Hoo boy. This one takes some explaining. First off, Tales of Symphonia spoilers here. Make no mistake about that. So don't read it if you plan to play or are playing the game.
I really debated on whether I should put this one up. See, I'm kind of hesitant on writing fics that diverge from the canon storyline. If they diverge TOO much, then they can kind of become something different entirely. Not that that's a bad thing…For example, one of my favorite online authors, Aywren, does some fantastic stories and comics in the FFIV universe that have gone far beyond fanfiction and really have become a lovely display of her own brilliant worlds, in my opinion. Her little universe is really wonderful. My personal favorite is called "Dreigiau." Go read it, if you like FFIV, or just enjoy a good story.
But anyway, I personally tend to avoid moving away from the main story, as I often don't feel up to making the characters real in divergent situations. In this case, I got to the point in the game where Mithos tries to possess Lloyd via his Cruxis crystal, and Collette saves him but gets possessed instead. This ticked me off, not only because it was the umpteenth time Collette had been kidnapped/possessed, but because I thought it would have been a lot more interesting if Mithos had taken over Lloyd briefly. And one thing led to another….So here's a little glimpse of the events at Heimdall from Lloyd's perspective, in a divergent world where Mithos did possess Lloyd and did some pretty awful, selfish, and surprising things. And no, I'm probably not planning on writing out the rest of this story. It would be too depressing. Although the worlds aren't exactly destroyed in the end. But this is a one-shot experiment, unless I decide otherwise.
I did decide to post this, because I feel that my ability to write voice and show character in the first person needs serious work. So I think that, despite its flaws and randomness, this piece could help me improve on my writing. So yes, constructive criticism is welcomed. I know that this sounds NOTHING like Lloyd, but that's not really the point here…Think of it as a different character if you wish. I'm just interested in what people think of the flow and believability of the way it is written. I know that I often write so distantly and poetically as to seem detached from the story, and I want to write a character whose voice is real. So tell me what you think. Thanks.
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The moment of actual possession was agonizing. I felt his thoughts, his memories, bear down on me, becoming my own. Not just flashes of insight, but a huge burden of pain that choked and blinded me with its familiarity—because that's what it was—I didn't just see his past, you have to understand. I instantly knew the bitterness of—of four-thousand-years! Compared to that, that…tortured, ancient consciousness, all of my life was just a speck, crushed under the weight of a vastly greater span of time. It couldn't hold up. I just…collapsed. It overwhelmed me until all of me was forced away.
I just sort of…slid, because I couldn't hold up any longer…And then I…I was him. I just was. And I don't know now how he did it…Whether I…was really the one who…I'm sorry…
But I do remember it. I remember…everything. Doing…all…
And I didn't exist. Not as me. Just…
Where was he? Was he even there? Or did he just trick me and…It doesn't make sense anymore. And I have to ask myself whether it really matters now, now that Mithos has done what he did. Because it's too late. And I know why I did it and even now I feel like a piece of him lingers in me and it makes me sick and sad and angry, so angry that I can't think…When I think that I couldn't stop him…
And maybe, that I didn't want to…
