Lost Without My Guiding Star

By: Camerascaper

Rating: PG

Part 1

Setting: AR Promises

Summary: John and crew return to Moya after escaping Grayza. Aeryn is not there and Pilot doesn't know where she is. John convinces the crew to help him search for her and as usual along the way finds trouble.

Disclaimer: Farscape is not mine.

"Hey Pilot" John walked into the den and up to his console.

"Commander we are pleased to see you as well"

"You too Pilot. Are you and Moya alright?"

"We are fine Commander, why?"

John just looked at him for a microt. "The wormhole, Pilot, you were sucked down a wormhole and spat out again. John realized his tone of voice was stronger then he intended, but he wanted to know what happened in the wormhole and he was concerned for Pilot and Moya.

Pilot looked at John, taken aback by the tone of his voice. He knew what wormholes meant to him and how obsessed he became about them. So he was not surprised that he wanted to know what happened, but he also noticed the concern on Crichton's face and in his voice even with the tone, for him and Moya.

"I'm sorry Pilot I'm just worried about you and Moya."

"We appreciate your concern Commander. Moya and I were not harmed or damaged in any way. Pilot looked back to his controls.

"That's good Pilot, I'm glad you're both ok." He was relieved to know they were alright. Pilot and Moya meant more to him then just ship and navigator or home. They were friends, family. He didn't want anything to happen to them.

Pilot could see the relief in John's face that he and Moya were unharmed.

John hesitated before asking his next question. "Pilot...can you tell me what happened, what did you see?" Noranti told him Pilot knew what happened and could tell him.

Pilot didn't take his eyes from his controls. He only had a vague memory of what happened. Just enough to know that he and Moya didn't like, and even feared wormholes.

I'm sorry John, I don't remember what happened other then being pulled in and coming out in a different location. Moya and I remember being examined and some questions only not what or who it was. I am checking Moya's data banks and there was no record of the events. We then started to look for you. We feared for you, being left without fuel and very little oxygen and no where near a planet. We are glad to see you survived.

"When we couldn't find you, we took Jool and Noranti to Arnessk and came back to look for you again. We started with the closest planets hoping someone found you and helped you. We feared you were dead or worst the PK and Scorpius found you."

"Yeah, I survived, Pilot with the help of a new friend." A smile, albeit sad came to John's face remembering Elack and his female Pilot and their sacrifice. Of their wish to die in the secret burial space giving their lives so they could escape from Grayza. The thought of Grayza caused John to become nauseous as he pushed the thought of her hands on his body and him touching her out of his mind.

"There was a time when I thought I wouldn't Pilot, but thanks to Elack and his Pilot, I did."

"Elack?" Pilot questioned.

"Yeah after you disappeared down the wormhole I was out of fuel and running out of air, I saw this old Leviathan and was able to convince the old Pilot to let me board. They saved my life then and then again on Arnessk."

"That would explain the dead Leviathan we detected on the planet when we came looking for you."

"You came to Arnessk?"

"Yes, only you and the others had already left."

"Did you talk to Jool?"

"Yes I did. She said you had been gone nearly 10 solar days."

John didn't like leaving Jool behind, but he knew it was her choice and that she would be safer on Arnessk

then with them. He would still miss her.

"How was she Pilot?"

"She sounded happy, excited about her work with the Priests."

"I'm sure she was Pilot."

They sat in silence for sometime. John just watched Pilot go about his work. It was John who spoke, braking the silence.

"Pilot have you heard from Aeryn?"

Pilot could hear the hope in John's voice and see it more so on his face. He remembered his desperate call to search for Aeryn just before the wormhole opened. He also knew of John's feelings for her. Pilot cared for her as well and was concerned about her.

"No I'm sorry John I haven't heard from her nor do I know her location."

"Do you still have the coordinates for the direction she headed in?"

Pilot looked for the coordinates in Moya's data stores. "Yes I do, but she could have and most likely did change her direction several times."

