Title: Someday I'll Find You. (Private lives)
Author: Linstock
Paring: Spock/Uhura
Rating: K
Type: Angst/romance
Warning: None, except perhaps crimes against literature.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Star trek or Private Lives or profit in from this writing.
Au: One of my earliest loves was Noel Coward. My parents had all the recordings of Coward and Lawrence and as a child Private Lives was always a favourite. For the uninitiated there are several versions of this play on youtube. The incomparable Alan Rickman and Lindsay Duncan are worth watching, although the quality of the recording is very poor. There are clearer though [in my opinion] less well acted versions as well.
I have re-imagined the balcony scenes with Spock and Nyota instead of Elliot and Amanda [not Spock's mother a different Amanda]. I chose these scenes so the focus was on these two characters in isolation. I do realise that Nyota is no Amanda and Spock is definitely no Elliot, but the idea was irresistible to me. I have retained the original format of the play.
No disrespect is intended to either Star Trek or Private lives; I have only the profoundest respect for both. This story does not fit into any Star trek reality; it just is.
Summary: Spock and Nyota were married and it ended in divorce. They have both remarried and moved on, or have they? This fic is presented as play.
Scene: A terrace of a hotel on Risa.
There are two French windows at the back opening onto two separate suites. The terrace space is divided by a small line of trees in tubs, and, downstage, running parallel to the footlights there is a balustrade. Upon each side of the line of tree tubs is a set of outdoor furniture, two chairs and a table.
It is dusk.
On the balcony to the right a lean tall man in evening dress walks on to the terrace. He stands in partial shadow so his face can not be seen. He appears pensive and stands deep in thought.
There is an orchestra playing not far off. A slender woman opens the French window left and walks gingerly onto the terrace carrying a tray with two drinks on it. She has long hair black hair worn in an elegant upswept style and coffee-latte coloured skin. She is wearing a charming and simple evening dress which leaves her shoulders and back almost bare. She crosses and places the tray on the table.
Still in the shadow the man unconsciously starts to hum the tune played by the orchestra. The woman hears him then sees him through the trees and is visibly much shaken. She slowly gathers herself and sits on one of the chairs, slightly turned away from him and starts to hum the tune too.
The man on the right hand terrace visibly starts at the sound and turns slowly toward her, which brings his face into the light. He is a Vulcan and looks as shocked as Vulcan is capable of showing.
Nyota: Thoughtful of them to play that, wasn't it?
Spock:[ in a stifled voice] What are you doing here?
Nyota : [rising] I'm on my honeymoon.
Spock: So am I.
Nyota: I hope you're enjoying it
Spock: It has not truly commenced.
Nyota: Neither has mine.
Spock: [thoughtfully and still shocked] The probability of us both being on Risa, on our honeymoons at the same time are 0.0497%.
Nyota: Oh! Well I can't help thinking this is a little unfortunate.
Spock: [with emphasis] Indeed. [He pauses and seems to be struggling with his words] Are you … happy?
Nyota: Perfectly. [She lifts her chin a little defiantly and clasps her hands behind her back.]
Spock: That is satisfactory.
Nyota: Are you?
Spock: [He clasps his hands behind his back and pauses] The situation is agreeable.
Nyota: I'm delighted to hear it. We shall probably meet again sometime. Au revoir! [She stands and turns]
Spock: [firmly] Goodbye.
Nyota exits through the window on her side with out looking back. Spock stands gazing after her. His face is unreadable.
Unknown to each other both Nyota and Spock strive almost desperately to convince their new partners to leave the hotel, and if possible Risa, as soon as possible. Both end up having a falling out with their new partners who storm off alone to the bar and to go shopping respectively.
Nyota is standing with her back to the audience leaning on the balustrade. Her body is tense. Spock walks out the French window down to the balustrade and breathes deeply. He is obviously trying to control his emotions.
Nyota: I'm in such a rage!
Spock: I am finding maintaining my equilibrium unusually difficult.
Nyota: What are we to do?
Spock: I do not know.
Both gaze out over the scene before them. An ostentatious private shuttle swoops past and disappears.
Nyota: Whose private shuttle is that?
Spock: There is 87% probability that it is the Orionian Ambassador's.
Nyota: I wish I was on it.
Spock: I too would find that most satisfactory.
Nyot: There's no need to be nasty.
