It's not fair.
It's not fair, the way that they look at each other; the way they spend so much time together. I thought I was done with this jealousy, but lately it's been festering. The power of Persona, the Investigation Team, the friends that have been made…It all means nothing if I'm just going in a circle, back to that jealousy that consumes me.
Yukiko's so much better than me; she's pretty, is always surrounded by guys, and could probably get anyone she wanted. She could get anyone she wants, and yet she chose him. Why him?
It's not fair that they're both perfect—that they're both meant to be together.
He spends more time with her than with me—in fact, we hardly get any time together alone—but why is this feeling of jealousy raging inside of me? When I see them together, both beaming, talking as if they'd known each other forever, I can't help but hate her.
I want him to love me. Why does she have to love him like that?
I remember when she first said it to my face.
"Chie…I think I'm in love with Narukami-kun."
Did she notice when I tried to mask my anger—my utter despair—as I forced a smile and muttered, "Yeah? I think he likes you too."
Was she so dumb that she didn't see that I was just as in love with him as she was?
And every time we pass him, she smiles and waves and he nods coolly or smiles. My heart flutters even though he's not acknowledging me. And then Yukiko will turn to me and say, "Something wrong?"
And I'll laugh it off and say, "Of course not. You crazy?"
Before him, Yukiko needed me. She needed me as her protector, to keep her safe.
Now he's her protector; her guardian, her knight, her prince. She doesn't need me anymore, and he doesn't want me. He would never protect me. Why would he? Yukiko's prettier, after all. She's taller and more feminine and needs protecting. What if I need protecting? So what if I act strong? What if I want Narukami to hold me and protect me and try my cooking?
What makes Yukiko so special anyway? So what if she's pretty?
Don't I deserve someone like Narukami?
Someone strong and cool? Someone perfect?
It's not fair.
Yukiko's speaking to him again. He's looking as cool as ever, and when he notices me staring at him, he smiles. So cool, my heart squeals. I grin back stupidly like always and hop out of my seat, skipping towards his desk where Yukiko is fawning over him.
"What're you guys talking about?" I ask, leaning on Yukiko a little. She may think it's affectionate, but I'm trying to hurt her.
"Narukami-kun and I were talking about going into the TV this afternoon, for training," she smiles and blushes. Apparently, "going into the TV" means something else these days, by the look on her face.
Inside, I'm rolling my eyes, but I grin and nod. "That's a great idea! Yuu-kun, your new persona is awesome. What's it's name again?"
"Trumpeter," he says. Short and sweet; so cool.
"Makes sense," I note. "With the trumpet and all."
Yosuke leans back in his chair and accidentally falls over. We laugh at him. This happens almost every day, and every day we laugh and he huffs something stupid and sulks until Yuu or Yukiko says something to make him feel better. He's like their child. And where do I fit into this? I guess I'm the annoying, single aunt.
After school is the same as ever. We talked about going into the TV, but didn't. Yuu goes to soccer practice instead. Yukiko tries to decide if she should go watch him for fear of being too "forward" and I pretend to care for her teenage crisis.
Oh no, a boy you like may or may not like you going to watch him during club activities. You must be heartbroken.
I have to stay after school for cleanup duties, so I say goodbye to Yukiko and head to our dim class. Light gently flitters through the half-open windows. I struggle to close them.
Footsteps ring through the open door from the hallway, but I ignore them. It's probably a teacher or someone coming from club activities.
The footsteps stop at the door, and I turn around.
"Satonaka-san," it's Narukami. I blush and turn away.
"Yuu-kun, what's up?" I groan as I push down on one of the windows. It doesn't budge. Stupid windows.
Narukami laughs and enters the classroom. "Want a hand with that?"
"It's fine, fine! I just…gotta…Grhh!"
Without warning, he rests his hands on mine. I realise this means he's right behind me, almost hugging me. My face burns; I know I'm blushing. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to burst out of my chest.
Slowly he pushes down, and the windows creaks closed. He removes his hands from mine, but still stands behind me. I can feel his presence. I turn around. We're centimetres apart. My head only comes up to the bottom of his neck, so I have to look up to meet his eyes.
He smiles coolly. "Ask for help next time, alright? Cleanup duty's a pain."
Have I ever heard him say that many words in a sentence?
I nod.
We awkwardly stand in silence, centimetres apart. We've never been this close.
My heart is beating. He's looking out the window, not paying any attention to me, smiling at the reddish hue of the horizon.
"It gets dark here so quickly. Quicker than in Tokyo," he whispers.
"Yeah?"
He nods. He looks so tranquil. A city boy like Yosuke, and yet nothing like Yosuke. Yosuke's not handsome like Yuu.
I suddenly blurt out, "Hey, do you like dogs?"
He raises his eyebrows and looks down at me. "Yeah, I do. Why?"
I blush. "You…could come over some time… My dog's pretty fat and stinks…But he's nice. You'd like him, I think," I grin.
He smiles. "I'd like that."
We stare at each other for seconds. In this moment, I can't help but think—we would be so great together. Better than you and Yukiko.
I can't help but get caught up in this moment. Do you feel the same, Narukami? The way you lean in to my face, the way I close my eyes as I feel your hand slowly rest on my hips; the way our lips slowly meet.
Narukami-kun, I thought you loved Yukiko. I should be slapping you. I should be yelling at you for betraying her, but I can't. I can't help but get caught up in this moment.
It's not fair.
