A/N: Okay, I'm not quite sure which pairings I'm going to go for in this fic, all I know is that I wanted to do a more serious thing about Gokudera being gay, because I love that idea. Not of him in any specific pairing, just the idea of him with a dude. xD I'm thinking a lot of one-sided loves and maybe some 1859 and some 8059? Then maybe a side story of Lambo and Fuuta that ties in somehow... I don't know yet. Also, I'm sitll working on my stories Madararui Mafia and A Different Kind of Mafia Family, so check those out too. Please Review :)

Btw, this takes place TYL.


"That's the third omiai resulting in refusal."

"What do you think is wrong with all these girls?"

"Maybe he's just picky. I mean, they're all from families only right under the Vongola."

A group of girls gossiped as they stood around in one of the many Vongola bases, waiting for some sort of work to keep them occupied. Just then, a powerful aura brushed past them, making the hairs on the back of their neck stand and chills run down their spines. They looked down the hall to see that both the Vongola Tenth and the Storm Guardian had just walked by.

"Was that him?"

"Oh no, did he hear us?"

"He wouldn't have known we were talking about him."

Right before the mafia men could turn a corner in the long hall, Gokudera flashed the crowd of women a harsh look. They collectively gulped, muttering, "Scary…"


For a few moments, Tsuna said nothing. He was contemplating whether or not to mention the matters they had just discussed at an important meeting or to bring up what the women were whispering about. He eventually decided to go with the latter.

"They're right you know," Tsuna said seriously without looking his right-hand man in the eye.

"About what?" Gokudera replied calmly as they leisurely strode through the base, making their way to its exit.

"You being picky," Tsuna chuckled a bit while Gokudera scoffed. "Come on, all those women were perfectly fine. I thought you would like them."

"Why do you say that?"

"They were all from good families."

"There's more to it than that."

"I know. Well, it's not like any of them had bad personalities. They were nice, maybe a little humble or meek, but they kept conversation well and knew everything a housewife should," he laughed a little. "Maybe if I didn't have Kyoko I would've taken an interest in one of them!"

Gokudera sighed and looked to the ground. Tsuna stopped and laid a hand on his back. "Something wrong?"

"I would…" Gokudera said before biting his lip. He seethed with clenched fists then blurted out, "I would just rather not talk about these things with you, Boss." He gave Tsuna a worried expression and hurried off. "C-Come on, or we're gonna be late."

Tsuna gazed after his friend concernedly. "Hayato-kun…"


"I said it's over," Gokudera said quietly into his cell phone as he stood amongst dumpsters and piles of trash which must have looked strange considering he was on his way from headquarters and thus was dressed in an expensive suit. He was hiding in an alleyway, so that he could have his conversation privately. "If you show up at my place again, I'll move and change my phone number." He growled. "No! Just leave me alone!"

"Hm? Hayato?"

Gokudera stiffened and slowly peeked from behind one of the large trashcans to see Yamamoto standing in casual clothes with Haru's arm wrapped around his.

"Ya-Yamamoto…" Gokudera muttered slowly, shivering and the edge of his lips twitching.

"Ha ha, I told you that you can stop calling me that. Hey, who were you talking to?" Yamamoto asked with a smile.

"Uh…" Gokudera began, flipping the phone closed despite the proposals of love being screamed through it. "No one who matters. H-How are you?"

"Good," Yamamoto answered simply.

Gokudera nodded. "Great. That's great. And how are you doing, Haru?"

"Wonderful!" The odd woman beamed. "Takeshi and I were just heading to go have some ice cream. Wanna come along?"

Yamamoto's face brightened a bit, but returned to normal after Gokudera shouted, "No! How much of a strange woman do you have to be to invite someone to interrupt your date?"

Haru huffed, "But you're our friend, Hayato-kun! Come with us!"

Gokudera crossed his arms. "I couldn't even if I wanted to! I have to go home and change so that I can go... do some stuff."

"Oh~?"Haru sang curiously. "Like what?"

"None of your business!"

