Anxious she waited, this was the fourth time she tried reaching her and the fourth time her call didn't get answered. Being angry at her was one thing, ignoring her something completely different. She would call the other number again, even if she hadn't more success reaching her the two times before either. The waiting made her nervous and made her mind imagine the most horrible scenarios. She couldn't wait any longer; she would call every one of them until finally someone showed her some mercy and would eventually take her calls.

It took twelve rings until the line finally connected and she heard some muffled breathing noises on the other line, but no words were spoken to acknowledged her presence. Did she imagine those noises? Were they just wishful thinking? "Sarah?"

A deep breath, at least there was someone on the other line. "Yeah. Who..." It took her Sarah few seconds to recognize her. "Bloody hell, Delphine is that you? Do you know how late it is?" It was obvious that her call had awoken the woman but it would've surprised her if it had been different. It was 4.07 am after all, most people would be asleep right now, normally so would she. But she couldn't give Sarah much time to wake up completely; this whole conversation took to long already without getting the information Delphine desperately needed.

"I know how late it is Sarah, believe me." She hadn't let the clock out of her sight for hours now, desperatly waiting for some change but beside the little numbers on the display, nothing had changed in their oversized apartment.

"Cosima hasn't come home today, I was hoping that she is with you?" Hope was an understatement, praying and begging was probably more accurate to her current state of mind. If Cosima was with Sarah than at least she would be save right now, with someone to look after her. Not knowing where she was, if she was well or just suffered from one of her coughing fits unnerved Delphine to no end. Sure, they had an argument in the lab before and Cosima left the room quite angry but that was no reason or excuse not to come home at all. Surely her girlfriend would know how worried she'd be if she wasn't at home at this late hour. She wouldn't let her suffer additional to her constant worry about the clones health.

"Why the hell should she be with me? I haven't seen her in person since she moved into DYAD with you." There was a small reproach in her tone and Delphine could understand her anger. When they moved in the apartment in the institute, it was clear that they couldn't met Sarah again, for her own safety. It was a necessary sacrifice, they all agreed that much. The institute was the best place to be for Cosima right now. Here they had equipment and the best medical care in case of emergency. Sarah hadn't liked it but agreed eventually. Not that they needed her approval anyway. Delphine would've dragged her girlfriend here herself if she hadn't agreed with her. The weeks before they came back to the institute had been harsh on her and with every coughing attack and lost breath, Delphine panicked a little more. It was for her peace of mind that they came here. Cosima agreed so that Delphine was finally able to get a proper full night rest without the fear that the woman beside her would quietly wither away when she closed her eyes. Sarah hadn't forgave her that she took Cosima away from her when Kira was still missing, her only family left now were Felix, Alison and Cosima. The British woman wanted them close to her in a deep need to take care and protect all of them. Delphine knew that Sarah wanted Cosima close, fearing to lose another member of her family. It took them a while to ease Sarah into the idea but after her last coughing fit Delphine was ready to fight Sarah over this. It was far to close to not breathing than that they could ignore this topic any longer and Sarah had to agree. "What did you do frenchie?" Sarah asked snappy, obviously fully awake now.

The same question Delphine asked herself since Cosima stormed out of the lab. They'd argued about the new treatment Leekie wanted to test on her. From all the data Delphine had to analyse, it was obvious that the serum was still dangerous and Delphine wanted to wait for a few more test results to see how it would affect Cosimas body. They needed to consider her current health status too. The last weeks had been tough on her and Delphine didn't want to stress her body more than necessary. Sadly Cosima didn't agree with her. In fact after Leekie told them about his latest test results she was more than eager to try this new serum. Of course Delphine understood that she wanted some progress when her life ebbed more and more away from her, but to use a treatment they didn't test properly couldn't be the answer they searched for. Unfortunately her lover and Leekie seemed more than willing to test it and didn't want to hear the immunologist objections which lead to an argument between the two women. The only thing they got out of it was that Leekie left them alone for this talk, just to let him be followed by an more than pissed Cosima a few minutes later.

"I didn't...well it's complicated." She confessed. "But Sarah it's important for Cosimas health that you call me as soon as you hear from her."

"You're sure you didn't do anything? Sounds like some shit is going on between you two."

"We're fine." As fine as we could probably be considering the circumstances. Working for the enemy, not knowing who to trust, living at your workplace, seeing the person responsible for this every day, seeing a person who looks like your lover but couldn't be more different from her, seeing your lover almost drown on her own blood and you not able to find a cure or the cause for her problem. If you took all those things together than she could honestly say that they were fine.

"Yeah, whatever you say. Look, if she shows up I'll call yah but until then I'll continue sleeping." As if Sarah could sense her protest the young woman continued. "Look Cosima is old enough to look out for herself. She knows she can come to me if she needs to, she also could go to Alison and eventually she can come back to you, regardless of the shit you two have going on right now. Give her one night without being watched, without someone monitoring every move she makes." A few months ago Delphine would've been offended, fiercely fought Sarah over this. She didn't watch Cosima all the time, less of all monitor her but that was months ago. Now her whole days contented to watch Cosima, look at her, seeing how the sparkle of life slowly left her eyes, silently noticing and analysing ever short breath, sweat pearls, sudden lack of energy or mood swings as an added factor to her illness. Every time she noticed something new she was remembered that their time was slowly running out. Never in her life had Delphine felt more as a simple bystander, a real monitor, as she did those days.