Spock: [his voice bleak] I believe that it may be the only logical response to this situation.
Nyota: [bitterly] And you have had some "logical responses" in your time haven't you?
Spock: [turning toward her] It is illogical to initiate an altercation Nyota.
Nyota: It feels logical to me.
Spock: [with emphasis] As you have in the past you are confusing an emotional response with one based on logic, and, once again, your emotional responses are complicating a regrettable situation created by your own choices.
Nyota: My choices! What about yours?
Spock: In the 57153.98 hours since first met you my life have been immeasurably complicated and disrupted.
Nyota: [moving away up left] A'ing ru'lut tu1, there is no sense in going on like that.
Spock: [looking affronted] Your ability to disrupt and discompose is a phenomenon worthy of study by social scientists.
Nyota: Don't be melodramatic
Spock: Vulcans can not be melodramatic.
Nyota: Says you.
There is a tense pause.
Spock: Do you want a cocktail? There are two here.
Nyota: There are two here as well.
Spock: We will drink my two first.
Nyota crosses the stage to Spock's part of the terrace. He gives her one and keeps one himself.
Nyota: [she takes the drink and turns away from Spock and moves toward the balustrade. She sniffs the drink] A coco-maretta? You must be planning quite a honeymoon. [She sighs] Shall we get roaring screaming drunk?
Spock: I fail to see how that would help, we have done it before and it was a dismal failure.
Nyota: [her voice warm] It was lovely at the beginning.
Spock: [his voice deeper] You have an immoral memory, Nyota. Here is to you.
They raise their glasses solemnly and drink.
Nyota: I tried to get away the moment after I'd seen you, but he wouldn't budge.
Spock: What is his name?
Nyota: Victor, Victor Pyrnne.
Spock: [toasting] To Mr and Mrs Prynne. My wife would not leave either.
Nyota: What's her name?
Spock: Sibyl.
Nyota: [toasting] To Sibyl ko-telsu t'S'chn T'gaiSpahk t'maat Telak-sen-deen2. God pity the poor girl.
Spock: Are you in love with him?
Nyota: Of course.
Spock: How strange.
Nyotia: I don't see anything strange about it. But I am surprised you found love and married again, I seem to remember in the end you being vehemently opposed to the state...in the end. [She pauses thoughtfully and appears to be counting on her fingers]. Oh, I see, 6 years 3 months give or take…
Spock nods curtly.
Nyota: You were always one for forward planning. [She turns to look at him and sighs] There you are then.
Spock: [with a look at her] There we both are then.
A pause. Nyota crosses down right.
Nyota: What is she like?
Spock: She is human, 165cm in height weights 59kg with fair hair and blue eyes. She is aesthetically pleasing and a highly skilled pianist.
Nyota: Very comforting, especially considering how well you play the lyre.
Spock: How would you describe yours?
Nyota: I don't want to discuss him.
Spock: As you wish. There is a 59% probability that he will return to his room and I will met him then. Does he know I am here? [Spock comes down to the balustrade]
Nyota: Yes, I told him.
Spock: That is going to make thinks significantly easier. [The ironic comment hangs in the air]
Nyota: You needn't be frightened he won't hurt you.
Spock merely looks at Nyota and raises one eyebrow.
Nyota: Does Sibyl know I'm here.
Spock: No. I presented a logical argument to get her to leave Risa.
Nyota: I tried too, it is lucky we didn't both succeed isn't it? Otherwise we could be stuck in the same space craft with no way to escape.
Spock: Probably on of those Risarian shuttles with the mirrors, excessive gold ornamentation, intrusive colour schemes and suggestive pictures in unanticipated places.
Nyota: [laughing] Oh dear, that would have been much, much worse.
Spock: [moving toward her] One can envisage the scene when all parties went to the mess for breakfast.
Nyota is laughing and Spock has one of the almost smiles that lighten his expression and lights his eyes. Suddenly they are aware of what is happening and stop laughing.
Nyota: What happened to yours?
Spock: Did you not hear her? She expressed herself surprisingly volubly and fluently. As she left she informed me that I could find her in the boutiques where I infer she is seeking solace by purchasing unwanted and unnecessary items.
Nyota: Mine is being grand, in the bar.
Spock: This situation has a degree of social awkwardness that is unprecedented.
