanently crippled or paralyzed? She hated nature. After some time, Hayley knew she would be ok. Nothing was broken; there was no sharp pain, no numbness. She had to get up. She saw her mp3 player lying on top of the hill, and she headed straight for it.
As Hayley climbed the hill, she examined the scratches, the small trickles of blood, the mud all over. Her one pair of sweatpants was covered in grass stains. She collected her mp3 player and shoved it into her pocket in frustration. Of course the hill had been clearly marked on the trail, and she had failed to notice it. But she hadn't exactly expected street signs in the woods. Nature was evil.
She soon found her way back to civilization, miles away from her house. She knew that she needed to clean herself up, but she was not very familiar with this part of town. She couldn't just knock on any random door and upset people with her appearance. After half an hour of searching, she found Alberts' Florists and Nursery. This would work. Those flower people were used to nature.
The store was empty except for the clerk buried in his paperwork. He looked up when the door opened and did a double-take. Then he started laughing and rolled his eyes a bit.
Hayley was offended. But she was too exhausted to say anything. This man in the pressed dress shirt and tailored pants was too over-dressed to give her sympathy.
"Where's your bathroom?" She demanded.
"On your right and around the corner."
She didn't thank him or even acknowledge him and left as fast as she could.
She took her mission in hand and got most of the mud off using way too many paper towels. She had moved onto her cuts and bruises, when the man knocked on the door.
"Do you want some first aid supplies? I have bandages, ointment, the works."
Perfect timing. She opened the door slightly and grabbed the box, barely making eye contact. She mumbled thanks as she shut the door then quickly attended to her wounds.
Assessing herself in the mirror, she figured she'd moved from the level of disaster to general mess. She would feel much better once she got out of these clothes.
Another knock.
"I got a t-shirt and a pair of overalls from one of my colleagues. They look like they might fit you."
This man was a mind-reader. This time she smiled when she opened the door and looked him directly in the face.
"You have saved me. Thank you so much." She waited for him to hand her the clothes, then nodded and carefully shut the door.
She changed quickly, anxious to express her gratitude. She carried the muddied clothes in her arms and approached the counter.
"I hate to ask you for another favor, but do you think you could give me a bag for this stuff?"
The clerk reached behind the counter and pulled out a garbage bag. He opened it to his side like a troubadour's cape. Hayley smiled at his playfulness and looked him over. He was handsome with chiseled features and nicely styled dark hair. Cute smile. Great smile. Sigh. He was probably gay. He worked in a flower shop after all.
The man never gave her the bag but instead reached one of his hands out for the clothes. "I can do you one better. Why don't you leave the clothes with us and we'll wash them for you? You've had a rough time already, and I don't see why you have to lug all that home with you today."
"I couldn't…"
"Look, it's the least I could do. I laughed at you when you came in, when anybody could tell you were hurt … and miserable. I should've asked if you were ok. I don't know … for some reason, I knew you weren't badly hurt."
"Your psychic abilities are impressive." Hayley smiled subtly.
"Yes, well, I wasn't very nice. And I like to do favors for people." He stopped for a moment, evidently re-editing. "I mean I want to do this favor for you."
She wanted to protest some more, just to be polite. But she really wanted to dump the clothes and never to think of them again. So after shifting the clothes in her arms unnecessarily, she handed them over. He smiled, put them in the bag, and dropped it behind the counter.
"So . . . what happened?"
She briefly recounted her experience, leaving out the part about missing the warning signs.
"That sucks. I know what it's like to get lost in your head and enter uncharted territory. Do you jog out here often?"
"Uh… I don't think I'll be jogging there again." She looked away, hoping he wouldn't press the subject. She pulled her nappy hair out of her face and glanced at him. He was still looking at her.
"Ok. I mean I understand how this little scrape has shaken you up a bit. But the woods are so beautiful, and you shouldn't let one mishap stop you. I hike out there all the time and if I got upset every time I fell. . . I don't know. My philosophy is 'There's nothing to fear but fear it self.'"
