This is something I wrote a while ago. Something I'm very proud of even though it's really sappy and way too repetitive and kind of dumb, because it's my first real narusasunaru fic, or really, my first fic ever, and I've been meaning to put it on here for a while. So please read, enjoy, and if you like it let me know so I can write more stuff like this. I have tons of ideas.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto I would be a middle aged Manga creator named Masashi Kishimoto living in Japan, but I am not. So sadly, that means I also do not own Naruto.
WARNINGS: This is boyxboy yaoi. Don't like don't read. Flame if you like, I don't mind. Fire is fun.
FOOLS ERRAND
It's not that I love him or anything. I don't. That would be ridiculous and sappy and really very desperately sad. To be chasing after someone for years and years when he hates you just because you love him and you can't live life right without him. Just because when he's gone, it feels like there's something wrong with everything and you miss all of his sarcastic insults and reluctant smiles. Because there were smiles, small as they were. They were small and soft and muted, almost as if he was afraid to smile.
No.
That's not quite right.
He wasn't afraid. He's not afraid of anything. He would have to care about something long enough to be afraid of it, and there's no way he could do that. He cares about nothing. He never did, and he certainly never cared about me. So it's more like he wasn't fond of smiling. Yeah, that sounds more like him. He was never really fond of anything. If he was, I would know. Not because I paid any special attention to what he liked or disliked, we just used to spend a lot of time together. Yeah. We were on the same team. We were teammates, rivals, best friends.
And now he's gone.
He's gone, and he hates me now but I'm still chasing after him. I don't even know why. It's not like before he was even nice or pleasant at all. And even if he didn't always hate me, he never really liked me. Not even when we were supposed to be friends. He was always insulting me, calling me dumb and slow and worthless. And yet I still look for him. I still think of him every day and work to get him to come home. I'm still fighting, still running after someone who stopped running a long time ago. Now he's just standing still, so far ahead he can barely see m. He's just standing there, in his dark place, watching me struggle. And silently, in that special way of his, he's asking me:
Why?
I have no clue.
All I know is, now that he's gone it feels like the air I breathe doesn't have enough oxygen, and the things I do don't seem as important anymore. Nothing is as fun. Nothing makes me happy. I know I smile more, and have many more friends, but I'm not happy. Not really. And no one notices.
If he were here, he would notice.
He probably wouldn't tell me outright, he would probably just say something sarcastic like, "What's wrong with you, dobe? What's with that pathetic expression?" and he would tell me to go and spar with him. I would, of course. I would and I would feel better, even if he didn't really say anything. Even if sparring wasn't such a special thing to do. I would spar with him no matter what. Actually, I'm sure I would do anything with him no matter what. If he came to me in the middle of the night and asked me to help him wash Orochimaru's feet, I would probably agree. Just because going would mean I would get to see him, and for once the world would make a twisted sort of sense and I'd be able to breathe right.
Everyone thinks I'm crazy for chasing after him. Everyone. Even he thinks I'm being stupid. No one can understand why I care so much. I lie and tell them that it's because he was my first bond and that if I can't even bring one friend back, how can I ever hope to be Hokage? Well, that's not exactly a lie. That's true. All of that is true, but that's not all.
There's something else.
Something I don't really understand, but feel anyways.
That something is stirring inside me now, as I make my way through the forest alone.
Tsunade will have my head for this, I'm sure, but I left her a note telling her that I would be back in a few days, with or without him. Although hopefully it will be with him. This is a rescue mission, after all. The whole point of this is to bring him back, but even if I fail, it would be worth it. Just to see his face, just to get some air so I can breathe right.