A pause. Nyota sits on the balustrade.
Nyota: Have you known her long?
Spock: About four months, we met at a music symposium on Delta 7.
Nyota: Very flat, Delta 7. [She sips her drink] How old is she?
Spock : [looking somehow awkward] She is twenty-three.
Nyota: You've gone a mucker all right. [She turns and looks at him hard] I suppose that is an effort to counter the life span difference?
Spock: It seemed logical.
Nyota: Does she know …everything?
Spock: We have yet to visit the elders on New Vulcan.
Nyota: And have that cosy little girl to girl talk with caring, supportive, she Le-matya incarnate, T'Pau. [Nyota shudders theatrically] Oh and meet Sarek, the original welcoming father-in-law. You may have been wise to leave meeting the clan that until after the honeymoon. Let the girl have a few moments of contentment.
Spock: [Spock looking acutely uncomfortable] Having noted the effect of these meetings on a previous occasion I believed that is was the most logical course of action.
Nyota: So you haven't even actually bonded yet?
Spock: No. We have only completed the human wedding ritual.
Nyota: [looking hard at him] You are on very thin ethical ice Mr Spock.
Spock: It is logical when forming relationship with a human to engage in a human style relationship first, to allow that to mature and then introduce the Vulcan. In this way I anticipate a stronger bond will develop when the time comes.
Nyota: In short having made a mess the first time you have rethought your strategy, very logical.
Spock: [with some asperity] A lasting relationship is not just a matter of pleasure or convenience as you know, it is life and death. It is only logical to have an amenable partner prior to necessity and having a strong bond established makes the trauma less for all parties.
Nyota: Who said romance was dead?
Spock turns away from her. Then turns back.
Spock: I will reserve my opinion of Victor until we have met.
Nyota: I do not want you opinion of Victor. This is all extremely irritating.
Spock: I have formed a mental image of him based on the information you have provided so far. He is not a star fleet member; you clearly stated your intention never to [he pauses considering and summands a phrase from his memory] "go through that particular kind of hell" again. He would need to be extremely tolerant, if he is to live with you. Also self sacrificing and trusting so he will tolerate your long absences. You inferred he can be pompous and so he is probably considerably older than you. He would be intelligent, but not too intelligent, you can do not suffer fools but you do like to have the final word.
Nyota: Are you quite finished?
Spock: Not quite. He would be tall, you have a marked preference for tall men, and virile, another of your most basic requirements.
Nyota: [looking seriously displeased] As I have said I would rather not discuss him. At least I have the taste to refrain from making cheep gibes about Sibyl.
Spock: You said Delta 7 was flat.
Nyota: That is no reflection on her, unless she made it flatter.
Spock: You voice takes on an acid quality whenever you mention her name.
Nyota: I'll never mention it again.
Spock: And I will not mention Victor.
Nyota: [with dignity] Thank You.
There is silence for a moment. The orchestra is playing the same tune that they were playing previously.
Spock: That orchestra has a remarkably small repertoire.
Nyota: [turning to him] They don't seem to know anything but this, do they?
Spock: No.
Nyota: It is illogically how potent cheap Earth music is.
They stand silently for a moment listening.
Spock: [sincerely] I deeply regret that this occurred. It is a happenstance I would have avoided if it had been possible.
Nyota: I know. I'm sorry too. It's just rotten luck.
Spock: [moving up to the window, his back to her] I will leave tomorrow whatever happens. You need not be concerned.
Nyota: That's nice of you. [She puts down her glass on the table].
Spock: I trust your honeymoon and future life will be a success and that you will be very happy.
Nyota: Thank you very much. I hope the same for you, too. [She crosses to her side of he terrace, to right of her window]
There is a pause. Spock comes down to the table right and puts down his glass.
Spock: Unmelodious and insistent tune is it not?
Nyota: Yes isn't it. [She turns to look at him]
Spock: [crossing to left of his own window] What were you remembering at that moment?
Nyota: [voice dreamy] The Palace Hotel Skating Rink in the morning, and everybody whirling round in vivid colours, and you kneeling down to put on my skates for me.
Spock: You had fallen most ungracefully and with considerable force the moment before.
Nyota: It was beastly of you to remain standing and look so poised, I felt so humiliated.
Spock: [patronisingly] Ashayam.
