Danielle Juliet Howell. Danielle Juliet Howell. She looked at herself in the mirror, disgusted at what she was. She pinched her stomach and looked at the fresh cuts set in her skin. She wasn't a happy 'girl'. She didn't even want to call herself one. Not anymore. Not ever, really. Since her fifth birthday, when all the other girls in reception class got Barbie dolls and she begged her mum for an action man.
She always thought of herself as an outcast. As misunderstood. She never wanted to end up like this. Her mum pleading her to wear 'pretty' dresses and dainty shoes. It wasn't her. She was in the wrong body. She knew that as well as any. 'Dyke' they'd shout at her in the hallway. 'Lets be on our way...' they'd say, thinking they were being subtle. 'Subtle' she thought, chuckling slightly at how blatantly obvious they were being.
She always thought she was a lesbian until one boy changed it all. He left her breathless. Made her stomach do somersaults. Philip Michael Lester. Her best friend.
He was her reason to live. Her reason to keep going on. Her reason not to end it all. He made her feel alive.
The first day she met him, it was a bad day for her. She was crying, a blade in her hand, sitting on the harbour wall. She vowed that was the end. And she was so close. Standing on the wall now, she was edging closer when her ears were met with the most calming voice.
"Hey... don't do it!" He shouted as she looked over the edge, he slowly walked over to her. He was so close when she said "get away from me. You don't know what it's like. You don't even know me." She said. The girl was wearing a loose jumper and jeans that clung to her tightly. She was still cold, though. She was always cold. She held the blade up to him at a distance, her hand shaking. "Don't come any closer. I will kill you." She screamed, tears streaming down her face. A crowd was gathering now, all with nervous eyes, watching this boy trying to save this helpless girl.
"Please. I'm not going to hurt you. You don't really want to do this... it's not the way. I promise. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere" the boy rambled a bit.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered. Then, she jumped. She was falling. Everything was in slow motion. Then, an arm grabbed her. The boy caught her. Just on time. He dragged her up as she put up a fight. She was punching and trying to let go but he gripped on to her too firmly. Like a muscle to the side of a rock. He got her up, finally, after what felt an eternity of struggling. He fell onto the ground, the fragile girl in his arms. She cried into his chest. "Why didn't you let me die?" She kept repeating, hyperventilating. "Because, your life is precious. I know I don't know you but, I'm going to help you get through this." The man says "I'm Phil, by the way." He adds on.
That's when Danielle's heart melted. His calming tone, the fact a complete stranger wanted to help her. It made her overwhelmed with emotion. Little did she know her life would change forever.
