'Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo.
MAD
(Mutually Assured Destruction)
Chapter 1: Ground Zero
...
Sakura
...
"You know what they say about first love... get it over with as fast as possible."
An old lady with peppered grey hair and sunken wrinkles said that to me when I was seventeen. I had my hand wrapped in my boyfriend's and forehead pressed against his shoulder. He was my first love, my first time, my first everything. And she wanted that to end?
"You're unbelievable Sasuke!"
I had called her a spiteful hag that would never understand.
"How many times are we going to go over this? You're an hour early!"
After all the fighting, pain and heartbreak I wish I could go back to that moment. I wish I could kiss that old woman's cheek and tell her that I agree entirely. First love is the worst love. Sasuke Uchiha was the worst love.
"I have no choice," I fire back before pinching the bridge of my nose. On the cusp of divorce the major part of the fighting should be over. I sorely wish it was. That moving into different homes and avoiding each other meant no contact all together. I push past my ex with tired frustration. Ignoring how the muscles flexed dangerously in his arm at my invasion. Sasuke's apartment is modest and impersonal. How typical of him to be unable to inject an ounce of warmth into a home he has been living in for over a year. "Where is she?"
He snarled when I found what we would spend the next fifteen years in bitter deadlock over. Sugar white skin, glossy liquorice black hair and thick full lashes adorning her huge dark eyes; this was our perfect little girl. This was Mai, our three year old daughter and the only good thing to come out of our marriage. I can't help but smile as she bops her head along to the show she is watching, tiny earphone buds nestled in her ears.
Then I remember I am on a tight schedule and ignore Sasuke's protests by walking over to her. She jumps a little when I touch her shoulder but the second she sees me her face lights up.
"Mummy!" she coos as I scoop her up into a hug. She rests her head down on the crook of my neck, exhausted. It is clear she has not had her nap today and I send Sasuke a scathing glare. Wanting to spend time with her is fine but keeping her up because of it? That isn't right.
I'm surprised when it is not returned and he instead looks downcast. "It's my day," he tries to reason and I'm so used to seeing him angry this new look stuns me. It takes me a few moments to get my bearings.
"Don't worry," I reply "It will go back to normal."
He darkens and I wonder how I ever could have fallen for someone so cold. I grab Mai's bag with my free hand and let her say goodbye.
"Grandma!"
Mai literally wiggles from my hold. I give my mum a warm smile as she takes Mai by the hand before coming over to hug me. What would I do without her? At my age I should be supporting her not the other way around. Yet here she is taking care of my child like a mother again herself. "How'd it go?"
"Not great," I mutter and her lips purse in unspoken disapproval. I know what's coming and I really don't want to hear it.
She gives me an earnest look, "You should tell Sasuke."
I sigh. "Tell him what? We agreed he'd work while I keep studying. If he found out I was also trying to get a job he'd lose it."
I am thankful for Mai pulling at my mother's locket and distracting her for what would have been the inevitable lecture of, 'you're taking on too much', 'Sasuke is a lot of things but he's never denied you a cent' and 'honesty is the best policy'. Instead I am able to plant a quick kiss on both their cheeks and make a hurried departure. I need to be on time for my trial.
"Florescent lights in bathrooms should be made illegal," Ino pouted, obsessively reapplying lip gloss. "I look hideous."
I roll my eyes at the ludicrousness. Since fifth grade Ino'shad boys drooling over her beautiful face, perfect figure and flawless skin. My best friend is anything but hideous.
"You look great," I retort before studying myself in the reflection. She might actually be on to something about the fluorescence. I swear every single pimple, scar and blemish I've had since adolescence has returned all at once. The bags under my eyes, badges from late nights cramming, seem darker and my hair appears flat.
"How did the trial go?"
I look away quickly; only really liking the brilliant shade of green the light had made my eyes. "Good. They told me I made it to the second round."
"That's great!" she says brightly. I smile at her. It is her connections that have set me up with this reception position. I wonder if I am ever going to stop owing her. We both leave the bathroom and I attempt to balance my many textbooks when we make it into the university cafeteria. I have one class left which unfortunately finishes at 9pm. Today has been a long day.