"Clubbing?" Yamamoto asked suddenly.

"Wh-What?" Gokudera's face flushed red and he fervently shook his head and waved his hands. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! The Vongola is too high class for me to ever disgrace our name by doing such a thing! Besides, it's too early for that."

"Oh, I see," Yamamoto said, rolling his eyes and looking away from his fellow guardian.

"Well," Haru said. "Good luck with whatever you're going to do, Hayato-kun!" Her and her boyfriend began walking off together. "See you later!"

"Bye…" He mumbled, his hand weakly waving at the two. He groaned as his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. With an angry grunt, he pulled out the device, threw it to the ground, and then stomped it to pieces furiously. "Go! Die! You! Bastard!"


The lights. The sweat. The vibrations of the pumping music. The alcohol. The hoots and hollers. The touching. The heat. The invitation. The night air. The car ride. The heat. The touching. The sweat and release. …It all went by so fast.


Gokudera leaned up and muttered something, fairly disoriented and disturbed by the light shining onto his eyes. He let out a loud yawn then stretched, smacking his lips together afterwards and scratching his side. He rubbed his temples while sighing and seething, glancing around at the unfamiliar room. It was dirty with beer cans littering the floor, two empty wine glasses lying on the kotastu along with one and a half empty wine bottles. The bed sheets and blankets were crumpled and sticky and several things appeared to be knocked over.

"Aw, fuck," Gokudera mumbled to himself.

Two manly arms wrapped around his waist while the unknown person next to him sleepily laughed, "No, not again, we did it so many times last night…"

Gokudera almost gagged after hearing this statement. He quickly yanked himself from the man's grip, grabbed his clothes, threw them on, and left.

As he hurriedly attempted to walk to his own apartment, or at least, tried to figure out where that was, he stuck a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. He took a long drag then blew out a thin line of smoke. "Damn it," he cursed. "Damn it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."


"Where are you?" Tsuna said into his cell phone while peeking out his car window and looking around. "That's really far. What were you all the way out there for? … Really? I've never heard of that… If you say so. Well, I should be there, in that area, in an hour or so. Call me then and you can just tell me where exactly you're at, okay? … It's no problem… Alright. Bye."


Gokudera slammed the pay phone back onto its receiver.

"Aw, man." He hissed as he threw his head back, and plopped onto a bench in the middle of an unfamiliar town, dressed in a loose white tank top and ripped jeans. His hair was pulled back and chains dangled from his pants while a studded belt curled around his waist. He looked much like how he had in his younger days. Looking back on his previous style, he had always told himself that he regretted his demeaning delinquent appearance, saying that he had been humiliating the Vongola by dressing like a two-bit punk. Now, here he was dolled up in that same fashion and Tsuna was about to see it. He almost wanted to pick up the phone and tell his Boss to forget it and that he would just find the nearby library, look up how to get home, and walk, but feared many things. Like Tsuna getting mad since he was already on his way or there not being a library anywhere near him, so he just slumped into his seat and heaved a heavy sigh.

"There you are!" A vaguely recognizable voice called out.

Gokudera raised an eyebrow as turned to see a tall man with a goatee, several piercings and black pants and shirt. He tilted his head. Who…? Oh shit.

"When I realized you were gone, I went looking for you since I knew you weren't from around here and might need help getting home," the man said with a bright smile.

This guy was surprisingly nice despite the fact that he looked pretty intimidating. Gokudera looked him up and down. So, these were the types his drunk self was into was the thought that ran through his mind. He was confident that his sober self would have chosen someone more dignified rather than a sloppy villain. He did have to admit though, the man's body was muscular, and firm, and his face wasn't half-bad, in fact, more like nearly perfectly sculptured… okay so, his drunk self had pretty good tastes, but just because the man was attractive didn't give his drunk self the right to be slutty and have another intoxicated one night stand.

"Sorry, but I already have a friend picking me up," Gokudera retorted. He begged all the gods he could think of that this would make the man say, "Oh, guess I'll go then," or anything of the like. His prayers were not answered.