Sarah was right. Delphine knew that, one night out wouldn't kill Cosima but she worried constantly about her. It was probably something that came naturally when your lover was constantly woken up by coughing fits that ended with her much weaker and a lot of blood on a tissue or the bed sheets depending how fast she was or how surprisingly the fit came.

There were nights when Cosima didn't sleep, Delphine knew that, even if she didn't comment it further. She could hear how her breathing didn't slow down into a regular rhythm some nights. Cosima just lay in Delphines arms, in their bed, worrying, not speaking. Cosima thought that there was no point in discussing something they both knew, but couldn't do anything about. All of their days were determined by them working and finding the cure, why should they want to discuss this in their rare free time too? At least that was what Cosima thought. Delphine would talk non stop about it if it would get them any closer to save her lover but Cosima felt already guilty for reasons Delphine couldn't comprehend and that made her hold back.

It wasn't like she asked for this, this life, her conception, her genetic failure, her sickness, nothing was her fault but Cosima still felt responsible for Delphines wasted days, as she called them. Those were the days when everything completely turned around her. They tested her blood, observed her vitals during tests and just talked about her and her degeneration the whole time. It shouldn't be like this. No relationship should just focus on one person, it wasn't fair to her. Reasoned Cosima once and Delphine feared that she would break up with her that day, out of desperation and a need of martyrdom. Before she could even think like that again Delphine assured her that as long as she was with her everything was as perfect as it could be for her. They were working so hard now so that they could be together for a lot longer than they had in sight now. When they finally got there, she wouldn't mind if Cosima repaid her however she wanted, though. And with that Cosima just grinned at her and kissed her. She knew since then that this guilt was eating her girlfriend up inside and feared that someday she maybe found the courage to end their relationship, for Delphines sake.

It was scary how selfless Cosima was. Sometimes Delphine got the impression that she already gave up on herself and just researched for the others, so that they wouldn't need to endure the same. It scared her. It scared her so much. Cosima was strong, a fighter, to stubborn for her own good sometimes but the last weeks and days especially took that away from her. After seeing Jennifer, her genetic identical and possible future, it just got worse. Delphine couldn't accept her giving up like that. Maybe her tries to hold onto her just pushed her further away. They fought so much the last days that she feared that maybe Cosima did it on purpose so Delphine would leave her. And this rushed attempts to take an untested treatment were more like trying to take the rise out of Delphine than really believing in the cure itself.

Cosima was far to smart than to not see the dangers of the treatment. To risk her life like that just to prove her point, would she do this? Was she really that stubborn? Would she take Leekies serum just to show Delphine that she was still in control? That there was at least a little control left in her life? Of course not. She wouldn't do that. Not really. Maybe she was stubborn, scared and impulsive sometimes but beside all that she was still a very logical person. Risking her own life would be an option when she found the serum and saved the others. She made that much clear. At least she wanted to save her sisters. Who else would do that if not her?

She called her again, no one answered, again. Maybe Sarah was right. What harm could one night out do? A lot if she had a fit like last night again. Delphine had heard her get up, like almost every night now. Suppressing the urge to follow her to the bathroom, giving her the privacy she wanted and just waited in their bed for Cosima to come back. There was something like a routine at night for Delphine. Hearing her coughing, hearing her deep struggling breathes, feeling her waiting until she was in complete control again and then Cosima sneaked into the bed again and silently cursing herself while Delphine hold her in her arms, softly rubbing her back and giving Cosima the strength she needed, but last night had been different. There was coughing, much coughing actually, deep breaths, very deep and desperate but no cursing, just silence and then Delphine got up just to find her girlfriend passed out on the bathroom floor. She was still breathing, but a small bump on her forehead where she'd hit the floor slowly showed itself. It was later when they both laid in bed, entangled in each others arms, when the cursing came. Cosima cursing at herself for her bodies degeneration and Delphine softly stroking her back, not daring to argue with her, another fit was nothing they needed right now.

She was getting worse, they both knew it, they both felt it, they both stayed silent about it. If Cosima broke down again, passing out in an dark alley or in the middle of the street or a crowded club, was there anyone who would notice her and help her? Sure she would be noticed, how could anyone not notice this magnificent woman? But did she really need to tempt her fate?

Call number six, voicemail number six. "Cosima, I know you're angry, I know you're scared, I know you don't want to talk with me now but you have to come home or least go to Sarah or Alison or Leekie or wherever as long as you don't stay on your own. After what happened last night I don't think you should be alone." Great choice of words, you idiot! "That came out wrong, you know what I mean! Cosima please! For my sake, call me! And if you just want to scream at me, call too. Dammit where are you?" End of message. She wouldn't call her back. The purpose of getting away in the first place was to stay away from her. Merde! Should she call Aldous? Let him help her searching the clone? If she did that Cosima would never forgive her.

They couldn't go on like this. They needed to talk! They needed to stay in this together! They would need to find a way to cope all of this. They needed to set rules to avoid each other from going nuts!

A call interrupted her thoughts and as desperate as she wanted and waited for a call the same it scared her when she saw the caller ID. This wasn't Cosimas number. Her phone identified the caller at 4.27 am as Aldois Leekie and she had the feeling in her gut that she wouldn't like what he would say to her.


A/N: My second attempt at writing a Cophine story. Not sure if I should continue this. It was just something I had in mind and which wouldn't leave me alone but there's hope. I just wanted to write again.

Please leave a review and tell me what you think.