Divine Punishment (Part 1)

Author's Note: Just a small Dean / Castiel fic. This is supposed to be the first one of two parts. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, sadly.


Sam opened his eyes with a gasp. At first, all he could perceive were dark, vague shadows. His mind was empty. No matter how hard he tried to remember, he couldn't say where he was or what had happened.

"He wakes up. It worked."

It was Dean's voice that reached his consciousness through the dismal fog surrounding his spirit. Sam's view became bright and clear again. Shadows took shape and contrast filled the world with color. Dean was looking down at him.

"Sam? Sammy? You hear me?"

Sam realized he was lying on the floor. An unfamiliar room around him was filled with bright daylight. "Dean…" he murmured, confused. "Where am I and what happened?"

"Sanford, Maine. I admit this isn't the best motel around here, but you weren't in the mood to object anyway."

Sam laid his palm against his forehead. "Dean, I don't remember anything. What are we doing here?"

"We", Dean looked at him with a criticizing face, "– that is, Cas and I – were working ourselves to death in order to wake you up again."

Sam shook his head. "All I remember is that woman, a ghost. It was the case we were working on. She attacked me and after that…" He shrugged.

"She cursed you with eternal slumber, my friend", Dean explained. "It took us two months to break the spell."

Sam's eyes widened. "I was asleep for two entire months?!"

"Yup."

"Just like Sleeping Beauty?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "If you leave out the Beauty, alright."

Sam frowned. "How did you manage to break the spell then? I thought the slumber was to be eternal."

"By destroying the source of the curse – the ghost itself" a familiar voice answered from the back of the room. "Hello, Sam. It's good to see you awake."

"Cas, you're here too. Thanks for helpin'."

Castiel nodded.

"You should get some rest now, Sam." Dean helped his brother to the couch. "You'll have to get used to being awake again."


Sam fell back into a restless sleep. The room was still pitch-black when he was woken by quiet, muffled voices. Silently Sam got up and sneaked across the room. The door was ajar. With a curious glance he peeked into the darkness of a small kitchen.

A faint beam of moonlight fell through the closed curtains of the window. Dean and Castiel were standing in the middle of the room.

Sam held his breath.

"Yeah, but not without your help." Dean's voice sounded strangely solemn.

"I did it gladly. I know how much he means to you." Castiel took another step towards Dean.

"I already owe you so much." Dean took the angel's hands into his own. "Without you, I would have never been able to do any of this."

Sam couldn't believe his eyes. His brother, tough and macho Dean, holding hands with a stoic, emotionless angel? It has to be a dream, he thought, confused. A really, really weird one. I mean, as if they were a couple or something. Dean of all people, Sam thought shaking his head at the absurdness of the idea. And Cas. That's the most ridiculous thought ever thought.

And Dean lifted his hand to Castiel's cheek, whispered a few silent words and leaned forward until his lips touched Castiel's.

Sam spun round. His eyes were opened widely in shock. It simply had to be an effect of the curse put upon him, there was no other explanation! He fought hard to get the image he just witnessed out of his mind. I have to get some rest, Sam thought with a sore feeling and crawled back to the couch. A few seconds later, the kitchen door opened again and Dean left with a serious look on his face. Sam pulled the blanket over his head so Dean wouldn't notice he wasn't asleep.

And his brother didn't.

Dean took a quick glance at the couch, then crossed the room and let himself fall on the bed in the corner of the motel room. For a moment he stared at the ceiling with a pensive look on his face, but soon turned around and closed his eyes waiting for sleep to come.


Castiel was sitting on the bed and held him in his arms when Dean's consciousness returned.

He felt like being awake again, but a few seconds later he realized that this was just a dream. Since he and Castiel had grown closer, there hadn't been a single night without them meeting in his dreams. It was their connection, their secret meeting place even when the distance between Heaven and Earth was keeping them apart.

Dean smiled at the thought that in the beginning Castiel had only appeared in safe distance to his bed. By now, Dean was usually opening his eyes right in Castiel's embrace.

"Hey, Cas" he whispered fondly.

"Hello, Dean."

"You back in Heaven already?"

"Since I'm back with you, yes."

Dean chuckled. "Oh, Cas, come on, man. You don't have to be so cheesy." He let his arm rest on Castiel's.

"How is Sam doing?"

"He's sleepin' like a baby. Man, you should think he had enough the last months."

