Okay, I know that there are definitely other fics like this, so please don't even say 'OMG BRO YOU ARE LIEK SUCH A COPYCAT BRO. LIEK BRO…..bro.'

I know. So just to keep people from getting mad, I shall put two separate disclaimers.

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious

Disclaimer: This concept isn't original, but these words are.

Basically, I will only write a chapter when I'm in a very sarcastic mood and I have the time. Also, I mean no offense to anyone or their stories or the ships of Victorious.


Dear Fanfiction,

I am writing to tell you that most of you are on my list, which is a cold dark place where you do not want to be.

Because I. DO. NOT. LIKE. TORI VEGA.

Okay?

I like Beck. Despite the fact that we broke up. Which, you don't have to keep reminding me about, unless you particularly like seeing me in my rare times of obvious pain.

Secondly, I like guys. Not girls. Or Vega.

Got it?

Good.

So, basically, you have two options:

Stop making me fall in love with little miss cheekbones. I would rather go into space without a helmet.

I grab my favorite pair of scissors (they're black. They were a gift.), sharpen them, and do some seriously horrific damage to your facial region.

Also, even though I may be hateful, I am not a cruel heartless bitch who has nothing better to do than terrorize people.

I'm just a cruel person who enjoys terrorizing people.

Who also hates ducks….and the color yellow. And many other things.

With Love (And sarcasm),

Jade West (Who Doesn't Love Tori)


Okay. The first few chapters will be generally short letters from the gang, and Trina and Sikowitz. But after that I'll be having them answer your questions :D

So, don't send in any questions yet, but please review.

Because if I don't get reviews, I don't update because I am sad. I'm not trying to blackmail you guys into reviewing, I just won't think you like it enough for me to update if you don't review.

Also, I really have nothing against Jori. I just think that's what Jade would say. I mean, I read Jori stories sometimes, so nothing personal.

So…..yeah…

With Love (And sarcasm),

(Who Hopes You Like This Story)

P.S- I'm going to go eat soup now.