Nyota: Do you remember waking up in the morning, and standing on the balcony, looking out across the valley?
A pause.
Spock: Blue shadows on white snow, cleanness beyond belief, high above everything in the world. It was deeply aesthetically pleasing and calming. Vaksur yeht4.
Nyota: It's nice to think we had a few marvellous moments.
Spock: 20.1% of our time together was "marvellous", 64.2% of our time together was satisfying and pleasurable, but we only remembered the 15.7% of the time that was painful or unpleasant.
Nyota: Why does the bad always seem so much more compelling than the good, the pain stronger than the joy?
Spock: It is an evolutionary imperative. Both Vulcans and humans evolved in inhospitable environments and our species are hard wired to regard negative stimuli as highly salient, while positive stimuli have a weak survival imperative.
Nyota: Maybe it is that simple. What fools we were to ruin it all. What utter, utter fools.
Spock: You believe so too?
Nyota: [wearily] Of course.
Spock: Why did we?
Nyota: [turning away] The whole business was too much for us.
Spock: The intensity of our relationship was unusual.
Nyota: [turning back] Funny, wasn't it?
Spock: [in a regretful tone] I fail to see any humour in the situation.
Nyota: Selfishness, possessiveness, petty jealousy, stubbornness, competitiveness, all those qualities came out in us just because we loved each other.
Spock: Perhaps the qualities existed independently of our relationship.
Nyota: No, it's love that does it; to hell with love. [She turns away]
Spock is silent. He turns away as well
Nyota: And yet here we are starting afresh with two quiet different people. In love all over again, aren't we?
Spock doesn't answer.
Nyota: Aren't we? [She turns to him]
Spock: [turning] No.
Nyota: Spock.
Spock: Why ask when you know I can not lie? We are not in love all over again and you know it. Good night Nyota. [He turns abruptly and goes toward his own window.]
Nyota: Spock – come back. [She moves above the chairs by the tubs on his side of the terrace]
Spock: [halting] I must go and find Sibyl.
Nyota: I must go and find Victor.
Spock: [turning to her; savagely] Well why do you not go?
Nyota: [sounding lost] I don't want to.
Spock: [the heat has drained from his voice and he sounds resigned] It is shameful, shameful of both of us.
Nyota: [taking a step toward him] Don't, I feel terrible. Don't leave me for a minute; I think I will go mad if you do. [She comes down to the balustrade left centre]. We won't talk of ourselves any more, we'll talk about outside things, anything you like, only don't leave me until I've pulled myself together. We don't all have Vulcan control you know.
Spock: Very well [He comes down to her stops a metre away from her and stands with his hands clasped behind his back].
There is dead silence for a moment.
Nyota: [not looking at him. Overly brightly. ] What have you been doing lately? During these last years?
Spock: [not looking at her] I was on a two year science mission to the Ceturs Major solar system.
Nyota: [hurriedly] Yes, yes I know. How was it?
Spock: The Ceturs Major solar system?
Nyota: Yes.
Spock: [looking intently at her back] Fascinating.
Nyota: The principle planet, Centalis, must be very interesting.
Spock: Very big, Centalis.
Nyota: and the Centalian moon…
Spock: Very small.
Nyota: Did you go bare foot on the hot sands, and use those strange little skewers to eat the local food and everything?
Spock: To do everything was not possible but I did engage in some of the local customs. [He moves slowly closer to her]
Nyota: And did you see the great temple? How was the great temple?
Spock: [moving closer still and gazing at her] Unbelievable, a sort of a waking dream.
Nyota: [turning to face him, but not looking at his face.] That was the moonlight I expect, you must have seen it in the moonlight.
Spock: [never taking his eyes off her face] Yes, moonlight has an illogical ability to alter perceptions.
Nyota: [sightly desperately] It didn't it look like a cheap holo did it? I've always felt that it might.
Spock: [quietly] Ashayam I love you so.
Nyota: And I do hope you meet a tame baltoo. They're lint white, I believe, and huge, but very, very sweet.
Spock: [earnestly] I have never loved anyone else for a nanosecond.
Nyota: [raising a hand feebly in protest] No, no you mustn't-Spock-stop.
Spock: You love me too. [He moves until he is standing almost touching her] There is no doubt about it, is there?
Nyota: [looking up at him, voice aching with sadness] No, no doubt anywhere.
