I was in the mood for some angst.
Warnings: Character death, scenes of a non-explicit sexual nature
Disclaimer: The characters are owned by Marvel and the lyrics at the beginning are from "The Scientist" by Coldplay. I don't own that either.
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
There's blood seeping through the dark fabric he wears under his suit, which has long since been abandoned, a dark red stain spreading from the centre of his stomach, staining his hands and skin as he rips away at the torn fabric. He grits his teeth and looks up at the slither of sky he sees from the alley he's lying in. Outside, he can see the aliens running past, and he sees a flash of blue and red that might be the captain's shield. He can't tell though: his eyes are getting heavy and blurry with every second and his limbs feel like they're made of lead.
Shit.
Though he's not a religious man, he prays that one of his teammates will find him. That Steve, Bruce, Natasha, Clint or Thor show up in the next few minutes and manage to drag him to medical help somehow despite the battle going on and for him to survive despite the blood loss and he's pretty sure some sort of vital organ has been hurt and he just want this pain to end because contrary to the way he's been acting these last few years he is not a soldier and he does not want to die in battle. He just doesn't see the glory in it, or the honour.
His eyes start to close when he feels a presence looming over him.
A pair of cold hands replace his on his stomach and the coolness soothes the wound.
The familiar tingle of magic threads through him and he lets out a dry laugh.
He wants to say should have known you wouldn't let me die alone, you're secretly sentimental, aren't you? but he can't speak in more than a slur so he opens up the long-abandoned mental connection and says it through that.
There's a chuckle and he gets a reply that is something along the lines of shut up and let me heal youand he doesn't both telling the man he used to love – never stopped loving, couldn't stop loving, the man he will love forever- that it's no use, and he's a goner.
They both knew his particular brand of magic wasn't designed for healing.
At least it takes away some of the pain.
One of the aliens in the street outside roars a terrible, angered roar and his impromptu doctor sends a thought his way that informs him the largest is dead and his team will soon be able to overpower the few remaining foot soldiers.
It's hard for him to be relieved when his own blood had covered his hands and his stomach and is warm and dark and smells like copper and there's so much of it and he will never get used to the smell and he doesn't have to because it will be over soon-
- and his enemy slash ex-lover is his only company and is trying to save him but he can't and this is going to be the end of the great Tony Stark and there's nothing dramatic or triumphant about it and that's disappointing and it's going to be witnessed only by Loki Laufeyson who was (is) his once weakness in the entire world-
-and when they find his body Thor is going to sense the unique magic and they're going to think Loki did it and hunt him even harder and when they find him they're going to make his death so painful even if it is against orders because he knows despite their facades that they are always going to be after blood and will always want it to come in the most painful way they think their enemy deserves.
I'm dying he thinks and finds himself terribly unimpressed by the whole thing.
A single deep stab wound to the stomach.
How boring.
The words you're an idiot, you're an idiot, Stark, you are an idiot keep getting whispered to him and he nods because yes, he is, for making the suit and thinking himself a superhero and thinking himself a good person because right now there's nothing he would like more than to be at home surrounded by women and alcohol and the fortune he earned from the murder of innocents because that's easy-
-but he's lying because all he wants is to be in his bed wrapped around Loki like in the good old days and feel his lover's soft hand comforting him and whispering to him in a language he doesn't understand but was still soothing and romantic or maybe just lounging with him on the couch talking about physics or magic and learning things no human ever would again and feeling powerful and-
You are NOT going to die on me, Anthony Stark.
The words in his head are firm and angry but there's also panic and pain and he realizes that just like he never stopped loving Loki, Loki never stopped loving him.
Better late than never, huh?
Yes, I am.
So he spends a few minutes as Loki's magic tries to stitch him up sending the same message over and over through the mental connection.
I love you I missed you I wish you hadn't left and I wish I hadn't let you-
He can't open his eyes and his head is cloudy and in the distance he can hear nothingness calling to him. It seems peaceful.
I love you I missed you I wish you hadn't left and I wish I hadn't let you I love you I missed you I-
The touch of the cool hands seems disconnected and distant and he can hear that smooth voice talking to him and shouting at him and whispering to him but it feels like he's listening to it through a screen or a wall because it's all muffled and it's hard to make out the words.
I love you I missed you I wish you hadn't left and I wish I hadn't let you I love you I missed you I wish you hadn't left and I wish I hadn't let you I love you I missed you I wish you hadn't left -
Please don't die.
Please do not do this to me.
I love you.
I need you. I left you but I was an idiot because I NEED you, Anthony.
Please.
PLEASE.
But void is calling to him and he can hear Loki telling him that the abyss isn't as good as it seems but the Liesmith must be lying because he can feel it and it's hot and cold and bright but mainly dark and he feels like he could gladly let it wrap itself around him and take him away and he could be in bliss for eternity-
-and suddenly he's in a memory of the first time Loki kissed him and he doesn't think the god meant to show him this but he's glad to spend his last moments watching as a spectator as they shout and scream and hit each other without bothering to use magic or technology, as they scream and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife as they both pause to catch their breaths and suddenly Loki tackles him to the ground and presses their lips together and it's all teeth and tongue but it's hot and electric and it's the start of something huge but neither of them realize it-
-he's in bed with Loki but it's not hard and fast like it is with the nameless girls. Instead it's slow and loving and he's gasping out the god's name because this is the first time the sex had ever meant something to him other than fun and they're connecting in a way that scares the shit out of him but at the same time he can't think of any other person he'd rather watch come undone under him and he remembers thinking it's the best night of his life and he finally lets out a shout-
-the first time they told the other they loved them was born out a fight, much like the first kiss, but this one was at a party and instead of screams and fighting there were hisses and whispers and fake smiles to make sure nobody noticed and he accidentally let it out even though he didn't mean to and didn't even realize it until that moment but suddenly all the anger in both of them drained away and Loki pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and told him he loved him back and he was suddenly very very happy-
-maybe this wasn't Loki at all, and as he felt the oblivion envelope him, the best moments of his life were flashing before his eyes-
-telling the team involved public displays of affection and them shouting and it was all very amusing but in the end it was perfect because they were happy and it had been so very long since either of them were happy-
-their first anniversary was a romantic dinner that both of them hated and when they got home Loki gave him is present of a magical dagger and it was so beautiful and priceless and Tony's gift of a book seemed shitty but the god loved it and reassured him that it was the best gift he could hope for-
Anthony, you will NOT leave me!
-holding hands-
-the soft caress while they moaned in unison-
-I love you I missed you I wish you hadn't left and I wish I hadn't let you-
The last thing he feels is a pair of cold lips on his and then-
-nothing.