I jump quickly from tree branch to tree branch, a bit faster than I usually would. My mind isn't as sharp tonight as it normally would be, and I can't seem to focus, which is bad. I am in the middle of enemy territory, so I should be alert, but for some reason every time I try to concentrate on sensing enemies all I can feel is his unmistakable chakra, pulling me in. Cold yet burning, like liquid fire. I can sense it getting closer and closer, and I latch onto the feeling of it. Even if I don't see him, this is close enough. Even if I miss him completely and don't see him at all, this feeling of his chakra would make it all worth it. Desperate? Maybe. Sad? Oh yes, very sad. Do I care? No, not really. I don't care about anything anymore.
He's close.
He's so close I can almost feel his cool onyx eyes on me. I can almost imagine his silhouette moving in the darkness, rushing forward to meet me. Closer, closer, closer. That's right, just a little more … and …
He passes right by me. What? I stop dead and swing my body in the other direction, not really comprehending what just happened.
I don't understand.
I was just imagining him, it wasn't real. I was just getting ahead of myself as usual; he wasn't really running towards me.
I blink.
If that was true, then why is he standing right in front of me, just a few meters away? So close. So real. It's impossible, but I know it must be real because I feel that familiar rush of clean oxygen piercing my lungs, that sweet sensation of being able to breathe.
I can breathe. This is real.
"Sasuke," I gasp, still not sure if I'm hallucinating.
Yet there he is, standing in plain sight right in front of me, his figure washed in the soft moonlight. He's clothed all in black, like a real ninja, his entire body completely covered except for his face, a pale shock of white in the darkness. His eyes regard me coolly, indifferently, like they always have, but there is also something else. Something new, beyond that cold sneer he wears on his lips and the bitter amusement that shines in his eyes, and I can't help but think that maybe that something is that same something that has made me chase after him for all these years. That his something and my something are the same, and that maybe he knows that too. The thought makes me smile, even if I told myself I wouldn't. My mouth pulls itself into a wide grin without my permission, and I think the same thing might be happening to him because now he's smiling too. Shaking his head and snorting, but still smiling.
"Naruto," He says my name and I shiver, because the way he says it doesn't match the expression on his face. He says it gently, honestly, like he cares. He says it like he wanted to see me too, and I almost can't breathe again because it hurts how much I want that to be true.
I say nothing. I'm still not positive I didn't fall out of a tree and hit my head, and that this isn't just a dream.
"What are you doing here, dobe?" The old nickname does something funny to my heart, making my pulse jump.
"What am I always doing? Looking for you." The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, before I can think or feel anything other than pure adrenaline and happiness.
He's here, he's really here.
He scoffs. "I'm not even going to bother asking why."
I smile wider, "Good choice."
There's a short pause before he asks, "Are you really alone?"
"Of course."
He stares at me, incredulous.
"You travelled all the way here completely alone, and didn't get caught or killed?"
I shrug.
"What if I killed you right now?"
I shrug again.
He stares at me.
I stare at him.
He snorts. "You put too much trust in a traitor."
I ignore his futile attempts to get me to explain myself and decide to change the subject. "What are you doing here?"
He looks at me, as if considering whether to tell me the truth or not and upon deciding, he says, "I was leaving."
I quirk a blond brow at him, asking him the silent question: Why?
"Orochimaru had nothing left to teach me."
I wait.
"He's dead."
I wait some more.
"I killed him."
Ah, there it is.
"So what? You were going to run off and kill Itachi now that you have more power?"
"Yes," He tilts his head to the side, making dark bangs spill across his pale velvet cheeks. "And no." I wait again. This is how it is with Sasuke, you have to wait for him to tell you things in his own time.
"I was going to put together a team to find him by using the Akatsuki," He explains eventually, "but then you showed up."
"And?"
"And …" He purses his lips and examines me, weighing his options. "Now I think … if you asked me … I might actually say yes."
I freeze. Is he saying what I think he's saying, or is he just messing with me?
… No, this is Sasuke. Sasuke doesn't say things like that unless he means them.
"You … you would come back?" I ask, almost too quiet for him to hear. He looks back at me, ghostly calm, and smiles. My heart just might explode.