"I better get going," I say. Both of us laugh at the awkward hug we are forced to give so we can still balance our books. "See you tomorrow."
The whirling of washing machines and the tumble of the dryers begin to grate against my ears. It's hard to focus on the magazine across my lap. Mai grips the leg of my sweatpants and asks me for a drink. I help her tip back the water bottle gently, afraid she might spill it.
For some reason promises float into my mind. The unspoken one I made to my daughter to always be there for her. Sasuke when he proposed. Finally the one I made to my father. He told me to see the world and search for myself and chase down whatever made me happy. I wouldn't give up Mai for anything but I allow myself a moment to picture a different life for myself at 22. One where I had taken the abroad university scholarship I was offered and concentrating on the best education possible. There was no divorce looming over me. How could there be when I didn't even know who I really was yet? My Dad told me to get out of this city.
Then that dream dissolved, nothing everlasting about it. I am back in a Laundromat at 6 in the morning, Seasonal Recipes spread across my lap and a baby playing at my feet. There is no band around my finger, no happily ever after.
What happened?
...
Sasuke
...
Life is like deep sea compression. It crushes, constricts and drowns you. I work two jobs for a shoebox apartment. I struggle to pay off house payments and university fees for some bitch I hate. It feels like the pressure is attacking me from all sides.
"Look daddy!" a voice chirped excitedly. "A duck!"
That feeling is completely erased every moment I spend with my daughter. She is my reason. I nod back as she points out a fat wandering duck that has fallen asleep far from the pond. We both stop our walk to stare. She watches the duck but I keep an eye on her just to make sure she doesn't go over to try and wake it. The last thing we need is a repeat of the swan incident.
"What colour is the duck?" I ask her.
"Brown," she says back "mine's yellow!" She looks up at me quickly with a little shake of her head.
"But not a real duck."
I nod, "That's right." She's so clever. I'd love to take the credit but that's Sakura shining through. She's always reading, counting and playing word games with her. Mai just eats it all up. I tried to stop thinking about Sakura but my brain was already racing. I ground my teeth irritably. I'm half expecting her to be there when we get back. Considering she destroyed our marriage I think I should have the most time with Mai. I darken further at the thought of Lee.
I am jolted from my thoughts when a little hand finds its way to mine and squeezes gently. I feel my body relax as Mai smiles up at me. I brush my fingertips through her fringe and murmur, "You're the only girl for me."
So Sakura is there when I get back WITH the step-monster. They both set me with green-eyed glares when I make a beeline for my car. I'm not putting up with this.
"Come on Mai let's go for a drive."
"Sasuke!" was shouted and I almost kick myself for once enjoying the way she said my name. Now it's more like nails on a chalkboard. Her talons are on my back just before I can click Mai into her seat. I turn on her coolly, enjoying the way her furious face gets redder at my deadpan expression. 'You don't feel anything do you Sasuke?' 'It's so hard to communicate with you!' 'Just talk to me, please!' Boo-freaking-hoo.
"Are you really going to do this in front of your daughter?" she manages to bite out. Again I am wrong for fighting and not her. I wish I could smack her off that pedestal she put herself on.
"No. I'm going to do this in front of my daughter in two hours. At the time we agreed you would pick her up," I retort lazily.
"Well the time has changed," she grounds out and I don't remember agreeing so ignore it. However I cannot ignore the sound of a car door shutting and the sight of the step-monster with my daughter in her hands. She must have snuck in through the passenger door while Sakura distracted me. Is this why they ambushed me? Anger bore from betrayal rips through my body at their sneaky underhanded tactics.
I snarl. "Put her down." Sakura barks at me for scaring Mai with my tone.
"Sakura has told me all about your anger issues," the step-monster replies curtly and you know what? I'm sick of this.
"Did your wonderful daughter also tell you she gave me a STD after sleeping with some other guy in our bed?" I question.
Sakura and her mother both look horrified and I wish I had a Polaroid. Her mother is disgusted and Sakura shrinks away at the truth she can never deny.
