What just happened when you listen to one and the same song over and over again?

Words: 2300+

No idea where the whole golly story is going, just hope they won't fuck it up like doccubus.

Rookie Blue does not belong to me, so doesn't #golly

Mistakes: done.

Have a great one.


At work

"What do you want?" she heard him asking from behind. Holly turned and looked at him questioningly. 'What?'

'I asked what you want ..' he repeated his question.

'Sorry Steve, I just do not understand what you're getting ...' Holly said and turned to the work. The man came over to her, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and he looked at her.

'She loves you. And she needs you. '

'Did she say that? Because the last time I tried was to talk to her, she was interested in any conversation.' Holly remarked sarcastically.

'No, I did not. But I'm her family. I know her. '

'Yes, your family is so known to take care of each other ...' Holly said. Steve tilted his head.

'We may not be the easiest ...' he agreed..

'That's the understatement of the year.' the pathologist commented dryly. 'But you love her.' he stated. She shifted her weight from left to right. The way this conversation went wasn't in her interest.

'Listen Steve - I just do not know what you want from me. Gail is quite capable of making clear what she wants and what not and right now ... it's obviously not me.'

"You really believe this?" Steve asked, his grey eyes boring in her.

"She wasn't answering my calls, never returned the messages … what do you think?"

'I think you're wrong.' He said, now changed his posture. 'Listen, Holly, If you need anything, call me! I'll do any favor for you if you promise me to give her another go ... '

Stunned, she stared at Steve Peck. 'You just do not really try to bribe me ... right? Do you think Gail would want this? Do you actually think ... you can buy me? '

"Holly..."

" Interesting ... ' She tried to get distance between herself and the man. His offer was outrageous and had made her angry. 'Insane! Must be in the genes.' She muttered sourly to herself.

'You had a great influence on her. A good influence, indeed, she was happy with you. Smoother, a better person. So calm, as if she had found her place with you ... a place she was looking for so long , Holly. She deserves to be happy. '

'Is that so? And what about me?' She retorted tartly, but Detective Peck would not hear it. 'I think it would be better if you leave now, Steve.' she managed to tell him.

'Believe it or not - I love her. Gail is my little sister and I would do anything to make her happy again.'

Holly spun around and looked at him seriously.

'You can not just come into my office and ask what it would cost if I go back to her. Steve, this is not a game. This is not just any game, that's my heart, we're talking about here. And Gail's. What we need is time. Time to talk. You can not just come in here and ask if I take it back, ask forget everything that happened and do as if I never had been hurt, just because for all of you, Gail was easier to deal with while she was with Holly. You can't expect this from me. And now I'd like to ask you to leave. I do not want to talk about this anymore. She has made her decision.'

To make clear that their conversation was over, she demonstratively returned to her work.

'Is it actually fun to talk about me and my life? Ever considered to involve me?! the young woman asked from the entrance.

Holly's heart was in her pants and she closed her eyes in resignation, hoping Gail had not overheard the whole conversation...

'Gail - how long do you stand there?' her brother asked.

'Long enough ... to appreciate what you're trying to do ... butthead.' She smiled at him and entered Holly's laboratory. 'But you heard the lady, if you would please go now?.' He grinned and winked at her, but left without another comment.

For a moment the two were silent. "You know, I've tried, Officer Peck." Holly said facing the blonde officer. "Talking to you. Didn't worked!

"'I know' Gail said uncomfortable 'but that was not because I wasn't interested, Holly. I just didn't know ... how. '

"C'mon Gail, what are you trying to tell me. That Officer Awesome is not able to take a call? Or to return a text message? It wasn't exactly a big deal. Lisa said something you didn't like and I didn't react the way you wanted me to do and I am sorry about that - okay? I am very very sorry and I would have explained that to you but you never heard me out. You never let me explain … you just insisted to be the little bitch, you used to be. I am not one of your male relationships, Gail. I love you, I wanted this to work for us. But it takes two for a tango. And right now - I am not seeing 'us'. So, if there is nothing else I can do for you - I'd like to return to my work, Officer."

Gail just nodded and let her. With her head down - she left Holly's lab.

At home

Hollys phone vibrated and jumped slightly over the surface of the table.

A picture of Gail in uniform and her name were shown on the display for the 15th or 16th time. Holly just watched it but never answered the call, never pushed it away, just ignored it. Just poured her pain out in sobs and tears. Just a few weeks earlier. Just the day after it happened. But now…..?

Than the call ended. Holly closed her eyes and enjoyed the silence for a moment. The stubborn officer would reach out for her again. Sooner or later, Holly knew that.

A few minutes later she received a text message. Not sure if or if not to read it she finally gave in and opened it.

* "But if you send for me, you know I'll come

And if you call for me, you know I'll run

I'll run to you, I'll run to you

I'll run, run, run

I'll come to you, I'll come to you

I'll come, come, come

And if you call I'll run, run, run

If you change your mind, I'll come, come, come"

Holly ended up in another wave of sobs and tears..

"You stupid stupid girl. Why you are doing this to me? Why Gail? What have I done to you?" she cried until no tears were left to cry.

Next day

Holly closed the door behind her and stepped out into the morning.

The sky was grey and the wind colder than usually.

She had a hard time sleeping recently, so she was tired and more receptive to the freezing note in the air.

She was very used to sleep with her holding Gail in her arms, smell her scent, feel her skin, taste her lips. And suddenly …game over. A dream was dreamed. A heart crashed. She and her Officer Awesome... all done at a moment's notice. But she thought she could handle this. Those things happened before. Those things gonna happen all the time.

