Ken was sprawled on the bed. He had killed that night. He killed almost every night now. Nothing would ever be able to wash the sins from his hands. The claws lay on his dresser, cleaned in the sink they used in the shop. Yohji had claimed the shower first, beating Omi in by seconds. Aya hadn't bothered to hurry; he almost never did, unless he had planned to disappear for the rest of the night. And he, Ken Hidaka, had been third, barely beating the sluggish Aya. Which was sad.

The stench of sweat and blood clung to him. The blood was, thankfully, not his. He was, needless to say, thankful for that. 'Unlike that Schwartz member who seemed to rejoice in cutting himself up and licking knives, I don't.' He thought, shivering. 'The mere mention of the blond Irishman and the telepath whom never could leave them alone gives me nightmares. But, Schwartz in general is enough to give me nightmares.'

He missed being part of J-League, but he was closer to Aya, Omi and Yohji than he had ever been to my team. Which made it even harder.
"I'm not gay. That's impossible! I love Yuriko, and still wish that there had been a middle ground!" He whimpered to himself, completely frustrated. "Yuriko was beautiful. She loved motorcycles and athletics. We were perfect together, there would have been nothing between us." But, there was Weiss, always coming before happiness. Always coming before everything and anything. He always wondered how any of them could touch someone they loved without remembering the crimes? The sins. The pain.

Next to his bed lay the bible, it was old and worn, you could tell it had seen much abuse, even before Ken had purchased it. He reached for it, opening it to one of the many pages that was folded down and highlighted. He had never been religious. God had been a foreign, and completely abstract concept. Being an assassin changed that; changed his religious outlook. Even now he wore a cross under his assassin outfit, it had become a hidden part of his uniform. He glanced at the page, not seeing. His calloused fingers ran over the highlighted lines, that he knew by heart.

Seek good and not evil,
that you may live;
and so the Lord , the God of
hosts, will be with you,
just as you have said.
Hate evil and love good,
and establish justice in the
gate;
it may be that the Lord, the God
of hosts,
will be gracious to the
remnant of Joseph.

It was Amos 5.14-15. It always seemed to make him feel better, even when he was something shunned by all. He was the assassin, the bringer of death, the one whose hands were always red. He heard Omi's yells. It was his turn to shower. There would be no more hot water, but he was used to it. It was almost like some kind of purity bath for him.

He saw Yohji lounging on the couch, wearing a loose robe. Aya was sitting in a chair, reading. Omi was whistling from the kitchen, trying to pretend that tonight had never happened, nevertheless it had. But, my gaze, as always, was drawn back to Yohji. The handsome brunette was smoking, and flipping through the channels. He always smoked after a mission, just as he read a passage from the Bible. He watched the pure laziness of Yohji's motions; the way he took a drag, how the remote hung in the long, skilled hands. Yohji adjusted the robe, revealing his perfect chest, as he started to wonder if that was all that my secret crush was wearing...

Ken pulled his gaze away and shut himself into the bathroom, blushing furiously. He tried not to stare, in fear he would notice, but thank God he never did. Ken stripped off my jacket, shirts, and jeans, giving himself a good long look in the mirror. He was no longer Hidaka Ken, star J-league player idolized by fans. Now Ken was Siberian, florist by day and assassin by night. He turned on the water, knowing no matter how long he waited it would still be cold. He stepped in and made a small yelp. He still wasn't used to the coldness of it. Briefly He wondered how Aya could stand it. His mind flickered back to the image he had thought up seeing Yohji on the couch.

Ken's face turned red again, and he knew Yohji would never think of him like that. Yohji was the handsome playboy of which no girl (over the age of 18) was safe from. Not to mention, straight as an arrow. His mind, however, ignored this fact, thinking of Yohji in one of the tight midriff shirts, he loved so much and laughing, his tattoo being the eternal reminder that Ken couldn't have him.

'When ya gonna learn'

He squirted the shampoo out of the bottle, and started massaging it into his short brown hair. He thought of Yohji's own shoulder length wavy brown hair. It always looked impeccably groomed. Then again, he always seemed impeccably clean. The only one who seemed cleaner was the Obsessive-Compulsive Aya, of which no hair was out of place and his uniform was never stained with blood. He washed the shampoo out of my hair, and scrubbed myself of the sweat. Yohji's tattoo came back to him. When was he going to learn?

He sighed, stepping out of the shower, and looked at myself in the foggy mirror. This is who he was. No longer the open J-leaguer, but the fuzzy assassin, Siberian. Ken wiped away the fog, and the reflection still wasn't clear. 'This is how it would always be. I'll always be tied back to this' he thought, bleakly. 'How could I love Yohji, or anyone else for that matter, when there was things unresolved, and blood on my hands?' The thought's depression would have frightened him if they weren't so common. They hadn't always been like this, but only now did the killing really affect him.

Ken toweled dry, the blood and sweat gone, but their ghosts were there. They would always be there, reminding him of the kill and the screams. He wrapped the towel around his waist, tying it securely as he had learned in the locker rooms of his past. He left his clothes in the basket, over Omi and Yohji's. He would do it later, tomorrow perhaps, but for now he would merely turn in, not bothering to watch Yohji watch the television. He was too tired, to deal with the torture. He ran a hand through his wet hair, and shook his head. Why did he get the difficult life???