Warnings: Weird. Angsty. Will make NO sense to the average human. I can't write for spreadable brains.
Legal Note: FF7 and its characters belong to Squaresoft Inc.
Swayed Prison
Some things just cannot be explained. I was sane before, and I lost it to the very cause of my existence. I was sane again, and I fell back into her manipulative arms. All I have learned is an important lesson about pain. We all cause it. We all experience it. People will either love or hate to do either, or both. But, which side am I on? The control was all I knew, but I decided I hated it and turned away. I turned away, to find someone full of acceptance, and just when I thought I had become my own person, I had destroyed that link to free will and sanity with my own hands.
Mother. The pain she had inflicted upon me snapped the string she dangled me on. My heart beat as my own once again, and it yearned for acceptance. A burning urge for somebody that would care for me in all ways. My soul was ravaged with questions. Tears fell from these bright, cold eyes. I wanted to know why the one who was supposed to love me sought only to manipulate me. I still question if she is truly my Mother, if she is even human. If I am even human. My doings would certainly point in the negative direction.
The girl, Aeris. She had been trying to stop me. I had seen her, sleeping pristinely in the forest. She was so delicate, but so strong. I couldn't stop looking at her. Somehow, I suddenly needed her. The first person I wasn't disgusted by for so long, far from it, in fact. I knelt down beside her, and she woke, frightened. She had stood her ground, I would have taken any punishment she would have given me. After all, Mother and I had caused her friends seemingly endless anguish.
When she noticed that I didn't move, she let down her guard slightly. We spoke to one another...
"...I can't explain why, but I deeply feel like I can trust you..." Was it a lie? I couldn't read her, but she had probably still been extremely apprehensive. Who could blame her? I was inherently her enemy... Why should she have trusted me? She didn't need to say that. Unconsciously, I spoke all of my confusion. Why did we trust each other? She had embraced me, understood me, accepted me for who I was, and not what she wanted to do with me. The pure one had embraced and accepted the child of Jenova, the calamity from the skies. That pure being, the girl practically made of love and acceptance. The daughter of the Planet. I was undeserving, but I accepted it all the same. She had saved me. Was that what I wanted?
Reminiscing will not undo what I have done. My kindness allowed Mother to take hold once more...
In the brief moments where I can think for myself, I'll remember her. The wound will increase every time the string slips. I can no longer handle free will. I want to be completely cold. I can be completely cold. You can only be what others are to you... The pain blinds me, the control blurs my reasoning. Will I ever have the feeling of having someone that cares about me again? Maybe, someday, but it will never be the same.
"I feel safe with you", I told the unfailingly gentle girl. I feel as though I lied, even though I know it wasn't my fault. Or had it been, for had I grown weak? Was Mother right? Was I wrong? Right and wrong, they were never specified for me. I'll never have the sense of right or wrong.
I thought she had saved me. Manipulation grasped me once again, and I destroyed my own savior. The one who accepted me as a person, and not a tool. The only one who didn't look upon me as some sort of machine, an experiment to freely abuse. Mother had been jealous, and she swayed me. The pure girl became another sacrifice. It seems as though I have answered my question about how I see pain. It seems as though I enjoy causing it. I can only be the way others are to me...
