What We Become
Prologue: A Day Ruined
"Now there you go again. You say you want your freedom. Well who am I to keep you down. It's only right that you should play it the way you feel it. But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness. Like a heartbeat drives you mad. In the stillness of remembering what you had. And what you lost."
Dreams – Gabrielle Aplin & Bastille
Erza's P.O.V
We were sitting on the hill, like we had done so many times before. It was a cold winter night. So cold, in fact, that our breaths formed little clouds of fog when we exhaled. It was late too, probably somewhere around eleven pm. We weren't supposed to be up this late, much less being out, but we didn't care. This wasn't our first time doing something like this, and they had never noticed us before, so we weren't afraid of being caught. This was our special place. We were the only ones who came here - the only ones who knew about it. It belonged to just the two of us. Whenever we felt lonely, afraid or sad, either one of us would wake the other up and we'd sneak out together. We would sit here for hours, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying the company, sometimes to watch the stars above us. It was our little ritual and nothing could ever take it away from us.
At least, so I thought at the time.
Little did I know that this was our last time coming here, just the two of us.
His hand was in mine. Casually, because it just felt so natural. I looked away from the stars I had been previously watching and studied his face instead. He looked content, happy even, to just be here with me, watching the night become darker and darker. His mouth was forming a slight smile and his gaze was directed upwards. He knew I was looking at him, though, he always did. His green eyes were hidden behind his blue locks, but I could almost feel his gaze shifting towards me. I smiled and looked away. The night was absolutely stunning. There wasn't a cloud in sight, making the stars even brighter than usual and even though it was cold, it didn't bother me much. Nothing seemed to, when I was with him. And yet, even though I was surrounded by so much beauty, I couldn't focus on any of it. Something kept me from it.
"Erza, look!" he said enthusiastically, while pointing at the dark sky above us. "Did you see that!? That must have been the first shooting star I've seen in years. It was beautiful wasn't it?"
I had been too late and had missed it, but I nodded anyway. I didn't know why, I guess I just didn't want to disappoint him, as stupid as it sounds. He seemed content with the response, though, and we fell back in comfortable silence.
Normally I would have said something to start a conversation, but today I just couldn't think of anything. Although I had almost been quiet for the whole time we had been there and had only talked when asked something, he didn't seem bothered by my lack of conversation. He'd done the talking for the both of us, going on about how much fun he'd had when we played soccer earlier and about how annoying the caretakers had been lately. Eventually he had run out of things to say and we had just sat there, watching the stars and keeping each other company. I think he noticed that I was distracted, but he just chose to say nothing about it. He knew that when I felt ready to talk about it, I would. And I knew that he would listen. He always did. Usually, I would have told him what was on my mind by now, but this time was different. This wasn't just some kid making fun of my red hair or being mean to me. This wasn't just some problem that I could tell him about so that he would cheer me up. No, this was much bigger. And I was afraid. I was afraid that it would mean the end of our lifelong friendship. I knew that he had a right to know and I planned on telling him, I just didn't know how. So when I had asked him to come with me tonight, I gathered all of my courage and promised myself that, by the end of this night, he would know. Still, though, every time I could bring it up, I chickened out at the last moment.
No longer. I could do this. I took a deep breath and looked at him once more.
"Jellal," I said, gaining his attention.
"Yeah?"
"There's something I need to tell you..." I paused for a bit and studied his familiar face. His blue, spiky hair, his kind green eyes and his strange red tattoo, I knew it all so well. I had known Jellal for almost as long as I could remember, and yet I continued to discover new things about him every day. Things I had not noticed before, like how his eyes sparkled when he talked about what he wanted to do when he grew up or how he clenched his teeth together every time one of the caretakers lost their temper once again. I just to think that I knew everything there was to know about my best friend called Jellal Fernandes, and yet he continued to surprise me. Time and time again, he'd do the unpredictable thing and I was left wondering how well I actually knew him or if I knew him at all.
"What is it, Erza?"
His question surprised me and I knew I had drifted of again, a habit I had formed as of late. His green eyes locked with mine and I suddenly didn't know what to say.
"Eh.., well... you see...," I stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence. Once again, I took a deep breath. I had to do this now, tonight. This was my last chance. It was now or never.
"I'm moving away, Jellal," I managed to get out. I felt my eyes begin to water and out of a sudden, two arms were wrapped around me. I didn't know what came over me, but I suddenly lost it. Tightly wrapped in his embrace, I began to cry uncontrollably. I didn't know where it all came from. I was supposed to be happy about this. It was every orphan's dream. Part of me really was happy, but the other part – the bigger part – just felt like it was so unfair. I felt like I was leaving Jellal behind and it made me feel guilty. So very guilty.
"Jellal," I was able to say between the sobs. "I'm going to get adopted."
I had expected him to be surprised, to say the least. I had expected him to be angry, to feel abandoned, to feel betrayed. I had expected him to let go of me, to turn away from me.
He did none of those things.
He simply continued to hug me and I could almost feel him smile.
"That's great, Erza" he whispered in my ear, almost as if he had been expecting this conversation. "I'm happy for you. You'll have a great time with your new family."
He finally pulled away from me and was now looking me in the eye. Brown and green. Red and blue. Erza and Jellal. That is how it had always been. That is how I wanted it to always be.
One single tear fell from his eye as he looked into mine. "Just promise me that you won't forget your old one. Promise me that you won't forget us. That you won't forget me."
I simply nodded, afraid that my voice would fail me at that moment. "Of course I won't. You're my best friend. How could I ever forget you?"
He simply smiled at that and even though he had claimed to be happy, I saw the hidden sadness behind it. It pained me to see him like that – so vulnerable. He had always been the one to cheer those around him up. He was always smiling, always kept a few encouraging words in reserve for those who needed them. He was our rock, our safe-haven – the one we depended upon to give us hope again when we lost sight of it. I wanted to comfort him. I just couldn't find the right words to do so. So I did the only thing I could think of at that moment.