A smile crossed Castiel's face although he knew Dean couldn't see it. "He will be fine tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, he better is. We've got a lot of work to do." Dean turned his head to throw a glance at the angel. "What about you? Will you help us?"

"I'm not sure if I can make it back in time."

"What, so busy in Heaven? What are you guys doing up there all day, anyway? Sit around on some cloud and sing God's Praise, huh?" Dean grinned.

Castiel shrugged. "No, I don't sing very well. They usually won't let me."

Dean chuckled. "Well, if you sing the way you talk in your angel voice, I can't really blame them."

"I will keep searching for God" Castiel replied after a while. "Even if I am the only one who thinks He is still alive…"

"It's a good thing, Cas." Dean nodded slightly. "I told you, I was the same when I was looking for my father. And it was the right thing to keep searching."

"Dean? May I ask you a question?" Castiel sounded pensive.

"Hm?"

"What was your father's reason for leaving without telling anyone?"

Dean lowered his voice. "Well, I guess it was… because he wanted to protect me and Sam. He knew how dangerous the enemy he'd face really was and therefore he went by himself so that we wouldn't get hurt."

Castiel seemed to think about it. "…To protect his sons…"

"That's right."

"Could it be that God…?"

Dean shrugged. "Well, who else is supposed to care if not God himself? Maybe He just doesn't want to put anyone in danger."

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"And you still followed your father although he didn't want you to?"

"I didn't know his reason back then, Cas, but yeah, I followed. And it's a good thing I did, because he really needed our help. And besides", Dean smiled gently, "if I had just stayed where I was back then, we certainly wouldn't have met."

Castiel kissed his hair and let his head rest on Dean's.

"I can't believe I had to wait thirty years just to meet you."

The angel smiled. "I can't believe I had to wait millennia just to meet you."

Dean rolled his eyes ironically. "You always have to outdo me, don't you, Cas?"


The next morning was dark and cloudy. Rain pattered against the window as Sam sat up quietly and yawned.

Dean was already sitting at the small table next to the couch eating some indefinable kind of donut. "Good morning, Sammy" he said with a stupid grin on his face. "Time you woke up." He was just like always. As if nothing had happened at all.

Sam scratched his head. "Where's Castiel?"

Dean shrugged. "Cas? No idea. Probably in Heaven, sitting somewhere on a fluffy cloud." He took another bite of his breakfast. "He comes and goes just as he pleases."

"Huh, so at least that hasn't changed" Sam murmured to himself, but Dean lifted his head.

"At least? Hey, we're hunters, remember? Nothing ever changes if you live kind of life, that's for sure."

"Yeah, whatever." Sam shook his head. "It's really great that you're so honest with me."

Dean put on a skeptical face. "What are you talking about? Had a scary nightmare?" Sarcasm shone brightly in his eyes.

"Worse. I woke up last night and went to the kitchen and guess what I saw."

Dean remained silent for a few moments.

"Well?" Sam demanded. Disapproval was written all over his face.

"I thought you were asleep, Sam."

"Obviously I wasn't." Sam took a deep breath of air. His eyes were fixed on his brother. "So?" He leaned forward across the table. "Dean, I saw you and Castiel holding hands and…" He paused. "I don't even wanna think about it."

"Sam."

"What's that supposed to mean?! Tell me, because I don't understand. You're dating an angel of the Lord?"

Dean lowered his eyes for a second, and then looked back up to face his brother's gaze. "Yes, I'm dating an angel of the Lord. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I want to hear the truth." Sam crossed his arms before his chest and leaned back.

Dean sighed. "You have to understand. You were gone for two months… I was still here."

"Hm, sounds somehow familiar to me" Sam commented ironically. "That's really great, Dean. And you know what's even better? You were the one who got angry at me, who condemned me for what happened between Ruby and me while you were gone."

"Ruby was a demon!" Dean defended. "That's something entirely different."

"You realize Castiel is a guy? That's even worse." Sam shook his head. "Dean, you're not gay."

"I am not!" Dean hissed, annoyed. "It's not gay. Our relationship isn't that physical."

"Thanks, I didn't wanna know that."

"Yeah, screw you, I didn't wanna tell ya either." Dean threw the donut back on the table. "Crap."

Sam didn't change the subject. "I can't believe Castiel would approve something like that."

"Sam, can't we just leave it be?"