I've wanted this for so long, fought so hard for it … I just came here hoping to see him. I didn't think he'd ever actually agree to return. Maybe he sensed that, and maybe that's why he's willing to go with me now, because he just loves proving me wrong.
"Why?" I don't even realize I've spoken.
"Because as much as I hate to admit it, Konoha has power. Connections, influence, and, if I've heard right, we have a common interest: the death of the Akatsuki and my leech of a brother."
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "That makes no sense. You hate Konoha. You think everyone there is useless." I'm talking more to myself now than to him, and I think he's realized this because he seems amused. "You would never go back without a solid reason. There's got to be something more there that you want. There's got to be something important-"
Suddenly I'm cut off because Sasuke has jumped off of his branch and Sasuke is right in front of me and Sasuke is leaning over me, his body inches away, his breath tangled in my hair.
"Do I really always need an ulterior motive?" I can't stop my eyes from drifting closed and breathing in the scent of him. The smell is diluted and almost strange, warped from years spent with the snake and his company, but still unmistakably Sasuke, sweet and sour and horribly wonderfully real.
"Yes," I say, desperate to regain some sort of composure.
"Hn," Is his eloquent reply. "Dobe." He pulls away and I open my eyes slowly, as if they had been closed for hours and not seconds. He's so close now, so painfully close. He isn't as close as he was when he was whispering to me, but he's still standing just inches away, close enough to touch.
If I wanted to, which I don't.
No really.
I don't.
I don't want to brush those long, dark bangs away from those equally dark and infinite eyes. I don't want to wipe that smirk off of his face with my fingertips. I don't want to feel his cheeks warm when he blushes at my touch, and I certainly don't want to kiss him. He's in the perfect position for it, head tilted just right, body angled towards mine, lips slightly parted. It would be so easy to just ...
No.
I don't want to do that. That's wrong. I just got him back a few moments ago. I can't just immediately go and kiss him like that. In fact, I shouldn't kiss his him at all, ever. It would be so easy, and I want to … no I don't want to. I don't.
He smirks wider. "Is something wrong?" He asks innocently. As if he doesn't know how much he's tempting me right now. That bastard. He knows how I feel about him, he must. It's so painfully obvious. Of course I've never admitted it out loud, but it's not hard to guess. I'm attracted to him, I'll admit that to myself. It's hard not to be. He's gorgeous, of course, and sullen and moody and frustrating as hell. He drives me crazy, and he knows it. He's just teasing me now. Probably just trying to get me to do something stupid and embarrass myself so he can laugh at me and ruin everything.
I scowl.
"Nothing," I say simply, shrugging. I'm not going to let him ruin this. I am going to take him back to Konoha this time. I have to. This might be the only chance I ever get.
"Are you sure?" Somehow he's closer than before, so close I can almost taste him. I want to …
No, no. I can't do this. I have to bring him back to Konoha …
His tongue darts out from his mouth and he licks his lips quickly, wetting them. He's so close to me that it grazes my bottom lip, and I stop breathing for a second.
What …?
And then all my resolve is gone.
I have no idea who moved first, or how it happened, and I have no idea how long we were actually kissing before I realized … we were actually kissing.
And then its like my mind and body separate, and as much as I'm freaking out inside my head thinking that this is a bad idea and should stop, all those thoughts are completely ignored by my body. I could not stop. I would not stop. I lied before: I do want this, I always have, and now that it's happening it's driving me insane and I just. Can't. Stop. And as long as it takes me to realize that I'm kissing Sasuke, it takes me twice as long to figure out that he's kissing me BACK.
A lot.
His tongue is in my throat and his body is flush against mine and somehow, I don't know when, but somehow, he pushed me up against the trunk of a tree and his hands are massaging my hips and it's making me crazy. Part of me, a very small and rational part of me, is wondering what all of this means. Does Sasuke want me like I want him, or is he just doing this to mess with me? I try to think about that more, try to think coherent thoughts and make sense of the chaos that Sasuke's innocent little tongue flick had created, but I can't hold onto any of my thoughts so eventually I let them go and bury my hands in his beautiful hair, pulling him closer. If that's even possible.
