Please Read!:
Hello! So I have been working on this idea for a new story. Basically the premise is that after Cal finds out that he can sense the Auphe and that they can sense him instead of coming up with the plan to destroy them he decides to leave and try to figure out a way to do it on his own. I have been toying with the idea for a while and I thought I would give this a shot. If not many people are interested I won't keep going with it but I figured it was worth a try just to see. I hope you guys enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Cal Leandros series, it is property of Rob Thurman
I was leaning against the window watching the rain.
The white noise it provided was kind of calming. I liked the rain. For someone who hates being cold it didn't make any sense, but I did. I felt the coolness of the window seep through the layer of my hair and creep across my cheek. It was a nice cold though, a refreshing one. A cold of life not of death.
I snorted, who knew a little water would make such a sentimental son of a bitch. I watched the patterns the rain made as it hit the window and then trickled down. It always picked a different path, never the same one. I bet Niko knew why. I didn't ask him though, swear to God you ask that guy one simple question and he'll explain the way the whole damn world works. Well, he would to me at least. Any opportunity he had to make me learn he took advantage of.
"Cal, it would be very prudent of you to make use of this lull to clean your weapons." Ah, there he was. Big brother, he just didn't know how to relax.
I resisted the urge to laugh. Only Niko could make a word like 'prudent' sound threatening. Though I guess Niko could make anything sound threatening. I rolled my head against the window so the coolness was directly on my forehead. I stood there for a moment longer before reluctantly moving to get the cleaner. Ignoring Niko was only a good idea if you wanted to die a painful death, or in my case get my ass kicked to kingdom come.
I scanned the room for a moment.
"Where the hell did we put that shit anyways?" I said petulantly, swiping at the hair that the window had stuck to my cheek.
"That 'shit' is right in front of you on the counter." I glared at him and saw that the cleaner was in fact sitting right in plain sight. Damn, I must really be distracted. I couldn't afford to be distracted, though I definitely had a right to be.
When we had gotten back to Rafferty's place I had told him of the new… ability that I had developed.
I could sense the Auphe, and I would bet my life that they could sense me too. I plunked the cleaner down on the table began to lay out my weapons. The trouble was, could I bet the people I cared about lives on it? Could I bet Niko's life on it? I wish I would never have to gamble with his life, but this time his chances would probably be higher if I left. Well, if I left and he didn't try to follow, and that would be the real shitty part. I didn't know how I could keep him from following me. I didn't know if I was even strong enough to try and keep him from following.
I glanced up for a moment and saw him focusing intently on cleaning his weapons. When we were lying in that field he said that he would die with me, and I didn't doubt that for one second. I knew that he wouldn't live without me just like he knew that I wouldn't live without him… but maybe it didn't have to be that way.
Niko was the only person I loved. Yeah, I liked Goodfellow and Promise was Niko's and she made him happy so I liked her too, but Niko was the only one I really couldn't live without. Niko though… Niko loved Promise and he was closer to Goodfellow than I was. He also had a future, he had other things that he could be doing… that he wanted to do rather than take care of his half demon little brother. As long as he knew I was alive he could be okay without me. His whole world didn't revolve around me like mine did him.
"Whatever you are thinking I can guarantee that you are wrong." His voice shook me out of my thoughts and I glanced up at him. I should have known better than to think about this stuff when he was right there. He always knew. I wasn't sure if it was a big brother thing or a Niko thing… probably both.
"Right, these weapons will just get dirty again, I shouldn't clean them." What? I wasn't avoiding the subject….
"You can't distract me… and stop avoiding the subject." Damn. Fucking mind reading older brothers.
"I can't read your mind you're merely very predictable." I could hear the humor in his voice, and as disgruntled as I was I wasn't so surprised. Bastard.
"Asshole." I tried to kick his ankle under the table but he moved to quickly and pinned mine to the ground instead.
"There is a response I didn't see coming." Niko's voice was full of dry humor. How was it that he always seemed to get the upper hand? I pulled my foot out from under his and decided that brooding silence was the way to go on this one. I bent down and went back to cleaning my weapons. Yeah, I was sure showing him.
