Nightmares
I gasped for air as I felt the weight of a full grown man pressing down on me and shove me down into the ground. My back ached as his knees dug into my flesh, refusing to let me up, no matter how much I flailed against them. Fucking David. I knew I should've put a bullet in him the moment I saw him.
"You can try begging." He taunted, knowing that he had the upper hand, and that there was nothing I could do to stop him. His breath was hot against the freezing winter air, and the rancid stench of blood stung my nostrils.
"Fuck you." I spat in response, putting all my strength into a fruitless effort to push him off of me, but to no avail.
With my strength sapped, I was powerless as he flipped me around so that I could stare straight into his enraged face, with bloodshot eyes and a nasty cut that I had inflicted earlier in plain view. His calloused and weathered hands reached for my throat and took hold, slowly squeezing them until I was struggling for breath.
"You think you know me?" He started, his voice taking on an edge that no longer attempted to hide his open hatred of me.
"Well let me tell you something. You have no idea what I'm capable of." He grunted sinisterly, making it clear that he had no intention of letting me escape with my life. Either I was going to die, or he was. And as of now, things weren't looking like they were in my favor.
My hands reached around wildly, searching for anything to slow the man who was on the verge of strangling me. My fingers gently grazed wood, and for a moment, I felt a glimmer of hope, even as the world was on the verge of blacking out. With redoubled effort, I strained my arm until I comfortably had my hand wrapped around a handle and I struck, swinging as hard as I could into David, slashing his wrist.
He released a howl of pain as he tumbled off of me, clutching his bleeding wrist. In an instant, I was on top of him, machete firmly in my grasp. I raised my arms up in the air and brought them down on him, time and time again. Blood sprayed in every direction, and I knew that after the first strike that he was dead, but I didn't care. My anger overtook me and guided my arms, instructing them to keep swinging, as if he would come back to life.
"Ellie, what have you done?" My hands stopped in mid air, still clutching the blade as I heard Joel's shocked voice. I turned my head to see Joel, a look of horror on his face as he stared down at the carnage I had caused.
"I had no choice…" I stammered, dropping my arms and allowing the machete to clatter onto the wood floors, staining them with specks of red. My fingers trembled, adrenaline still coursing through every vein in my body, but as I stared down at the mutilated corpse underneath me, I felt sick to the bone and my strength left me.
I collapsed backwards, and I inched my body until it was resting up against a booth, allowing myself to catch my breath. The whole time, Joel just stood there, frozen to the spot. I saw his eyes bore straight through me as they analyzed my actions.
For a moment, there was complete silence.
"Fucking say something, Joel! Anything." I managed, gulping deeply.
Joel took a step away from me, "You're a monster, Ellie."
"What?" I asked, not sure I heard him right.
"Look at him! He's cut into a million goddamn pieces because of you!" Joel screamed, taking another step away from me.
"Joel." I pleaded, crawling forward on my knees, hoping that we could just hug or some shit.
"No. You stay away from me." Joel threatened, hand flashing to his holster.
"Please, don't leave me like this. I'm begging you." I whimpered. My entire body felt cold, and I knew that it wasn't because of the weather. My protector, my partner, my…friend, was on the verge of leaving me. And I could do nothing but watch as I was abandoned once again by someone that I had grown to care for. First Riley, then Sam, and now this.
Why did this have to happen to me? Why was I always the one being left behind, to deal with the consequences? I know that I put on a tough exterior, but I'm scared too. I never wanted to be some savior. I never wanted to be a killer. I don't want to die alone.
And now, my worst dreams were coming true. He turned around, so that I could no longer see his expression of disgust, and began stepping away. And with each step, I could feel my hope slipping away as I was abandoned.
"JOEL!"
"Ellie. Ellie! ELLIE!"
My eyes snapped open and for a moment, I was confused to find myself no longer in the burning restaurant I was just in, but instead, in a warm bed, staring up at a familiar grizzled face. And this time, Joel's eyes weren't full of fear and hatred, but instead, concern. His gray hair fell over part of his face, but even so, I saw his brow furrowed in worry as he shook me vigorously.