I used to think that Sasuke affected the air around me, making it easier for me to breathe. Purifying the oxygen I took in or something stupid like that, but now I know better. Sasuke doesn't just make it easier to breathe, he IS my air. He is my breath and my life and without him, everything is dull. But now he is here, and because he is here everything is brilliant and pure. I'm happy and at ease in a way that I haven't been in so long, it almost hurts. It's like being cold for an impossible amount of time and finally being warmed, or finally closing your eyes after enduring hours of exhaustion. It feels fantastic. I feel fantastic. When was the last time I felt so helplessly, desperately happy?
I cling to Sasuke.
I gasp his name and make all sorts of embarrassing sounds, but that's okay because he does it too, and it makes me feel even happier for some reason. I can feel his pulse racing beneath my fingers, wrapped softly around the back of his neck, and I smile through our impossible kiss. Because suddenly I don't feel like what we're doing is so impossible anymore, and I don't feel so alone. Sasuke is here and he's kissing me and he wants this just as much as I do. Now, I'm sure he does. He's been trying to tell me in that special silent way of his, but he's been failing until now. Now he's finding new ways to tell me things he would never say out loud. He's finding them in my lips and my hair and the way he touches my cheek.
I feel wanted, maybe even loved.
I know it's ridiculous, feeling loved when all you're really doing is making out, but I feel it anyways. I feel it and for once I don't deny it. I let it simmer beneath my skin and across my fingertips as I hold him, trying to tell him some things as well.
I missed you.
I need you.
I want you to stay.
All the things I've been burying inside of me come pouring through these kisses, these touches. It feels so right, almost perfect, almost how it should be. It's like I haven't stopped running yet, but instead of just standing and watching me struggling Sasuke has started running back. He has abandoned that dark place and whatever it was that made him stay there for so long. He has changed his mind and decided to meet me in the middle, although his stubborn pride would never admit it. But I don't care about that. I don't need him to admit it. All that matters is that he is running back, and I can see him now. He is a tangible thing. And now it's my turn to wonder and ask him:
Why?
So I do, silently and physically, in the only ways we really understand each other. Then our lips part and I smile, breathless and blushing and wide-eyed because I know he understood me. Finally something I have done has reached him in some way, and he understands. I know I'll never get an answer, but that doesn't matter either. He's here and he knows, so I'm happy.
Part of me feels like this should be awkward. Up until a few minutes ago, we were mortal enemies. He had tried to kill me … several times … and I had tried to drag him back home … several times … and we had fought. But I don't think we ever really wanted to fight, we both know that now. And even though we haven't seen each other in years it's like he never left and we never fought at all.
Sasuke's smirk is back in place and he wipes the drool connecting us away with the back of his black-clothed arm lazily, breaking the spell. Suddenly it's not so hard to think anymore, and the nervousness creeps up on me, grabbing me and choking me in the way it should have before, but didn't.
"I-" I stumble over my words for a moment, fighting for lucidity. "I think I like your reason. If, you know, that was you telling me your reason." His smirk doubles in size and I know that he's thinking but I have to ask, "Well, was it?" anyways because I want to hear his voice again.
"It was," He's still holding me against the tree and presses his forehead to mine, making me feel like this is important and intimate. Well, it is, but until now we've just been joking and teasing about it.
"If you want it to be."
I lean into his touch and let my eyes slip shut, calm washing over me. I have waited for him to say that for so long, and now that he finally has I'm not sure what to reply.
Then, an idea hits me and I grin impishly with my eyes still closed, liking the way his bangs tickle against my cheeks. "I don't think I heard you right. Wanna tell me again?"