"Silence, good choice. A wise man once said; 'it is better to keep your mouth shut and let them think that you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove that you are'."
That was fucking it.
I dove over the table (a move reminiscent of the great cereal debacle after Abby) and took him to the ground.
*#*#*#*#*#*#
I lay in one of Raferty's hospital beds and held an ice pack to my knee. Niko was currently in a real bedroom injury-less and with a hot vampire chick. Bastard. Life was so unfair.
My knee wasn't really hurt, Nik would never seriously injure me much less when the Auphe were hanging around, but the ice helped with the soreness. Though I would never admit it to him I'm pretty sure that I did most of the damage myself when we both hit the tile after I lunged at him. Whatever, it was still Niko's fault.
My mind wandered back to the original problem. Do I stay or do I go? I tried to clear my head of the back beat I automatically put to those words. I was going to be pissed if I got that song stuck in my head. Anyways, I knew which one was the right choice. I knew which choice was better for Niko. The question now was whether or not I had the cojones to do it. The fact that I was thinking not said a lot of shit about my character… but at least it was shit I already knew.
I closed my eyes and tried to think about it. What I would say to him, where I would go. I didn't have a real plan, but I needed one and fast.
I could feel two Auphe out in the woods… watching. They wouldn't always be watching. If I were to leave, which I should, I would have to convince Niko and Promise to run somewhere else, where the Auphe couldn't find them and didn't already know where they were. This shit kept getting more and more complicated.
I*#*#*#*#*#*#
I woke up feeling like hell, because I slept like hell, because I had a dream about hell. It was all kind of organically unified if you thought about it. I didn't because my head was pounding like a bitch.
I had decided I was going to do it. And I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared as fuck. I had no plan other than to leave and I new this was going to hurt Niko… that I was going to hurt Niko. I wasn't naïve enough to think he'd agree but I hope that he'll understand enough to let me do this.
Yeah, here's for hoping.
I strolled into the kitchen and glanced at the clock. Great, it was pre-Niko hours of the morning, which meant it was still dark out and every sane creature was still holed up and sleeping. Ah well, I never really counted myself as a sane creature anyways.
I rubbed my hands together to warm them up, it was cold as fuck in this place, and made some coffee so black it practically swallowed all the light around it. I tried not to think about the fact that I had nowhere to go and so I would probably be cold all the time soon. Thoughts like that tended to make my resolve waver for some reason. Go figure.
"Cal." I resisted the urge to jump in surprise. I hadn't heard Niko coming at all… not the pad of sock covered feet against tile, not the sound of breathing, not the creak of the floor… not like that was a shocker, this was Niko after all. What I did hear was something much more ominous. I wish I didn't recognize that tone of voice. He knew something was up and he also knew I had been choosing not to tell him. Niko was not walking away from this talk without answers.
I gripped my cup tighter for a moment to try and stop the shaking. It didn't help. I set the cup down still half full of its almost black hole contents and turned to face Nik, and my decision. Now was the time. The clock has buzzed, I had lost and overtime was not an option… damn it I hated sports metaphors. I was nervous as hell and babbling mentally like I was possessed…. Huh, maybe not the best comparison.
"Cal?" I made myself look at him and tried to stem the mental babbling. If I was going to do this to both of us I had to at least look at him. I had to do this right… or as right as something like this could be done.
I forced my eyes to his face. His worried tone matched the look on his face. The fact that his concern was showing served as evidence to how freaked out he actually was. It was understandable. I had been acting weird as hell lately. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out a way to start off this conversation.
Why not dive right in? The hell with pussy footing around it.
"I'm leaving."
"No."
… that went well. Shit wasn't I just the emperor of eloquence, I should have gone with the pussy footing. Well I had just pissed my bed and now was time to lie in it. I stood straighter and kept eye contact. I wouldn't fold so easily on this one. He was too close to the situation to see it clearly. I was his one and only blind spot. I ignored the little voice in the back of my head shouting 'hypocrite!'. Listening to voices in your head was never a good idea anyways.