"Oh, guess I'll wait with you then," the man said, sitting down and putting one arm across Gokudera's shoulders.

No. Gokudera thought. Hell. No. He would definitely not be seen like that by Tsuna. He pushed the man's arm away.

"Dude. Just go. Seriously," Gokudera insisted.

The man frowned, "Hey, I was trying to be nice, you know."

"Cool. I get that. But right now, it'd be nice if you left."

"You're more of a bitch than I thought."

Gokudera scowled at the man and was about to snap something back at him, but the man silenced him with a kiss. The man then pulled back from the stunned Gokudera and slipped a piece of paper into his pocket. "But that's kind of kinky. You were pretty good. Call me," then the man jogged off.

Gokudera shook with fury. He snatched the paper out of his pocket and tore it to bits and pieces. Wheezing after he was finished. "What a bastard! Just like all the rest!" He stamped on the ripped pieces of paper. "Only one person would be good for me, huh…?"

He was reminded of all the nights when the strangers were familiar and each of them turned into him, the one he truly wanted. Suddenly he would have a mohawk or a tattoo in between his shoulder blades. Sometimes he'd have a violent personality out of nowhere and addiction to alcohol, that's when he'd have to leave him, but Gokudera would never let him know that these things happened. He was scared to death that he would ever find out.

For about 45 minutes, Gokudera sat there, thinking of him and that woman and unrequited love and the fairness of the world. He managed to go through three cigarettes and all of the dreams that he could remember from the past month or two. Some girls passed by showing an interest in him. They had dyed hair and piercings. They wore boots that increased their height by several inches and heavy duty make-up that was a mixture of black and bright colors. He looked at them which made them giggle, then spit his cigarette butt out at them which made them scoff and scurry away.

He glanced down at his watch. He decided he would call Tsuna now and stood, stretching away 45 minutes worth of laziness.

"Tenth?" he said into the phone.

"I'm almost there," Tsuna replied, pep in his voice. "Tell me where you are."

Gokudera looked to the closest sign then said, "Outside Suzu's… Sex Shop. Well, that's awkward…"

Tsuna could only laugh.


"What's love like?" Lambo asked, leaning his back against Gokudera's kitchen counter.

"You've never been in love?" Gokudera replied, chopping up tomatoes.

"I don't know," The fifteen year-old answered honestly. "Could you tell me if I have?"

"Let's find out," Gokudera said, as he pre-heated the boiler. He grabbed some eggs and a bowl.

"I think I was," Lambo said, grabbing at his gut. "I really cared about them and smiled a lot when they were around."

"You're a teenager, it's probably a sex thing," Gokudera said, breaking the eggs then beating them with a fork.

"Goodness, you would've said that no matter what," Lambo griped, scrunching his face up in irritation.

"Bingo," Gokudera chuckled as he added cheese to the eggs.

"What are you making?" Lambo asked.

"Asparagus Frittata and some stuffed tomatoes."

"What's going into the tomatoes?"

"What do you want?"

"What do you have?"

"Bread crumbs, capers and pine nuts, or tuna, red onions, and beans."

"Hmm… tuna, red onions, and beans!"

"Good, because I've already drained the beans and prepared the saucepan."

Lambo snickered at this and watched as Gokudera busily worked towards their Italian meal. He wanted to ask more questions, but was scared.

"Are you lonely?" Too heavy to stay in place, the question slipped off Lambo's tongue.

The silence answered for the silver-haired man.


Kyoko, Haru, Hana, and Bianchi always made sure to have a girls' night out, at the very least, once a month. Sometimes I-Pin tagged along but that was according to where the group went and how much work she had to do. Every now and then, maybe about three or five times a year, they coaxed Gokudera into coming along since he often looked especially bored or stressed and they all wanted to drink even a little, so he would occasionally be their designated driver. He also was the only guy who wouldn't bother them so much. Whether it was shopping or karaoke, he'd usually be in his own little world.

"Are Bianchi and Hana drunk again?" Gokudera asked with his hand on the wheel.

