Title; Second Chances and New Romances
Author(s) ; Bri and Bree
Ship or ships; Emma Nelson and Jay Hogart (brief Peter Stone and Emma Nelson) (sub-ships Tracker Cameron and Ellie Nash, Manny Santos and Tyler Bishop (speak of Craig Manning and Ellie Nash and of Craig Manning and Manny Santos relationship and the ups and downs of their long distance arrangement.)
Rating and reasons; PG-13 because we want to be safe.
Summary; Emma Nelson is battling anorexia, she's fighting it feverishly and diligently seeming to be the only thing in her mind, temptation and negative thoughts about her body still throw her back into emotional turmoil. Slowly and surely she sees it is causing a tough emotional strain on Peter, their relationship with him quickly unravels, even if Peter would never admit it to her that he's stuck on her situation. Emma wants to keep their friendship intact, despite her troubles decides maturely to call it quits with him even though she desperately needs someone to help her though. Fortunately, she finds that comfort to find health again in someone very unexpected. This unexpected person knows her better than she thinks and thinks she is the jewel of the earth but this new person has some secrets of his own and a past with her to burn.
Subplot; Ellie Nash thinks she can still score points with the guy of her dreams even if he's under lock and key even away at college from the school tramp Manny Santos. But one evening in her apartment she finds someone who is much like her and knows what it's like to be her and knows her more than she thinks. Manny meanwhile can't shake the fact that Craig is away in Vancouver far away and getting only letters, brief phone calls and small packages to send love to get by fortunately she discovers love in a guy who may not even be able to hear her call his name on an afternoon at the beach.
Disclaimer; insert tears We do not own Degrassi. If we did, we'd own a carmelchocolatejelly Mike and Jay and Emma and Jay would be Degrassi's couple. . forever. Muhaha.
Authors Notes; We have switching POV's throughout the story, including using third person but occasionally they'd be words from Emma's to Jay's to Manny's to Tyler and the list goes on and on. Please don't flame us, this is our first time working together to write a turned out story to the public although Bree and I had been writing for awhile freehand. Emma and Jay are the main relationship in this fan fiction.
Some quick reminders; Ellie Nash in 'Queen of Hearts' moved back in with her mother who is away from the alcahol on the show but we are having Ellie still living in Sean and her old apartment alone without Bueller. This is set in the summer of season five which would mean Jay is still single, Emma and Peter would still be together cough for nowcough, as would Manny and Craig coughs again.

Chapter One; Reality Check

Dear Diary,

Not everyone is drop dead gorgeous, especially me plus not every guy wants a fat girlfriend. I should be more specific in my words I mean, no guy wants a fat girlfriend. Honestly I'm not surprised if Peter dumps me tomorrow when he takes me to The Dot, he needs to trust me and so do you, I'm not hiding food but I know he thinks I' am. I've been eating half-portions of every meal which is better than none, at least I'm consuming without purging it out. My mom is proud, I'm proud, Manny is proud, Snake's proud and Jack, well he's always proud of me.

At the same time, I may just be thinking the polar opposite and being pessimistic again. My therapist tells me every day not to think this way, to think happy and positive thoughts saying it'd be the only way I'd get better. Why must I be so pessimistic? It's not good for me, not good for people not good for anything, it just makes me look standoffish. Let's think of the positive what ifs to being optimistic, perhaps if I were optimistic I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now, perhaps I'd be healthy and able to eat without thinking I'd get fat, perhaps I wouldn't of given myself so much stress that I nearly died while having a heart attack, perhaps I wasn't crabby and feeling menstrual when really I'm so deep in misery when all I can do is stand-by as my friendships everywhere are decaying, people look at me like I'm a leper and teachers, principals, (get this - gym class I'm medically excused) everyone always asking me "Emma, are you okay?", and lastly, perhaps my relationship with Peter which was once amazing, happy and blissful and completely undercover is now out in the open has now transformed into a chore and feels not even an once real anymore. Peter isn't the same, I can tell the way he walks on eggshells around me, how when we sit together he's silent, hollow and void. Maybe a relationship right now is not what I need. Now to end it before it gets to me.