"You're serious aren't you?" He studied my eyes carefully and seemed surprised by what he saw. I wondered what they looked like right about now. If it was anything like how I felt then they must have looked like chaos incarnate. I was flipping between determination and despair faster than a bipolar kid off meds.
I didn't answer the question, we both knew it was rhetorical anyways. There was no way that he would willingly let me go and there was no way I was going to stay. Stalemate. Usually I gave in, but I wouldn't this time. I couldn't let myself… for Niko.
"No."
Niko seemed at loss for words. Well, he lost all the rest of them except 'no' apparently. I understood, I almost couldn't believe I was doing this either. I felt like my heart had dropped into my gut and my stomach acids were doing their best to dissolve it and throw it up. I gripped the counter behind me harder to try and stop my shaking hands. It wasn't helping. Nothing could now.
"I have to Nik, they know where I am. They will always know where I am." My voice was shaking as badly as my hands. Damn it.
"So you're going to die?" The disbelief had faded now, took a back seat to a new stronger emotion. Now he sounded angry. Actually pissed as hell would be more accurate. His eyes were the grey of steel and he was doing nothing to hide what he felt. I resisted the urge to just listen to him like I had done almost all my life.
"No Nik, I'm not going to go die. I wouldn't do that to you. You know that." That couldn't be my voice. It sounded much to small to be my voice.
"I thought I did. If you leave they will find you and they will take you back there. I know that you would never let that happen, you would die first. You aren't planning on living long and you think being separated from me will make it easier for me." His body was tense and somehow he had gotten much closer to me. I could almost feel the ice cold chill of his anger. It didn't surprise me that he knew the end game. Niko always knew. I just wished that he hadn't.
"I won't let you leave." He said seeming to calm down more now. That was odd, it was unlike Nik to forget to factor in all the details. I slid farther away from him down the counter and he let me, feeling more in control now.
"You can't stop me Nik." I watched comprehension flash across his face and quickly put on a mask of calm that seemed to cover his entire body. I wasn't fooled for a second. I could tell that he was ready to grab for me if I tried to travel. If he was touching me than he would just end up coming with me. I couldn't let that happen.
"This isn't an automatic death sentence. I'm going to try. I will try and find a way to beat them, and if I can then I will come back. You know why I have to go Nik. This is all on me, and I'm not your whole damn world anymore Nik. You have Promise and Goodfellow and you have a future. You can do this without me. All kids have to grow up and move out sometime, and it's about damn time I stopped being such a child and took some responsibility for this."
That was a long speech, and now that I had said what I had needed to it was time to go. I hoped that he would understand eventually, but I also wasn't that stupid or optimistic.
"I'll find you." He had gotten closer to me again and I backed up the same amount. I needed to go, he was going to grab me soon and then he could probably talk me out of it. Because everything inside of me was rebelling at the idea of leaving him. He was all I had ever known and I didn't want to be alone anymore.
I didn't want to die.
I took a deep breath. This wasn't about what I wanted, hell it wasn't even about what he wanted. It was about me finally doing something for him once in my whole fucking life. I had never done anything good for him or sacrificed for him, and now it was time for me to step up and do it.
"And I can just leave again. Don't follow me Nik. I'll let you see me every once in a while so that you know I'm okay. Don't fight me on this you know it makes sense." I felt my gut twist and the words felt like bile coming out of my mouth. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with my older brother. I didn't want to fight the Auphe alone.
"Don't." No one but me would recognize that for what it was… but I did and I wished more than anything that I didn't. It was a plea. He was pleading with me and I was going to hurt him.
"I'm sorry Nik." Sorry, what a fucking useless word. It didn't mean anything, it only meant that I was leaving.
I felt my gut twist again, part in disgust with my self and despair at leaving Niko and partly as I felt the gate rip its way out of me. I saw Niko lunge for me just a moment too slowly…
Then the grey light took me away from my brother again. Only this time it really was my fault.
So what do you guys think? Keep going? Nice try but no dice? Dear God what have I just wasted my life reading? ;) let me know!
Thank you!