"No we can't, because I just can't get this into my head." Sam waved his hands helplessly. "You cannot actually want this, Dean. I mean, come on, he's a man, not a sweet pretty young girl. And you're a guy, too. That's just wrong. And he's an angel. A few months ago you laughed at me for believing in them. And now you yourself are even dating one! And besides", Sam continued, "what did you just say? Your relationship isn't that physical? Don't make me laugh. As if you, of all people, could keep this up for long."

"You don't know what you're talking about" Dean snapped back.

Sam held his gaze challengingly. "Then explain it to me. Tell me the reason so that I understand."

Dean leaned forward. "You want to know the reason?" he repeated, angered. "I'll tell you. It's because I spend forty fuckin' years down in the depths of despair and there is not a single second in my life that I don't think about the terrible things I did, the suffering I caused and what I felt doing this for ten endlessly long years."

Sam winced slightly.

"You want to know the reason? Fine! Because he was the one who gripped me tight and raised me from perdition. Because when he rests his hand on my forehead the nightmares are gone. Because I need someone as good as an angel to atone for the bad things I did. Because he's the only one who knows what I did down there and still thinks I deserved to be saved."

Sam found himself unable to speak.

"And don't you think I don't know he's a guy." Dean raged. "Don't you think I don't know he's an angel! And don't you dare think I don't suffer from it. I grow weak when he's around, I fear the moment when he's gone and the nightmares return. I long for him knowing that I can never have him because he's a damn angel and not a human being. This is painful, Sam." Dean shook his head, desperate. "But I have to bear it. It is just what I deserve." He paused. "He is divine punishment for the sins I committed."

And hearing those last words, Castiel, who was standing just around the corner, found his heart shattered to pieces.


"I'm sorry, Dean…" Sam lowered his head. "I… was an idiot. I don't even know why I reacted like that."

Dean shook his head. "No, it's alright, Sammy. I should have told you earlier. Then you wouldn't have found out like that."

"Dean…"

"Look, no matter what happens, you're my brother, Sam. And nothing can change that."

Sam nodded slightly, stood up and stretched his legs. "Well, now that we got that clear, why don't you tell me what else happened during my eternal slumber? Any new jobs around?"

"Sure. That's why we are here after all."


"According to these records, Brown's body has been buried at the local graveyard." Sam clicked through a few websites. "I guess we'll have to go there tomorrow and burn the bones."

"Yeah, let's just hope this'll send that scraggy bastard back to hell." Dean closed the book in front of him and stood up. The hands of the clock at the wall pointed past midnight.

"Hey, Dean." Sam closed his notebook. "Say, when do you think Castiel will return? We could really use some angelic support against Brown's ghost."

"I told you, he isn't around every day." Dean walked towards the couch. "I guess it's my turn tonight to take the sofa. You know", he turned around to face Sam, "there are times when he's around for days and then there are others times I don't see him for weeks. Well, except at nights, when he appears to me while I'm sleeping. We usually meet in my dreams."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Man, that sounds just like a line from My Little Pony, Dean. That's really gay!"

"Did you say something?"

"Not really…" Sam switched off the lights and lay down on the bed. "Good night then and… have fun, I guess. Say hello to Cas for me."

"Yeah, I heard that alright. Dean Winchester, the gay Angel Whisperer. Dad would beat the crap out of me." He paused. "You're laughing."

"Well", Sam admitted, "you're laughing yourself."

"Probably." Dean closed his eyes with a smile. "'Night, Sammy."

"'Night."


"Hey, Dean."

Dean opened his eyes, sleepy. The room was unexpectedly bright. "Hey…?" he muttered and rubbed his eyes. "What do you mean, hey? Is it already morning?"

Sam laughed and pulled the pillow away from his brother. "Just what did you do in your dream that makes you say that? Wait, I'm not sure I wanna know!"

"Hell, I haven't been doing anything!" Dean protested. "I slept through the night."

"You mean, Cas didn't visit you?" Sam couldn't help but to feel a bit of mischievousness at the thought that Dean might have been turned down by his lovely angel.

"That's strange… He would have told me…"

"Dean, Cas is a busy angel. You never know." Sam shrugged. "Maybe he's got to work overtimes in Heaven."

"Yeah, let's hope so." Dean didn't seem convinced. "I just hope he's alright… not hurt or…"

"He's an angel, Dean. There isn't really a lot out there that could harm him."

Dean lifted his head. "Except for his own people, I guess."


Castiel didn't reappear throughout the day and as night started to cover the city in darkness again, the brothers stopped the car right in front of the graveyard's iron gate.

