This is just something I decided to write for fun, for the mere sake of writing it. I'm not sure if I intend to continue it. I'll let you be a judge of that. Kind of a short beginning, but I have a lot more up my sleeve. Eli is a very complex character, so I see this as an opportunity for me to figure out what lies beyond what he's willing to show. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS.

Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in… Breathe out…

For Eli Goldsworthy, every breath was a struggle. Letting the air out was the easy part, but bringing it back in to his lungs was what got him every time. Just the meager will to live wasn't present any longer. He just wanted out. Now.

It's not like there was anything left for him anyway. Sure, he had his parents, Adam, writing, school, Cla-...But Clare was out of the picture. His picture. The one he'd been painting his whole life; making decisions so serious that his life depended on them. Out of the picture by choice. Julia hadn't chosen, but Clare had the opportunity to stay with him, and she didn't even consider. It was her will, and only her will, that drove her father away from Eli; so far that he knew he'd never get her back. What they had was gone. The laughs, the fun, the warm bubbly feeling inside his chest. Gone without a trace. She'd abandoned him, with not a drop of regret.

He lay in his hospital bed, staring at the door. The same door Clare had walked out of ten minutes before. She had stood there, told him she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't be with Eli any longer. He knew she was right. He understood her thoughts completely. Who would want to spend time with a troubled, dark, mentally unstable boy like him? One who wore eye liner and wrote plays; living through every day, a losing battle? Maybe he had been too impulsive, too attached. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want this to end like… Like Julia… He swallowed, fighting back the tears. Emotion was a waste, he decided.. Happiness might be temporary, but the pain will always come back. That's what killed him. There was no escape from the anguish. No outrunning the misery. All he could do was drown in despair.