"Didn't think so," I say feeling a satisfaction I haven't in a long time. Everybody always makes me out to be the bad guy, even Naruto, but they don't know that Sakura was the one who cheated. She ruined our marriage. I didn't want to admit it out of pride but you know what, they deserve to know how much of a whore she is.
"Bye Mai," I say with a wave before stalking inside.
"And you are just telling me this now?" Naruto exasperates. After so much stunned silence that is the best he could come up with? I continue to hit the punching bag in an even rhythm, resisting the urge to land a well placed kick and throw him off balance. Anything to end this conversation I've avoided for almost a year.
"I guess," I reply. He sighs and I lay off enough for him to run a hand through his hair.
"Thanks for telling me," he breathes. He can't process anything. It's understandable. I've shamed Sakura, a girl we grew up both idealising. It speaks to the sheer tenacity of our friendship that he didn't just start beating the shit out of me the moment I opened my mouth. He knows I'm not lying. He trusts me. "It explains how you've been acting."
I guess a good side to this is Naruto won't preach to me anymore. Tell me I'm being unreasonable with Sakura. I almost bite down on my tongue in anger when he keeps talking, "I'm sorry Sasuke." I start hitting the punching bag with more force, making him focus on holding it still. I don't want his pity. It makes me sick.
"It's over," I pant out. My marriage. This conversation. I'm done.
"Who was it?"
And I stop dead.
"The guy she cheated with?" he pushes and I can't look my best friend in the eye. Anger flares up inside me.
"Leave it alone," I warn.
"You just said some trust fund kid from her class. Anyone I know?"
I snap back, "Leave it."
He ignores me. "Who?"
I am wound as tightly as my bound hands and am close to unravelling. I start shaking as if little electrical pinpricks of rage are coursing through every cell of my body. He wants to know so badly?
His blue eyes are steeled and ready. "Sasuke?"
Fine.
I unleash. Planting hit after hit on the punching bag and kicking it with enough force to send Naruto back. But he's not the one I am really hitting. A black anger possesses me and drives me into a frenzy. Such a long time and I can still smash the smug expression off his face and hear the satisfying crack of bone. I imagine sweat as blood as I beat unconsciousness.
Then the images are gone and I am back in the gym, my best friend at a safe distance, everyone else looking at me with newfound fear. Naruto is giving me that look again. Acting like the catalyst making me let go. I breathe in. Out.
Release.
"Get it," I answer.
I'm not sure how I'm feeling for once. I wander around the shopping centre, trying to distract myself with the ad-nauseum. Ultimately it felt good to get some of the residual rage out of my system. I'm more at peace and determined for my divorce. However all that fury working its way out of me has left me feeling empty and lost.
A little girl catches my miserable attention just shy of a fountain. She holds the hand of a blonde girl who looks far too young to be a mother. Then again her actual mother doesn't look old enough to be one either. Mai. What is she doing here? My mouth pressed into a hard line angrily. What is she doing here without Sakura?
"Come on Mai!" is said brightly and Ino. That's Ino with my daughter. She stops in front of a window display and let go of Mai's hand in distraction. I curse Sakura. She took my daughter away from me just to pan her off on Ino? I grit my teeth furiously. Ino isn't even watching her! Anything could happen.
My thoughts are fast and murky. Yes, anything could happen. Someone could take Mai. I could take her. I'm so incomprehensibly angry and it is aimed squarely at Sakura. For a month she has cut me short only to have other people babysit our child...
Mai turns and I crouch down but signal for quiet. Instantly her face lights up and she runs over to me. Ino is none the wiser. I scoop Mai up and head for the store exit. Enough. That's it. I'm done.
We don't need anyone else.
"We are going to go far, far away," I murmur to my daughter softly as she blinks up at me. "Where they will never find us."
Confession: I love crazy, ridiculous who's-the-father-jilted-lovers melodrama. This story came about as a way of keeping the rest of my writing clean by venting all the angsty, overly-laboured prose I favour. The plot isn't the most imaginative but more character driven, focusing on giving both Sakura and Sasuke unique voices. Let me know if you'd like to see more of this rambling mess.