"I will never forget you," I said, holding out my hand towards him. I smiled. "If you promise to never forget me, either."
This time he did look surprised, offended almost. "Never."
"Well then," I said and grinned slightly. I extended my pinkie so and grabbed his with it. "you'll have to promise it to me, or else I won't believe you."
"Of course," he said and he, too, was now grinning. "if that's what it'll take for you to believe me."
Maybe we were a little bit too old for this, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Together, we sang the chant and afterwards, we just continued to smile at each other. At first there was a bit of a silence, but then we broke loose in conversation. I was glad I had told him and that it hadn't changed anything. We were best friends and we would continue to be, even though I was leaving soon. We had promised, after all. We were eleven, at the time. Too young yet, to realize that it was not our decision to make. That we couldn't just promise something and everything would be okay. It wasn't.
After I got adopted, I saw him only once. That one time changed it. It crushed my hopes and dreams. He crushed them.
I woke up with a jolt. It was that dream again. Of course it was. This time was different from all the others, though. Somehow, it was more vivid, more detailed – as if it was more like a direct look into my memory than an actual dream. I cringed at the familiar pain I felt whenever I thought of that time and it wasn't long before I felt anger flaring up inside of me. Even after all those years, after what he had done to me, I still miss him. I told myself that I was over it – over him. But I was lying to myself. Part of me knew that, but I was too stubborn to admit it. After all, persistence pays off, right?
Determined to forget the dream, I looked at the alarm clock beside me. 6 am. Well, at least it had woken me up on time. Unwillingly, I got out of bed. I would never confess it, but that dream had really messed with my head and I couldn't properly preform my morning schedule because of it.
"Even though I haven't seen you in years, you still like to ruin my day, don't you, Jellal?" I said to no one in particular. I was alone in the house, so no one answered me. Of course not. But for a moment, I had almost expected him to answer me. Almost.
I sighed and instead went to prepare breakfast for myself and didn't think about it anymore – well tried to, at least. Exactly half an hour later, I shut the door, got in my car and was on my way to school. Today was an important day, the start of my senior year at Magnolia High. And as the Student Council President, I couldn't afford to be late. Not even on the first day of school – especially not on the first day on school.
When I arrived, I went straight to the principal's office. Because this was the first day of school, there surely was something that needed taking care of and I needed to get my mind of of things. Win win situation, right? I knocked on the door to ask permission.
"Come in," was the answer from the other side of it.
I opened the door and entered. Inside, behind the desk that was way too large for him, sat Principal Makarov – or 'Master' as most students here called him. I didn't know how or when it had started, but everyone began to call him that eventually, so I just went along with it. No questions asked. The man himself was, in one word, small. To the point of ridiculousness, even. Still though, when he was mad, he suddenly seemed too grow immensely. But I guess that was just his aura or something.
"Master, I was wondering if you had something for me to do."
He looked up from his desk and his face fell into a look of recognition. "Ah, Erza, it's you. I'm sorry, my dear, but there isn't anything that demands your attention at the moment." He must have seen my face fall a little, because he quickly added: "There is, however, some news that you might be interested in hearing."
"... What is it?"
"I have received word about a new student that will transfer here from another school. I don't know the details about it myself, but I know that he or she is in the same year as you are, so please, show him or her around for me, will you?"
I had expected as much, so I didn't need to think twice about the answer. "Of course, Master, you can count on me."
"I know I can, Erza, and thank you."
"It's no problem at all, sir."
He simply smiled at that, as if he had been expecting the answer. He probably had. "Well, then. Now that that's taken care of, why don't you head over to your first period? I think it'll to start soon. You already have your schedule, right?"
I nodded and said my goodbyes afterwards. A few moments later, I was headed towards my first class. Math. I guess that was good. I liked math, I understood it. I hadn't noticed it, but, in the course of the morning, my bad mood turned into a good one and the dream was forgotten.
I walked into the classroom and greeted a few familiar faces, before heading over to my usual spot. I sat down and immediately, Lucy, one of my closest friends, started a waterfall of words. I laughed.
"Slow down! I can't understand a thing you're saying, if you talk that fast."
"Sorry, Erza," the blonde said, smiling. "I'm just so excited! It's the beginning of senior year, you know. This year, for sure, I'll make Natsu notice me!"
I laughed again. For about as long as I knew Lucy, she had had a crush on Natsu. And I wasn't the only one who knew. Hell, probably half of the school knew by now. Everyone except the idiot himself, of course. "Yeah, sure you will. You said that last year, too."
"I mean it this time, Erza!" Her eyes twinkled mischievously. "I have a plan and it'll work, I just know it."
Before I could ask, however, what her new 'master plan' was all about, the teacher, Mr. Macao, announced the beginning of class.
"Hello students," he said, earning a halfhearted 'hello Mr. Macao' back. "I see you're all just as excited as I am to start this class," he continued dryly. "Anyway, most of you probably know this by now, but for those who don't: a new student transferred here and he was placed in this class."
The slight murmuring that had been going on previously, suddenly swelled immensely. And Mr. Macao tried to quieten it a little, but it was in vain. Only when a tall boy walked into the classroom, it died down.
I was shocked. I felt my breath stock. I couldn't be. There was no way. It just couldn't. It was a mistake. My eyes must have been deceiving me, there was no other explanation. I was still influenced by the dream from that morning and now my mind was playing tricks on me.
The teacher's voice ripped all of my doubts and hopes apart.
"Please, class, let me introduce you to Jellal Fernandes who will be your classmate as of now."
Well, he really did like to ruin my day.