'I know Pilot, but it gives me a starting point. I have to find her. I just hope I'm not too late."

"Too late for what?"

"To stop her from doing something stupid if she hasn't already. You don't need to worry about that right now. Just help me find her." John didn't want anyone knowing Aeryn was pregnant, not until he found her and made sure she didn't...he told himself not to think about that. He had to believe that Aeryn wouldn't do anything to the baby. He had the make her understand that he may not have been the John Crichton that she conceived this child with, but it was still his DNA and as far as he was concerned it was his child and he loved her and he wanted to be a father to her baby. He wanted, he needed her back. "Can you at least get me pointed in the right direction?"

"The coordinates are set."

"Thank's big guy I owe ya big time again. Now I have to go talk to the others."

"Your not planning on leaving us again are you John?" Pilot was concerned that in his urgency to find Aeryn that he would put himself into danger and not finding her and no one knowing what happened to ether of them.

"No Pilot not if I don't have to." John pushed away from Pilot's console and turned to leave, "Hey could you call others to command."

"Yes I will inform everyone to be there."

"Thank you again and could you send the coordinates to command and check for any Peacekeeper activity in the area."

"Done." Pilot wanted to avoid the Peacekeepers as much as the rest of the crew.

When John walked into command he found D'Argo there standing at one of the tactical consoles, he was sure he was looking over the coordinates Pilot had sent.

"Hey D"

"John"

"What is this?" D'Argo looked back at the console to indicate the read outs.

"Aeryn", D'Argo I have to find her."

"And if she doesn't want to be found."

John held up his hand and walked to stand in front of the large view port.

"I know...I know...I know she left because of me, because I'm not him. I know that, but I have to try. I have to make her see I'm still John Crichton, that I love her. That..." John paused looking at the floor then back up at D'argo. "Look it's complicated."

"It always is when it comes to you and Aeryn."

"This is different."

"How? How is this different then all the other times John?"

"I can't tell you right now. There's more at stake here then just Aeryn and me. And I can't go into it any more then that."

D'Argo knew when it came to Aeryn and wormholes there was no talking any sense into John. Aeryn, more so then wormholes. And he knew if they didn't help him he would go looking for her on his own and most likely get himself killed in the process.

"Ok John, we will look for her and we will find her."

"Thanks D"

At that moment Chiana, Sikozu and Rygel came into command.

"Hey wh...what's up."

D'Agro looked at John. "John has something to tell you."

Chiana looked at John and knew by the look on his face, the way he was acting it couldn't be good.

"So old man wh...what's so urgent you had Pilot call us all here?"

"I want to wait for Granny."

"Aw she's most likely asleep somewhere."

John knew Chiana was most likely right about the old woman. Besides she already knew about Aeryn and why he needed to find her.

"Ok" He paused for a moment held his thumb to his lower lip. " I am going to look for Aeryn."

Everyone but D'Argo started talking at once. Chiana got into John's face. "Are you frelling farbot? She left you wh...when is it going to sink into that thick head of yours, she doesn't want you and that you are better off without her."

"It's not that simple Pip. I wish it was."

"Well make it that simple forget her."

"I can't. I couldn't if I tried. Especially not now." John turned his back to everyone.

"Wh...why not, why is now any different then any other time." Chiana was now standing behind him. John wasn't answering her. She grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

Chiana had pushed him too far for the state of mind he was in. "Because... she's pregnant!" There they knew he didn't want to, but he told them, it had just come out before he knew it.

Chiana backed up, never taking her eyes off John.

"Pregn...Aeryn?"

"Crichton are you sure? How do you know, did she tell you before she left?"

"No Sparky, she didn't tell me. The old woman and her voodoo. She told me and then made me forget till

Harvey released it so I could remember. I was in my module, then Moya got sucked down the wormhole." John started waving his hands back and fourth. "It doesn't mater how I know. I just do."