In the back of the Lamborghini, Bianchi and Hana were slurring a traditional Japanese song that Hana had clearly memorized better that Bianchi who stuttered and paused a lot. All the while, Haru died of laughter from their ridiculousness.

"No, I think Hana's just a bit tipsy, but Haru seems pretty out of it," Kyoko said from the passenger's seat with a red face and half-lidded eyes. "I'm tired."

"Did you girls have fun?" Gokudera asked.

"Tons,"

"That's good. Who's place am I dropping you off at?"

"Hmm, I wanna go home, but the others are going to Haru's apartment…"

"Hey… don't fall asleep on me…"


Bianchi thrust a fist into the air then shouted, "Now time for L'Inno di Mameli!" She then began to sing once again, "Stringiamci a coorte, siam pronti alla morte-!"

"That's enough of that," Gokudera interrupted, stopping the car outside of Haru's place.

Haru waved as she slid out the car. "Thanks for the ride, Hayato-kun! Bye, Kyo-"

"Shh!" Gokudera hushed. "She's sleeping."

"Oh," Haru lowered her voice. "Goodnight, Kyoko-chan."

Bianchi and Hana then stumbled out the car, bellowing, "Siam pronti alla morte," though Hana pronounced some words wrong and her tune was off.

Gokudera sighed then laid his head on top of the steering wheel for a moment of peace.

"Ah, I want to sleep too," he groaned.

"Then just take me back to your place, Gokudera-kun," Kyoko murmured sleepily.

Gokudera remembered waking this morning to a mysterious warmth wrapped around his hips and lying across his legs. He remembered speaking to a man and telling him he can stay there for a while. Had the man stolen something? Had he left? Gokudera didn't want to take any chances. He drove Kyoko to her apartment then went to his own where he found a man snoozing on his couch. He sighed.


Tsuna didn't know him. When he asked Ryohei and Yamamoto, they said they did know him either.

"Who is he?" Yamamoto asked while stopping by Gokudera's personal space. It had a desk with a plaque that read, "Gokudera Hayato – Storm Guardian - Second In Command." There was also a bookcase, two chairs, a rug, and a TV in the corner. It was often on the news.

"A friend," Gokudera said. The man was actually a lover named Jo. He was staying at Gokudera's apartment for a few weeks. He was messy and Gokudera often cleaned up after him and the man often disappeared, but he was very intimate and loving towards Gokudera when he was around. Jo was tall with long hair he usually kept in a ponytail and many piercings. He claimed to have a band, but Gokudera hadn't heard them play. Jo was the bassist.

"How long will he live with you?" Yamamoto asked.

Gokudera shrugged. "A while maybe?" To him, it was hopefully.

"I think we'd all like to meet him,"

"He's not the kind of guy you all will like,"

"You don't know that,"

"I'm trying to watch the news."

"Sorry…"


Jo wore a dirty T-shirt and tattered jeans to the get together despite Gokudera being against it. It was a small Vongola party that was celebrating a cooking competition Bianchi had won. She only won the competition because all the other contestants had peculiarly become sick. She made all the food for the party, so, naturally, no one ate.

"This is Jo," Gokudera said lazily before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Heya," Jo said, holding up a hand in a sluggish form of a wave. If the others had known that they were a couple, they would have thought, 'What a lethargic pair,' but they didn't so they thought, 'I don't really like Jo.' Yamamoto especially disliked him.

As the evening went on the family got to know Jo a little better. Sort of.

"So, Jo, like any Sports?"

"Like Baseball?"

"Or Boxing?"

"Not really."

"Oh…"

"Like any music?"

"Mostly Rock."

"Hayato tells us you're in a band?"

"Yeah."

"What's that like?"

"It's cool, I guess."

"Do you have a day job?"

"Not really."

"Did Hayato tell you what he does?" Yamamoto asked, eyes casted to the floor. This made Ryohei almost spit up his drink and Tsuna nudge Yamamoto as though saying, "Bad, Takeshi, bad!"

Jo merely glanced at Gokudera who was chatting with Fuuta and Mochida.

