Hello mina-san!
there: my first english normal fic, it's a little sequel to "Roses".
This is partially a monologue I wrote for my theater class that, I figured, sound too mutch
like a certain fire demon.
some friend were bugging me to write a sequel to "Roses and this fit perfectly (yes there will
be a third story, I am in the proces of writing it but a friend borrowed the manga that I want
to use so...)
C&C are more than welcome!
disclaimers at the end
Wishes:
Why?
Why am I so stupid? So weak? So vulnerable?
And what am I cursing anyway?
A mistake. A huge mistake that is, probably the greatest one I made in my life.
And why did I make it? Because I was scared!
Hn. Fear. The only thing worst than weakness is to show that weakness. Fear
means weakness and I showed it fully that day. Hn. "That day" it was less than a
month ago but it seems like ages.
I admit it. Although I don't accept it, I admit it: what he said then scared me. And
even more than that, my reaction scared me. What I felt; not what I said. What I
said came from this fear, this irrational fear.
But fear of what? Of being loved? Of being in love?
I know that it was my fear speaking, not me. I know that it wasn't me because
I…I…because I thought about it before…I…I hoped that he'd say this to me.
Back then it was only the shadow of a hope, a senseless dream…
And I messed it up.
So now I'm here, alone. So much has changed this past month, ONLY ONE
MONTH! And now everything is shattered so badly and I have no way of putting
the pieces back together and as I look at the stars I just wish…
But I'm being stupid again. How many have wished to the stars before me? How
many times have I wished to the stars? How many of these wishes were actually
exhausted?
But I really wish that he'll give me a second chance, that this time I'll be strong
enough, that…
But wishes are like dreams: they make you believe in them; they make you believe
that you are happy but all they really do is mislead you, and make you drown in
hope.
I wish that all my problems were gone. Every being in the three worlds probably
wished that at least once in their life.
So why do I keep doing this to myself? I thought that I got over it; I thought that I
gave up.
It would have been better if I did. Hope is a poison one must get rid of. Fairies,
wishes, hope. All those are just for little children. For those innocent enough to
believe that there is still goodness left in our world.
They say that hope keeps you alive, but in reality it kills you slowly.
Why then? Why can't I manage to convince myself to give up? Why can't I
forget? Why do I still believe?
I wish I could answer all these questions. There I go again: "I wish". The experts
would say that, like any other emotion, we can't control our hope. Truly, it was
imprinted so well in our minds that it is part of us, part of our speech, part of our
lives. Something we can't get rid of.
We're trapped in a prison of illusions, illusions that we built ourselves and that we
keep because…because…I don't know why. Surly, it is for the same reason that I
keep wishing and hoping and…
And I'm back to my starting point again. I keep going in circles, looking for
answers that I can't find.
If only I could find my way out of this. If only I dared. If only I had said it then.
If only you still love me.
If only…
***
disclaimers (only my third fic and I already have enough of repeating this ^^;;;):
I don't own any of this (but deseperatly wish that I would) and am not making any money
so don't sue!!!
there: my first english normal fic, it's a little sequel to "Roses".
This is partially a monologue I wrote for my theater class that, I figured, sound too mutch
like a certain fire demon.
some friend were bugging me to write a sequel to "Roses and this fit perfectly (yes there will
be a third story, I am in the proces of writing it but a friend borrowed the manga that I want
to use so...)
C&C are more than welcome!
disclaimers at the end
Wishes:
Why?
Why am I so stupid? So weak? So vulnerable?
And what am I cursing anyway?
A mistake. A huge mistake that is, probably the greatest one I made in my life.
And why did I make it? Because I was scared!
Hn. Fear. The only thing worst than weakness is to show that weakness. Fear
means weakness and I showed it fully that day. Hn. "That day" it was less than a
month ago but it seems like ages.
I admit it. Although I don't accept it, I admit it: what he said then scared me. And
even more than that, my reaction scared me. What I felt; not what I said. What I
said came from this fear, this irrational fear.
But fear of what? Of being loved? Of being in love?
I know that it was my fear speaking, not me. I know that it wasn't me because
I…I…because I thought about it before…I…I hoped that he'd say this to me.
Back then it was only the shadow of a hope, a senseless dream…
And I messed it up.
So now I'm here, alone. So much has changed this past month, ONLY ONE
MONTH! And now everything is shattered so badly and I have no way of putting
the pieces back together and as I look at the stars I just wish…
But I'm being stupid again. How many have wished to the stars before me? How
many times have I wished to the stars? How many of these wishes were actually
exhausted?
But I really wish that he'll give me a second chance, that this time I'll be strong
enough, that…
But wishes are like dreams: they make you believe in them; they make you believe
that you are happy but all they really do is mislead you, and make you drown in
hope.
I wish that all my problems were gone. Every being in the three worlds probably
wished that at least once in their life.
So why do I keep doing this to myself? I thought that I got over it; I thought that I
gave up.
It would have been better if I did. Hope is a poison one must get rid of. Fairies,
wishes, hope. All those are just for little children. For those innocent enough to
believe that there is still goodness left in our world.
They say that hope keeps you alive, but in reality it kills you slowly.
Why then? Why can't I manage to convince myself to give up? Why can't I
forget? Why do I still believe?
I wish I could answer all these questions. There I go again: "I wish". The experts
would say that, like any other emotion, we can't control our hope. Truly, it was
imprinted so well in our minds that it is part of us, part of our speech, part of our
lives. Something we can't get rid of.
We're trapped in a prison of illusions, illusions that we built ourselves and that we
keep because…because…I don't know why. Surly, it is for the same reason that I
keep wishing and hoping and…
And I'm back to my starting point again. I keep going in circles, looking for
answers that I can't find.
If only I could find my way out of this. If only I dared. If only I had said it then.
If only you still love me.
If only…
***
disclaimers (only my third fic and I already have enough of repeating this ^^;;;):
I don't own any of this (but deseperatly wish that I would) and am not making any money
so don't sue!!!