John rubbed his hands over his face. This is why he didn't want to tell anyone. He knew there would be questions. Questions he didn't want, or couldn't answer.

D'Argo didn't trust the Scorpius clone in John's head, and the old woman he still wasn't sure about her.

"How does the old woman know? How do you know what she says is true?"

"I don't know how she knows, I know she's telling the truth. I can't explain it I just know it's true."

Everyone was silent for several microts then D'Argo spoke asking another question John didn't want the answer.

"John the child it..."

"I know", John interrupted "it's the other guy's, but that doesn't matter, it's still my DNA. Equal and the same remember? I may not have been there for the act, but it's still my kid. I have to find them. I have one kid out there." He points to the view port without looking. "That I will never know. The hell I'm going to have another one, especially since it's also Aeryn's. I'll be dammed if I'm going to lose them with out a fight. Now you can ether help me find them or I will pack my stuff and go by myself.

It was still several arns before day break on this dried up excuse for a planet. Even though there was very little foliage on Paroos and it consisted mostly of dry dirt and sand that gets into everything when the wind blows. The temperature levels were within Sebacean tolerance, although sometimes on the high end.

The base was mostly made up of former PK officers. Their reasons and how they came here as a renegade was not asked or talked about, as long as you gave your loyalty to the team no questions asked. There were other Sebaceans with no PK background that made up the support team. From cooks to medics and others that gathered intel for the team.

Normally Commander Meric Lechna would still be in his quarters asleep at this time. Leaving the night shift to handle things. He was very confident in his team and their abilities and trusted them to do their duties as they were assigned.

This shift however was different. He was expecting some very important intel that he didn't want to wait till morning to get. He wanted to receive it directly when it came in.

Across the compound in the stone building that served as the teams quarters the newest member of the team wasn't getting any sleep either.

She woke up alone in a dark room screaming, confused and frighten from her dreams. They were different then before. They started up again over a monem ago. The dreams were as before John dying, but that was were the similarity ended. Before, the dreams were of watching him succumb to the radiation poisoning and dying in her arms. Only these dreams where not of that John's death, but of the one she left behind on Moya. The one she tried to tell herself she could live without, that he wasn't her John Crichton, he died. Her brain tried to tell her heart this, only her heart wouldn't listen. She still loved John Crichton.

She set up on the side of her bed, her sheets were wet from a cold sweat as a result of her dream. She sat there with her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she cried.

She thought she was past this crying, past the pain, the loss. It had been nearly 3 monems since she felt like this, only this was different, she was mourning the one she left not the one that died. As much as she tried not to she realized that it didn't matter any more, he was John Crichton not yesterday. He may not share her memories of the time on Talyn, but he was John Crichton and she did love John Crichton. So much that the thought of living with out him hurt almost as much if not more then his death. Before she didn't think she could go on if he died on her again, that was the reason she left Moya, thinking it would be better not knowing. Why would it? He wasn't her John. Now...now she found no difference in her mind any more, her heart had won. She had to find him alive and unharmed.

After some time she was able to regain control of her emotions, she slid off the bed and crossed the room to the small bathing chamber, started the water and adjusted the temperature. She was thankful she didn't share quarters like on the command carrier, though things were different here for the most part some things were still the same, to show ones' emotions was still viewed as a weakness and though she may not believe that way any more most of the others here still did.

She removed the t-shirt and underwear she was wearing to sleep in and stepped into the shower under the spray letting the water as hot as she could stand it run over her body. She let herself think of John again. How it felt to have his hands on her and how she ached to feel them again. Only she feared that when she found him he wouldn't take her back after the way she left him. She knew her leaving had hurt him deeply , but she had to hope he would forgive her mistake. If he could forgive her for leaving she feared he could never forgive her for not telling him...only she couldn't, not then she had to find out for herself and she was so confused.