"Well, Mr. Roosevelt, I have a confession to make. I'm not a big fan of nature."
"Ah, I see," he started laughing again. "And yet your find yourself in a flower shop."
Hayley shrugged, embarrassed.
"Look, the best part of the outdoors is experiencing it physically." He blushed, realizing the innuendo. Ok, maybe not so gay, Hayley thought.
He regained his composure. "What I mean getting out there and feeling a part of nature, how a human is a mammal and has a physical bond. And when you jog, you are taking the first step..."
Of course, I am far from "a jogger," Hayley thought to herself. But she couldn't admit that to him, so she just nodded.
"I guess I'm coming on a little strong. But I am, what you would call, a fan of nature. When people are down or just coming back from a fall, then it's my duty to get them back on their feet." He raised his eyebrows at his pun, and Hayley could help but smile at the corniness. Ok, definitely not gay. Was he flirting with her?
"Ok, you've convinced me. I will try it one more time. Besides I have to come back to get my clothes…" She would never wear those clothes again.
"Good. And just to be on the safe side, you should have someone run with you. Maybe a friend, even a boyfriend…or a girlfriend if you swing that way…"
She smiled at the irony of his last comment and at the immense sexual attraction she felt. She silently sighed.She was probably just another conquest to him.
"No, no boyfriend. But maybe a female friend. Someone who would go at my pace…" She unintentionally winced. Her shoulders, knees, hips- her entire body was killing her, but she didn't want to show how much pain she was in.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I should've offered you some ice. Um, I think I know where I can find some." He hesitated quizzically and then was about to hop in back when she stopped him.
"No really it's not necessary. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't know where to start with the ice. It hurts all- er," she stopped herself. "Nothing really hurts that bad. I'm just sore. I'll take a warm bath when I get home."
He nodded. The relief showed on his face. He really had no idea where to find ice. Hayley giggled to herself and wanted to stay forever, but then her body reminded herself once more that she had to get home.
"Actually, can I ask you one last favor? Could I use your telephone?"
Seconds later, the phone was on the counter, and she had Tommy on the line. Thankfully, he had no afternoon classes and would be there in ten minutes. It was funny how distances so long on foot were so short by car.
She thanked the clerk, and there was an awkward silence.
"Um," Hayley hesitated, "Could you give me a brief tour of the shop?"
He smiled and showed her around. Of course, Hayley knew the scientific names of all the plants, but she also knew enough to play dumb. And this man knew his stock. This man…this man…
"Oh, it's so rude of me. I don't even know your name. I'm Hayley by the way."
"Raul."
"Spanish, huh? I wouldn't have guessed."
He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm pretty white. My mom's from Spain. I speak it with a Spanish accent, so all the Latinos look at me suspiciously. And that was probably unnecessary information . . ."
Hayley laughed.
"So Hayley, I know you hate nature, but I think you need some flowers to brighten up your day. Luckily, you've come to the right place." He wrinkled his brow and stroked his chin as if he were thinking hard.
"No, I couldn't . . ."
"Yeah, like I'm going to take no for an answer. I mean we have all these flowers and not too many customers at this time of day. A dozen daffodils for you . . ." He raised his eyebrows playfully. Hayley wasn't sure if he was paying her special attention, or if he was just bored. Then again, she didn't care- it was just what she needed. Raul wrapped the bouquet over her protests and shoved it into her hands.
"Fine. But I insist on paying for them."
Raul raised an eyebrow. "With the money you don't have?"
He had her there. She was just about to return the flowers to him, when- as if on cue- Tommy honked the horn.
"Fine. But I will pay you the next time I come."
"That's a promise you better keep." Raul winked.
Hayley left and slipped into Tommy's car.
"Whoa, you look awful."
Hayley didn't doubt it. And for the first time all day, she didn't care.