Later,
Em

There's so much to read beyond the lines, Dr. Diane tells her each time she goes through Emma Nelson's journal. Emma thought of this to herself as she slowly set her blue inked Bic pen down the metal spiral rings on the binding of her diary before taking the lock and securely locking the diary shut. She had finished her third week diary entry since she started therapy with Dr. Diane. She hoisted her pillow up and threw the diary under for safe keeping, placing her monkey on top. Dr. Diane works with girls Emma's age and up, so when she goes to the peer group she's with girls she can relate to by age. Even with Diane reading her thoughts Emma tries to pretend nobody is reading the diary. Within the pages, instead of the diets, and the many listings on each page of every piece of food she placed into her mouth Emma put in her feelings, her thoughts, her hopes and her fears in her own words and nobody else's. With the thoughts written the more Emma's therapist can look into her, and then possibly fix and ultimately erase her horrific feelings about her body. Upstairs amidst the sounds of the drip drip drips, the rumbles of the washer as her clothing cycles through and through, and the ambient echoes of the basement, Emma hears the faint sound of the front door opening and closing, Manny probably returning home from a meeting with her agent, Beatrice without a doubt Emma thought glad she had put her diary to rest before Manny returned. The last thing she'd want is her best friend to think she was a psycho. She knew it wasn't her parents, she previously knew Spike and Snake are out to dinner and Emma had put Jack to bed a little over an hour ago so that she could unwind and write. I wonder if she got the part, she continued plundering her mind. The footsteps led the path to the basement that the girls had shared for this past school year, before Emma and Manny had been just your average best friends duo but now Emma and Manny had morphed into two sisters that do everything together and know now everything about each other, Emma knows when Manny lies her brown eyes shift slightly as her dimples are easily noticed as she smiles and chuckles and attempts to weasel her way out of it, and Manny knows as well as Emma does when she's nervous about something because Emma lightly bites her lip. Perhaps they've known things such as that all their lives, but still, they have an unbreakable bond with each other, the both had been inseparable since pre-k, and as Manny entered the bedroom kicking off her slip on ballet flats Emma knew she was excited, happy and she had definitely gotten the part.

"Emma. . you'll never GUESS what happened!" Manny had a young sounding squeal as started to look as if she was about to burst. She was giggling fanning herself squiggling as she was standing in her ankle-cut socks in her new distressed denim skirt with her favorite red-tangerine halter.

Emma laughed at Manny's excitement as Emma was excited too for Manny, she had this urge to scream but she knew she'd wake Jack and it was murder to get him back to sleep once he was up and crying, "Well. . this could mean one of two things. . you got the part and. . you uh got the part!" and Emma hushed placing a finger over her Manny knowing Manny would have an outburst.

"Exactly, I'm going to be Rosalind in the film version of As You Like It. . I'm going to be performing Shakespeare, Em! This is big, this isn't me this character is a great character, a complete and utter opposite of me and she's one of the main characters, look!" Manny pulled her default script from her purse that she had absent mindedly left on her shoulder, "She has the end monologue, Em! " she plopped on her bed and kicked her feet up and down with a sigh. She looked as if she was going to die from shock and excitement mixed and morphed into one.

Emma gave her a look before exclaiming, "White flag please!" as she was getting much too close for comfort, and she's very loud when she's excited. Manny was clearly excited bouncing off the walls and now sitting on Emma's bed. She was happy for her sure, but this could be torture for her knowing she's going far and wide to record the film and she'll be here, in therapy waiting for it to come out to the cinema at the mall. Emma hates the thought of therapy each week, and she's only in week three, how about her feelings when she's in week 40 something? She's mainly focusing on health and wellness aspect and not uncovering her feelings. Emma's never had a problem baring her feelings, it's as if she's an expert at it she's always had campaigns, crusades and more. It didn't matter, she was happy for Manny anyway, this is Manny's time to shine, "Finally, I was getting sick of you reading, rehearsing requiring me to be your Celia all the time for your practicing."

"Hey Em, I'll need you for perfection of my lines still. So don't throw it away just yet. You make a good Celia, you're making my character come to life in a weird twisted way. You are like my Celia, except we have no real blood relation." Manny told Emma with a half joking expression and sing-song voice adding a friendly pillow toss, which went back and fourth for a few minutes. Manny would know anything that was going out with Emma now, no secrets not even one, Emma has been bouncing her relationship with Peter back and forth for about two months. She's trying to keep her focus on getting back on track and Peter isn't making it easier, he wants their relationship to be like every other relationship on television, dinners all the time and such. Manny knows his heart is in the right place as does Emma, but she simply thinks he's trying too hard, he also wants his mother to have dinner with Emma and Emma can't stand his mother. The human scapegoat, Manny occasionally has to lie and say Emma isn't awake, or not home or unable to come to the phone just so Emma wouldn't have to speak with him. Things with Peter should be great in the summer, school and drama free especially when they're rid of Manny drama considering they had made peace, things just weren't the same she thinks he lost all of his appeal to her. She still sure wants to keep friends, but right now she wants to keep a low profile and never leave the house except for when she goes to therapy with her doctor, Manny sometimes couldn't understand and it worries her but Spike assures her as does Dr. Diane that it's a phase a common phase that could worry most. Manny caught the fifth something throw at her a looked at Emma and gave her a light grimace expression, "So when are you going to drop the bomb on Peter?" She collapsed her chin on the warm pillow she had placed on her knee and kept looking at her. She wasn't sure if Emma was going to, but she's been dangling him for months, he's like one of the tricks under her sleeves when you tie a string and connect a piece of gum to a coin and glide it across the sidewalk on a sunny boring day on a not-so-busy street and Peter is that guy who'll believe any trick he'd absentmindedly pick up the coin but instead Emma would pull and yank at it as he'd try to recover it and find entertainment . . . maybe she wouldn't. Emma's character wouldn't exactly do that, she wouldn't find amusement in sorrow she really has no amusement nothing is amusing right now to her, she's like a robot to Manny. Manny's grimace represents how Peter would feel, would he be sad or unhappy about the breakup and perhaps he really did care for Emma, would he be shunned forever? How would he take it? Will Peter actually accept friendship with him, Manny thought Emma did say they were going to remain friends if he takes it well. Manny liked Peter civil with them, he didn't think he was that bad but Emma's health would continue going through a downward spiral with him. Without him Emma could really concentrate and beat this like she promised she would. Manny knows she's more than capable of doing anything she sets her mind to.