She was still trying to deal with John's death and that he was still alive. Then going to Scorpius' command carrier, the same one she spent most of her life on, didn't help any. They were there to stop Scorpius' wormhole research. T-John gave his life to keep the Scarrens from getting it. She was there to

make sure his death wasn't a waste and to keep this John from dying.

John was in the lab Scorpius had set up for the wormhole research. D'Argo just had the binding rings removed from his collar bones and was recovering in the mist with Jool.

It had been nearly 3 cycles since she had a complete medical exam. Zhaan had been the closest to a medic she had since she left the carrier. Now she was gone. She didn't trust Jool and didn't want her knowing her business.

She just went in for a routine exam or so she thought. She still remembered the techs words. "We could

release the stasis if you would like." She had no idea what he was talking about, she just looked at him. He could tell by the look on her face and the tone in her voice she didn't know what he was talking about. "You didn't know you were pregnant?" She was in shock, her first though was John will be so happy, not he's dead, no he's alive. She was so confused. She had only been with one man since leaving the Peacekeepers and that was John Crichton. Did she conceive on Talyn or 2 cycles ago on the false Earth. Or from before she left. Before she could ask any more questions Crais commed her. "Aeryn I need to meet with you can you meet me in the officers lounge in half an arn." " Yes Crais I'll be there." She quickly dressed and left and then everything happened so fast, she wasn't able to go back to get her questions answered.

Then after returning to Moya and more or less in one piece, all she could think about was she had to leave.

Now ... now she wished she had stayed, that the coin toss had ended differently. She still needed her questions answered. (How long has the fetus been in stasis and who was the father?) It was possible it could be from before she left the command carrier with a fellow officer, a random frell to reduce the tension and fluid levels, before she came to Moya and met the farbot human. Only she prayed to any God or Goddess that may be listening that it was John's. That the child she carried was created out of love like her and not just some random encounter with an man she didn't know and would never see again. If it was before the twinning it wouldn't matter. If it was from her time on Talyn she hoped it still wouldn't matter. Either way it would still be John Crichton's. She had to know before she found him. Going to the base surgeon wasn't an option, if it was his and they discovered it was a hybrid they may force her to terminate it and she'd die herself before she would let that happen.

As these thoughts ran though her mind she let her hand settle over her stomach as if to shield and protect the small life she carried inside from the very thought of harm. When she realized where her hand was she looked down and moved her hand up and down as if to caress the child she carried.

As a PK she never thought about having a child. There was no point, she would never be a mother just a breeder to fill the ranks. She did everything she could to avoid the breeding roster. Until now...now she wanted this child more so if it was John's. She couldn't help feeling it was. There was a small amount of doubt that it wasn't. Still rubbing her stomach "I promise I will find your father and make things right so you will know both your parents, unlike your mother. Your father will be so happy when he finds out about you. I just hope he will forgive your mother after all the frelled up choices and mistakes I've made, but I promise I will do what I have to to make things right and get your father back."

She finished her shower and turned the water off, grabbed a towel, dried off, dressed, braided her hair into the usual tight braid and left her room for morning meal.

It was still early and most of her unit was still in their quarters sleeping or preparing for the day. However, she knew there would be staff in the galley with food prepared for those few that had early shifts or coming off late ones. So when she entered the large room filed with mostly empty tables she was not surprised, she liked it this way.

John was relieved that D'Argo and the others agreed to help him find Aeryn. He would've gone alone if they hadn't, but he felt better having them with him. He had spent enough time alone these last few months.

He was exhausted physically and emotionally. Although he knew he couldn't sleep he went to his quarters to try. Thoughts of Aeryn filled his mind. Where was she? Was she ok? Was she still hurting from the others guy's death? Would she still think he was the copy? Could she love him for him? And the question he feared most, the baby. Did she keep it and if she did was she still pregnant? How was she doing? He could picture her swollen belly and her complaining the whole time. (That made him smile a little) He wondered if it was a boy or girl. It didn't really matter to him just as long as it was healthy. Aeryn would be a wonderful mother. He sighed, rolled over to face the wall and finally fell into a fitful sleep.