And in that instant, I felt a sense of relief wash over my body and a happiness filled my body as I realized that I wasn't alone. Joel was still here for me, despite everything that had happened.
"Joel, don't leave me behind!" I shouted, latching on to him as tightly as I could with my arms wrapped firmly around his torso, refusing to let him go like I had just seen him do. I buried my face into his thick and muscular shoulder and allowed the tears to come from eyes. They were hot and burned my skin before they were absorbed into the fabric of Joel's shirt, and they would not stop coming.
"Shh, it's all right. Just a nightmare." He reassured in a soothing voice as he gently ran a hand down my back, me still bawling my eyes out into him. My face was numb, and my lips quivered as my heartbeat finally began returning to normal, allowing the tears to slow. I sniffled once as my entire body shook uncontrollably as a few more sobs wracked my figure, my chest heaving as I took several deep breaths.
"Baby girl, it's all right. We're safe." Joel whispered to me, his free arm wrapping around my smaller figure and pulling me in tightly, filling me with warmth at his embrace. I finally felt the crying subside, and I sniffled once more as I took one more shaky breath, finally looking up at my surroundings. I was met by clean white walls, along with a wooden closet and a door that looked like it was frantically thrown open by the way it had left a mark in the paint. A large window allowed moonlight into the room, bathing it in a heavenly pale glow that was both calming and unnerving at the same time.
It was by this glow that we had committed some of our greatest atrocities on the road together, and faced some of our toughest challenges. As my senses returned to me, I realized that I was not sitting in some random run down house, but our home in the Jackson Settlement. Joel was safe, and so was I.
"Fuck, that was a hell of a nightmare." I said with a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood as I loosened my grip on Joel, who was more hesitant, and refused to allow me out of his grasp. I awkwardly chuckled, but we both knew that something was not right.
I sighed.
"I'm still thinking about David, and what happened back in winter." I admitted, "I still can't believe what I did."
Joel nodded, and I felt his prickly beard tickle my forehead with every shake of his head.
"I know it's not easy. You went through hell, and you have every right to be scared of what happened. But that's in the past, and you can't let it keep you down. You're too bright for that." He told me reassuringly, and I knew that he was right. But damn it, I couldn't just put it out of my mind. I couldn't just go back to my relatively normal life, and pretend that I never did any of that stuff. I killed someone, and I could never take that back, no matter how badly I wanted to. We had been to the edge of hell and back, and there was no way that I could escape being changed by it. There was just no way.
"I know." I sighed, "And I'll just have to try and move on, in any way I can."
"Then I'll be right here, until you can." Joel said, shifting so that he could lie down on his side with one arm draped over my figure, pulling me close to him so that I could hear his heartbeat and feel his warm breath billowing over me.
I wrapped my nimble and thin fingers over Joel's thick and calloused ones, feeling a strange comfort in knowing that he was right there with me. We led some pretty fucked up lives, but at least now, we were a family, and he wouldn't leave me. He had told me as much.
In this world, there isn't really much to live for if you're living alone. Bill had shown us that, and so had Henry. But I had Joel, and Joel had me. And that was pretty fucking good.
"Hey Joel?" I whispered after we had settled into our positions and gotten comfortable, my back pressed up against his chest, our bodies fitting together in a way so that it felt as if Joel was covering me from any sort of nonexistent danger that might try and threaten me.
"Yeah?" He whispered back, despite the fact that we no longer had to hide our voices from anyone. It was a force of habit now, more than anything. We had conversed in whispers for months on end to keep ourselves hidden, and we couldn't just change our wiring just because we were living relatively normal suburban lives. We were changed, whether it be for good or for worse.
"Thanks. I really mean it."
"No problem, baby girl."
Thoughts? Last of Us was just amazing, and I really loved the kind of father-daughter relationship Joel grows to have with Ellie. I kind of want to continue this as a series of one shots about Joel and Ellie's lives after the end of the game, but I hate writing things that no one wants to read, so if you guys want me to continue, please leave your thoughts in a review or PM! Thanks for reading!