"You're not much of a talker, are you?" Tsuna said, hoping to distract Jo from the previous question.

To reply to this, Jo only raised an eyebrow, then looked to the ground and shook his head. When bored of being interrogated by Ryohei, Tsuna, and Yamamoto, Jo went to Gokudera and whispered something to him. Gokudera whispered something back which caused Jo to whisper again. Gokudera's response was more harsh the second time, it was more hissed. Jo then walked outside where he met the Cloud Guardian.

"Who are you?"

"Name's Jo."

"I see."

"Who are you?"

"I don't need to tell you."

"Why're you out here?"

"I also don't need to tell you that."

Hibari didn't like Jo either.


"What did you say to him?" Gokudera roared at Yamamoto who was working out in the Vongola headquarters' gym.

Yamamoto slowed the treadmill down by a bit.

"What?" he barked back.

"After talking to you guys at the party, Jo said he wanted to talk, we got in a fight, and he left."

"How do you know it was me who did anything?"

"I know the Tenth wouldn't and I already talked to stupid Lawn Head."

Yamamoto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well," he muttered. "I did ask if you told him what you do for a living."

"Why would you do that?"

"I don't know, the guy's living with you, shouldn't he know?" The question came out as a laugh, but Gokudera didn't see it as funny as Yamamoto did. After realizing how straight-faced Gokudera was, Yamamoto cleared his throat and chuckled awkwardly. "At least now you have your apartment to yourself again?"


First, Yamamoto passed by as a blur, sweat wildly dripping off him and leg muscles expanding and contracting like mad.

In his personal office, Ryohei blinked at this sight from behind his laptop, then shouted, "Yeah! Go, Yamamoto! Extreme training!"

Next, Ryohei could hear, "Go, Uri!" then see a large yellow cat with red flames surrounding it zooming down the hallway with Gokudera not too far behind.

After all this went by, Ryohei bellowed, "Alright! Me too!" and rushed out with Kangaryuu.


Gokudera convinced Jo to come back. Jo wanted to know where Gokudera worked. After a few days, Gokudera told him. Jo left behind a note that said,

"Sorry, but I can't go back to jail. Don't worry I won't tell anyone so don't hunt me down and kill me. Goodbye."

Gokudera fully acknowledged how hard dating is for a Mafioso.


Tsuna straightened up a stack of papers then switched from his business self to his casual self.

"Hayato's been different lately, huh?" he said.

Yamamoto nodded. He felt guilty.

"I think I'll talk to him." Tsuna told Yamamoto as though reassuring him of something. "Oh yeah, I just remembered," He pat Yamamoto's back. "Haru called earlier, but you were busy."

Yamamoto knew he should have cared more about it than he did, but the girl was fading in his eyes.


Gokudera laid in bed and looked to the ceiling. The artists called him the troubled beauty. The punks called him a bitch. The intellectuals called him confused boy. A boy? A boy? That's probably why he preferred the punks. He wasn't some damsel in distress or a hormone-raged complicated adolescent. He was just a man conflicted and pissed off at the world. A bitch was a vulgar, but true way to describe it. His competition called him a slut. Said that it was only because that he had a moderately nice body that any guy would go for him. They called him a whore. They said that he was a suffering thug who was so self-centered that he thought his manliness was threatened because he liked it in the ass. They were nasty. He didn't hate them or pity them, he just took their insults as creative criticism.


The tears weren't forced. They fell slowly and calmly, not like they would in a sloppy cry.

"I have to tell you," he said to Tsuna. "I have to tell you." He bent over in his seat in front of Tsuna's desk, putting his elbows on his knees and face in his hands. "I have to let you know, Tenth. I hate lying to you. I have to tell you."

The door was shut, locked tight, and Tsuna only sat in his armchair with a solemn face, sadly watching his right-hand man.

"Tenth, I'm not like you guys.

I'm not like you who has Kyoko

I'm not like Ryohei who has Hana

I'm not like Yamamoto who has Haru,

Tenth,

I'm…