Lieutenant Karah came into Lechna's office with the report he was waiting for. "Sir this just came in." She handed the report to him and left him to look it over.

After reading over every detail of the report he only had more questions and he knew who to go to find the answers.

Sikozu was at one of the main consoles. "Pilot of Moya, these consoles are in need of repairs. Where are the DRDs." "Busy elsewhere! Have we been introduced?" I am Sikozu Shanu. Command function is our first priority send DRDs immediately." "Ignore her Pilot. Hey! Well that's a new record, you've been aboard less then an arn and you are trying to run things." "Chiana, someone has to with Crichton wanting to run off on this farbot plan of his to search for Aeryn. He doesn't even know where to start looking and all of you are insane enough to follow him." "Look Frelnik, if Crichton wants to look for Aeryn then we will look for Aeryn till we find her." Even if it gets us all killed?" "Yes, Aeryn is one of us and we take care of our own." "It sounds like this Aeryn doesn't want to be found." "We wont know that till we find her now will we. This is what Crichton wants so this is what we will do. So stop ordering Pilot around and keep your hands off Moya." Chiana then turned and left command.

Pilot didn't know who this Sikozu was, but he was sure he didn't like her and nether did Moya. He Had been following Chiana with the DRD since she left command so when she walked in he wasn't surprised.

"Chiana" Chi climbed up and sit on Pilot's console taking one of his claw hands in hers. "Pilot it's good to be back with you and Moya. Ya know it's kin...kinda feels like coming home." "Moya and I are equally please to have everyone back with the exception of the newest arrival. I now miss Jool more then ever." "Hey listen if Sikozu ever speaks to you like that again. If she ever gives you any lip. You just drop her in the bat dren. Ok! No body, no body should talk to you like that. No body should tell you what to do." "Yet everyone does. In fact Moya and I have made a decision." "You want us gone." "Oh not at all, but we can not serve so many masters at once." Pilot placed another claw on Chiana's lap. "We ask that you choose one spokes person." "Just pick a captain." "Yes a single voice for us to follow." "I'll tell the others. We...we'll take a vote or something. Ok."

During the monems Aeryn got to know the members of her unit and a few from other units. From her occasional stops in the base bar. Usually after a successful mission. For the most part though she preferred to be alone when she wasn't training for a mission or just working out. For the most part everyone respected her wishes to be alone. A few men had approached her with the offer to recreate, she would turn them down and they would leave her alone. There was one however that continued to approach her. She wished he would leave her alone.

Lechna left his office taking the report with him. He wanted to get something to eat before going to the mission briefing. There was also someone he wanted to talk to and he knew she preferred her meals alone and usually had her first meal early before everyone else. She had been here for a short time, but he knew her routine.

Aeryn finished her meal and was about to leave to do some work on her prowler when she heard her name and knew who it was without looking. "Officer Sun your shift doesn't start for another two arns."

She turned to look at him. "Yes, I couldn't sleep, thought I would do some maintenance on my prowler." "You know we have techs for that." "Yes, well I have come to prefer to do my own, after doing it for the last 3 cycles." "That's right, you where on the Leviathan Moya." She never told anyone about her time on Moya. She didn't have to, most already knew and it wouldn't be hard to find out if they wanted to. However it didn't stop her from being cautious when someone asked her about it. "Yes I was, is that a problem?" "No, no problem." Aeryn picked up her meal tray to leave. "How well do you know John Crichton?" He had heard the rumors.

There it was, the question she feared would come and hoped it wouldn't. "We were crew mates for 3 cycles. It was a small crew. You come to know someone after that amount of time. Why do you ask?"