Spock: You look very lovely in the moonlight, Nyota. Your skin is clear and cool, and your eyes are shining and against all logic you appear to be becoming lovelier and lovelier every second I look. You do not hold any mystery for me ashayam, do you mind? There is nothing about you that I do not remember, and want.
Nyota: [softly] I'm glad, ashal-veh5.
Spock: More than any desire, in the core of my katra6, I want you back again-please-
Nyota: Don't say anymore, you'll make me cry dreadfully.
Spock pulls her gently into his arms and they stand silently with their arms around each others waists and foreheads resting together, completely oblivious of everything but the moment, and each other. He raises the arm closest to the audience holding his hand up. Nyota does the same and then the press their hands together. A shudder ripples through them both, their breathing becomes deeper and synchronises. A single tear runs down Nyota's face. Eventually they separate.
Nyota: What now? Oh ashayam, what now?
Spock: I do not know. The situation is without precedent.
Nyota: We must think quickly, oh quickly-
Spock: Escape.
Nyota: Together?
Spock: Yes, of course.
Nyota: [breaking left] We can't, you know we can't.
Spock: [following her] We must.
Nyota: It would break Victor's heart.
Spock: And Sibyl's would be deeply distressed. There is nothing that can be done to avoid or ameliorate these consequences. It is logical to make a clear break now. It is both illogical and abhorrent to stay and pretend to love them, when we love each other, so ardently. My ability to shield this degree of deception with an intimate would be limited and my own emotions would be severely compromised.
Nyota: And?
Spock: I do not want to lie.
Nyota: You mean you can not lie.
Spock: That is true, but I do not want to lie. [He reaches up and strokes her face with the back of his hand] So we must not lie. We must tell them. Call them and tell them.
Nyota look horrified.
Nyota: We can not- we can not- you know we can not. It is not possible.
Spock: It's honest.
Nyota: Hideous damage can be done in the name of honesty.
Spock: We should start as we mean to continue, as honestly as possible in the circumstances.
Nyota: [moving to his own window] Telling them face to face may be honest, but the consequences could be catastrophic. I am a communications expert, but I am at a loss. How could we start? What should we say?
Spock: I have never seen you at a loss for words. You told me several times that, when all else fails, you trust to the inspiration of the moment.
Nyota: [facing him] It is a moment completely devoid of inspiration, the most appalling moment imaginable.
Spock: What do you propose then? As it is the decision might be made for us, they might appear any moment.
Nyota: We've got to decide instantly one way or another. Go away together now, or stay with them, and never see one another again, ever. [Her voice catches as she utter the last few words]
Spock: You are in error. That is not a choice.
Nyota: [gazing at him] You're right there is no choice at all.
Spock: Come. [He takes her hand and pulls her towards his window]
Nyota: No, wait. This is sheer raving madness, something's happening to us, we're not sane.
Spock: Were we ever?
Nyota: Where can we go?
Spock: The next continent, Dertreti, has a space port. My flitter is in the garage, ready. We can catch a shuttle off world from there.
Nyota: They'll follow us.
Spock: That is of no consequence. Once the action is taken it is irrevocable.
Nyota: I have a friend with a flat in the principle city of Dertreti.
Spock: Good.
Nyota: She is away on earth and said I could use it. So it is empty.
Spock: Does Victor know?
Nyota: No, he knows I have a friend with a flat on Risa somewhere but he hasn't the faintest idea where.
Spock: Satisfactory.
Nyota: [coming down to the balustrade] We're being so bad, so terribly, terribly, bad, we'll suffer for this, I know we shall.
Spock: We already have.
Nyota turns to look at him.
Spock: Being apart 2 years 6 months 4 days and 23 hours 19 minutes; truly parted and never again touching.
They gaze at each other intently and then both look away.
Nyota: We could start off those awful rows all over again.
Spock: No we understand the consequences and have more maturity now.
Nyota: What difference does that make? The first moment either of us get a bit nervy, off we will go again.
Spock: I'm trying to be logical.
Nyota: You're only succeeding in being completely idiotic.
Spock: [in a peremptory tone] Nyota you are being emot….
Nyota: [stepping back; stricken] Oh my God!
Spock: [rushing to her ] Ashayam I regret the tone I used, I did not …
Nyota: [slowly sitting on the chair by the tubs] I won't move from here unless we have a compact, a sacred, sacred compact never to quarrel again.