Emma looked away from Manny still hugging her gray-sock stuffed monkey she's had since God knows when, she then nodded, "I was going to do it tomorrow, I'm tired today. I did a lot of digging. . in-in my past today at therapy. You know. . the old days. . the days I really don't like to talk about. . "

"Dark stages? Like after the shooting. . that kinds of stuff? Wow. . this doctor is deep, is that sort of stuff. . if I'm thinking the same thing. . legal to share?"

"It's frank. . not deep deep. . but in general. . I didn't descriptively tell exactly each and ever split moment. I talked about how the school play I joined to get back and involved into things and . . that junk. I also talked about the shooting. She even asked be about. . you-know-who." She told her in a flat hollow expression, "I really haven't thought of him in so long."

"Sean?" she asked slowly and Emma nodded at her slow question. She really wanted to get off the topic that Emma really didn't want to be on. Emma really had a tough year the year before Manny always thought she should've watched her friend more attentively at the signs of her depression, she knew after reading books her mom has as her mom is a nurse was given signs that daggered her heart knowing Emma at that time was doing, simple stuff as not hanging out with friends, being disinterested in things she usually enjoyed like sleepovers, lying even little white ones that would be obvious, insomniac, overweighing herself with activities she knew she wasn't able to juggle but balanced them on her back none the less, "Well me and Darcy are going to Wasega for the weekend. Darcy's dad has a beach house to crash in, want to come? She has plenty of room. She told me she needs to get away from her evil stepbrother apparently. She does that a lot, and I've yet to meet the guy - who knew?"

"Remember. . project Peter tomorrow?" Emma reminded her, sort of annoyed with Manny quickly changing the subject and being forgetful that she had just told her that Emma was going to break up with Peter the next day. In response, Manny lightly laughed apologetically, and Emma added about Darcy's mysterious brother, "But, who is her brother? Is he like older or something? I've been to Darcy's tons and I never met him nor had I met his mother, I guess she works weird long hours."

"I guess. She's like highly embarrassed by him that's why she only invites me over and doesn't let me meet him. She says he's going to be a felon or something. She like thinks he's a leaper and he disrespects his mother who is her dads new wife. She's so nice and she looks so familiar it's uncanny. I swear I met the lady before. Anyhow, she really doesn't want her friends meeting him for some reason."

Emma shrugged at Manny, "Maybe it's a good reason, like he is like wanted for arrest and they want to keep him on the DL." toying with the black button 'eyes' on the gray sock monkey's face, "or maybe he's like a drunk. . and he causes arguments or he's fried. . my mom has an old friend Liz's stepbrother he's fried he had to relearn everything. . and he still hasn't got it yet. . he can't walk or anything I think he's deaf and I think he may've died as well a year or two ago and then you know my dad. . but he had complications too. Who knows. . it's probably good we didn't meet him."

"Yeah. . " Manny replied without much to say to it. A few moments later the basement phone-line rang and Manny slowly picked it up, she coughed to get just the right voice and in a faux Brit accent Manny spoke, "The basement of Manny Santos and Emma Nelson, Manny speaking who are you?"

"Uh. Peter. Is Emma around?" he sounded annoyed and as if bored with Manny's answering system, I guess he thought that they weren't around and he was a butt of a joke. Manny just likes to play games like that, she's outgoing, it's just how she is.

"Uh yeah. Sure." Manny removed the phone from her ear and put her hand over the receiver and in a whisper loud enough for Emma to hear hissed, "it's Peter. . for you." as she slowly glided the phone to her. Emma rolled her eyes but knew she had to talk to him.

Manny knew it was her cue to go upstairs and get lost, she felt weird and intruding if she were to listen to the conversation, perhaps if Emma wanted her to stay there she would, but it didn't appear that was what she wanted, Manny often wonders if Emma's unsure of herself in that sense, that she needs to be asked if she's sure she wants to do something, or have someone there at the time or place. Manny always is cautious enough to ask even if she didn't this time. She slowly lurked up the stairs catching a bit of the beginning of Emma talking to him. Emma waved even if Manny's back was to hers as she disappeared upwards.