Sam pulled out a flashlight and started to search the names on the gravestones for Steven Brown.

"He's over here!" Dean shouted after a short while. "And it looks someone's gotten him first."

Sam pointed the light at the grave, but there was only a deep black hole in the ground. "What…" The movement to his left was too sudden for him to react. A blow hit him hard and Sam dropped the flashlight which cracked immediately against the gravestone's hard rock.

"Sam, he's not a ghost, he's a ghoul!" Dean yelled as he realized that Steven Brown was standing right next to his brother, but it was too late. The pale-faced zombie lifted his hand and hit Sam to the ground. As the flashlight turned off, the night became black again.

"Sammy!" Dean turned around to help his brother and grabbed the shovel which they had brought along to dig out the coffin. With brute force he stroke out and hit the ghoul against his rotting head.

Brown's corpse tumbled back.

Dean looked around. Hectically his eyes searched for something to use as a stake against the undead, but his opponent was faster. With a fearsome growl he jumped at Dean and pulled him to the ground.

"Sam!" Dean cried, but his brother, still unconscious, couldn't help.

The zombie was ready to strike the final blow. Dean closed his eyes.

Suddenly the undead was bathed in glistening light, eyes shining brightly and almost seemed to burn with white, flashing flames. Seconds later, the creature turned to a pile of grey dust.

Dean held his breath. "Cas." He tried to get up. "Man, I have to say, you're not a second too early."

Castiel didn't reply.

"What's wrong?" Dean threw a quick glance at the angel and walked over to the grave, where Sam was still lying. "He's just unconscious, thank God…" he muttered to himself. "That really caught us off guard." He turned back to Castiel. "That bastard crawled out of his own grave."

Castiel looked at him with an unfamiliar expression.

Dean stopped. "Cas, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you saying something?"

"I don't know what to say." Castiel's voice sounded strangely dark.

Dean lifted his eyebrow. "What about 'Hello, Dean', for instance?"

"Goodbye, Dean" Castiel murmured instead and turned around, but Dean grabbed his arm.

"Whoa, whoa, Cas, wait a minute. What the hell is bugging you?"

"Nothing, really" Castiel explained. "I just don't want to make you suffer anymore."

"Suffer?" Dean shook his head. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Castiel faced him challengingly. "I'm talking about your divine punishment."

Dean held his breath for a second, and then he sighed. "Cas."

"No, it's okay, Dean. You don't have to say anything. Believe me, I've heard enough."

"You haven't heard anything, Castiel." Dean didn't let go off his arm. "What I said yesterday… I just said something thoughtlessly, because Sam pushed me to."

"Maybe" Castiel replied. "But I still know it's true."

"Cas, it's not."

The angel's eyes were cold. "It is." He waited for Dean to say something, but then continued. „Look, it's alright if you want to be in love with a human being. I understand that. It's just natural that you want to be together with a pretty girl and have sex with her. That is okay." He looked Dean deep in the eyes. "But then, please, don't tell me that you're happy with me. Don't tell me that you love me."

"But I do!" Dean hissed helplessly. "Jesus Christ! Why is everybody picking on me these days?" He looked up to meet Castiel's eyes. "Just because something may be true for, say, twenty percent, it doesn't mean something else isn't also true for the remaining eighty percent! I love you, Cas. I need you."

Castiel took one step away from him. "Yes, you need me to put my hand on your forehead so that you can sleep without any nightmare, right." It hurt him saying these words. "You're just using me to make you feel less guilty for the sins you committed."

Dean felt his defenses break away. Those things Castiel said to him… he didn't even know whether they were true or not. He wasn't sure himself. But the fear of losing Castiel made him fight. "That's not true. Read my mind if you don't believe me." He forced himself to stay strong on the surface. "Please, Castiel. All my life I've never met anyone like you. Someone who supported me, someone who believed in me. Someone who gave me faith."

"And yet you're suffering with me." Castiel lowered his head. "Because I'm not a human being. Because if I say that I love you, and you say that you love me, we may not necessarily mean the same." He lifted his hand and touched Dean's cheek. "I should go now. For I never want to see you unhappy. And…" With regret in his eyes he turned around. "I don't think you deserve to be punished."

Dean could feel a gentle breeze brushing against his cheek as Castiel vanished. He lowered his head and stared at the ground. "You were by no means a punishment for me, Castiel." He closed his eyes for a moment. "You were – from the very beginning – a blessing I didn't deserve."


To be continued…