Spock: [by the balustrade] Such an agreement is easy to make but difficult to keep.
Nyota: No, no it's the bickering that always starts it.
Spock: I do not bicker.
Nyota simply looks at him and raises an eyebrow. Spock looks slightly abashed.
Nyota: The moment we notice we are bickering, either of us, we must promise on our honour to stop dead. We'll invent some phrase or catchword, which when either of us says it, automatically cuts off all conversation for at least five minutes.
Spock: [pauses considering] Two minutes with an option on renewal.
Nyota: Very well, what shall it be?
Spock: [hurriedly] James Tiberius.
Nyota: [smiling slightly] All right, considering how he constantly interrupted in our previous relationship it seems appropriate. That'll do.
Spock: [pulling her up] Come on we must leave promptly.
They move to the window.
Nyota: What shall we say if we meet them on the way down stairs?
Spock: We shall reconnoitre first and take evasive action.
Nyota: [by the window] What about clothes?
Spock: I have a couple of bags I have not unpacked yet.
Nyota: I've got a small trunk.
Spock: Send the porter up for it.
Nyota: Oh this is terrible-terrible…
Spock: We must leave; lingering increases the likelihood of encountering either or both of them. The decision is made there is no logic in procrastination.
Nyota: Oughtn't we leave a note or something?
Spock: [considering] No, we will send a message while travelling.
Nyota: [coming down stage] Ashayam, I daren't, it's too wicked of us, I simply daren't!
Spock: [following her downstage, seizing her in his arms and kissing her deeply and intensely] Now will you come?
Nyota: Yes, but Spock …
Spock: [raising a finger admonishingly] James Tiberius!
Spock takes her hand and pulls her off through his window.
After a pause Victor's voice can be heard calling "Ny?Ny?" He appears at the window left and stands nonplussed. He is a tall, fit looking, older man. On Spock's side Sybil calls "Darling?" She appears at the window right. She is a small, curvy, young blonde. They both stand centre of their respective windows.
Victor: Good evening.
Sibyl: [rather flustered] Good evening-I was looking for my husband.
Victor: Really that's funny. I was looking for my wife.
Sibyl: Quiet a coincidence. [She laughs nervously]
Victor: It's very nice here, isn't it?
Sibyl: Lovely.
Victor: Have you been here long?
Sibyl: No, we only arrived today.
Victor: Another coincidence. So did we.
Sibyl: How awfully funny.
Victor: [moving to his own table] Would you care for a cocktail?
Sibyl: [moving to her table] Oh no thank you-really-
Sibyl glances at that two empty glasses on the balustrade, and tosses her head defiantly.
Sibyl: Thanks very much. I'd love one.
Victor: [crossing up right] Good, here you are. [He remains on his own side]
Sibyl: [crossing up left and taking the cocktail] Thank-you [She remains on her side].
Victor: [with rather forced gaiety] To absent friends [he raises his glass]
Sibyl: [raising hers] To absent friends. It is awfully pretty here, isn't it? The moonlight, and the lights of that small flitter reflected in the water…
Victor: I wonder who it belongs to?
Sibyl: [with a slight frown] I can never remember the names but I think it is the same type we hired…
Just then both of their mobile communicators ring. As they reach to answer them the curtain falls slowly.
The end
Au: I know the characters were a bit OCC, but this one was just fun. I would love to hear what you think of my little tribute to two of my obsessions.
Translations.
1 . A'ing ru'lut tu1 means "close your mouth", Nyota is telling Spock to shut up.
2. This translates to Sibyl wife of S'chn T'gaiSpock of the clan Telak-sen-deen.
3. Ashayam means "beloved" and is used like darling.
4. Vaksur yeht means "true beauty".
5. ashal-veh means "cherished one".
6. Katra Vulcan word for soul
The words to the chorus of the "unmelodious and insistent tune"...
SOMEDAY I'LL FIND YOU
(Noël Coward) (1930)
Chorus:
Someday I'll find you
Moonlight behind you
True to the dream I am dreaming
As I draw near you
You'll smile a little smile;
For a little while
We shall stand
Hand in hand
I'll leave you never
Love you for ever
All our past sorrow redeeming
Try to make it true
Say you love me too
Someday I'll find you again
