Inspired by new moon…
The water was cold, almost freezing. I could feel my body shake violently but his voice is more clear than it had ever been before it was as if he were right there beside me and that made it all worth it, that made me glad I had done it. After all, it was the reason I'd decided to do it in the first place and for that one moment I'd do it again anytime. But the waves were strong, beating against me, they were so powerful I couldn't fight them anymore. I couldn't.
"No Bella, don't give up!"
The sweet sound of his voice, it was him, and if I was going to die, then that's what I wanted to be listening to when I did. And that was when I gave up, I gave up fighting and let the waves over-power me.
"Bella! Bella! You have to breathe Bella! Breathe!"
The voice I heard though, it wasn't the one I hoped it would be, but it was just as recognisable.
"Jake?"
I slowly opened one eye.
"Yeah, it's me Bells. But, what were you thinking? You could have killed yourself Bella!"
My answer was a groan. I didn't have the energy to make up some sort of lie about my reasons for jumping and I wasn't going to tell Jacob the truth!
"Why? What made you do it?"
Again a mere groan was my reply but this time he accepted it and silently scooped me up into his arms and carried me back to his house.
I must have fallen asleep on the way there because the next thing I knew I was on Jacob's bed, still in wet clothes but with a neat little bundle of dry clothes next to me. They'd be far too small for Jacob now so I assumed he'd done his best to find clothes that would at least nearly fit me and I put them on. I didn't leave Jacob's room though, I didn't have the energy and I also didn't want to see any of them right now, I just wanted Edward. I longed for him with all my heart but it made no difference his words rang in my ears,
"I promise you this will be the last time you see me."
And tragically it was and it would remain that way forever by the looks of things. I shed a tear, and then another, till I was sobbing loudly. So loudly that Jacob burst through the door.
"Bella, it's Ok Bells it's all Ok."
But it wasn't and it never would be till Edward was with me, which as he "promised" that was never .I clung to Jacob despite wishing it had been Edward's arms I was in. He kissed me on the forehead but instead of putting up a fight, I let him, I wished it was Edward instead but I couldn't bare to stop him so instead I whispered,
"I'm sorry Jake."
"Sorry? What for?"
"Everything."
"It's Ok Bells. Lets get you home eh?"
I nodded and tried my best to smile but instead, it was more of a grimace.
He carried me again even though I could have walked, but I let him. I couldn't be bothered to argue I couldn't bare it right now. Besides, what difference would it have made to anything? None. He done my seatbelt for me as well, I let him. And we drove home almost silently but with Jake making a few comments here and there I didn't reply. I just sat staring out the window. I guess I was hoping I might just happen to see Edward walking along the sidewalk pretending to be human even though he was so clearly something much more amazing. I barely noticed though when the car stopped outside my house.
"Bella. We're here. Bella?"
"Hmm?"
"We're here Bells."
"Right… course."
I undid my seatbelt and walked into my house where Charlie was sitting in front of the TV watching some form of sport. I didn't care to notice which.
"Bella! Are you Ok! I've been so worried! Where have you been?"
But I was saved from having to think of an excuse when he saw Jacob.
"Oh! Hi Jake! Have you kids had fun?"
"Yes. I'm sorry we lost track of time or I would have brought Bella back sooner."
"No, no. Not at all Jake."
Jacob nodded goodbye and left without another word.
"So, did you and Jacob have fun?"
I nodded and trudged upstairs to my bedroom. I went to bed but I couldn't sleep. As much as I tried not to forget about him, thoughts of Edward kept creeping into my head. So I cried, I sobbed into my pillow I missed him so much that it physically hurt and the hole I often felt in my chest was wide and gaping. I dreamed about Edward that night, just like every other but that night, the dream was so much clearer and so much more intense. He saved my life but it wasn't like he had that night in the ballet studio, it was him that had found me at the bottom of the cliff, him that had got me breathing, brought me back to consciousness and brought me home. I wished it was real but when I woke up everything was the same as normal, no Edward and Charlie was calling me down for breakfast saying I'd slept late enough already. I groaned and forced myself out of bed, for Charlie's sake. I knew my depression was hurting him, I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me and I tried not to show it, I tried to make him think I was better and everything was fine but I've never been a very good actress. I kept trying though and tried to seem as happy as possible when I went down for breakfast.
"Morning, just! 11:30 Bella!"
"Yeah! Good morning! I was pretty tired last night!"
"Yeah."
I put some bread in the toaster and got the butter from the fridge, a plate from the cupboard and a knife from the drawer.
"Beautiful day isn't it?" I said despite the fact that I couldn't care less about the weather, without Edward, anything like the weather seemed unimportant and trivial.
"Yeah, I guess. The rain just stopped before I got you up actually so it could start again any minute."
"Oh well, never mind."
"I think I'll meet up with Jessica today. I haven't really done anything with her other than school for a while." Charlie liked it when I socialised, it was better than moping around he'd said.
"Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm going to be watching the match though and I've invited Billy over who will probably bring Jake so it's up to you."
"Oh. Well I guess I'll wait and see if Jake comes before I call Jess we can always do something another time."
"Ok. As long as you're happy Bella."
I tried to smile but there was something about the way he said it that shocked me. Thankfully the toaster popping saved me from having to say anything and I buttered my toast and ate it in silence.
Later on I heard a car engine come to a stop in the driveway and heard Jake's voice. I rushed outside to see him and threw my arms round him. I looked into his eyes and it was then that I realised that I loved him too. How you can love two people at one time I have no idea but I did.
"Hi!" Jake said, he sounded somewhat taken aback but pleased to be greeted so enthusiastically at the same time.
"Hi." I broke apart from him but my eyes were still locked on him. "Come on in."
He followed me inside and up to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed and he sat at my desk chair. It was silent for a moment till Jake spoke,
"How are you feeling, you were lucky not to have been hospitalised, or even dead last night."
"Yeah, I'm fine now though." I said those words "I'm fine" honestly for the first time since Edward left. "Thanks to you."
He blushed and shrugged off my compliments,
"Don't mention it, it was nothing."
"Yes it was! You saved my life Jake, in case you hadn't noticed."
"You didn't expect me to leave you did you?"
"Well no but…"
" No buts, you're amazing"
And I kissed him. It was completely different to kissing Edward, there wasn't the same sense of danger, sure Jake could get angry and do just as much damage as him but why would he be angry that I was kissing him, but it was just as amazing and it felt just as great. I was in love with him, just as deeply and just as truly as I was with Edward but I wasn't going to see Edward again was I? So why waste my life moping when I could be truly happy with Jacob.
"I love you." He whispered the words into my ear. They sounded so sweet and pure. My heart skipped a beat.
"I love you too"