Holly felt her eyes filling with tears again. She missed that girl and didn't even know why.

No she wasn't doing fine. Holly wanted to run. She wanted to breath again...and she wanted Gail, but she also knew that wasn't healthy.

What did she say to Lisa? No one gonna get hurt? She lied. To Lisa, to Gail … but first of all to herself.

She knew the moment Lisa brought up this topic, that she was in this … completely and full hearted. It wasn't a game, and not a try and certainly not just fun. The scar with Gail's name on her heart burned painfully in her chest.

'This is going to be a really shity day.' Holly thought and started the engine of her car.

Twelve hours later Holly shut the engines down.

Her hands still on the steering wheel she closed her eyes and exhaled the breath she was holding for what felt like the whole day. In the radio she heard that song fitting her mood.

….

Will you still love me when I shine

From words but not from beauty

My father's love was always strong

My mother's glamour lives on and on

Yet still inside, I felt alone

For reasons unknown to me

….

She listened. No. She couldn't bear it. Not that song. With a click she turned off the radio and

got out of the car, walked over to her door, fumbled with her keys and missed the slim shape in the shadow, that watched her carefully.

Finally home. She took off the coat and the cloves, the boots and changed in much more comfortable clothes and returned to the kitchen. She wanted to shut down her phone, just wanted to sit on her couch and watch TV, as she ffound the text message.

She knew this was from Gail.

"But if you send for me, you know I'll come

And if you call for me, you know I'll run

I'll run to you, I'll run to you

I'll run, run, run

I'll come to you, I'll come to you

I'll come, come, come

And if you call I'll run, run, run

If you change your mind, I'll come, come, come"

The phone still in her hand, she got another one.

"I love you, Hols. No matter what you think. I am right here, waiting for you. What ever it takes …"

'Idiot!" she mumbled, laid the phone back on the kitchen isle and started to heat some water. Her thoughts lost in time, she looked out of the window and suddenly she saw her. Dressed in black, there was just her white skin caressed by the light of the lantern. Slowly she opened the door and stepped in the cold. Her eyes caught Gails. She expected her to say something, but she didn't. Her girl was just standing there, waiting for her to call. She saw the sadness in Gails eyes. She meant it. She would stay there, she would wait no matter how long.

Holly took a step back to invite Gail in her kitchen. No further words needed. Wordlessly the blonde passed her.

Silently Holly closed the door behind the former girlfriend, walked around her and scanned her face.

"It's cold and dark outside, what are you doing there?" she asked.

"I waited. I waited that you call me…" Holly found Gails phone still in her hand. "...and just in case, I thought I'd be around." Holly took her hand in hers but Gails hands refuse to react.

"How long?" Holly demanded to know. Gail shrugged.

"I don't know … a few hours…maybe longer..."

"Stupid girl..." Holly mumbled and started to undress the blonde. "...you are hypothermic."

"I know…

"So why you're doing this?" holly snapped back.

"I mean that I am stupid." Holly didn't answer but went on to undress the woman in front of her. "Holly?"

The brunette looked into baby blue eyes. "Tell me, that you do not love me… that Chris was right… and Nicholas...and all those …"

"Shut up Gail…" she said mad, took her hand and guided her in the bathroom.

"Take a shower. You know where to find a towel and clothes." Holly said and turned to leave. "Where are you going?" Gail asked and looked so lost.

"I go, make some tea." Holly answered truthfully and closed the door behind her.

Showered and with a little flush in her cheeks, Gail returned to the kitchen. She was dressed in Holly's cloth and a smile was growing on her lips. Gail felt so comfortable, although she was aware that nothing was fixed yet.

As she walked down the stairs Holly's head turned to her and Gail saw tears on her cheeks.

"Hey!" she greeted her shyly but Holly didn't answer, just watched her.

"You can't just make me … doing or not doing things, Peck." Holly started. Also she was calm, Gail noticed how tired she looked.

Tired of waiting, of fighting, of grieving, of crying. She was so done with the past. "You can't just waltz in here and … be there. So substantial, present… not after leaving me. Not after breaking my heart." Gail swallowed.

"I am …"

"No! Don't you dare!" Holly blurted out. "Don't you dare, Gail Peck!" now the forensic laid her arms around her waist and started to pace. Gail waited, but Holly didn't seem to add something.

So she began.

"I never saw you mad. Never upset. Never with me. Especially not with me. I pushed and pushed and you always just stayed there and took it, swallowed my bitchiness with all this love in your eyes and I never understood why. I never understood what you saw in me. I tried to understand, I really wanted to, but I couldn't. And now I am staying here… dressed in your clothes… I look in your eyes and expect that this love is vanished but it is not. It's still there but now it's hurting you. And I don't know what to do. I can't just make you stop loving me, for that it is no longer hurting you because if you stop loving me I am not sure I will make it this time…"

Gail looked down to the ground and swallowed several times to make this lump in her throat go away.

"You can't make me stop loving you. But you also can't make me go back to what we had… " Holly whispered and glanced to Gail. "I understand this, but please, let me be with you, Holly… I take what ever you are ready to offer me, but please let me be with you. I need you in my life. Your warmth, your love." Gail plead. "Please, Hols…"

"..my heart?"

"I will take care of it. I will protect it, I swear. I will protect you. And I hope one day … you let me take care of us… "


*Old Money (Ultraviolence) - Lana Del Rey