CowardiceTom/Christina(Seriously? Is there any other pairing)
Spoilers: 1x7 (Everything else is just made up)
Setting: My take on Tom's thoughts during their dinner date in his office.

Pairing:


I, Tom Wakefield am a coward.

I openly admit it, well at least to myself. You see I've been harboring a secret. A secret that if known would be the end of the tentative friendship I've been forging with Christina Hawthorne.

When I was treating her husband, Michael and saw how devoted she was to him, I felt jealousy. I immediately had to leave the room once I diagnosed myself as a hypocritical son of a bitch. I had fallen in love with my patient's wife. A woman unlike any other. A woman who without a doubt was the most courageous, beautiful, funny and insane woman he had ever met. The devotion she showed to her husband while still caring deeply for her patients and her staff awarded her the everlasting devotion he had for her.

I never felt that I deserved her, a widow who was struggling a job, a rebellious teen, an overbearing mother-in-law all while caring about each and every case that came across her desk awed me. It made me stop what I was doing before I met with each patient and reevaluate how I would handle their case.

So when Michael died and she was the broken widow suddenly overwhelmed with all that life had dealt with her, I smothered my growing feelings for her down and dedicated myself to being her friend, her savior when it was in my power and her admirer. I didn't, I still don't feel that I deserve her.

At one point I wished that Michael hadn't been so perfect, handling his illness with the grace and dignity of a man realizing that he wasn't going to survive the disease that life had dealt him.

Without a doubt I knew that the love between Michael and Christina had been solid, so solid that I knew that I was in no position to tell her of my feelings. I am a divorced man for god's sake, damaged goods or at least that's what some women would think if they heard that I couldn't hold a marriage together for the length of the time it took to graduate from medical school.

But just now, in my office when she uttered those words, those words that made me want to leap across the desk, take her in my arms and kiss her until we both couldn't breathe, 'Mine ended before I knew for sure.' I was shocked.

I immediately questioned her, what she meant by that too gruff tone in my voice which probably scared her and she shut down on me. But she said it, she gave me the inch I needed to open my heart to her. So I couldn't help myself, I dazzled her. I opened my heart to her, in French.

I told her my feelings in another language so she couldn't see that the Chief of Surgery of one of the most prestigious hospitals in the state felt downright shy when faced with the angel before him. Shy and unworthy so I lied, I boldly told her that I was just thinking of sleep. It got the desired effect because she got up to leave and all was right back in their places except for the chance that I let pass me by.

I, Tom Wakefield am a coward. But when faced with the enigma that is Christina Hawthorne, how could I be anything but?


Thoughts? My first Hawthorne (Christina/Tom) fic so let me know what you think.