Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
(A/N: This story takes place between 'The Angels Take Manhattan' and 'The Snowmen')
Illumination
Prologue
Colonel John 'Johnny' Net threw the ball, enjoying the rhythmic noise it made as it batted against the wall, the floor and then back to his hand. His chair squeaked as he swivelled a little from left to right, doing his best to push aside the boredom that was creeping up on him.
He looked idly over at Colette, who was operating the tractor beam with the two joysticks that she had years ago insisted be installed. And, to her credit, she was incredibly accurate with them, so Johnny couldn't complain.
"How we doin', Colette?"
"Doing fine, sir," she mumbled, concentration very much on the delicate procedure at hand.
"Now, see, the sarcastic emphasis on 'sir'? Just not necessary." He pointed a finger at Michelle, who was monitoring what was going on in the cargo bay at the station next to him. "Michelle, take a note. Sarcasm from subordinates is not necessary."
Without taking her eyes off the screen, Michelle replied with her usual cowboy drawl, "Sarcasm, yes sir."
Eyes thinning, he looked at Michelle. "Are you now, after what I said about sarcasm, being sarcastic?"
In the middle of adjusting settings via the touch-screen, Michelle's hand froze. "I choose not to reply, sir, as answering would incriminate myself."
Johnny nodded. "Nicely done."
"Speaking of done…" Colette added quietly.
Pushing off from the wall, Johnny rolled his chair across the control centre, coming to a stop beside Colette's station. Aware for many years that she had issues about personal space, Johnny made a very distinct point of violating said space whenever possible. Not in a perverse way, just in a 'Johnny likes to irritate people' way.
What the hell, this was his last mission. Sweet, sweet retirement awaited. Pretty soon it would be young Michelle who would be dealing with lovely, pleasant Colette. Though Colette was lovely and pleasant enough in the privacy of his quarters, so-
"What've you been eating, boss?" Colette grimaced. "Smells like a-"
"Hey, whoa, it's just the curry that was on the menu. You had it too."
"Well, my breath doesn't smell like a cow's rear end, so you must have had something extra."
Bemused, Johnny looked over at Michelle, who had since walked over to look at the monitor. While she and Colette checked over the object they had dragged into the cargo bay, Johnny surreptitiously cupped his hand over his mouth and checked his breath.
Actually, that was pretty bad.
"Anyone got a mint?" he mumbled, though neither of his subordinates were listening to him. Their focus was entirely on the hexagonal object in the cargo bay which had been 'Emitting low-level temporal distortions in its immediate vicinity'.
Or so Vicky, their resident temporal mechanic, had said. Johnny was a bit concerned that those temporal distortions would affect them or the ship, but Vicky had assured him that the effects were limited to the hexagon-thing itself. And the effects were minor anyway. Assuming he wouldn't like the answer, Johnny had stopped himself from asking what those 'minor' effects would be.
"I'm hungry."
It was David, who was now closely inspecting the object that had been laid to rest in the cargo bay through Colette's expert tractor beam control.
Sighing, Johnny pressed the comm button. "Did you miss lunch again?"
"Not this time, I swear," he said defensively. "But as soon as I came near this thing, I got hungry."
Johnny, Michelle and Colette exchanged a look before simultaneously asking, "Vicky?"
There was a pause before the sweet voice came back. "Yes?"
She was off-screen somewhere, probably monitoring readings on the control panel out of shot of the security camera.
"Could this be one of those minor temporal effects you were talking about?"
"Maybe."
"And by that you mean…"
"…yes."
Johnny sat back in his squeaky chair and groaned.
"But!" Vicky interrupted. "Nothing hazardous. It just moved David's digestive tract a little further forward in time than the rest of him."
Michelle let out a low growl equivalent to 'ew'. "That sounds… disgusting."
"Uh…" David cleared his throat. "Not to turn conversation away from my digestive tract, but, uh… there's something weird about this thing."
"Well, yeah, it has the power to make you hungry," Colette said, resting her head on her hand.
"No, I mean… I can see inside. There's a window, see?" Looking back to the camera, David stepped aside, pointing to the middle point of the hexagon.
All three of them jostled for space as they peered in. There was indeed a viewport looking inside the pod.
After a couple of moments, Johnny became aware of his mouth hanging open. "…huh."
"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction," David deadpanned.
"Hey, I'm retiring, be nice." He shuffled about on his chair, adjusting the top of his jumpsuit. "What's weird about it having a window? It's a one-man escape pod, right? Escaping people… like a view."
"We only know that it's the size of a one-man escape pod," Colette pointed out. "Doesn't mean that's what it is."
Shrugging, Johnny nodded his head from side to side. "Okay, fair enough. So what's weird about it?"
"It's, uh… well… there's a big room."
"What? Where?"
"In the pod."
"There's- what?"
David sighed. "Okay, let me take you through the sequence of events. There's a window. Through said window I can see a big room. A chamber, really."
The three of them sat in silence for a moment, staring in utter befuddlement at the screen.
Michelle was the first to recover. "A chamber… inside the pod?"
"That's right."
"But…" Colette blinked and shook her head. "I've got the readings here. It's the size of a one-man pod."
"Yes," David allowed in a vaguely patronising tone, "but I've got the readings from my eyes. And they're saying, well…"
The sound vanished, and they all waited impatiently. Johnny reached forward and tapped the comm button.
"David? Hello?"
"Yes, I'm here, I just… this is weird, okay? I'm not sure how to say it."
"How complicated can it be?" Colette grumbled.
"Not complicated, Colette, thanks," David shot back. "Just… weird. I mean, look, it sounds impossible, but…"
In a moment of synchronicity that served to emphasise that Michelle was the perfect replacement for Johnny, they groaned and yelled at the screen.
"What?!"
David looked off-screen, presumably at Vicky. Taking a long breath and adjusting his glasses, David looked directly at the screen.
"…it's bigger on the inside."
For the longest time, nobody said anything. Then, Johnny broke the silence with the only appropriate thing he could think to say.
"Neat."
