A/N: So, this is my first BTR fic! I hope you like it. :)
Today's our anniversary. Today's our anniversary and he's not even here.
Kendall paced his and James' shared room. James had gone out earlier that day for their anniversary, while Kendall had waited for something, anything, to happen.
No "happy anniversary" had been exchanged.
Kendall and James had been dating for two months before this, and for two weeks of that, Logan and Carlos had seen James "with another guy". It didn't bother Kendall at first – he thought it was probably just some new friend. James was allowed to have friends. But then Carlos had seen something and had started to ignore James – without telling him what it was.
Logan, being too smart for his own good, had "seen this coming from the beginning," in his own words.
"James isn't as emotionally mature as you, Kendall," he had told the blonde. "He might not be ready for a stable relationship yet."
And Kendall had scoffed at that. James loved him. He knew that. Right?
And yet, James was gone, he was here, and Carlos and Logan refused to talk to James for forgetting their anniversary.
Kendall had rehearsed what he would say to James when he got home a thousand times in his head. Where were you, how could you forget, you'd better have a good excuse. They were all part of his self-righteous speech, but as time wore on, Kendall's ire wore out.
What did it matter, really? It was only two months. Six months was more important, and a year even more so. Kendall didn't want to be the one who freaked out over the tiniest things – no, he wanted to be laidback enough that James didn't have to stand on eggshells around him. But when it came to James, what he wanted to do and what he did were two entirely separate things.
Kendall was crossing the living room floor of 2J for the twenty seventh time when the door eased open.
James slunk through the door, unusual seeing as he normally threw it open, and stepped inside. Kendall noticed straight away that although it was cold outside, and night, James wasn't wearing a jacket. His skin, normally tanned, was red with the cold, and he was visibly shaking, hair messy and windblown.
"James."
James jumped and turned to face Kendall, and Kendall couldn't help but notice the way James flinched, like he was waiting for Kendall to yell.
"Where were you?"
James opened his mouth, then closed it. He shook his head and croaked, "I just wanna have a shower and go to bed, Kendall."
His voice cracked and he looked away.
"James, wait, hang on." Kendall jumped the couch. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"It is," Kendall protested. "I know you and I know when something's wrong, and something's definitely wrong. Where've you been the last two days?"
"Kendall, just drop it." James tried to duck away, but Kendall refused to let him. He placed his arms on either side of James' head on the wall. He was expecting James to duck under, but that didn't happen. Instead, he was alarmed when James yelled, "Don't!" and stood in the one place, stock still.
"James." Kendall dropped his arms. "James, what's wrong?"
James shook his head.
Kendall chewed his lip, then decided to try a different tack.
"James, what happened when you were out? Who were you with?" Kendall asked. James wrapped his arms around his body, looking away, not looking at him. Kendall was alarmed by the way he seemed to shrink and become smaller at the question.
"Kendall, I don't…"
"You can tell me. I won't be mad, James."
"Kendall, I don't remember anything."
Kendall forgot to breathe, and James looked like he was going to cry. His eyes glittered when he looked towards the window. Kendall forced himself to inhale.
"James, what… what do you mean, you don't remember? James? You were gone all yesterday, all night, and all of today, and now it's eight at night. You must remember something."
"All I remember is that I was in a bar and I thought you'd forgotten our anniversary and I got a glass of wine, and then I started feeling really sick and I went to the bathroom to throw up and something held back my hair and I thought he was you, that you'd come looking for me… and then I realised he wasn't you but I couldn't get away, and after that…"
"James…"
"After that I woke up naked in a hotel room."
Kendall stared at him. James' lower lip quivered threateningly for a moment.
"I'm sorry, Kendall," he moaned. "I don't remember anything, and I wanted yesterday to be perfect, and…" James' breath hitched. "I'm so sorry, Kendall."
Not knowing what else to do, Kendall wrapped his arms around James gently, disbelieving. James didn't stop hugging himself, and Kendall lowered them both to the floor, stroking his hair gently. "I'll be fine, James," he said, with nothing else to say that would make it alright. "We'll go get a rape kit done… you'll be fine… it's all gonna be okay…" And Kendall didn't know if he was telling James or himself.
"I don't want a rape kit. I don't want anyone to know, Kendall. Especially not Carlos or Logan. Logan would just say I told you so, and Carlos isn't talking to me… they'd hate me, Kendall."
And Kendall reflected that the worst part of this was that James wasn't even crying, not really, just laying against Kendall's body and sniffling into his shirt. A few tears tracked down his cheeks, tears Kendall had never wanted to see.
"James," Kendall said, "if they saw you like this, they'd be worried. Not angry. They'd forget about everything, I promise. And… James, I'm sorry, but you need to get the rape kit done. If you were, and the other guy didn't use protection…"
"Okay. You'll be there, though, right?"
"Of course."
"Kendall, I wanted you to be my first."
"Right, let's get started."
"Am I allowed to be there?" Kendall asked when James; hand squeezed his tightly.
"I'm sorry, Kendall. You can wait right here for James, though. Now, you said you don't remember anything?"
"No." James shook his head. "Nothing."
"Right, first we'll do a few toxicology scans, see if you were drugged in any way. Have you showered or changed clothes?"
"No. Kendall made me come straight here."
"Okay. Let's get started. Come with me, James."
James turned to look at Kendall before disappearing through a double-sliding door.
Kendall waited.
He watched at the clock ticked from eight PM to eight thirty to nine.
The doors opened, and James came out, escorted by the doctor. Kendall was relieved to see him give a small smile, and stood up to hug him.
"Right, boys. I'll call you back sometime tomorrow, alright?"
"Okay."
Leaving the hospital, Kendall turned to James. "Are you okay?"
"I think so." James nodded. "They made me get a needle, though."
Kendall winced. James had been afraid of needles ever since he had an allergic reaction to Barracuda man spray. Apparently, the doctor was none too gentle with it.
"Alright," Kendall said. "Let's go home."
"Carlos and Logan are gonna be furious with me, Kendall. Tell them I'm sick and that I'm going straight to bed. Please?"
"James…"
"I just want to shower and sleep."
"Okay. Alright."
They opened the door, but 2J was empty. James looked around before grabbing an apple and slinking into the bathroom. He closed the door and Kendall heard the shower start. He waited for the usual litany of speech, but it didn't come. The shower shut off twenty five minutes earlier than it usually did, and when the light turned off, Kendall knew James had gone to bed.
He slid down the wall.
"Shit."
What am I supposed to do?
A/N: The next chapter is already written! Reviews are love. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows.
