"The fate of love is that it always seems too little or too much." -Amelia Barr

"Kakashi-"

"Reira-"

His eyes tore away from mine when we spoke over one another. Kakashi was leaning against the wall of his newly acquired office. His attention was focused to the view outside the window. I stood opposite of him, with my back to the locked door a few steps behind me.

My resolution wavered with each second I stood in his presence. I wanted this to be as amicable as possible. A quick and clean break was decidedly the easiest approach.

"Kakashi," I repeated. "There's no point in dragging this out any longer."

My voice was a little softer than usual, but it filled the small space between us. I heard him sigh in response, and my heart began to ache for the both of us. I almost wanted to throw away all my inhibitions again, to close the distance between us and seek out the familiar warmth of his body against mine. Almost.

I cleared my throat, swallowing the words I so badly wanted to say. "Please," I began, clenching my teeth to hide the waver in voice.

Kakashi whirled around. "Please what, Reira?" His eyes were steeled over, his shoulders stiff with agitation. "Please just agree to whatever you're saying? Is that what you want me to do?"

"We both know-"

"No." Kakashi shook his head. "I can't believe you're suggesting we throw away the time we've spent together. You want us to just forget our history after all this time?"

I tried to smile. The edges of my mouth burned, and it felt like my body was chastising me for lying through my body language. This was the last thing I could do for Kakashi now, and I knew it would only benefit him in the end. He just refused to acknowledge it. And I was cursed with the task of forcing him to see it.

"You're the Hokage, now. I can't stand in the way of your duties to the village. I'm going to be a bias in every situation you may find yourself in. I'll be seen as one of your weaknesses."

"Reira," Kakashi lamented, "I already told you-"

"And I'm telling you now, Kakashi," I interrupted, making sure that my cerulean colored eyes penetrated the black abysses of his. "I can't do this."

Although I could tell that his lips were partially opened under his mask, he stayed silent. I hoped that it was finally sinking in. Acting against my heart, I let my cynical side take over, biting back the pleas of my true self to stop while I was ahead. I reminded myself I'd have to drown her later.

"Really, Kakashi. It's annoying," I drawled, putting a hand on my hip. "I'm trying to be nice about this because of the time you wasted with me, but I'm not interested in playing madame or mistress or whatever you call it to the Hokage. I'm not willing to sacrifice the prime of my life to cater to the lifestyle you chose. Do you realize how selfish you're being by insisting that I do?"

He looked away from me. I knew him well enough by the inverted creases above his brows that I hit a nerve. "I didn't think of the situation like that," he said quietly.

I'm sorry Kakashi, I wordlessly pleaded.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you didn't. And I'm not going to wait around for you to figure it out, either. Let's stop and end this, okay?"

"Reira, please-" Kakashi suddenly reached towards me, closing the space between us. His hands grabbed for my shoulders, and I reflexively slapped them down.

I'm so sorry.

"Don't touch me."

He pulled away as if he'd touched fire.

His eyes searched mine bewilderingly, hoping to find evidence of a flaw in my story.

"Do you really feel that way, Reira?" He defeatedly asked.

No.

"Yes."

I turned towards the door quickly, in fear that my face would betray me. "It's over."

"Wait, Reira-"

"Hokage-sama!"

A knock on the door broke through our conversation, and I was grateful for the interruption. It left us frozen with my back towards him, and his fingers wrapped around my arm. I paused for a moment, my fingertips hovering a millimeter away from the door. Even if it was for just a second, I subconsciously hoped he'd tell whoever it was to come back later, to go away so he could be with me a little longer.

"Hokage-sama!" The voice repeated, "It's official business!"

And just like that, I felt Kakashi's fingers slowly uncurl, leaving a trail of goosebumps along my skin as he released me from his grip.

"That's my que. See you around. Goodluck, Hokage-sama."

I unlocked the door and pushed my way past the familiar face of his advisor in one smooth motion. I continued along the corridor hallways, forcing myself to stand tall. I felt the pressure of oncoming moisture behind my eyes, but the tears never came. I half expected to hear the weight of his feet hitting the wooden floors, running back to me, to tell me to stop being so stubborn, and to come back to him. But eventually I reached the exit of his newly acquired quarters, and he never came, and I have to be okay with that.

This was the last thing I could do for Kakashi. Even though my words were empty lies meant to intentionally deceive him, they were also meant to convince myself that I was able to speak some truth into them. It would benefit him in the end, and that's all that mattered.

I can't be selfish anymore. After all the blood and tears that were shed after the last Shinobi War, after all the fallen comrades, after we finally achieved peace, he can't possibly just be mine. He belongs to the village now. And for his sake, I have to be okay with it.

Even though it means sacrificing myself, and my feelings, and giving up the love we struggled so much to find. I must be okay with it.

I know he'll be okay. Even if I won't be, his work will keep him busy, and now that he's free of all personal obligations, he'll be a great leader to Konoha. This is what my loss will bring. And I'm okay with this.

So, with heart in hand, I'll open up the spaces between my fingers and let the pieces fall.

Why, you ask?

Because that's what love is.


Author's Note:

Hello there, and welcome to my new story, Heart in Hand! I'm excited for everyone that chooses to follow along with me as I develop the story between Kakashi and Reira! I already have an outline for the story, so please bear with me as I'll be updating about 1-2 times a week. Reviews are always appreciated and if you'd like to leave a critique, please do! Thanks so much for reading the prologue, and stay tuned for chapter 2, as we go back to the beginning where it all started.

Until then~

-Neko