"I have just received a report about Crichton." Aeryn's heart stopped for a microt. Her first thought was he's alive and then the dreams of him dying came rushing back. She had to keep her emotions under control and not let her concern for John show. His last location may be in that report and she needed to know. "Are you going to tell me what is in the report or is it classified."

Lechna could sense a change in her at the mention of Crichton's name. "You are mentioned in that report as well." Lechna stepped closer without taking his eye's off her and laid the report on the table in front of her. "You tell me. I'm sure nothing you don't already know. Except for the last 6 monems."

Aeryn set the meal try back on the table and set back down in the chair. She reached over and picked up the data pad, not activating it just looked at it.

Lechna pulled out the chair next to her and set down. "It says that Crichton isn't Sebacean though he could and has on many occasions passed as a Sebacean, a peacekeeper even. He is of a race called Human. From a planet no one's heard of or cannot find." He paused for a moment to see if Aeryn had anything to say. "Although I'm sure you already knew that."

Aeryn knew he was waiting for her to say something, she seen no harm in confirming what he already knew. "Yes, you are correct he isn't Sebacean. He is human and it seems his race is closely related. He is from a planet called Earth."

"Do you know or did he tell you where this Earth is or how to get there. Do you know anything about it?"

Aeryn wasn't about to tell Lechna about wormholes. She told him the only thing she could to make it as uninteresting as possible. "From what Crichton has told me it's a primitive planet. They are barely able to except their own gravity, let alone space travel. She could tell Lechna had more questions. She hoped she could avoid them by asking her own. "What else is in this report?"

Lechna looked at her for a moment and decided to let his questions wait for now. "That he destroyed a Gammick Base, a Shadow Depository. That he destroyed a Scarran Dreadnought and most recently a Command Carrier. He has the PK after him. First there was Crais. Then Scorpius, who seems to have an obsession with finding him. It seems Crichton has something Scorpius wants, only not what it is. Now Commandant Grayza is looking for him. It seems she held him and some of his crew mates captive for a short time on a planet called Arnessk. Only they were able to escape when a Leviathan crashed on the planet destroying two of the three Marauders and getting away in two unknown ships.

Aeryn was concerned and though she tried to hide it she knew she wasn't doing very well. "Leviathan?

Wa...was it Moya? "The only information on the Leviathan is that it appeared to be very old." Lechna was surprised with Aeryn's reaction hearing about the Leviathan. "Why are you so concerned about one Leviathan?"

"As I said before after 3 cycles you come to care about your other crew members and Pilot and Moya were members of that crew."

Then it was Lechna's turn, he still had questions. "Could you tell me why Grayza would want Crichton?"

"How would I know? I've been here for the last 5 momens, before that I was trying to find this place. It's been almost 6 momens since I've seen Crichton. However, he has a knack for getting himself into trouble." She remembered meeting Grayza on Scorpius's command carrier. She wasn't very happy that John pointed his pulse pistol at her.

"Would it have anything to do with what Scorpius wanted him for. Do you know why he wanted Crichton? The report says Scorpius was doing research at the Gammick Base and on the command carrier before Crichton destroyed both. It says he was working on something to fight Scarrans. Now the Scarrans are also looking for him. They want to know why the PK want him so bad. They seem to think it has something to do with the research Scorpius was doing and they think some how Crichton is the key to it.

Aeryn knew she had to tell him something. "All I know is that Scorpius captured Crichton and put him in the Aurora chair. We rescued him and Scorpius has been chasing him ever since. Why Grayza wants him I don't know."

"Now that the Scarrans have interest in Crichton we need to know why."

Still holding the data pad Aeryn stood up, she needed to go, needed some time to think before her shift started. "If you would like I could look over this report and see if I can come up with anything from it." Aeryn wanted a chance to look at the report alone.

"That's why I came to you. Read it over tell me anything you can remember."

Aeryn picked up her tray and left Lechna sitting at the table.

He just sat there and watched her leave. He knew there was more she wasn't telling him. He would give her time.