This time he doesn't do what I think he will and pulls back a bit. Our foreheads no longer touch, and he isn't pushing me against the tree, but his hands are still firmly on my hips and my arms are still wrapped around his neck. "Not a good plan, dobe." He says, half jokingly, half serious. "I don't think I could stop myself if we did that again."
My eyes jump open and my heart starts pounding frantically. Oh. OH.
He means …
I swallow thickly before my smile grows into a grin and I say, "Maybe I don't want you to stop." I had meant to say it seductively, just to tease him, but instead it sounds soft and almost scared.
Which I sort of am, but never mind that.
Now it's his turn to gulp and stare, although in a much more subtle way. Sasuke is almost never surprise, and his expressions aren't very expansive, but you can clearly see it in this moment, and I feel accomplished because I caught him so off guard.
But then, of course, the moment has to end and Sasuke-bastard becomes Sasuke-bastard once again with a quick roll of his eyes and a muttered, "Don't be such a dobe, dobe. I am not going to do you in the middle of a forest. An enemy forest full of enemy shinobi who want us both dead."
I grin because I like the way he said 'us' instead of 'me' and because I had also completely forgotten where we were. But instead of saying either of those things, I decide to tease him again because I can.
"Aww come on teme," I whine, burying my head in his shoulder and neck, "stop being such a teme. And who said you would be doing me? What if I wanted to do you?"
"Tch," he scoffs, and takes a few steps back so we're not touching anymore. "Save it for when we get to Konoha, dobe. I don't want to die when I finally get to screw you."
I scowl and pout and whine and say, "Yeah right, teme! Like I'd let you!" way too loud so he slaps a hand over my mouth and just to mess with him I lick it and he scoffs while I grin.
Because I can.
Because he is my teme and I'm bringing him home, and I can.
"Let's go," he growls, and hurriedly jumps to the next branch, pulling me along with him. He's holding my hand. Part of me really wants to tease him again and say it out loud, but I know if I do he'll pull his hand away and probably hit me in the head with it.
Because he can.
So in lieu of doing all that I jump from branch to branch with Sasuke scowling next to me, though I can still see a light blush still lingers from what I said before. I know he isn't as confident as he always seems, but I never say anything about it. Kind of like how he never brings up embarrassing things about me. Well, no, actually he does do that … all the time … but never when it actually matters.
I also know that what we're doing is sort of absurd. There are a million things we could be talking about, a million things we really should be talking about, but ignore in favor of sex-talk. I should be asking him what he plans to do about Itachi, what he plans on telling Tsunade when we get to Konoha, what he plans on telling everyone. I should be asking him what he's done during the past three and a half years, what he's doing now, and what he's going to do about … whatever we are now. But really, I'm finding that I don't care. It doesn't mater why he did what he did in the past. It's the past, and I don't really care what he plans to do next, as long as I'm beside him when he plans to do it. All I care about is what we're doing now. I care about his warm hand in mine, fingers tangled with my fingers, and the soft tingle I still feel in my lips from his kiss. I care about how fast my heart is beating and how I can't seem to stop smiling, honestly, really smiling in a way that I haven't in so long. I care about Sasuke's smile, small as it is, and how he is still blushing and I think that's adorable. I care about what he said before, and how all of a sudden we're both in such a big hurry to get back to Konoha.
But most of all.
I care about the feeling of the wind blowing against me, moon lighting up the night. I care about how this feels, whatever this is we have. And I care about Sasuke Uchiha. That black haired tight-mouthed snappy little ice princess that loves to make me mad.
Yeah, I care about him.
And he cares about me.
Love?
I don't know about love, but it's a long way back to Konoha, and I plan to find out.
OwariYes I know it was terribly short and sentimental and not at all humorous, but oh well. Can't be funny all the time. Now, if you're finished it'd be really cool if you could click on that little review button and tell me what you think, so why don't you try that? You might win a one-way ticket to Sasnar Land if you do. Or … you might just make me very happy. Either way, you're being productive, so PLEASE REVIEW.
