I lay on the bed thinking about the only person in this world who taught me how to forgive and love people. My best friend Bonnie. She was the one who was always with me no matter if I was right or wrong. Now, she's not here to protect me. She's gone. I can't believe I just said that but she really has gone. I could neither say good bye to her nor could I hug and tell her how much I loved her.
But I do BELIEVE that she'll come back for me, Jeremy, Caroline and all the others who were part of her little family. Right now I can only wait for her. I don't like hope very much. In fact, I hate it. It hooks you fast and kills you hard.
With her is my boyfriend. He would have been with me right now if Liv wouldn't have stopped that damn spell. Without him I feel as if somebody has taken half of my heart and crushed it to see my weakness. Yes I do feel weak without Bonnie and Damon. Whenever I see Stefan I feel like a stone with a dangerous crack in it. Like me, he has also stopped coming out of his shell. He also feels like somebody has taken his soul from him. Our conditions are the same right now, but our emotions are completely different. My emotions are filled with grief, love and…..well, a lot of things. His emotions are filled with guilt. Guilt for not bidding his brother good bye and telling him how much he loved him. Whenever I see him, he reminds me of Damon.
I pick up the glass of water and start drinking so that it can wash away my pain. But of course it doesn't. I read once that water is a symbol for emotions. And for a while now I've thought maybe my family and friends drowned in both. Right now I get the feeling you get when you know you were supposed to be with someone. Well, our destiny can change anytime. So it's better not to expect much because that can cause you intense pain.
I pick up my journal and go through the pages where I've written about the days I spent with Damon and Bonnie. Reading them starts making me cry and the only thing I remember later when I wake up with my Journal still in my hand, is that nobody can take their place.