"Hi Peter." Emma said slightly pleased to hear from him. She didn't want to really talk about rehab but, she knew he was going to ask right off the bat. He was being a second mom to him, her mom almost felt as if she couldn't go out with Snake that night because she worried that Emma would suddenly stop eating and it'd be completely unexplained, it'd also be out of the blue because right now as much as it doesn't sound it she's recovering. She just wishes Peter wouldn't remind her twenty-four a day and seven days a week or more descriptively anytime and every time he calls and ask about therapy, especially today of all days. She knows however, that her health is always on his mind and both Peter and Emma are wrapped in the case of the is more fond of her. Today at rehab, she spoke about the days, months, and worst day of her life that Peter knows nothing about. In this case, he doesn't know her. Sure he knows about the school's shooting, anyone within the metro radius knows about it, but they don't really know. Peter doesn't know Emma, he never will.

"Well. Where have you been? How's rehab? Is it working out?" Peter started to ask her, "Don't be a stranger. ." Emma wanted so badly to correct him, tell him that 'It's not rehab it's therapy. . '

Emma laid down her sock-monkey lying on her stomach and her head nestled with a pillow tiredly let out a yawn, "Yeah. Today was a big day. A lot of talking a long meeting with Diane. . but yeah it's all good. I think I finally put my dark feelings about the shooting away. . for good or a little bit at least. I shed some new light I guess."

"I'm glad to hear that. Tomorrow's Friday, no appointment." Emma knew exactly what he wanted to do, she knew he was going to ask her to hang out and Emma knew exactly what she was going to do.

"Yeah. I know I'm free of it for a few days." Emma told him hopefully he'd forget about hanging out but then again she wanted to drop the bomb on him anyhow. Even though tomorrow would be 'project Peter' she didn't know how she'd do it, but hanging out seemed to be the only affective way to get it over with. She hoped that perhaps if they weren't together he wouldn't call her as much and they'd behave like her and Manny do - as normal friends.

"Why don't we go for a walk at the park, get ice-cream, or a funnel cake or - just walk. . not running oh please not running! Not my thing. . I know I'll never be an Olympic runner that's for sure." he said with a laugh, which made Emma laugh for once as well. She knew running wasn't Peter's best activity she remembered outrunning him many times when she would run. She wished he never brought that up, she doesn't like looking back when she's trying to move on.

"I wasn't planning on running, with therapy and all I'm mostly booked. Maybe I wont do winter track or any sport activities - I'll lay low for sports season. . "

"But you'd kill every school. . you could do anything Em." Peter said in a slow persuasive voice, begging her to get her into new things, thinking he knew what she was capable of and what she could do, "Besides, it's your senior year - your last time to make your mark. . . "

"I-I know. It'll suck explaining why, but I'd hate to pass out clear on the basket ball court, or the track even if it is cold. It's just. . not good timing for it I think. Maybe if I'm ready, and I feel good and therapy really is working - right now it's all new to me and it's hard. I'm trying to get healthy . . back on track and such. Maybe I don't need all these priorities all around me everywhere I turn." Emma started at first with a silently serene calm voice but ended in sort of a raging mutter that was in a way directly focused at him. She added onto her rant, with a calm explanation almost, to cover it up in a way, something she constantly does to get Peter off a subject she feels uncomfortable about or doesn't necessarily like to mention, "I need time to pick my pieces up . . y'kno? Bad wording. . but yeah I need time to fix stuff up focus on grades and all. . health."

Bothered, Peter told her, almost as if he was making an attempt to be assertive but ending up only passive, "Maybe you should think about other people in your life too, Em. Are you shutting me out?"

"No. " she lied to him, but she knew she didn't need him, in a quick rush she said, "We'll go to the park and get ice-cream. Promise."

"Okay." he said sort of irritated with what she said earlier in their conversation, "How about five.?"

"Five's good." she told him.

"Good. It'll be nice seeing you. . I'll see you tomorrow my mom needs the phone. " Emma in the background heard the voice of Mrs. Hatzilacos telling him she needed to use the phone, "Love ya. . bye."

". . bye." she told him. As she slowly hung up the phone. Love ya? she thought to herself, far from that. How can he not take a hint when it's literally thrown at him with so much force, she wondered to herself. He was too close for comfort and he truly needed a reality check, Emma's had too many to overcome but he needs one. She still tired shut off her purple colored creatively made feather and do-dad decorated lamp and rolled into her blankets holding her gray-monkey tight, with a light sigh she closed her eyes as if she would be closing her blinds and sailed off to sleep, she knew it was only seven thirty but she was tired as can be.